August 18,2018
After everything
You put me through
I asked you for goodbye
And you couldn’t even give me
That.
– K. H.
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@justkaitlynstuff
August 18,2018
After everything
You put me through
I asked you for goodbye
And you couldn’t even give me
That.
– K. H.
August 20, 2018
Toxic coping mechanisms are built into my bones like the
threads holding your jeans together
With every Cigarette scented hug from my father and
every blunt my mothers fingers entrapped
The poison burrowed itself deeper into my core
Generations of alcoholism bred into the family tree
lacing it’s cruel vines around so many
with pure intentions
The urges course through my veins with all the malice of a high school drama queen
My instinct to gravitate towards habits set on destroying me rather than
destroying the problem
I have clawed my way out of the thick black darkness that consumes me and
Built a new home for myself
Time
and
time
again
But it is woven into the very core of my being
To run to the easy way out
So when my vices get the best of me
I need you to know I’m trying
So
Hard
But I also need you to know
That I have never needed you more
– K. H.
July 16,2018
My love you swept me away when I had been thrown into a canyon and beaten into the rocks time and time again
You engulfed me and together we flew into the clouds and we danced like children who never heard the word no
We dreamed of a future with a white picket fence and you held me like I might just float away if you didn’t grab me tight enough
I gave you every piece I had to give. My body had your name on every curve.
My heart had your name on every shattered piece
and my mind had your name running through it like There was never a more important thought in the universe
But my love wasn’t enough to fight the fear that consumed you
And you dropped me from the clouds of bliss into a deeper canyon than you found me because you were convinced white picket fences could only be found in our dreams
But you visit me down here often and with a new title
We dance here still but with less passion
And we don’t dream of white picket fences anymore because every broken piece of me still has your name on it
And you still look at me like I have the world in my eyes but you are no longer mine to keep
And I accept this because our new dance is sadder but at least we still dance
Maybe one day the my hope will infect you like your love did me and wash away the fear so we can dream in the clouds again
— k.h.
July 2, 2018
You waltzed into my life a few short weeks back but
It feels as if you read my heart long ago
Your words seep into me and feel like home as if you knew just what my mind needed to feel whole
And you leave the empty parts of me so filled with warmth and passion i sometimes forget I used to be cold there
You worship every complicated and conventionally unattractive puzzle piece that makes up this worn body my soul wears
And your eyes see me in a way that is so painfully beautiful I wonder how I ever felt otherwise
I pray that I am capable of showing you how captivating it is to be loved so purely and deeply as you love me
- k.h
July 1, 2018
You came spilling into my life and
Filled all the cracks in me that were starting to break apart
Your love came crashing into me with
All the malice of the perfect summer day
And it left me complete where I had previously laid shattered like my grandmothers favorite china vase
Life had washed over me violently like waves at sea
Taking with it pieces of me I had finally begun to call happy
And you swept in right after and replaced them with something even better
You showed me I could be filled with love again and
A part of me will always have your name on it
-k.h.
March 1, 2018
I hate you because you hurt me
I hate you because two weeks before that you said I made things better
I hate you because I had finally started letting myself see the possibility of you in my future
I hate you because you walked me to class and hugged me and I almost broke
I hate you because the next day you didn’t walk me to class
I hate you because I didn’t even get a chance to show you that you were wrong about us
I hate you because you used to look at me with so many stars in your eyes and I stopped seeing those stars there a while ago
I hate you because there was so many things I still wanted us to do
I hate you because every time I think I’m finally a step closer to getting over you something pushes me two steps back again
I hate you because I need you the most now and you’re not even here
I hate you because I still want to fix what went wrong
I hate you because I miss you everyday
But most of all
I hate that I kinda love you
– k.h.
November 20,2017
I wish
I was older
Not for things like Saturday as much as
I want to have more freedom
Mostly freedom to be with you in general
I would like to know what it's like to wake up next to you someday
That sounds nice
Very nice
Yes..
I would also like to know
What it's like to fall asleep with your arms around me
Especially on
Nights like tonight
Tonight has been exceptionally
Unkind to me
But for now I'll settle for someday
And hope we make it there
– k.h.
"October 17, 2017
You were exquisite
In that suddenly
You were everything
I never thought I wanted
And suddenly
You were everything
I couldn't help but love"
— k.h
"September 25, 2017 take me back to the night when everything was simple when talking was easy and laughing was easier take me back to the couch where we learned to be us where our hands fit just right and our hearts fit even better take me back to the moment that you first began to love me that i knew we would be okay and we would be together take me back to us because us just felt so right because I want to live in that feeling and there can't be an us forever"
— kaitlyn. h
"September 5, 2017 i had a dream about Him i couldn't see his face but I know he was there i was laughing his arms wrapped around my waist my back pressed against his chest he kissed my neck i had a dream about Him and then i woke up leaving the feeling he gave me in the only place it would stay "
— kaitlyn h.
"May 8, 2017 the only predictable thing in my life is unpredictability im a series of contradictions one big mess"
— kaitlyn h.
"May 6, 2017 tell me all the darkest parts of you let your tormented thoughts spill out of you like the walls you have built were never in existence show me what haunts the scariest corners of your nightmares and what keeps you up late into the night give me all your shattered pieces, then let me love you there let me scare away your demons and paint over the darkness so that you will forget what it was like to ever feel broken"
— kaitlyn h.
"February 5, 2015 i am falling in love and the worst part is i'm going to let myself keep falling, even knowing i'm going to break when i hit the ground "
— kaitlyn h.
"Saturday, November 19, 2016 i don't know if you still love me, and even though i like to think you used to, only you can know for sure, in fact, i find i don't know much of anything, anymore, but what i do know is that i still find myself smiling every time you answer my texts i know you still give me butterflies and my problems melt away with your every word i find myself studying the details of your face because i'm afraid to lose you again i don't know much any more but i do know i still love you "
— Kaitlyn H.
I'm gonna post some older stuff first sooo heads up