why can't 50 shades be taken as bdsm lol
BDSM is an abbrevation of Bondage and Discipline (BD), Dominance and Submission (DS), Sadism and Masochism (SM).
The BDSM mantra is “safe, sane and consensual”.
Safe - In the first few chapters of the novel, Christian Grey tracks Ana’s cell phone to find her at a club. Takes her home when she’s drunk, changes her when she’s so intoxicated she doesn’t remember him doing so,and informs her he will be keeping tabs on her for her own benefit. This is not the behaviour of a respectable Dominant. This is the behaviour of a power hungry, abusive asshole who really can’t take no for an answer.Sane - One of the most important parts of BDSM is aftercare. Scenes can be extremely traumatizing and intense for the submissive. Aftercare is anything from petting to cuddling to holding to sweet talking, whatever degree of gentleness a bottom would need to pull them out of “subspace”. How does Christian provide aftercare? He submits Ana to a traumatizing first time spanking experience AND THEN FUCKING LEAVES. AND GETS MAD THAT SHE DIDN’T TELL HIM SHE WAS UPSET. He’s the one who should fucking know better! That, again, is not the act of a responsible Dominant. It’s the act of a selfish abuser.Consensual - Did I mention he undressed her when she was belligerently drunk? Tracked her phone to locate her? He also buys her a new car despite her saying no countless times. Now, consent is important for any kind of sexual activity at all. Consent means informed, consent means enthusiastic. Informed, enthusiastic consent. This is crucial in a BDSM setting. Scenes can be extremely intense, especially for the bottom. What is Christian’s form of obtaining consent? Handing Ana a fucking contract highlighting all the things he wants to do her asshole and asking her to sign it. She was a virgin (Don’t even get me fucking started.) who had never before been exposed to BDSM. Entering in that kind of relationship takes a huge amount of trust and knowledge so you know exactly what you’re getting into. Not reading a list of kinks on a piece of paper and signing your rights to say no away. Christian didn’t offer her resources, he didn’t offer her information. He gave her an ultimatum. That is not the sort of consent a responsible Dom would seek from their submissive.
Christian is an abusive person, controlling, manipulative and Anastasia develops an obsession for him. Also, their relationship is dependent (Ana depends of Christian Grey). Those are mental illnesses and not only exist in the BDSM community, anyone can develop one and 50SOG is putting it like we all were dependent, psychos that only like being hurt. No. Not even all branches of BDSM are about rough sex and pain and BDSM IS NOT ONLY ABOUT THE SEX. Aftercare is very important too. THAT IS NEVER MENTIONED IN THE BOOK AND GREY NEVER EVER NEVER DOES IT.
It is a Twilight fanfic, and has all the elements of Edward and Bella’s abusive relationship with kink added for extra flavor. Just as Edward and Bella are not a healthy or realistic couple, neither are Christian Grey and Anastasia Steele.
E.L. James knows as much about BDSM as she would have found in a minute Google search, which is to say that she knows precisely jack shit.
Every community has abusers in it, yes but, that doesn’t mean BDSM is about psychological and (non consensual) physical abuse.
50SOG is giving a wrong idea to society of what a BDSM relationship is. It glamorizes something many of us take seriously and also, glamorizes an inaccurate representation of BDSM. It also, romanticizes serious problems such as codependency, manipulative and controlling relationships, etc.
What is more upsetting about all is that most people that watch the movie aren’t going to realize that this guy is sick but instead they will think “oh he’s hot and doing naughty things and taking care of her and he’s rich”. I can see many stupid girls thinking this type of behavior is okay and acceptable because “hey, he’s a Dom and he knows, right?”, but they will never understand that in order to have that lifestyle you need to fully trust your parter, consent goes both ways and it can be very dangerous.
Disclaimer: I am not saying is bad being interested in reading the books, seeing the movie (i mean in the end it’s just for entertainment) but, do not take that shitty written book as a BDSM book and DO NOT consider any written in it as a BDSM experience ever.
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