my house in the middle of the house

Lost | 30 | hello

[lostbutincognito]

will help you navigate job searching hell for some moneys

TL:DR if you need a resume consultation/PDF/want your LinkedIn looking beautiful keep reading and I will be happy to help you with what you personally need for a ko-fi donation you can afford

longer version: hi I'm Lost and I've been helping my friends write their work resumes for a couple years now. after my bootcamp it took them usually within 2 months to get and accept a job offer. proving to people that they have ~marketable~ skills even when they don't think so and then putting them in pretty recruiters' wooing words is something I have a lot of experience with (I started with myself and went from there lol) and now I want to use this power to help the good people of this website in exchange for ko-fi donation-of-your-choice.

there is a couple different things I can offer - if any (or multiple) of them sound like something of use for you - or anyone you know, be it friends or family - dm me with a proof of moneys donated to my ko-fi and I will be able to pay my bills and you will be able to hopefully get a (better) job to pay yours.

a conversation where I grill you and help you break down everything you've been doing in life (professional and otherwise) that could be converted into something that looks pretty on a resume and open your eyes to skills you didn't even realise you had that makes employers want you so bad it makes them look stupid

reviewing your current resume (if you have one) to see how it can be improved - help with re-writing it to sound more like straight out of a recruiter's most wonderful dreams

preparing a resume from scratch together - includes a final PDF and/or an editable version if you want one to be able to make future tweaks yourself without having to go through me. although I'll be there in the future to help if needed

setting up/improving your LinkedIn profile and yes I mean doing the annoying and tedious ass job of actually putting your work experience in there. and also making sure all the other sections of it look pretty and have you pop up in job searches

i guess i can help with job interview preparations too as far as non-technical questions go. the wonderful 'where you see yourself in 5 years' type questions we all love

I can offer all of the above in Polish and English (or both. yes I will prepare two versions of everything in both languages why not), but if you need a resume in another language we can still do the talking/figuring skills out etc parts and you'll just have to do the translation to your language yourself. sorry bilingual is as far as I got sadly

I do not have set prices because I understand job searching is often not when you have a lot of disposable money - I will spend a good couple hours at least on every one of you so. whatever you feel is fair + can afford is what I will be happy with. i'd be doing this for free if I did not have to cover my own damn bills and any little bit helps with that.

it would be the easiest to handle the conversations on discord because the idea of discussing anything at length over tumblr dms makes me cry but i can be flexible and we can hash the details out once you dm me with the donation proof.

disclaimer: I deeply despise the fact that we have to make ourselves marketable in these often ridiculous ways to be noticed by recruiters and able to earn money but hey if I can help someone get better at this stupid stupid game and have a better chance out there. I will

disclaimer 2: i understand job experience/linkedin profiles are tied to real life data and names and places etc. i will make sure to handle the process in ways that are comfortable for you. also i wouldn't know what the hell to do with your data even if i wanted to. i'm too busy getting owned in dead by daylight to try and do anything nefarious with it

i think that's all. let me know if you have any questions. here's the donation link again for convenience. drink some water

[cryptotheism]

Do y'all have any favorite card games?

[cryptotheism]

I know this is the jaded post-irony website and we all wanna be funny, but I am genuinely asking. Please, tell me about a good memory you have with some loved ones and a stack of standard playing cards.

[crap-userrname16]

[quasi-normalcy]

Yeah i believe the technical term for this is 'real estate fraud'

[charl0ttan]

they used to do nothing to me back in the morally neutral lab. it sucked

[grymmdark]

you were the control

[charl0ttan]

fuuuuck what were they doing to the other folks #fomo

[some-pers0n]

TWO FACTOR AUTHORIZATION

light thats not how the book works

MICROSOFT TEAMS

[roadside--picnic]

[immigrant]

this was tumblr in 2013

[allegedly-human]

This is tumblr in 2026

[moveslikekeithrichards]

nsfw = nosfewatu

[artemissoftstepper]

need a bad sleep reset

this is a very delicate operation which involves not falling asleep until the late enough tomorrow that i can get a normal nights sleep

[voxelfoxkae]

[charlesoberonn]

Heartwarming story: Little girl doesn’t have to do anything to fund her dad’s surgery because his expenses are covered by his country’s universal healthcare.

[charlesoberonn]

Human determination: Man bikes 18 miles to work every morning because he wants to and not because he can’t afford a car and would be fired if he’s late.

[charlesoberonn]

Spirit of Brotherhood: Neighbors host housewarming party for elderly resident who doesn’t need help in paying rent because his pension is more than enough.

[hyperlexichypatia]

SO INSPIRING: Local middle school students bake dozens of cupcakes because their home economics class is doing a baking unit. Their school is fully funded with everything they need.

[blandandtasteless]

This feels like calibrating my normal detector

[pansyfemme]

“never kill yourself” is such a funny phrase to me that i think it’s accidently started working. its like an affrimation. say ‘never kill yourself’ enough times as a joke and maybe you won’t try to kill yourself over minor inconviences anymore

[venatoris]

i made this image for the express purpose of this

[charlesoberonn]

[thetomska]

why do youtubers make tumblrs and then just abandon them after the first one or two posts, yet never delete them?

I've been stuck here for over 15 years, why the fuck are you asking me?

[byjove]

watching massive franchises bomb at the box office while Backrooms has made $212 million on a $10 million initial budget has brought me hope for the future of cinema

[byjove]

audiences do NOT want Star Wars slop, audiences want a movie made by a guy who really wanted to make a movie

[spockwithacat]

Yeah Rainbow capitalism is not because companies care it’s because they think they can make money selling Pride stuff but I like living in a world where the profit of pride stuff outweighs the cost of the backlash against pride stuff.

[parkchanwoohoo]

[caats]

[dysfunctionalroomba]

[theperksofbeingahugefuckingcunt]

Okay I’m currently furious that migraines are often so blindly easy to treat and I had to find this out myself at the age of 26 when I’ve been to a neurologist since I was 11 lol so I’m about to teach you two neat and fast little tricks to deal with pain!

The first is the sternocleidomastoid muscle, or the SCM muscle.

This big red section is responsible for pain around the eye, cheekbone, and jaw, as well as some temple pain. Literally all you have to do is angle your head down a little, angle it away from the side that hurts, and then you can gently pinch and rub that muscle. I find it best to start at the bottom and travel upwards. The relief is so immediate! You can increase pressure as you feel comfortable doing so.

Here is a short and easy video showing this in action

The second is a fast and easy stretch that soothes your vagus nerve, which is the nerve responsible for calming you down. The vagus nerve, for those unfamiliar, is stimulated by deep breathing such as yawning, sighing, singing, or taking a deep breath to calm your anger in a tense situation.

You can stretch this out by sitting up as straight as possible (this does not have to be perfect to work) and interlacing your fingers. Put your hands on the back of your head with your thumbs going down the sides of your neck and, while keeping your face forward, look all the way to one side with just your eyes. Hold that until you feel the urge to breathe deeply or yawn, or until you can tell there’s a change. Then do the same thing on the other side. When you put your arms down, you should clearly be able to turn your head farther in both directions. If the first session doesn’t get rid of your migraine, rest and repeat as many times as necessary. I even get a little fancy with it and roll my eyes up and down along the outer edge sometimes to stretch as much as I can.

If you need a visual here’s a good video on it. I know some of the language they use seems questionable but this is real and simple science and should not be discarded because it’s been adopted by the trendy wellness crowd!

I seriously cannot believe I didn’t hear a word of this from any doctor in my life. Additionally, if you get frequent recurring migraines, you may want to see a dietician. Migraines can be caused by foods containing histamines, lectin, etc. and can also be caused by high blood pressure in specific situations such as exercise, stress, and even sex.

If any of this information helps you I’d love to hear it btw! It’s so so fast and easy to do. Good luck!

[mushroomsandteeth]

*currently suffering from a horrible migraine. Tries this*

Are you fucking shitting me it works!?

[gothiccharmschool]

What. The fuck.

[theperksofbeingahugefuckingcunt]

Okay I’m currently furious that migraines are often so blindly easy to treat and I had to find this out myself at the age of 26 when I’ve been to a neurologist since I was 11 lol so I’m about to teach you two neat and fast little tricks to deal with pain!

The first is the sternocleidomastoid muscle, or the SCM muscle.

This big red section is responsible for pain around the eye, cheekbone, and jaw, as well as some temple pain. Literally all you have to do is angle your head down a little, angle it away from the side that hurts, and then you can gently pinch and rub that muscle. I find it best to start at the bottom and travel upwards. The relief is so immediate! You can increase pressure as you feel comfortable doing so.

Here is a short and easy video showing this in action

The second is a fast and easy stretch that soothes your vagus nerve, which is the nerve responsible for calming you down. The vagus nerve, for those unfamiliar, is stimulated by deep breathing such as yawning, sighing, singing, or taking a deep breath to calm your anger in a tense situation.

You can stretch this out by sitting up as straight as possible (this does not have to be perfect to work) and interlacing your fingers. Put your hands on the back of your head with your thumbs going down the sides of your neck and, while keeping your face forward, look all the way to one side with just your eyes. Hold that until you feel the urge to breathe deeply or yawn, or until you can tell there’s a change. Then do the same thing on the other side. When you put your arms down, you should clearly be able to turn your head farther in both directions. If the first session doesn’t get rid of your migraine, rest and repeat as many times as necessary. I even get a little fancy with it and roll my eyes up and down along the outer edge sometimes to stretch as much as I can.

If you need a visual here’s a good video on it. I know some of the language they use seems questionable but this is real and simple science and should not be discarded because it’s been adopted by the trendy wellness crowd!

I seriously cannot believe I didn’t hear a word of this from any doctor in my life. Additionally, if you get frequent recurring migraines, you may want to see a dietician. Migraines can be caused by foods containing histamines, lectin, etc. and can also be caused by high blood pressure in specific situations such as exercise, stress, and even sex.

If any of this information helps you I’d love to hear it btw! It’s so so fast and easy to do. Good luck!

[mushroomsandteeth]

*currently suffering from a horrible migraine. Tries this*

Are you fucking shitting me it works!?

[gothiccharmschool]

What. The fuck.