so this is what being uncompetent and a failure feels like
Today's Document

if i look back, i am lost

ellievsbear

Origami Around
PUT YOUR BEARD IN MY MOUTH
let's talk about Bridgerton tea, my ask is open
Peter Solarz
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Aqua Utopia|海の底で記憶を紡ぐ

shark vs the universe

❣ Chile in a Photography ❣
almost home
NASA
EXPECTATIONS

Kiana Khansmith
Jules of Nature
Sade Olutola
occasionally subtle
Claire Keane

blake kathryn
seen from Brazil

seen from Türkiye

seen from United States
seen from United States
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seen from Türkiye

seen from Türkiye

seen from Germany

seen from Türkiye
seen from United States

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@justcallme-oleen
so this is what being uncompetent and a failure feels like
This weeks events: My mom leaving to stay at the province for a few months. My sister being alone in my sister's family care. Me realizing that I won't be able to go back to my sister for reading break. Him ghosting my chats; me chasing dopamine whenever he chats. Me not being able to prepare for exams this week, due to procastination. Deactivating my accounts. Cooked in ECON 11 exam. Burned by ECON 11 RECIT class; cheating and not understanding the topic. Not knowing how to compute. Having a zero score for SFI 100 quiz. Missing him; him ghosting me (he did chat but he said he's busy). Didn't catch up for PI 10 LECTURE discussions. Examination in FBS 10 LECTURE cancellation. SFI 100 Moving exam; realizing that I identified a lot of rocks wrong. Classmates not being able to be impressed on my drawing on ARTS 1. Not being able to properly do the arts analysis in ARTS 1; I can't find my words. Being called as DISHONEST on my SFI 100, another zero; I did take notes but I did not memorize it. Still missing him; not being able to talk to anyone. And recently, being called out by my Prof. in PI 10 to read the study material; in reality I did read it but just couldn't recall what it was about.
Lead me to feel: Monday for chaotic. Tuesday for stupidity. Wednesday for isolation. Thursday for carelessness. Friday for humiliation.
Made me think: That I am incompetent. Unavailable. Stupid. Invalid. Addict. Unorganized. Outcast. Incapable. Unfunny. Unintelligent. Weak. Isolated.
Its such a tough week. And I don't know if I'm tough enough. I don't even know if I'm functioning enough. People are starting to look at me, maybe they don't mean it in a bad way; but it's weirding me out. I wasn't able to think straight this week and I keep blaming myself for those things. But in reality, I think I know who to blame, well, partially, it's Bassel. I wondered so many times, if he didn't slide into my server that night, after talking with Kyle Monsour. If we didn't exchange Instagram accounts. If I didn't get to know him better. If I just stayed focus on the things that I need to do. Maybe I wouldn't be feeling this: guilt and conscience. I feel like I failed my roommates, of how studious they are. I feel like I failed my professors because I am not performing enough on their classes. I feel like a failure for choosing wrong things every time I got the free time. I feel like a failure to my family; them being in the shadow that I am not doing good enough. I feel like a failure in this university. And the healed parts of my wounds when I was younger are starting to reappear; new cuts emerging. New insecurities. New challenges. I don't even know what's my identification anymore. I have a hard time finding my purpose in the future, I thought I had it because this is what I prayed forduring those nights, wide awake. And now I am failing. I'm starting to think I had it grasped, but no. In reality, I had no one. It's just me. This is months worth of pressure; because Bassel keeps my mind occupied. I should've been prepared. Honestly, I'm starting to think that I don't deserve to be here. And thinking that, I'm just an imposter. A wolf in a sheep's clothing. People might think I had it all together, but in reality I am crumbling. But do you know what's funny? The only person that knew about my studies here is; Bassel. I feel regret for telling him things for him to (possibly) walk away with a piece of me that I kept hidden to my friends and family. The audacity, to keep a part of me there, and stay unbothered by the things I dumped him. It's not really about wanting to have a relationship with him or anything, I'm already past that part. It's just he became my anchor here. That leads me to feeling this way; guilty and conscious, because I'm stupid in a way that I let him grow in me, despite my warnings and the signs that he waved. I let myself to be in this place. I don't know what to feel now. I need to be vulnerable, and I don't know who to go to.
We go forward.
image
twitter | facebook
Oh look it’s that short comic that’s haunted me for a decade.
Nearly 2 million reblogs, 10 years, and it’s never crossed my path once. Should have. Never did.
Only now that I’ve made the jump into my incredibly terrifying future is it here.
We go forward.
Ok. I get it. I’m doing it. I’m going.
so this is what being scared feels like.
“It has been said, ‘time heals all wounds.’ I do not agree. The wounds remain. In time, the mind, protecting its sanity, covers them with scar tissue and the pain lessens. But it is never gone.”
— Rose Kennedy
this is the worst-THE WORSTTT, like, I don't want to bean adult (TT) Wdym I'll have to work for hours without reading fics?!?!? wdym I'm employed and working every day??!?!? *\0/* I just wanna read 150k wip pwp ewe hs au fic for HOURSSS. I miss my bed, I miss unemployment, I miss AO3 wdym wdym wdym 😭😭😭😭
*finishes reading a full book in 3 hours* who am i
your favourite character from said book now next question
next question: the number of pupils in school A is equal to half the number of pupils in school B. the ratio of the boys in school A and the boys in school B is 1:3 and the ratio of the girls in school A and the girls in school B is 3:5. the number of boys in school B is 200 higher than the number of boys in school A. find the number of boys and girls in each school.
solve it
A: 100 boys, 300 girls
B: 300 boys, 500 girls
next question?
under constant current electrolysis, how many coulombs would be required to reduce 2 mol of Cu to metallic copper?
386,000 coulombs next question?
a farmer plants 54 crops of broccoli and 32 crops of carrot. what is the probablity his neighbor's name is jessica?
the probability is around 818 066/382 200 000 or around 0,2 if he lives in the united states. next question
i'm blocking you
Writing Tips
Punctuating Dialogue
✧
➸ “This is a sentence.”
➸ “This is a sentence with a dialogue tag at the end,” she said.
➸ “This,” he said, “is a sentence split by a dialogue tag.”
➸ “This is a sentence,” she said. “This is a new sentence. New sentences are capitalized.”
➸ “This is a sentence followed by an action.” He stood. “They are separate sentences because he did not speak by standing.”
➸ She said, “Use a comma to introduce dialogue. The quote is capitalized when the dialogue tag is at the beginning.”
➸ “Use a comma when a dialogue tag follows a quote,” he said.
“Unless there is a question mark?” she asked.
“Or an exclamation point!” he answered. “The dialogue tag still remains uncapitalized because it’s not truly the end of the sentence.”
➸ “Periods and commas should be inside closing quotations.”
➸ “Hey!” she shouted, “Sometimes exclamation points are inside quotations.”
However, if it’s not dialogue exclamation points can also be “outside”!
➸ “Does this apply to question marks too?” he asked.
If it’s not dialogue, can question marks be “outside”? (Yes, they can.)
➸ “This applies to dashes too. Inside quotations dashes typically express—“
“Interruption” — but there are situations dashes may be outside.
➸ “You’ll notice that exclamation marks, question marks, and dashes do not have a comma after them. Ellipses don’t have a comma after them either…” she said.
➸ “My teacher said, ‘Use single quotation marks when quoting within dialogue.’”
➸ “Use paragraph breaks to indicate a new speaker,” he said.
“The readers will know it’s someone else speaking.”
➸ “If it’s the same speaker but different paragraph, keep the closing quotation off.
“This shows it’s the same character continuing to speak.”
omg this is so helpful
!!!!!!!
a mood scroll fr
“I don’t care if we on good terms or not, the secrets and insecurities you shared with me would never leave my mouth.”
— Unknown
things do get better. scary things but big and important things that might be the turning point of your life. do it scared; because there's better things that will come after.
eye and
I have a thing for my guy friend. The thing is, he’s not entirely straight—I don’t know, he really leans toward the same sex, but he has a tremendous history of straight relationships. And I just feel something for him.
It’s not lust or desire; it’s more of a pining—fondness and admiration. I see him as a whole person. I love that he’s open about not labeling his gender (but prefers he/they pronouns). It’s just that—dude, can you, like, bend me over the counter or something? Because really, you being feminine, admitting to dating girls but also being very bottom for guys—it’s giving me butterflies.
I just love you loving yourself like that—being smart, sexy, slutty, and spontaneous. Even though you still see me as just a friend, it’s fine, I swear. You’re not into serious relationships, and neither am I, but gat dayum—I’m feeling something for you. And I know it won’t happen if I confess. Though, why would we look at each other that way? And touch each other THAT way, most of the time? It's just whenever you hold my hands, it feels like I'm going to ignite. I feel comfortable when I'm with you, not pounding and nervous-shiveirng-shitless, but more of a warm-cozy feeling. Why do you keep chatting me every night of having a "sweet dreams" and a "please rest" and a "goodnight babe," where we both know that we don't do that shit, because bantering is what our friendship is about, not like THIS.
So, like for the love of heaven... can we just fucking kiss?
I've been crying over this fic (Turn by Saras_Girl) AND SUDDENKY LISTENING TO THIS SONG FROM A SHUFFKED PLAYLIST AND IT MADE ME EVEN MORE DEPRESSINKGY PATHETIC UGLY AHH CRYINNG BIHH
this song reminds me of them sm :,,,,(((
do i need to be less in order to be more?
if i am more, what do i need to be less?
will there be a balance in between?
and if there is; what more or less do i need to remove and add a part to myself?
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The bottom line is: i do not know how to appreciate myself on the little things that i do. There could be a possibility, somewhere on the crevices of my thoughts, that maybe a validation is needed for this person to function. I tried discipline, but it feels more like a punishment when I do an established or planned routine. I always look at my fingers, just to check if my state is okay, since I also have a fixation on biting my nails. It's just that, I question things a lot if the people that I talk to, a lot, would still talk to me if I did not. No, I refuse to say it's sadness. It's more like a wonder, a melancholic inquiry. Because those types of thoughts are the most dangerous to me: it can easily corrupt. It's like...cleaning a fragile glass, except it's not a glass but a sugar glass. And I can't really talk about these things to anyone now—it's not that I have no one—it's just the fact that no one asks about me. And that also leaves me questioning things—little things—that I shouldn't question about because they are dangerous and melancholic and stupid. Somehow, I am hopeful. I know I'm not the same as before. I don't even know if the people I knew before know what I am now. I am a river flowing, and it's just sad that I can't stay the same for some. I have a lot to say, but I say it as goodnight.
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I have my answer: i could be less or more to others, i think what's important is that I'm enough for ME.