An Overdue Apology Letter To The WRA Community
As most of you folks probably already know, I’m Gallows/Jerymiah and I’ve done a lot of shitty things in the past and some pretty shitty things in more recent times. I want to preface this letter by saying there’s no excuses for anything I’ve done both past and present. While my upbringing, mental health, etc. can be used to explain some of the behavior, they do not excuse it - and they never should. Most people that know of me and don’t like me - for very valid reasons of course - are familiar with the person I used to be during the time period of 2015-2016 (along with that stupid fucking thread I had in 2017 with the BLM supporter, which ironically enough I now agree with in present day with everything they said and completely disagree with everything I said back then.) During those years I was an unironic altright troll and in my own words from back then, a “proud fascist”. I did and said a lot of really stupid and hateful, downright cruel shit during this time - a lot of it I can’t even remember, but the people I hurt back then sure do. I know it hurts them even more to hear I can’t even remember who they are or what I did to them, because it’s just downright frustrating (to say the least) to have been so vehemently wronged by someone that their cruelty left a lasting imprint on you and yet you haven’t been on their mind at all since then. While I may not have specific names and faces to dwell on, I do think back on that time a lot. I agonize over it and despise myself over it. I was bullied all my life relentlessly from preschool to high school, and yet here I was doing that to other innocent people for nothing more than to feel like a big man in front of some douchebags who I wanted to impress for some dumb as fucking shit reason. I can never say sorry enough, I can never change enough to erase what I did back then. No matter how sorry and awful I feel now about that time, it doesn’t change the fact that I did it and people are right to hate me and not trust me because of it. While I can happily say I am as far from a nazi/fascist as anyone can possibly be these days, it doesn’t erase the fact that at one point in my life I zealously supported this mindset and ideology. I won’t waste your time or my own explaining why I had fell in line with fascism and those assholes in Demagogue/Clergy of the Great One… cause it doesn’t matter. It doesn’t matter what my reasons were or what the situation was at the time, or how I was feeling mentally/emotionally at that point in my life. Those things don’t excuse what I did, and I can’t keep hiding behind them to try and avoid the repercussions of my actions. I hurt a lot of people back then, and I’ll never be able to fix that. I can only say that with all of my heart and soul that I am truly, deeply, sorry for everything I did and said back then and that if I could I would take it all back and never go down that path. But life doesn’t work like that, and I gotta own up to what I did - which I always have done, but until now I always tried to blame it on those aforementioned excuses rather than just admit to myself instead of trying to explain it all away. Post 2016, I was in a weird and awkward phase where I was trying way too hard to be all-of-a-suddenly PC and friendly with people who really wanted nothing to do with me but were either too polite or just downright terrified of me to say so - I don’t blame them. I said some really cringy and weird shit, especially after I was learning more about my own ethnic origins. At the time I had just learned that I had Ashkenazi and Sephardic Jewish ancestry from my abuela and went a little crazy with it, ended up saying something dumb, cringy/admittedly creepy to an artist/rper ‘Buttart/Poeful’ in an ask on Tumblr at this time which really creeped/weirded her out and I honestly can not blame her for feeling that way and I cannot say sorry enough for this - I’m even cringing looking back at this and thinking to myself, “why the FUCK would you say that to someone??” In 2018 I had a falling out with a friend due to my own actions causing them to distance themselves from me which made me lash out at them in frustration - this was incredibly childish and selfish of me, and I’m deeply sorry to Fig for how I acted at that time. Though I will say this though: I actually reached out to Seb not too long ago to apologize for my own behavior and we actually buried the hatchet after they admitted that the uproar they’d instigated at this time about me (which led to my former friend distancing themselves from me) was entirely fabricated and apologized for it. Nothing had happened at the Halloween RP party event I had cohosted with Basil and Kott, or the farewell to UC event they’d hosted prior that I also helped out with. But more importantly, I acted like an ass and Fig was totally valid to cut me off for it. I still maintain my innocence when it comes to the weirdly specific/similar anonymous ask that Fig’s friend Catbat had received trying to warn them about Fig. Which would have been fine, but no… I instead crossed the line by making a new tumblr in order to try and message Fig in order to try and vindicate myself but ended up just acting like a pissy little child - AGAIN, which just overwrote any shred of credibility I might have still had at that point. It’ll never be enough to make things right, but I AM sorry about all that Fig. You’re a really cool and fun person, I was upset that my own shitty behavior had cost me a good friend, and I unfairly took it out on you or anyone else who supported you during that ordeal - this included Buttart/Poeful. Who is another really cool, fun, and talented person that I’m truly very sorry for how I’ve treated both back then and recently. I can’t take back what I called you, Buttart. But I am sorry I called you the C-word. You didn’t deserve that - I let my own paranoia and poor self-control lead me right back into the shithouse and there’s no one to blame for how I acted at that time but me. The same also goes to you, Hypna. I blew up on you in Orgrimmar when you had done nothing wrong to me, I went paranoid again of my own fault and lashed out because I know you’ve always been very vocally opposed to me and my presence in the community. I’m sorry, I really am. I don’t really know you, but you seem like a cool enough person - I’m sorry that I couldn’t have met you/known you under better circumstances. That can be said for everyone in the WRA/MG RP community who knows me/knows of me, though. I really wish I could fix everything I’ve done wrong over the years and just start over - but I can’t. Life doesn’t work that way, you don’t get to just say “I’m sorry! D,:” and then everyone instantly forgives you in order to let you try and build back up again with a fresh start. It’d be nice, of course, but it’s unrealistic… and that’s something I’ve been fighting against for a long time now and just need to learn to accept. Really all I can do is just say that I’m so sorry to everyone I’ve ever hurt, and if there’s ANYTHING I can do in order to make things even just the tiniest bit better for you - please don’t hesitate to confront me and make it known. I will do the very best I can to accommodate your wishes. I don’t ask for instant forgiveness or everything to go back to normal, but what I do ask for is a real chance to actually try and start over and earn this community’s trust again, and if your view of me will never change - that’s okay too. But just leave me alone, okay? That’s all I ask, just leave me alone if you don’t like me, don’t let me live rent-free in your head. I’m not worth it, honestly.
I remember being in Gold Tusk Krakens with Gallows and while I remember him being one of the contributors to Mazdamundi's fall, I also remember Gallows hitting on any woman he could, like a friend I had brought into the guild. He always 'joked' about an Arbitrary Number Step Plan to take over/dismantle the guild, and people like Gooldaro can back me up about that.
I honestly can't remember everything Gallows did and at this point I'm too tired and over it all to give two flying fucks. I havent interacted with him personally since the fall of GTK and I know that I will not lose any sleep over it. Hopefully this will be the last time I hear about him because this is Apology Numberwhateverthefuck and Inwpuld not at all be surprised if he came out to apologize for being shitty again because this keeps happening.
