Beauty In Chaos

27 | MI | Aries

[just-that-lesbian]

Dreamt of you again and all I wanna do is replay it.

[badbitch-mel]

and for my next magic trick I will forget to eat all day

[ptimepoet]

[feelingsoftheday]

Biggest lesson learned this year is probably to not give so much of yourself to people who won’t do the same for you

[ruminaty]

The art of starting over

[just-that-lesbian]

Hate waking up drenched and in a puddle of sweat.

[just-that-lesbian]

I love you

[manincaffeine]

idk man but the idea of cuddling with your partner under a soft blanket on a cold day and having them asleep in your arms while you're quietly playing video games or something just sounds really nice

[crafty-butch]

having one of those executive function days where everything is too many steps

[crafty-butch]

by which i mean, like, here's how my brain parses the steps in making coffee

good day:

make coffee

regular day:

put water in coffee maker

put coffee in coffee maker

turn on coffee maker

bad day:

take pot from coffee maker

turn on sink

fill up coffee pot

turn off sink

pour water into coffee maker

put coffee pot in coffee maker

open cupboard

get coffee filter from cupboard

get coffee beans from cupboard

put filter in coffee pot

measure coffee

pour coffee into filter

close coffee maker

turn coffee maker on

anyway this is a "14 steps to make coffee" kind of day

[kieraelieson]

This is actually a really good way of explaining this

[serial777killers]

[thebibliosphere]

Chronic pain and illness really do skew what you consider to be normal.

I'm complaining to a friend about two separate pains I've got going on right now, pains which I would categorize as "annoying," and "distracting," and she's freaking out, like, "Go to the ER!!!!" and it's like, oh, that's right. Normal people go to the ER when it hurts to breathe.

Anyway...

(Just to clarify, I'm, like, 90% sure it's costochondritis, and I'm not actually struggling to breathe. It just feels blegh. The other pain is more distracting and potentially an issue but we'll cross that bridge if we get to it.)

[invisiblefoxfire]

Been telling my (young and abled) physiotherapist for years that I'm in pain all the time and when he asks me to tell him how bad something hurts from 1-10, I really don't know how to answer that. He'll say "tell me if it hurts" and I have to say, every time "you mean... in addition to how much it always hurts?" Anyway I love the guy, but he kept asking the same questions in the same way and not understanding why it was hard for me to answer.

Then I found this graphic here on tumler dot com (I do not remember the source but please add it in comments if you know) and I showed it to him at an appointment.

He started reading from the bottom to the top, reading each "normal" level followed by the "chronic" level next to it, and at first he was laughing. When he got to about 7/4 he stopped laughing and said "okay well this is getting less entertaining and more concerning." He went completely silent for a moment after he finished, then turned to look at me with real concern in his eyes and asked me if this chart was really accurate. And when I said "Yeah, dude" and gave him a big goofy grin and a shrug, I saw something click for the first time.

[thebibliosphere]

Oh, this chart just made me realize my migraines are a 12.

That's... yeah, okay. Printing this out.

[dumblr]

I'm loyal.

I'll never leave you for someone else.

I'll only leave you for myself, for my peace, my sanity, my respect, my dignity, my survival.

[newrelationshipgoals]

It’s easy to love someone when times are good. Real love is about holding on to one another when times aren’t.

[just-that-lesbian]

I just wanna disappear

[just-that-lesbian]

Why can’t just living be an option? Like just being and letting me figure myself out without so much outward pressure? I don’t understand why things cost so much when like what if we grew our own food and did our own crafts and shit. Idk lol I wish life was simpler

[just-that-lesbian]

I was a fool to think I wanted to be a grown up when I was younger

[just-that-lesbian]

I’m tired of asking my partner to romance me. My heart is so fucking cold and exhausted. I love being kissed and being touched like run your fingers across my skin on my back, arms, legs, butt, boobs, EVERYTHING. Sex is long gone and rare as hell. My sex drive is very high. My partner? Extremely low. She has life trauma aswell so I’ve put my “unrealistic” sex drive away to help support my partner by being patient with her and very open on communication. Well it’s been 2 1/2 -3 yrs. I’m VERY unsatisfied. How do I keep going when I’m literally so fucking depressed about it. She’s a wonderful girl whom I love but I don’t think I can do it anymore.