The Zodiac Signs at a therapist :
Therapist: Cap, Can you tell me How you always look so calm.
Capricorn: Oh, I’m not. People just can’t tell when I’m panicking, because I’m always panicking.
Therapist: Ok, let's talk to Leo. You said that you experienced death?
Leo: yes, I was in a restaurant and I think the waiter poisoned my drink.
Scorpio: No, that was me.
Therapist: wait.. What? Why would you do that?
Scorpio: I’m that kind of person who between two choices always picks the wrong one.
Leo: WHAT was the other choice you had you freak!!
Scorpio: to admit that I actually like you.
Leo: Are you trying to impress me? Because so far you’re doing a great job.
Aquarius: Do we look like we give a fuck?
Therapist: Ok let's hear you Aqua. Why are you here today, what is wrong with you?
Aquarius: Well, that depends on how much time you have. Do you want the short or the long answer?
Libra: she just asked a simple question, don't give her a full lecture.
Aquarius: Maybe you should have thought about that before you dragged me into this then.
Libra: Uh, so we have a problem.
Aquarius: Yeah, it's you and your dumb ideas.
Cancer: calm down guys, Why do we fight over stupid shit?
Capricorn: Because you say stupid shit.
Aries: You know, you are right.
Capricorn: About what, specifically? Because I’m right about a lot of things.
Cancer: shut up Aries and try to Learn from the mistakes of others. You can’t live long enough to make them all yourself.
Aries: believe me I can and I can create an exclusive one as well.
Therapist: whoa guys, you two have a lot of intense feelings here, Why don't you just sit down and talk to each other about it?
Aries: Because there's nothing I want to say to Cancer and Virgo other than fuck off.
Virgo: what the hell? If you have a problem with me, you can say it to my face.
Aries: I don't have a problem with you. You are the problem in general.
Virgo: and You're a walking disaster.
Aries: I can't argue with that one.
*Pisces knocks on the door and steps in*
Gemini: What the fuck are you doing here?!
Pisces: Yes, I'm terribly happy to see you too.
Pisces: C'mon, stop talking about yourself for once.
Therapist: please, be nice to each other.
Gemini: I am being perfectly fucking civil.
Therapist: Why do you constantly try to piss Gemini off?
Pisces: Because it's so fun and easy.
Sagittarius: so, How long after arriving at someone’s place is it appropriate to ask for the WiFi password?
Therapist: we're here to have a conversation with each other, do you have something you would like to share with us?
Sagittarius: Studies show that I literally did not ask for this, we were forced here by Libra.
Libra: oh for God's sake, I wanted all of you to express your emotions.
Capricorn: I don’t have any.
Gemini: Is “no” an emotion, because I feel it.
Leo: I have many emotions I need to express, Honestly, sometimes you just gotta let me be dramatic. Because I will get over it. But let me be dramatic first!
Scorpio: Hey Leo, If you listen carefully you can hear me whisper “shut the fuck up” at least once every five minutes.
Leo: It’s not my fault that You don’t talk much.
Scorpio: I’m observing your weaknesses since you’re so freely verbalizing everything about yourself.
Therapist: Okay, Okay take a breath everyone, especially you Taurus because you devoured the cupcakes I made for the all of you.
Taurus: Cupcakes are important to my mental health.
Taurus: Would you believe me if I answered ?
Libra: Do I look like an idiot?
Taurus: Do you want me to answer that truthfully?
Libra: you're so full of hate.
Taurus: I don't allow myself to be full of hate, I allow myself to be full of pasta instead.
Aquarius: I am So tired of being human, I want to be an Alien.
Taurus: Excuse me, I have to go and vomit.
Therapist: back to you Cancer, how are you feeling so far?
Cancer: I’m nothing but a constant state of internal screaming at this point.
Therapist: aren't you overreacting?
Cancer: Me? Overreacting? Probably.
Sagittarius: don't worry, If you ever feel stupid, or weak, or powerless, just remember that I, am not.
Libra: Well this social situation isn't going the way It went in my head.
Virgo: That is so not how it went!
Libra: You weren't in my head and you're drunk right now. Quit arguing with me.
Pisces: you brought us here because you imagined us doing this in your head?
Capricorn: That's your business not ours *leave*
Taurus: maybe listen to me next time I tell you not to do something stupid. *takes the rest of the cupcakes and leaves*
Cancer: my mental health was working just fine before you brought me here. *leaves*
Gemini: You know, sometimes I think you do dumb shit on purpose just to see how I'll react. *leaves*
*the rest of The Signs leaves*
Leo: Anyways, Do you ever feel like a 4 times divorced 45 year old woman that smokes cigarettes in her fur coats on a grand piano? Cause I do and it’s sad.
Therapist: we're done here, get out.
