Just-me

I wanna go home. Someone tell me where that is.

[just-me-st1ll0]

Poetry, music, haunted mound, my friends.

Stay safe. Love yall.

Im a minor.

[just-me-st1ll0]

wow i randomly got back into this account. Hi guys. I’m not going to return to tumblr nor am I going to deactivate this account. Hope you all are well, if you’d like to reach me my discord is just_me_still.

[just-me-st1ll0]

The thought knocks hard like a fist on the back of my brain,

A whisper in the winter saying “end the ache, end the pain.”

It circles like a vulture, like a rumor in the room,

Like gravity insisting that I step toward the gloom.

But there’s a stubborn pulse in my chest that won’t concede,

A quiet little heartbeat planting “stay” like a seed.

So I stand in the storm where the dark thoughts accrue

And the only thing tonight is tears

[just-me-st1ll0]

[just-me-st1ll0]

This boy, soft voice, reading stories slow,

Every word like a spark in the dark of the glow.

Tall frame, goofy grin, tripping over his lines,

And I’m falling in rhythm with the curve of his rhymes.

God, the way he laughs, like the room turns bright,

Like the moon leaned close just to listen tonight.

Silly, sweet, storybook voice in the dim lamplight

And I swear I’d stay awake just to hear one more “goodnight.”

[just-me-st1ll0]

Night hits, lights low, phone glow, no show again,

Been ghosted so much it’s a script that I know again.

Plans get canned, left standing, hand on the door,

Same damn dance with the chance that I’ve seen before.

So smoke in my chest, let it wrestle my brain apart,

Grey clouds crowd every sound in my aching heart.

Fast thoughts crash, lash back, crack through the pain,

Alone again, alone again, alone again.

[just-me-st1ll0]

Tonight. An original poem.

I say I’m fine—fuck that lie,

my soul’s already halfway to die.

Every laugh tastes like blood in my teeth,

every promise just rots underneath.

I’m a ghost screaming in my own skin,

a battle I’m cursed to never win.

And tonight I ache for the silence of death,

to smother the fire with my final breath.

[just-me-st1ll0]

I feel it in my stomach, sick, twisted, clenched tight,

Like missing you is poison that I swallow every night.

You were my best friend, my backbone, my breath,

Now your name hits my chest like a soft kind of death.

I loved you loud, no armor, no pretend,

But loving you back then is what broke me in the end.

I want to call you “friend”, but I can’t relive that hell,

’Cause my heart can’t survive what my head remembers too well.

[just-me-st1ll0]

Why’d You make me carry pain like chains carved in my veins?

Why’s my brain a battlefield of brutal, burning refrains?

Why do I wake up waging wars with my own reflection’s face,

Spitting venom at the mirror like I’m begging for disgrace?

Why do I hate the skin I’m in, the pulse beneath my chest?

Why do they point and poison me like I’m some holy test?

If You’re a God of mercy, why’s my mercy out of reach?

Are You shaping me through suffering, or just too silent to speak?

[just-me-st1ll0]

is two years really that bad?

they act like we’re criminals just ‘cause of the math we have.

15 with a curfew, heart beating fast,

17 with a rearview, scared of our past.

they say it won’t last, say I’m just a fad—

but when you hold my shaking hands… tell me, is two years really that bad?

[just-me-st1ll0]

I killed my old self but the new me ain’t much better,

Same demons in my ribs just screaming louder, never deader.

I set fire to my past like it owed me rent,

Now I’m choking on the smoke of my own discontent.

I said I was healing, nah, I was loading the gun,

Pointed it at my reflection like “you’re the fucking one.”

Every mirror in my house got a crack down the spine,

Every “I’m okay” tastes like a fucking lie.

I don’t want redemption, I want silence, I want peace,

But I only know war, so I’m ripping myself to pieces.

[just-me-st1ll0]

2:42 a.m., thumb stuck in a vertical loop,

World in my palm but my body’s on mute.

Blue light baptize me, drown me in feed,

Scrolling for comfort like it’s something I need.

Dead-eyed, doom-tide, headlines hiss,

“Just one more swipe” — that liar’s kiss.

Mind wide awake while my willpower’s thin,

Screen locked tight but the night won’t end.

[just-me-st1ll0]

3:17 a.m., ceiling fan counting my sins in rotation,

Smoke in my lungs like I’m ghosting my own location.

Phone screen glow but nobody’s typing my name,

High just to blur it, but the silence stays the same.

Windows cracked open, let the cold air testify,

I laugh at the dark so it won’t see me cry.

Heart on airplane mode, no signal, no help—

Just me, these restless nights, and the war with myself.

[just-me-st1ll0]

You told me to change, rearrange my brain, stay sane, maintain,

Like pain’s just a phase I can haze away with a chain.

But I’m hanging like a piñata, caught in the rafters of doubt,

Swing hard, please hit me, I’ll spill my sweetness out.

Crack me open, token of devotion, soaked in emotion,

Sugar-coated commotion in slow-motion corrosion.

I’m a joke in a cloak of smoke I write just to cope,

Rope-tight hope, choke on the dark while I float with no hope.

[just-me-st1ll0]

I hate myself so fucking much and here’s why

’Cause every time I build wings, I’m the one who won’t fly.

’Cause I replay every mistake like it’s prime-time news,

Turn paper cuts into proof that I’m destined to lose.

’Cause I set bars so high they eclipse the sun,

Then punish myself for the damage I’ve done.

But maybe the crime ain’t me maybe it’s fear in disguise,

And I’m not what I hate… I’m just learning to rise.

[just-me-st1ll0]

I stitched my mouth with silver lies, sutures pulled tight at the seams,

Built a chapel of counterfeit halos and baptized my screams.

I swallow “i love you” like a pill every night just to sleep,

While truth claws my throat from a coffin I keep.

My love stays locked in a closet of rot and conceal

If I ever spit the truth out, it might finally cut deep enough to prove I’m real.

[just-me-st1ll0]

The road. Original Poem. Episode 63.

“don’t act like we don’t walk together

all the time and ignore eachother”

suddenly I feel tears on my face.

the weathers warm

I hate myself.

“youre insane you know.”

it remarks

my tears fall more violently now and I find myself sobbing

“why am i here? why did you drag me here? is this hell?”

it just looks at me for a while and sighs.

“sweetheart.

hell is much less draining.”

my chest heaves and I respond

“nothing is better. i’ve done everything to feel better and things have only gotten worse”

it replies with honesty

“the act you put on feels like death. I never want to see you again but here you are.”

i huff a response

“well maybe I’ll quit walking then!”

i shout

“you mean… kill yourself?

sweetheart, that just won’t due.”

i sit in a puddle with my head hanging in despair.

i quit.