JustKaitlynStuff

The Random Dramatics Of My Life Part Time Crappy Photographer Part Time Crappy Poet

[justkaitlynstuff]

August 18,2018

After everything

You put me through

I asked you for goodbye

And you couldn’t even give me

That.

– K. H.

[justkaitlynstuff]

August 20, 2018

Toxic coping mechanisms are built into my bones like the

threads holding your jeans together

With every Cigarette scented hug from my father and

every blunt my mothers fingers entrapped

The poison burrowed itself deeper into my core

Generations of alcoholism bred into the family tree

lacing it’s cruel vines around so many

with pure intentions

The urges course through my veins with all the malice of a high school drama queen

My instinct to gravitate towards habits set on destroying me rather than

destroying the problem

I have clawed my way out of the thick black darkness that consumes me and

Built a new home for myself

Time

and

time

again

But it is woven into the very core of my being

To run to the easy way out

So when my vices get the best of me

I need you to know I’m trying

So

Hard

But I also need you to know

That I have never needed you more

– K. H.

[justkaitlynstuff]

July 16,2018

My love you swept me away when I had been thrown into a canyon and beaten into the rocks time and time again

You engulfed me and together we flew into the clouds and we danced like children who never heard the word no

We dreamed of a future with a white picket fence and you held me like I might just float away if you didn’t grab me tight enough

I gave you every piece I had to give. My body had your name on every curve.

My heart had your name on every shattered piece

and my mind had your name running through it like There was never a more important thought in the universe

But my love wasn’t enough to fight the fear that consumed you

And you dropped me from the clouds of bliss into a deeper canyon than you found me because you were convinced white picket fences could only be found in our dreams

But you visit me down here often and with a new title

We dance here still but with less passion

And we don’t dream of white picket fences anymore because every broken piece of me still has your name on it

And you still look at me like I have the world in my eyes but you are no longer mine to keep

And I accept this because our new dance is sadder but at least we still dance

Maybe one day the my hope will infect you like your love did me and wash away the fear so we can dream in the clouds again

— k.h.

[justkaitlynstuff]

July 2, 2018

You waltzed into my life a few short weeks back but

It feels as if you read my heart long ago

Your words seep into me and feel like home as if you knew just what my mind needed to feel whole

And you leave the empty parts of me so filled with warmth and passion i sometimes forget I used to be cold there

You worship every complicated and conventionally unattractive puzzle piece that makes up this worn body my soul wears

And your eyes see me in a way that is so painfully beautiful I wonder how I ever felt otherwise

I pray that I am capable of showing you how captivating it is to be loved so purely and deeply as you love me

- k.h

[justkaitlynstuff]

July 1, 2018

You came spilling into my life and

Filled all the cracks in me that were starting to break apart

Your love came crashing into me with

All the malice of the perfect summer day

And it left me complete where I had previously laid shattered like my grandmothers favorite china vase

Life had washed over me violently like waves at sea

Taking with it pieces of me I had finally begun to call happy

And you swept in right after and replaced them with something even better

You showed me I could be filled with love again and

A part of me will always have your name on it

-k.h.

[justkaitlynstuff]

March 1, 2018

I hate you because you hurt me

I hate you because two weeks before that you said I made things better

I hate you because I had finally started letting myself see the possibility of you in my future

I hate you because you walked me to class and hugged me and I almost broke

I hate you because the next day you didn’t walk me to class

I hate you because I didn’t even get a chance to show you that you were wrong about us

I hate you because you used to look at me with so many stars in your eyes and I stopped seeing those stars there a while ago

I hate you because there was so many things I still wanted us to do

I hate you because every time I think I’m finally a step closer to getting over you something pushes me two steps back again

I hate you because I need you the most now and you’re not even here

I hate you because I still want to fix what went wrong

I hate you because I miss you everyday

But most of all

I hate that I kinda love you

– k.h.

[justkaitlynstuff]

November 20,2017

I wish

I was older

Not for things like Saturday as much as

I want to have more freedom

Mostly freedom to be with you in general

I would like to know what it's like to wake up next to you someday

That sounds nice

Very nice

Yes..

I would also like to know

What it's like to fall asleep with your arms around me

Especially on

Nights like tonight

Tonight has been exceptionally

Unkind to me

But for now I'll settle for someday

And hope we make it there

– k.h.

[justkaitlynstuff]

"October 17, 2017

You were exquisite

In that suddenly

You were everything

I never thought I wanted

And suddenly

You were everything

I couldn't help but love"

— k.h

[justkaitlynstuff]

"September 25, 2017 take me back to the night when everything was simple when talking was easy and laughing was easier take me back to the couch where we learned to be us where our hands fit just right and our hearts fit even better take me back to the moment that you first began to love me that i knew we would be okay and we would be together take me back to us because us just felt so right because I want to live in that feeling and there can't be an us forever"

— kaitlyn. h

[justkaitlynstuff]

"September 5, 2017 i had a dream about Him i couldn't see his face but I know he was there i was laughing his arms wrapped around my waist my back pressed against his chest he kissed my neck i had a dream about Him and then i woke up leaving the feeling he gave me in the only place it would stay "

— kaitlyn h.

[justkaitlynstuff]

"May 8, 2017 the only predictable thing in my life is unpredictability im a series of contradictions one big mess"

— kaitlyn h.

[justkaitlynstuff]

"May 6, 2017 tell me all the darkest parts of you let your tormented thoughts spill out of you like the walls you have built were never in existence show me what haunts the scariest corners of your nightmares and what keeps you up late into the night give me all your shattered pieces, then let me love you there let me scare away your demons and paint over the darkness so that you will forget what it was like to ever feel broken"

— kaitlyn h.

[justkaitlynstuff]

"February 5, 2015 i am falling in love and the worst part is i'm going to let myself keep falling, even knowing i'm going to break when i hit the ground "

— kaitlyn h.

[justkaitlynstuff]

"Saturday, November 19, 2016 i don't know if you still love me, and even though i like to think you used to, only you can know for sure, in fact, i find i don't know much of anything, anymore, but what i do know is that i still find myself smiling every time you answer my texts i know you still give me butterflies and my problems melt away with your every word i find myself studying the details of your face because i'm afraid to lose you again i don't know much any more but i do know i still love you "

— Kaitlyn H.

[justkaitlynstuff]

I'm gonna post some older stuff first sooo heads up