Beautiful Irony

mostly about you, find me on IG @justhanun

[terrorignitis]

Juansen Dizon, i am the architect of my own destruction

[justhanun]

I am pink.

Soft at first glance,

gentle in the light,

easy to hold,

easy to like.

But stay a little longer,

and you'll see the red beneath.

Not the kind that burns,

the kind that bleeds.

I hold on too tightly.

I fear endings before they begin.

I count silences,

read storms into the wind.

I love with trembling hands,

hide it as best as I can.

I am terrified of losing,

I worry too much

I ask for reassurance

until affection starts to feel like weight.

Wanting so badly to be kept

that sometimes,

I become the reason

people leave.

I am the red

[justhanun]

I feel the shift, something small, but enough.

I notice it too clearly, like I’m watching myself fall on purpose.

You moved, just a little and somehow I went too far.

I should be the prize, not this easy to reach.

[justhanun]

idk yet

I hold two truths like water in both hands one warm, one steady, neither willing to spill.

My heart leans forward, soft and curious, secretly whispering your name like it already belongs somewhere in me.

You feel good. that’s the dangerous part. not a storm, not chaos. just enough sunlight to give me comfort.

If you were closer, stronger, more certain, would I choose you?

I don’t answer. not because I don’t know, i am just protecting myself. carefully listening to which part of me speaks louder.

If you disappeared. would I miss you? when things go wrong? when life presses hard? when I’m not easy to love? would you still be there?

I dont know. So I stay here not falling, not leaving.

Not yet.

[justhanun]

Before It Begins

Nothing ended

yet I am already grieving.

We never held a future,

but I keep folding one away

like clothes I bought

for a season I’ll never reach.

You stand there,

kind, real, possible for a moment

and impossible for a life.

I smile lightly,

careful not to hold too tight,

careful not to ask for tomorrow.

Because the cruelest part is this:

if I wanted less

it could have stayed.

But I felt more

and more has consequences.

I walk,

pretending In a calm,

Practicing goodbye

before hello is even finished.

[justhanun]

Almost

It was gentle,

too gentle for something temporary.

No promises were spoken,

yet my heart signed a contract

my mind never approved.

I told myself to stay calm,

this is just a moment,

just two strangers sharing a night.

But the silence after

It kept saying your name.

I built a boundary

like a careful adult should,

But end up stepped over it

as if it belonged to someone else.

Now I try to act normal,

while inside

everything rearranged its gravity

I’m not afraid you will leave.

I’m afraid

I already arrived.

[justhanun]

I don’t even have the luxury to be sad.

The world seems too loud,

too crowded,

too busy.

Smiles wear masks.

Laughter lies.

dance around me

like noise can drown my grief.

My heart is a mess

with no place to rest.

Have no choices but to move forward,

bleeding quietly through chaos,

surviving inside a fragile bubble

no one ever notices.

Well maybe I am getting used to live in it.

[justhanun]

sweet, caring, and loving

giving reasurance that i never got

making sure i am happy and not hurt

making sure i was feel loved

we both know we fall for each other too deep

we know we didn't plan this kinda mess

we know we enjoy

yet afraid

we live in the same earth,

with the same sun

moon,

and sky.

seperated by day

by night

and different time.

and the tall , and hard wall.

we know we dont mean for each other

yet i still hope we mean more than just two words

yet i hope we could be one.

[justhanun]

Again

The fool who loves to play with fire,

Pretending to be cool and nonchalant.

But I wasn’t built for it.

I am drowning—

Falling—

For something I only meant to play with.

Who’s gonna save me from falling,

When I’m the one who loves the fall?

I enjoy every spark,

Only to drown in it again.

So why would I risk my heart once more?

[justhanun]

let me wander to an unfamiliar place,

to a distant village where peace blankets each day.

With loyal dogs by my side,

we tend the garden beneath the vast sky,

knitting matching warm sweaters,

weaving happiness between the threads of time.

[ptimepoet]

- Clementine Von Radics

[justhanun]

Never ever thought it would be ended like this.

You create a wound that might never healed

Why would you do that?

Do you even mean to be ?

Every “I love you” you’ve ever said

Every touch and hug you’ve ever give

Do you even mean to?

Why would you fake it all?

[justhanun]

When you say i love you

I know you were loving my company

Not me in complete sentences

Not the whole story of me

Every words

Every touch

It’s only meaningful for you

But not for me

I am sorry,

everything you do

Wasn’t felt enough.

You always love me the way you want it to

But not the way I wanted to.

[justhanun]

I kill myself

Slowly

Without any blood

No pills

No knive

No rope.

I kill myself

Slowly

All alone

No words

No notes

In silence

I kill myself

Slowly

Under the laugh and smile

In daylight

With no one knows

I kill myself

Slowly

[justhanun]

We weren’t on the same page of loving.

[paintlikeapoet-blog]

The Ruins of us.

One minute we were fine, We were under cover lovers, Loving one another under the covers. Hiding from the real world, That we were suddenly hurled into. I think we are coming to the end of our line. We don’t want it to be true, I don’t want to lose you, But we were fools. Complete opposites, Equally in a hurry, both caught up in our lives. Both caught up in a lie. It’s a hard pill to swallow But I’d rather wallow in this puddle with you. Still, calm, but shallow. The world will continue around us. The kids will jump in me and you, And laugh as they splash in the ruins of us. Soon we will evaporate, I’m sorry that we ruined us.

[just-4-thought]

Settle

Settle in

Lay down your bags

Remove your shoes

Release the weight

In your arms

In your legs

Slow your breathing

Pause.

No more running

Or planning what's next

The sun is reaching through the branches

It's a soft, warm glow this morning

The coffee still steams a little

And each breath is fresh and full

Your muscles

Your joints

Are begging you let them fall

Just be

Curl up in the blankets

And stay

Stay

For a little while

In this place

With me