(Disclaimer, the following post is written by Admin B, not the admin that posted the original meme. TW; talk of abuse mentions)
‘that meme about DID dating and sexual alters is in bad taste. its basically a joke about the effects of sexual trauma. i wish you wouldn't post stuff like that’
No it is not. First of all, no sexual trauma/abuse is mentioned. The only terminology that comes close is ‘sexual alter’, if you automatically associate ‘sexual alter’ to ‘sexual trauma/abuse’, that is your own conditioning, not ours. The terminology was in reference to an alter that is sexually active/open to sexual experience, not necessarily a ‘sexual alter’ in regard to an alter that has formed due to sexual trauma (which, while we’re at it, although the majority may, not all ‘sexual alters’ form from sexual trauma). There is nothing taboo about being a sexual alter, there is nothing taboo about mentioning a sexual alter and there is definitely nothing taboo about referring to someone as a sexual alter, the same way that you would refer to an alter as a protector/persecutor etc. Sexual alters are not limited to their ‘abuse’ if they have experienced it, and implying that the use of the term has negative connotations is damaging to said alters. I understand that it is not always okay to refer to alters as their primary function - a lot of alters don’t appreciate being belittled to such a term, however, again, the post was in reference to alters that are sexual, not explicitly ‘sexual alters’ in that stance. It must also be highlighted that this kind of thing is system dependant, it is down to you and your system members only, which terminology you like or dislike when referring to each other - you cannot dictate what terminology someone else can and cannot use. One of our sexual alters went through a period where she hated being referred to as that because she felt it undermined the other aspects of herself that she’d worked so hard to develop - the others respected that and stopped referring to her in such a way. Now, she doesn’t really care, because she knows that regardless of terminology, she is more than her primary function. For clarity, both systems that run this blog do not view the term ‘sexual alter’ to have negative connotations, we know better than to reduce someone down to the experiences they may or may not have had. Pragmatically, it’s also the easiest way to establish who you are talking about, particularly when you have so many headmates to distinguish between (again, as long as it’s okay with those alters). I would also like to clarify, this blog would never make a deliberate joke about any form of abuse, that is not what we are here for. We are here to make light of our own experiences with living with DID to help ease the frustrations that come with it. That does not include trauma. We have made posts about all forms of symptoms before, amnesia, identity confusion etc., none of them have ever been malicious, and neither was this post.
‘The topic of “sexual alters” is sensitive and not something that I would be making memes about. It makes me really uncomfortable that people talk about “sexual alters” so casually. It’s something I wrote about really recently in this post. I think that the meme you posted would not be such a big deal except that so many people with DID have issues with intimacy and sexuality due to sexual trauma. Making light of that is painful’ @dissociatingdingo
‘not something that I would be making memes about’ great, you aren’t, stick with that. We make posts for ourselves, not for other people, if our followers relate to our content and share it, that’s a bonus for us, but we have always stated that our blog is first and foremost a platform for us to vent our personal frustrations. Your post about sexual alters itself, is insensitive. Systems can choose what they would like to disclose on their own blogs, it is not up to you to dictate what it and is not acceptable. It is not up to you to gatekeep what terminology systems can and cannot use, particularly when use of such terminology may make their existence easier. ‘except that so many people with DID have issues with intimacy and sexuality due to sexual trauma’ So many people with DID also have issues with amnesia and identity crisis and other topics we’ve made posts about in the past, and yet some of these have had thousands of notes because people relate. My own system has issues with intimacy and sexuality, which is exactly why the post was made. It originated from a conversation where I told the other admin (that posted it) that I was struggling with my alters having conflicting attitudes and desires about our dating life, something I struggle with constantly (I must also highlight, this issue had nothing to do with sexual trauma whatsoever). The other admin said they experienced the exact same thing and that’s how the post originated. If your basis for having a problem with this post is that ‘so many people struggle with XYZ’ then you should have a problem with our entire blog. The post wasn’t making light of trauma or invalidating people’s experiences as such, we transformed a genuine struggle into something humorous to help lighten the burden of it, as we do with EVERYTHING we post. The situation elicited in the meme had NOTHING to do with any form of trauma, but a ‘symptom’ of living as multiple as it is. Again, people can put whatever the hell they want in their bio if it helps ease their experience with what can be a completely debilitating disorder - it is not your place to dictate this. If you do not like it, don’t interact with those blogs. Don’t post that information yourself. That’s your own autonomy, let other systems have theirs. Certain systems may have had really deep struggles with coming to terms with having ‘sexual alters’, and re-calibrating and owning that term for themselves may make coping with that reality that much easier - if that doesn’t work for you, fair enough, but it is not your place to tell someone else they cannot do that, and that kind of attitude is most certainly not welcome on this blog.
‘I understand that it’s upsetting to hear that kind of feedback, but your response to it seems more defensive than remorseful’
My fellow admin deleted the post and made an apology in regard to it, their reactions were entirely mature and I don’t know what else was to be expected of them.
In regard to the other ask we received politely asking to add a trigger warning, we respect this and will take it into consideration for future, thank you.
Lastly, I’m going to re-iterate this: WE DO NOT SPEAK FOR THE COMMUNITY. We post things for ourselves, we post things that each of us experience that the other system can relate to, and we hope in the process that others relate to it too and find comfort in seeing that they don’t struggle with that issue alone. We love to see other people enjoying our content, but we do not post for other people. We cannot safeguard each of our followers against every little thing, that’s the unfortunate reality of computer mediated communication. Everything we post is based on our real life experiences, we never post about something we have never actually dealt with ourselves. We are not naive about the topics we post about, so please, keep that in mind and respect that when making comments about our content. If you do not like what we post or you are made uncomfortable by what we post, please make things easier for yourself and unfollow us or block us. Thank you.
discoholicmusic
snowghoul
areudirty
turnnoffyourmind
prguitarman
ellievsbear
andulkaphoto
theartofmadeline
origamiaround