Silently Asking @just-sca-tteredwandering - Tumblr Blog

Trying to be self compassionate.

This all led into a poem, of feelings and thoughts, emotions and guilt- processing the events, left feeling confused.

Accompanied out,

Blood pressure raised

Shame, guilt

Fear and failure.

Incapable of success,

Terror of the future tremors through

Unsure of how to make it.

She hides her face,

Covers her scars.

Runs until she can no longer run .

The wave grows and grows ,

When it finally crashes it crashes.

In seconds she is overtaken

Tossed and thrown around.

Unable to catch her breath,

She gasps for air,

Tries to breathe again.

With her last gasp, she must forgive.

She must learn to love again,

To swim again,

To hope again... she must believe again.

littletinytattoos

Different takes on flower tattoos

just-sca-tteredwandering

So cuuute

@boldaslions tagged me to post my screen shot , the song I last listened to and my most recent selfie!

May be struggling with body image but my outfit is cute af so y’all have to enjoy it as much as I am

#ootd

Okay so I forgot to take pictures in my cute outfit so I’m currently in my pjs. For my advent calendar this year I made a list of things to do each day so today’s was make sugar cookies. Instead of making one batch I accidentally made 99 cookies- but I had fun and kept myself busy and distracted tonight!!!

What’s worse? Never reaching out and not having people ignore your cry for help? Or reaching out for support and basically being ignored?

little-feminist

Depression

I wake up to a weight in my chest.

I can’t breath.

It feels as though there is an anchor attached to my spine trying to pull me down into the earth.

Someone is holding me down.

I can’t find the strength to fight them to sit up.

My mom comes into my room,

Get up.

I can’t.

She says,

Take a shower and we have lights for a reason use them.

I can’t.

She says,

Eat some breakfast.

I can’t.

I say,

Mom this is getting to hard, I can’t ignore it anymore, I think I want to try medicine.

She says,

No. Stop being weak. Fix your own problems.

But mom I can’t.

This isn’t me.

Help please!

I feel trapped inside my body.

Like my depression has possessed me and taken over.

I’m inside my body, hiding in a deep dark corner, scared.

Mom please listen!

I need you, Mom!

Mom where are you?

Mom why don’t you listen?

You say you want to help but all you do is hurt.

I say,

I don’t want to be here anymore.

She says,

Get over it.

I scream.

She threatens to commit me.

She ignores me.

Yet acts like she can read me like a book.

People need to stop pretending they care, stop giving me hope - just be real, I’m a burden, I’m a mess, and no one actually wants me in their life. That’s why I’m alone. That’s why no one cares. Let’s be real I don’t even want to be around myself so it’s fair that no one else does either

So over life- having friends and trying to be happy. It’s fucking pointless. If I just stayed in bed all day every day alone life would be so much easier. I want to get rid of all communication with the world .

inspirationlane

just-sca-tteredwandering

This mug 😍

onlinecounsellingcollege

How to Make Yourself Do What You Don’t Want To Do

1. Rather than listening to the voice in your head that is screaming “I hate this; I don’t want to do this” think about why it is a GOOD thing to do.

2. Instead of trying to pretend that you don’t feel this way, accept that you are feeling very blah and negative.

3. Don’t think about results and how well you think you’ll do, as this could raise your feelings of anxiety and fear, just think about “right now” and the first thing you can do.

4. Accept that life is tough, and is full of things that suck – but recognise that doing hard stuff is better in the end. You’ll likely have more choices and freedom, if you do.

5. Just do a little bit for now – then give yourself a proper break – then go back and do some more – and soon you’ll find you’re in the flow.

6. Don’t allow your mind to wander and think of other things. Stay focused for that short time – and then stop, and have fun.

eatingdisorderconfession

27888) I just feel bad when I eat and feel bad when I don't eat. I feel bad.

Perspective is important, the way you see things will not be the way someone else sees things- take a step back and try and think about the situation from someone else’s view and realize maybe they weren’t in the wrong— maybe it was you the whole time.

Art, because....no one heard....

cautioncrow

You will body check all the time. You will confirm that your thumb and middle finger still touch when you wrap them around your thigh, and when they cannot, you will feel ugly.

You will feel jealous of the people who are not going through recovery. You will scrutinise their goal weights and wonder how much lighter you would be if you hadn’t told someone. You will feel profoundly stupid.

You will go to weigh yourself and find that your parents have taken the scales away. You will estimate, then, using how far your stomach sticks out, and how many times your arms jiggle when you shake them.

You will begin to enjoy eating again. When you realise this, you will be overcome with a guilt so strong you will lie on the floor and cry for two hours. This will repeat at least once a week.

You will consider bulimia. You will stare into the toilet and stick two fingers down your throat and vomit nothing but your feelings up into the bowl. You will give up but never stop thinking about it.

You will absentmindedly touch your collarbones. When they begin to become less prominent, you will stare at yourself in the mirror and cry. Your parents think it is out of anger, but it is really out of grief.

You will recover, too, eventually. You will live. But first you have to die a hundred thousand times.

queen-of-carbs-blog

I

just-sca-tteredwandering

I like that “you will recover too, eventually. You will love. But first you have to die a hundred thousand times!

New coping skill: get drunk, then you don't feel anything and you can have fun alone since you don't have friends anyways which is fair because you're so damn needy and a burden.

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