Son of a Flea.
What's cuter than a cat? A kitten. What's cuter than a kitten? MINE. Cat is absolutely adorable. Her mewing, the way she cuddles up with me at night, the adorable rolling around on my carpet. That shit is just. Fucking. Adorable.
What's not adorable? Running out to HEB in too tight jeans (if I buy new ones in the right size, the cellulite wins) and a bleached out hoodie at 9pm to get $50 worth of flea-killing products. Flea killing shampoo. Flea killing carpet cleaner. Flea killing and preventing skin gel. Another pack of flea killing gel. Cat gets to be flea free and I've just spent my grocery budget for two weeks. (See: Post-Grad Weight Loss Plan).
So, cute kitten owners, here's how you get rid of fleas in 6 easy steps:
OCD Steps One and Three: Douse carpet in 24-hour insecticide that I'm pretty sure is DDT's radioactive cousin.
OCD Step Two: Bathe Cat in shampoo that costs more than two bottles of my own (if I weren't still using a stockpile of hotel samples). Feel like a horrible human being for bathing a kitten.
OCD Step Four: Find band-aids for claw marks on arms, hands, neck and stomach.
OCD Step Five: Put preventative gel on cat, wash all clothing, bedding, and anything not sewn to a chair in scalding hot water. Take a shower. Beg forgiveness again from the Cat for bathing it. Take another shower.
OCD Step Six: Die of insecticide poisoning while Cat plays with string.
And that's what happens when you get a kitten. It's cute forever and you die a painful, penniless death.
















