One Day
One day (and a half) until Qiu left Golden Grove and you just admitted to being in love with them.
Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4 Word Count: 7,211
AN: Hiii, sorry I have been gone for so long. I had some crazy family things happen that are still going on, and it really killed my motivation for this story. However, I really hope you like it!
I recommend listening to "it's ok!" by corook and "Ready Now" by Dodie for this, especially at the end. Also, very loosely "Look To Winward" by Sleep Token, but only the part about cycles in the beginning, haha.
Your bright headlights cut through the winter darkness, sweeping over the front of your house as you rounded the cul-de-sac to park. The white illuminated the shrouded figures resting on your front porch chairs. Qiu and Tamarack. Your stomach twisted and tangled in tight knots, half in guilt and relief, and it pulled tighter with every passing second.
The neighborhood steeped in silence was interrupted by your car door opening and shutting. Snow had coated everything in a soft quilt of white. It muffled every sound, save for the blood rushing in your ears and the way every footfall sounded like glass shattering in the quiet.
Slowly, you approached the front gate to portray some casualness like you had. You winced as it betrayed your arrival with a piercing squeak.
Tamarack lifted her eyes from the blanket wrapped around her shoulders and offered you a quiet smile with eyes that held a cautious hope. On the other hand, Qiu's gaze had been glued on you since your headlights fell over their face. They both reflected an uneasy tension, stiff shoulders, and faces that carried the weight of exhausted relief and lingering hurt.
You came to a standstill in front of the two, nervously picking at your coat sleeve like you'd once done when you were caught doing something you shouldn't
"I didn't do anything." Your whispered voice sounded too loud in the silent, snowy night. You witnessed both of their shoulders relax, even if their faces were intense with concern that caused your guilt to settle in the base of your throat like a dry pill.
"IâI couldn'tâŚ" The words died on your lips, getting caught on that too large a pill; truths that were too hard to swallow.
What you said was true.
As you had weaved through the empty streets of Golden Grove earlier that night, your brain was vibrating with the goal of forgetting, escaping, and avoiding. The familiar gnawing ache of self-destruction had coursed through your veins like a welcome poison, your body remembering the feeling like an old addiction. You knew your destination well. Could drive it blindfolded.
The abandoned lumber mill outside town held hundreds of memories of reckless nights and even poorer decisions in its rotting beams and graffiti-tagged walls. The ground there would greet you like an old friend. You could hear the thumping music as you parked your car at the back of the lot, keeping yourself out of the way.
People gathered outside, smoking, their faces lit by the cherry-red glow of cigarettes. Some faces were familiar, while others were new and younger, but they wore the same expressions of practiced indifference you once perfected. It all blurred togetherâbackground noise to the growing hollowness inside you.
You sat motionless in your car, hands still gripping the steering wheel to anchor yourself to reality. The static in your head had grown deafening, but beneath it lurked a weird calmness, like the eye of a storm.
You numbly flipped down your visor to double-check your appearance, wanting to utilize the mirror for practicing your smile and getting your armor in place. As you did, a rectangular piece of paper fluttered down like a helicopter seed onto your lap. You paused when you turned it over.
The glossy strip of pictures showed you, Qiu, and Tamarack crammed into a mall photo booth last May. It had been one of the rare moments where everything felt like it used toâlaughing so hard your faces hurt, Tamarack reluctantly joining your "Senior Skip Day" antics. In the last frame, Qiu had stuck out their tongue, Tamarack was mid-laugh, and you⌠You were smiling so brightly it felt like another person entirely.
Your hands returned to the steering wheel, gripping it tighter, steadying yourself as you observed the scene before you. Nothing about this place had changed over the years you'd been coming here. The same broken windows, the same rust-eaten metal. The same faces that had been there for years. The same people engaging in the same behaviors.
The same people who would likely be doing these same things five years from now. Never growing or changing.
But you had changed.
Sitting there, gripping the steering wheel, watching people stumble and laugh their way inside, you couldnât help but think:
Was this what you wanted?
Something inside you whispered that you didnât belong even here anymore. It wasnât the kind of change that came with a snap of fingers, but a slow, dawning realization.
For a long time, you believed this was to be your fate. Running from so many things that you got caught in thick sludge and began to sink. The only rope that kept your head above the surface was the safety in sameness. If too many things changed, what if you sank lower?
What if your head went under and you were left behind? What if you tried, only to drown because you were no longer capable of pulling yourself out?
Someone stumbled past your car, laughing too loudly. The sound jarred you from your thoughts, making you jump slightly in your seat. Blinking away the wetness in your eyes, you watched the person throw their arm around their companion, stumbling away towards the building.
What did you want?
Why did it feel like your only two options were to hide in obscurity in your bedroom, fading into nothing because you felt like it, or to be here because you felt the same? When had living become this binary choice between isolation and self-destruction?
"When did this all get so hard? Why is this so hard?" you whispered to your steering wheel, your voice cracking under the pressure of questions you avoided for years.
You knew with assurance that it had been when Tamarack and Qiu left. You'd convinced yourself that your loneliness was too heavy to share. To divulge your fears and how you were miserable and didn't know how to not be. And the longer you hid in obscurity, the more your mind told you they wouldn't want to hear at all.
And with that burden and hearing how their lives were without you, the more it solidified, the better it would be to be alone.
You didn't know how to be you, but different. You didn't know how to change without the fear of drowning. You were so scared of drowning that it felt like you forgot how to breathe altogether. You didn't know how to be better anymore, without it feeling like you were lying.
This was all you knew. Ending up on the shore, choking on water in a never-ending cycle of avoidance and sinking. Coming back up for air to descend again. A stubborn pattern that was causing slow decay.
And that made your chest burn hot, tears threatening to fall. Because you had to wonder if this was what you wanted, why did you keep glancing at your phone in the cupholder?
Why were you dreading that there'd be a text from your mom, Tamarack, or Qiu, but also desperately hoping there would be one? Why, after everything, did you still want to tell Qiu how much they meant to you?
Staring blankly, eyes red at the steering wheel, you understood. It wasn't the change that scared you so much as failure.
If you tried and failed, things would be too different to return to how they were. But you were already failingâfailing Qiu, failing Tamarack, failing yourself. Staying here, sinking into old habits, wouldnât save you. It would only solidify the loneliness you were so desperate to escape.
Even if it was a losing battle, even if Qiu still decided to forget Golden Grove and you, along with it, you still wanted to reach for this one thing that mattered when nothing else did anymore. Because they were worth it.
They were worth everything. And a part of you whispered that you were worth it too.
You knew you needed to jump that gap. You had to tell them. To say sorry for how you treated them. They may not listen, but it was this thing that you would reach for. It may be the last chance you get.
You wanted to change. You wanted to try.
With shaky hands, you turned the key in the ignition. The headlights flared to life, slicing through the night, and you pulled away from the lumber mill. You oddly felt like you were leaving a piece of yourself behind as the lumber mill faded in the dark. Like leaving a piece that no longer fit, even if there was an empty space now and you weren't sure how to fill it.
The road back felt longer than it should have. You took the back streets, giving yourself time to breathe, to gather the crumbs of courage before you faced the two people who mattered most.
That brought you here, standing in front of the most important people in your life, who you've hurt time and time again. Qiu rose from their chair, their arms crossed protectively over their chest, before they reached out, their hand coming to rest gently on your shoulder. Their gaze had no anger, just a sad understanding that made your guilt even heavier.
"Maybe we should move where we can talk more?" Tamarack suggested in a hushed tone.
Her gaze had drifted up, where you could see the warm light from your mother's bedroom window peeking through her curtains. Qiu and you subtly nodded in agreement and stepped off the porch to find a more private place for the three of you.
Qiu's fort loomed ahead as your boots crunched through the snow. Somehow, in the dim light of the moon, the structure looked even more weathered and tired, not unlike yourself. Despite the storms it had gone through, it was still standing.
The three of you halted at the base, knowing you all wouldn't fit in the space anymore. This would be the scene dressing for your confession. Qiu's backyard sat in delicate silence, the kind that only comes about with the soundproofing of snow.
The wind wisped through the evergreen branches surrounding the yard. Your exhaled breaths produced white clouds in front of you. The moon now hung heavily in the sky, making everything shine.
Tamarack and Qiu waited expectantly, and you let out a shaky breath. With trembling hands clenched at your sides and a rolling stomach, you opened your mouth.
"I'm sorry," you began, the words feeling inadequate. You had no idea where to go from there. You felt sick, and everything else seemed trapped in your throat.
"You don't have to apologize," Qiu said quietly. "We're just worried about you."
The words made you tense. You had no idea what they must think of you â how pathetic and childish you must seem. But you knew you would regret it if you didn't speak your truth now, maybe for the rest of your life.
"I know, but I need to. And you both deserve to know why." You swallowed hard. You could feel your heart pounding in your ears. "Iâ" you paused, taking a breath. "Things got bad again after you both left," you explained. Tamarack and Qui's shoulders fell with concern.
They understood exactly what you meant.
"And I justâŚI've been having a really hard time with everything. That shouldn't be an excuse to be mean to you guys, though. You're my best friends, and you just want to help."
The words spilled out, and you stopped yourself before you started rambling. "I guess I just miss you both a ton and didn't want things to change. So I was kind acting like an ass. I'm really sorryâŚ"
Your voice trailed off. It may not be a grade-A apology, but it was what you had to offer to both of them. It was genuine and as vulnerable as you could be right now. Suddenly, Tamarack's arms were hugging you tightly.
"I'm sorry, too!" she exclaimed, tears thick in her voice. Looking over her shoulder, you found Qiu's wide eyes, just as surprised as you felt.
"For what?" you both asked in unison. Tamarack released her grip on you to wipe her tears. The moonlight made her red, glassy eyes glisten like rubies.
"I lied to you both," she muttered, not meeting your gazes. My dad didn't actually have an academic convention. I told Granny that so she wouldn't guilt me into staying in Florida," she sniffled. Your expression softened on her. "I just wanted to come home because I really missed you, too."
The admittance made your eyes water just the same, and you found yourself leaning into give her another hug. Qiu joined the embrace with an amused but tender smile, completing the circle that had been the three of you against the world for so long. After a few moments of quiet comfort, you separated, each taking a step back to right yourselves.
"Can we do my sleepover now and forget about all the drama for now? I'm cold and tired." Tamarack admitted with a watery laugh. It was everything you loved about her â her resiliency (except when faced with the cold) and her ability to move on.
You and Qiu laughed and agreed, grateful for the change in atmosphere. Tamarack promptly turned on her heel and marched onwards, leaving new trail boot prints in the snow.
Suddenly, it was just you and Qiu. The moment you'd been craving and dreading. The wind rustled through the trees as you met each other's eyes. Qiu opened their mouth to say something, but closed it with uncertainty written on their face as their brows furrowed.
"Sorryâ" you both said simultaneously.
"No, you don't have to be. Youâ" you tried to start, needing to spit the words out before you lost your spine.
"No, no, I completely get it. I wasâ" Qiu interrupted, overlapping your words.
You stepped closer, trying to explain, heart in your throat. "You don't understand, Qiu. Iâ"
"I do though, I was such an asshole and youâ" They were still talking, still trying to take responsibility for something that was never their fault. It was just like them. You clenched your fists in subtle frustration, squeezed your eyes shut, andâ
"I love you!"
The words burst from you like confetti in a popped balloon. Heavy silence cloaked before you. One could hear a pin drop in the fresh snow if they listened. The words were thrown down like a weight.
You swallowed, unable to keep the fresh tears from gathering in your eyes. Qiu stood motionless, their breath fogged in the cold air between you, mingling with yours in the space.
"I-I'm in love with you," you reaffirmed in a shaky tone. "I love you, Qiu, and it hurts so much because I know I can't keep you. You're so smart and bright. You're going to be something, and I'm not." You sniffed and forced yourself to meet their gaze, even if your words caught in the admission. The fear that had been your constant companion was finally spoken aloud. The words started to come out steadier, though, like a river flowing. You continued on.
"We'll look back at this moment, at all the moments, and we won't be able to sit in this fort anymore, watch movies till 3am, gaze at the stars together. We both know you're bigger than any of that." You paused, trying to rein in your racing thoughts.
"My stupid, pathetic love for this town, because of you being in it, could never and should never hold you here." Qiu stared at you, not moving to interrupt now. You took the opportunity to continue.
"But I'mâŚso scared," you murmured with a cracked voice. The more profound truth of it all flowed from your lips.
Not because you didn't want to be honest with Tamarack, but because Qiu of all people needed to hear this. You needed to hear it spoken aloud.
"So scared of the future and if this is all I'll ever be, and even more scared of the reality that I've accepted it. That everyone will have moved on and forgotten. That I don't have dreams, and if I did, I'm not even sure I have the strength to go after them."
Qiu's image blurred in your vision as stubborn tears grew in your eyes for the third time that night.
"ButâŚwhat scares me the most is that one day, I'll look up into the night sky, and it'll mean nothing to me, because the one person who made it mean something, any of this, isn't around," you sniffed, wiping your nose with a bitter laugh at yourself.
"The worst of all is that it's all been my doing. My stupid nonchalance and indifference. My naĂŻve expectation that the world will wait for me." You took a shuddering breath, trying not to think about what came next and to just run head-on into it. "SoâŚif I'm to move on even a centimeterâŚI have to start here."
Qiu's expression was hard to read, but they gave you a nod of encouragement. Your hands balled at your sides to stop them from trembling. You stood on a thinning line of your current life and everything after. It was time to jump.
"Qiu, I love you. I've loved you forever. I'll likely love you forever." The words began to fall like an avalanche that had been long overdue.
"When you leave and go back to Baxter and all your new friends and new life, I will still love you. When you are so happy being there and you don't even think about me, I will still love you. And ten years from now, when you are telling a co-worker about an old friend you haven't talked to in a decade, I will still love you," your voice broke, unable to hide it now. You squeezed your eyes shut as if to shield yourself.
"I love youâŚI love you."
Your throat clenched as you repeated those three damning words like mantra. The backyard was silent. You cracked open an eye to find Qiu staring at you with a tender surprise.
"Do you⌠Do you really think I'm that happy? That I'm happier without you?" Qiu's voice was soft, as if they were making their own confession.
"I'm miserable."
They let out a sad laugh, like that was a joke. "You know that saying, 'The grass is always greener on the other side'? That's what it's been like. I was always chasing that, thinking I'd find what I was looking for if I just was able to get out of Golden Grove."
Qiu paused, and their face became serious, revealing rare uncertainty. "Go somewhere completely different, where no one knew who I was and I could be anyone I want." Qiu looked away, their jaw clenching. "But I got down there and got exactly what I wanted. No one knew who I was, and I ended up falling back into how I used to be â Trying to be what everyone else wanted, just so I wouldn't feel alone."
They fell silent, as if embarrassed by this confession. The realization that Qiu was struggling just as much as you were seemed impossible, yet the truth was written in how they looked at you with such exhaustion that they were trying to hide.
"Then, I'd talk with you and Tamarack on FaceTime and feel more like myself than I did in days. But when the call ended, all that stuff would come back into sharp focus, and I'd just be left feeling alone. I'd end up just thinking about you and home for hours." They looked sheepish, as if revealing this was admitting a great weakness.
"So, I dug my heels in, told myself I was being a baby. That's why I was always so busyâŚWhy I agreed to stay during Christmas break, because they needed me, and I didn't know how to say no again." Qiu closed their eyes with a grimace in self-recrimination.
They'd never spoken so openly about their own feelings in front of you, and you could tell it was just as difficult for them to talk as it was for you. It struck you then that maybe you weren't the only one hiding behind a carefully constructed façade this whole time.
"I know I've been an awful friend." They shrugged, not meeting your gaze. "But part of me figured you were busy with your own stuff and the other partâŚ" they hesitated.
"The other part knew if I hung onto you like that, I would have been on the first flight back home last month for fall break and wouldn't have gone back."
Your eyebrows rose at their words. Your breath caught like the wind around you seemed to have. The small flare of hope lit in your chest needed to be tamped down, lest it burn rampant.
"But?" You asked tentatively.
The air stilled between you two. Qiu looked at you, and suddenly they were moving towards you, their footsteps in the snow purposeful, determined, and so very. And then, in a split second, they had crossed that distance, that gap, their eyes searching yours, their breath mixing with yours in the cold winter air.
Your heart was racing, your mind was screaming for you to move, run, or do something, but you were frozen. Qiu's hand grabbed yours, their touch gentle and grounding.
"ButâŚ" they sighed. "What I really want to do, I can't do here." Qiu's face grew determined. "I can't stay here in Golden Grove. I have to do this, and that's going to be hard, but I'd rather do this and know that maybeâŚ," they trailed off again. Qiu lifted their free hand to brush away a tear sliding down your cheek. The touch sent a shiver through you.
"Maybe what?" You asked in a shaky breath.
"MaybeâŚmaybe you can be by my sideâŚeven if we're a part. Maybe I can have one of the only things that made me love Golden GroveâŚ"
They gave a self-deprecating laugh, showing a more vulnerable Qiu you were familiar with. "I'm not very good at this. I've never been as great with my words as you haveâŚnot for this kind of stuff." Qiu said quietly, dipping their head and shaking it. After a moment, they raised their eyes back to yours, warm as melted chocolate.
"Do you remember when we sat one night and tried to count all the stars?" Qiu suddenly asked. The change of subject made you pause.
"Yeah," you answered quietly. "I said that for every ten we counted, we got a universe point that we could use for something to go right. You said it was dumb," you gave a short smile. Qiu chuckled in response to the memory.
"YeahâŚwell...I lied," they admitted. You couldn't help but laugh.
"I guess we're all a bunch of liars," you jested. Qiu nodded with their own laugh, brushing a thumb over your knuckle. Only then did you realize you were still holding hands.
"I count them all the time nowâŚI've always counted them," they shrugged, trying to appear casual, but failed miserably.
Qiu took a deep breath before speaking. "I don't know how many points I have now, but when I was younger, I wanted to use them on us always being together. Then, I decided I'd want my 'universe luck points' to be used so that you liked me as much as I had liked you."
They spoke the words with a heavy, weighted tone, but their eyes shone. You could feel your heart stop, thoughts stuttering. You both had been young when you made up the game.
Something to do at night outside or on car rides when bored. You never knew Qiu took it so seriously.
"It was kind of stupid. I hadn't done anything for you to like me or for you to stay my friend. Being able to count wouldn't helpâŚbut still, I kept counting as the years went by andâŚ" they trailed once more off before speaking again. "As I got older and we were with each other through everything, I changed how I wanted to cash in on my points."
A soft chuckle escaped them, self-conscious but genuine. "I hoped that changing the wording wouldn't break some universal law, and then it would never happen."
Qiu's hand squeezed yours like that contact gave them the confidence they needed.
"But I started counting, hoping you loved me as much as I loved you. Love me as much as I love you." You couldn't breathe, the world spun as the words settled. Their eyes were so warm, so sincere to you.
Qiu Lin loved you back.
They took another shaky breath before continuing, "I couldn't tell you, though, because at a certain point, I knew I was leaving, that I had to, and I knew you loved Golden Grove more than anything. I'd never be so selfish to ask or so arrogant to assume you would follow me."
Qiu's words were rushed and earnest, tumbling from their lips in a very Qiu-like way. They spoke as if they were afraid that if they stopped, they would never get the chance to say these things again, just like you.
Your heart was in your throat, your eyes wide and hopeful. You wanted to speak and say something, but the words wouldn't come. All you could do was listen and hope that Qiu understood.
"Then, I was gone. I was with Baxter. Everything was a whirlwind. I met Micah and the rest, and they were great. At first, honestly, it felt good to be somewhere where no one knew who I was." Qiu's brow furrowed, their gaze dropping momentarily to the snow between you.
"But then on those lonely nights, I would look up at the same night sky that I knew you probably were, but I couldn't see any of the stars. I never wanted to sit and count more stars in my entire life, and I couldn't anymore. SoâŚ" They squeezed your hand.
"I hope I have enough universal points now, because I know it'll cost a lot." They laughed softly. Qiu was then finally quiet, their words exhausted.
The two of you just stared at each other for what felt like a lifetime. Your mouth opened and closed multiple times, trying to find the right response.
"SoâŚwhat now?" you asked, your voice barely a whisper. The question held your uncertainty. All your hope you could muster.
Qiu's gaze softened. "IâI don't knowâŚI guess we figure out what we want, what we really, really want," they said gently.
You couldn't help but let out a small laugh at their words, at the absurdity of this moment. Here you were, standing in the snow, under the same moon that had shone down on you all those years ago when you began counting stars, and somehow, impossibly, your deepest wish had come true.
"God, we're dumb, aren't we?" you said, shaking your head. "Here I thought I was losing my best friend and the person I love most."
"You're not the only one," Qiu admitted. They squeezed your hand in theirs, their warmth seeping into your skin.
"I thought I had too, and I think I would have if you didn't come here and tell me how you felt." They gave you a soft smile. "You're always braver than me in that regard, y'know." Qiu's eyes danced with amusement, with a fondness that made your heart skip a beat.
"I don't feel very brave," you admitted. The world around you was silent, as if giving you this moment of perfect understanding.
Qiu pulled you into a hug, wrapping their arms around you and holding you close like they had done so many times before, but now held a new significance. You breathed in their scent, the warmth of their body enveloping you.
This felt right, you thought as your body relaxed into the embrace. You didn't want to let go, you didn't want to lose this feeling ever.
"You're so much braver than you think," They murmured before pulling back to look at you. "I don't know what happens now. I don't know what's next, and I don't think any choices should be made tonight. But I know I want to figure it out with you."
They leaned in, pressing a soft kiss to your forehead, lingering momentarily before pulling away. The world around you remained quiet, continuing as if you both weren't just changed in the best way. Funny how that works.
"I know that I'm in love with you, and I have been since before I could really understand what that meant," Qiu whispered, their eyes locked onto yours, full of a deep and true love. "As long as we have that, we can figure out the rest, yeah?"
You nodded, unable to speak past the emotion tightening your throat. They released you with apparent reluctance, stepping back with a soft smile.
"We should probably get back to Tamarack before she comes looking for us."
"Yeah," you agreed, wiping your eyes with the back of your hand.
The weight of everything that had happened in the past few hours settled heavily on your shoulders, but you felt lighter than you had in months, years even. A weight that hadn't crushed you, but had released you, in a sense.
You and Qiu turned back towards the Tamarack's house, walking side by side, your steps in the snow in sync. You could see the warm lighting illuminating from her home, knowing she was waiting for the two of you. For some reason, it filled you with a complete contentedness.
It wasn't perfect. It wasn't dramatic declarations of following each other to the ends of the earth. Of never, ever being a part. No Hollywood clichĂŠs of grand gestures and swelling music.
You hadn't needed any of that. Not really. You just wanted your best friend beside you, however they could be. To know you loved them and that they loved you. It was far more valuable than any romantic fantasy.
You would figure it out, everything. You would count the stars and fight for a future you wanted. Moving forward, despite the fear of failure, as long as you were trying and had your people who made trying worth it. It wouldn't be easy or quick, but it would be worth it.
As you glanced at Qiu, whose eyes met yours with pinkened cheeks, you knew it was enough.
It was more than enough.
Epilogue: Four Months Later
The warm air that greeted you was stark as you stepped out of the Prism Vista International Airport. Your jacket already felt too heavy under the California spring sun.
It was still winter when you'd left Golden Grove, but in the 'everything is brown, dead, muddy, and waiting for spring' way. The hustle and bustle of arriving and departing travelers and the chaotic symphony of car horns made you feel suddenly out of place.
But then you heard your name called over the crowd of moving people. You squinted, shielding your eyes from the sun to see Qiu waving their arm to make themselves known. Their face broke into that smile that still made your heart flutter. Seeing them made you feel silly for being so emotional over a simple change of scenery.
As you crossed the lanes, weaving between idling cars, the nervousness building during your flight disappeared. Qiu greeted you with a hug, and you returned with equal fervor, breathing in their familiar scent and letting out a sigh of contentment.
The two of you had started dating after your confessions, which was surprising to exactly no one. Still in that new relationship, figuring it out kind of way. The progression of your romantic relationship slowed slightly due to the long distance.
That's what made this spring break trip so special. You were coming to see their world for the first time, leaving the confines and safety of Golden Grove.
As the two of you separated, you finally noticed the man who'd been standing next to Qiu. He was tall, wearing a tailored purple suit jacket and dark hair, and his face was vaguely familiar despite the years that had passed.
"Long time no see," they nodded, using a smooth voice that sounded like a dog whistle, though it was deeper now.
"Woah! Baxter?" You exclaimed in surprise. He gave a casual smile that had you smiling back.
"In the flesh." He confirmed with a smirk, tucking his hands into his pockets. "Qiu mentioned they needed assistance picking up a friend today, and I was more than happy to oblige them. I'm glad I did."
His eyes held a glint that made you wonder how much Qiu had been telling the former Boy's Club co-member about you. Your eyes bounced between the two, your smile growing wider.
"I'm glad you did too," you replied sincerely.
The rest of the day was a blur as Baxter chauffeured the two of you to Qiu's dorm, which they shared with three other students. Tomorrow, Tamarack would be joining you, but for now, you had time to settle in with your partner.
Meeting Micah had been nerve-wracking, but afterwards, you could see why Qiu had grown fast friends with them. Their kindness and comradery was infectious. Hard to dislike someone who was just so likable and you were thankful that Qiu had someone in Prism Vista they could depend on.
The ragtag group of friends dragged you all over Prism Vista, showing you the campus and city highlights and their favorite food spots. The city was very different than Golden Grove. It was louder, more vibrant, and filled with a diversity of people and experiences that made your hometown seem even smaller in comparison.
However, rather than feeling intimidated, you found yourself curious and interested in the world Qiu wanted to introduce you to.
By evening, the group had brought you to the beach. The sun was just beginning to set over the far-off horizon, painting the sky in hues of orange and pink. While the others were hanging out, looking for shells, you found a quiet spot to sit in the sand.
Digging your toes into cool grains, you let the setting sun warm your face. With your eyes closed, you focused on the sensations around you â the gentle crash of waves, the distant calls of seagulls, Qiu's friends laughing down the shoreline, and the salty air filling your lungs.
Even with eyes closed, you still knew it was Qiu as they sat beside you.
"Doing your mindful practice?" Qiu asked, breaking pleasantly through the meditation. Your eyes opened slowly, and you leaned your head on their shoulder.
"Yeah, my goal is to do it once a day while I'm here," you explained with a relaxed hum.
"I'm happy you're clicking with this therapist more than the last," they commented, their tone free of judgment.
"Yeah, me too," You agreed contentedly. You shut your eyes again, letting the feeling of the setting sun on your skin and the sand beneath your feet ground you. You listened to the waves lapping against the shore, the seagulls calling in the distance.
The last four months have surprised you. Finding the right therapist took time, with two false starts before landing on someone who truly understood your struggles. Qiu had been undertaking their own therapeutic journey as well. Together, you worked to understand yourselves better, communicate more openly, and stop hiding behind the masks you'd worn for so long.
It had not been pretty in some instances, and the road was far from done being traversed. There had been difficult conversations, moments of backsliding into old patterns, times when the distance between you felt insurmountable.
Qiu had stayed at Prism Vista for Christmas break, though they'd come home for Christmas Eve and Day, a compromise that had felt like progress for both of you. They were learning to say no and prioritize their needs rather than constantly bending to please others.
You were learning to reach out when the darkness crept in, to take small steps toward a future rather than remaining paralyzed by fear of failure. Now the idea of a future where you weren't hiding behind the safety net of being nonchalant and aloof, and where Qiu didn't feel the need to bend backwards for everyone, wasn't so daunting.
You'd even begun taking a few classes in person this semester, a choice that had allowed you to start making tentative friendships. Small steps, but significant nonetheless. You didn't feel so alone for the first time in a long time.
"I missed you," Qiu's voice broke the silence, their tone gentle and nostalgic.
"Missed you more," you admitted readily with a hum. "Long distance isn't so bad butâŚokay it really sucks, but at least we get to do stuff like this." You lifted your head from their shoulder to meet their gaze.
The waves lapped at the sand, and the warm air held the promise of summer. Golden hour had cast everything in a warm glow, including Qiu, their eyes sparkling affectionately.
"Yeah," Qiu agreed, their voice wistful.
Their hand reached down and tentatively grasped yours. The weight of it was familiar now and always comforting. You smiled softly, squeezing theirs in response. "I can't believe you and Tam are going to be here all week," they added.
"Right? Mom practically shoved me out the door this morning," you laughed, recalling the memory. "I'm pretty sure she's excited to have the house to herself for a little bit." Qiu chuckled along with you.
Your mom had been more than supportive of your decision to visit. In fact, she'd been your biggest cheerleader, helping you with the logistics and even offering to drive you to the airport. You'd been surprised by her enthusiasm, but grateful nonetheless.
It was a far cry from how things had been before and showed you how relationships could be repaired. The ocean breeze rustled through your hair as you both watched a surfer ride a wave off in the distance.
It felt surreal to you, like a movie scene. The colors were vibrant, the sun reflecting off the water like glitter under a spotlight. You felt Qiu's gaze on you, and your traitorous cheeks blushed.
"What?" you asked, feeling a little self-conscious. They shook their head, a soft smile pulling at the corners of their lips.
"Just happy you're here. AndâŚreally proud of you." You felt a swell of emotion in your chest, a mixture of happiness and pride.
Some days were still hard, but you reminded yourself that you had something and someone to fight for. When you messed up, you knew you'd be back on track in no time with the support of Qiu and Tamarack, but especially Qiu.
This person, this wonderful, amazing person who had stuck by you through it all, who loved you. It was almost dizzying. Sometimes you felt so much love for them and couldn't quite understand why you were so lucky.
Someone from behind shouted, pulling you out of your thoughts. Qiu's eyes were still on you, the warmth in their brown irises making your stomach flutter. Their cheeks held the slightest of dustings of a rosy tint.
At that moment, you knew that you wanted Qiu Lin beside you, no matter where you went or how your life looked in 20 or 50 years. The last sun's rays had sunk beneath the horizon, casting everything in a dusky pink glow. The sky was painted in vibrant pinks, purples, and blues, a breathtaking backdrop to the moment.
"Can I kiss you?" Qiu's words sent a shiver down your spine. This was still new and rare.
The two of you shared your first kiss under a snowy sky and a lam post outside their home on the night of Christmas. You were so nervous you thought you were going to throw up. However, seeing how red Qiu's face was gave you reassurance that they were feeling just the same then.
Now under a sun-kissed sky, you nodded, unable to suppress your smile. Qiu leaned in, their lips pressing against yours, gentle and tentative. It sent a spark of electricity through your body. You couldn't help but smile against their mouth, happiness impossible to contain.
You'd missed them, but to be here now, in California, under a watercolor skyâ it felt right in a way you hadn't thought possible.
A teasing whistle and a chorus of "ooohs" erupted from behind you, causing you both to jump apart. Micah and Qiu's other friends stood watching the scene unfold, a few recording the moment.
"I'm gonna kill them," Qiu muttered under their breath, but the smirk told you they didn't mean it. Your cheeks burned, but you couldn't stop smiling, your joy too big to be ruined by a little embarrassment.
"Get a room! Not the public beach," a joking voice you knew to be Micah's voice rang out over the beach.
"You guys suck." You called out. It didn't have much bite to it.
"We'll be at the car waiting," another called out before their head of dark red disappeared from view down the beach path leading to the parking lot.
You sighed, knowing you needed to join, but not before stealing one more quick kiss from Qiu.
"Okay, we should go now," you said reluctantly.
"Yeah, let's head over to them," Qiu agreed, though their lingering gaze suggested they wanted to do anything but.
With a final glance at the breathtaking sunset and a warm smile, you both rose to your feet. You reached down to scoop a handful of sand. The grains fell between your fingers, and you watched, mesmerized as they fell back to the beach. It was another memory to tuck away and cherish, even though it was over.
Qiu stood at the top of the slope to the path, hand extended to you, their face relaxed and gazing at you fondly. You took their hand, squeezing tightly, not caring if your palm was sweaty, or maybe it was Qiu's. It was impossible to know.
Things still weren't perfect. Nothing ever is. You were all a bunch of dummies still, trying your best. Tamarack still worried too much, Qiu was too giving, and you were still stubbornly avoidant sometimes, but you'd learned so much in the months since that snowy night.
Grown in ways you hadn't thought possible in the short time. There would be hard days, mistakes, miscommunications, and things would not work out how you had wanted.
Still, in that moment, with the sunset painting a portrait and the sand between your toes, it didn't matter. What mattered was that you would work it out. You would try, and you would work with the rolling waves as best as you could.
And with people like Qiu in your life â people who saw you at your worst and still chose to love you and created spaces where you could always come home to yourself â you knew you could do it. You could face whatever came next.
Counting stars and collecting universe points along the way.
Big thanks to everyone who stuck around to read my first fully finished fanfic! I can't tell you how much your support and encouragement kept me going to complete this. It's been a very hard five months, so to be done had been a relief. I really hope you enjoyed this story and that I did it justice even with the huge gap in posting. Now on to other things in the Our Life fandom!
