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the way chan looks at them makes me want to punch myself in the face repeatedly and black out. he loves his members so fully, so purely and with just utter devotion, im not okay

#IM A MESS #DONT TALK TO ME FOR A YEAR

fuck i confused dizzy with hungry again and now i'm painfully full AND still dizzy. now I feel like a fucking yoga ball balanced on someone's foot while they're doing one of those leg-up laying-down poses except their foot is slippery so the ball rolls off, knocks into the other yoga balls, and suddenly we're all bouncing around the room like a happy drooling high mess.

#such a mess #big back #fat #im a mess #im a loser #im a hater #im a user #tumblr user #fuckass appreciates me

god i love you

i love you so deeply

i want to memorize your body

know which spots are hard and which are soft

know where your veins are

know what it feels like to lick your stomach

find my new favorite place to kiss

find the spot that makes you ticklish

find the spot that make you breathe heavier

god i love you

i love you so deeply

i want to be inside your mind

make a permanent dwelling there

know how you work from the inside out

know your memories and your fears

know i’ll make a new discovery every day

find the things that makes you happy

find the things that make you at peace

find the things that make you scared

god

i just love you

#my #happy again #im a mess

i wonder if ethel cain has ever heard of blowfly girl?

#blowfly girl #ethel cain #im a mess

I’ve really left a graveyard of abandoned hobbies and art projects in my wake:

I used to play guitar, but I eventually gave it up because my hands are too small. I really enjoyed playing the piano until I ran out of patience. I actually played the harmonica for a while, too—though not very well. abandoned.

All those notebooks and bullet journals. Only a fraction of them actually have writing in them, even though I really thought I’d use them more. Digital notes are just more convenient.

Anything involving clay or polymer clay. I even made a few nice figurines, but the effort involved was just too much for me. So… abandoned.

And then there are all the drawings, stories, and fanfiction pieces I started. So many fanfics where I was practically in the final third—abandoned. A really great Romantasy story—abandoned.

The painting on canvas I started four years ago is still waiting to be finished.

Just like many paused and abandoned video games. The list is simply too long.

But hey, amidst all those abandoned projects, I’ve actually finished plenty of things, too. And somehow that gives me the motivation to keep going anyway. Even though I'm a total mess.

#adhd brain #adhd things #adhd problems #abondoned #im a mess #sighhhhh