Juvion Modord

Moon Magician, DracoMancer, 46 Years Old, Demon, Dangerously Alluring.

[juvionmodord]

just what it takes

[markusarcain-blog]

Looking at the Magician Markus took a deep breath, knowing there was a lot more going on here than was going to be fixed in a night. But that didn’t mean he shouldn’t at least try to help, even if Juvion threw it back in his face.

 “I can see why she’d be mad at you.” He said quietly absentmindedly picking at the label on a beer bottle. “I mean hell I’m sitting here right now fighting the urge to fucking roll my eyes at this pity party you’ve been throwing yourself” He paused trying to figure out how to phrase the rest of his statement “But the thing about it it I know how it feels like wondering how you’re going to get by. Maybe not with a useless hand, but with other things. And i know it fucking hard, especially when you have others telling you to man up, or get over it.” He shook his head thinking of some of the similar situations he’d been in the previous year. And sure he hadn’t had to figure out how to live with a new handicap, but some days, without Borus, yea it had felt like he was going to have to. 

“But you know the thing is,” He started again “They are right. Shit happens, but life goes on, and ultimately you are the one that decides how you let things affect you. So you can sit here and drink your sorrows all you want, thats your decision. But sooner or later if you don’t make different choices, no ones gonna care enough to try to pull out. So thats my advice you can take it or leave it, but you definitely not getting another beer” He smirked at the other boy.

[juvionmodord]

As Markus talked, Juvion was caught half between a laugh and a snarl. Yeah, he was pathetic. Yeah, this was a pity party, and part of him was glad that Markus wasn’t dousing him in sympathy. But the other part could have done with just a little bit, and eventually, when Markus started in about how ‘shit happens’, the snarling won out. The space around them dimmed, his magic leaving Markus in a silver-lined shimmer of partial shadow as he spoke. It wouldn’t have been full blackness to the other’s eyes most like, but to Juvion everything looked like it was sparking with quicksilver lights. Peaceful--- as though it was trying to counter his own anger that was slowly resurfacing. He’d been feeling bouts of it since he’d woken up in the hospital, and he knew it wasn’t fair to take it out on Markus, but he couldn’t help it. 

“You don’t know fuck all about me, little lordling,” he said quietly, and the smile that graced his features now hadn’t even a trace of camaraderie. “Don’t think you quite ‘get’ the feeling of having your fucking arm burned off, and your whole usefulness as a Being with it.” He pushed himself to his feet, staring icily down at the younger man. “Best keep your sage tough love speech for the next time you or one of Garkouw’s other preschoolers need to be told the way the world is. Come back when you’ve actually lost something.” He turned with a hoarse laugh and wandered out into the night, hoping darkly that Markus would follow and take a swing at him just so he’d have an excuse to hurt someone else.

[juvionmodord]

just what it takes

[markusarcain-blog]

“Not when you piss people off when you do it.” Markus replied looking around at the other patrons of the bar slightly. They had already looked annoyed before this little show, but now it was even worse. “Take it from someone who’s seen people been barred from bars because of unintended benefits.” He continued coming back to the blonde man next to him “It’s never as great as you think in the morning.”

Scrunching up his nose however Markus tried to follow the rest of his conversation. But he could tell he was failing badly. I mean, he looked at the bar for a second and then turned back. Yea this didn’t seem like it was about the bar keep, but when he started talking about his arm it finally clicked. “You get in a fight with Darqa? He asked quietly, wondering if the other was going to answer him or just keep on mumbling on about his arm. 

[juvionmodord]

Markus’s response made Juvion think of Maia, chopping a bar stool in half with her hand, and he chuckled. But a reminder of Maia just led to the Maia’s-not-here circle of thinking, and that wasn’t someplace he was eager to go again.

Juvion sighed deeply. He pulled his thoughts together slightly before answering. “Not a fight with her, so much as... I just don’t know what I’m going to do with my life any more. Yeah, I can learn to fight with my other hand, and with my Magic I might not die right away.” He looked over at Markus. “I thought I’d have... decades at least, maybe a century or two, before something like this happened. I used to focus on getting better, and now I’m only thinking ‘how can I get by at all’.”

He glumly checked around for the barkeeper. “You’re not going to let me drink more, are you?” he asked flatly, then stood on shaky legs. “I shouldn’t drink more, anyway, I know that,” he mumbled.

[juvionmodord]

just what it takes

[lehain-feadanrp]

JUVION & LEHAIN

She had long forgotten just where she had began her night. One drunken happy face turned into another and while Lehain was never really one to get extremely drunk, that evening she had been approaching it quickly. She had wandered off from her original group and in true bar-environment fashion, everyone seemed to be social that night. Instead of holding off on her interactions with others, she was welcoming to the distractions. 

After a particularly rough training session with Torque that ended with her feeling far more than she wanted, Lehain had spent the rest of the day on edge. She needed to stop thinking of him. Needed to figure out how to get over her feelings for her superior and onto someone else. In an uncharacteristically sloppy step forward, Lehain moved onto the seat nearest her. She hadn’t noticed anyone at the table until after she had accepted another pint from a fellow Mancer passing them out. “Oh! Didn’t see you there, Juvion.”  

[juvionmodord]

Juvion heard his name, and turned to the side to see who’d spoken. A mildly sleepy grin arose on his face, then grew wider. “Lehain! Sweet, murderous Lehain.” Torque’s second-in-command was no one to trifle with, but Juvion had plenty of experience with women who were far superior to him in every way. “What brings you to... wherever I am right now?” he inquired, attempting to prop his face up on his hand at a jaunty, rakish angle.

Seeing her brought him back to his time at Morto, when he and Milian were busy being the terrors of the school and flirting mercilessly with everyone around (including Milian’s friend Darqa in the year below), Lehain was clearly on the track to success. He’d respected her for that then, and wasn’t surprised by the progress she’d made. “How’ve you been? Still taking orders from that puffed-up peacock? I say that as a flattened rooster myself,” he said, so that she wouldn’t try to decapitate him with a bar coaster for such blatant disrespect.

[juvionmodord]

just what it takes

[markusarcain-blog]

Looking at the other man Markus sat unflinching as felt temperature started to drop. Accidental displays of magic were common among drunken mancers so it came as no surprise that the moon magician was starting to wreck havoc on the bar. But the thing that was a bit surprising to Markus was how normal this feeling was. It actually reminded him of when Denian got drunk. When he was like this everything turned to ice the instant he touched it, and many times Markus had to spend hours sitting the large halfling down in front of the fire making sure he did freeze to death in the middle of his drunken stupor. 

Shaking the thoughts out of his head Markus glanced over at Juvion, trying to make sense of the words spewing fomr the others mouth.  “Yea well I’m not worried about you, I’m worried about the other people in here who don’t live with magicians who specialize in cold. Hypothermia is a real bitch after all.” He didn’t expect Juvion to really get what he was saying, but hopefully it would be a step int he right direction. And if worse came to worse he’d drag the other man outside. “But it’s ok buddy” he patted the other on the shoulder slightly “I dont think she means to slight you I just think thats the universal sign that you have been cut off.”

[juvionmodord]

Markus’s words swam around his head, but slowly he understood, and realized his Magic was out of control. He glanced around. “So I get the place to myself. Seems like an unint--unintended benefit, don’t you think?” Trying for a wide grin, he got tired halfway there, and slumped in his seat. The room began to heat again, slowly, and some of the other customers were giving him the stink eye, probably muttering about Magicians ruining every bar in town.

Markus patted his shoulder, and then was talking about her. Who was her? Darqa... “She’s not the one doing the slighting, that’s all on me,” he explained, and then scrunched up his face. “She’s... she’s doing everything, and I’m just not...” He looked down at his ruined arm. “Look at that. What is that. That’s not mine. Not who I am. I’m the guy...” The guy who could do things, and help people. Not the guy who needed help.

[juvionmodord]

just what it takes

[markusarcain-blog]

JUVION & MARKUS

Drinking. Markus had promised after his last birthday he’d never do it again, the memories of falling off the table at The Purple Turtle still burned int his memory. But here he was, nursing another couple beers, his heart somehow not being able to take another night at the apartment, with Borus relatively ignoring them all mind trying to figure out things that couldn’t be figured out, and Denian hovering over him as if he was a fragile piece of art, something he wanted to look at but he knew would break the moment he got closer. 

No. He wouldn’t be able to take another night of that, which was how he found himself here. Drinking alone.  Not that he was drunk at all, on the contrary Markus was actually pretty sober by this bar’s standards. And it was probably a good thing too the Blonde in the corner with the bandaged hand drawing his attention. 

He knew that look. He’d seen it countless times on a multitude of people. The forlorn, what am I going to do without them kind of look. One that people thought could be deadened with alcohol and drugs, but really only made it worse in the morning. Figuring he had nothing better to do Markus though he’d do the Seasel team a favor and try to put this one fire. 

Coming over Markus sighed pulling up a chair. “You know, I’m usually never one to stop someone from having a good time. But I think you are done for the night.” He said gently taking the cup from the other man and holding it in his own hand, a practice he’d developed from years of watching over another drunken blonde. “You can thank me tomorrow” The words were spoken mostly to Juvion, but with a small glance towards the barkeep a silent exchange of gratitude exchanging between them in that moment.  

[juvionmodord]

When Markus took his cup from him, he didn’t protest, but at his words his Magic flared. Though he couldn’t feel the discomfort of it, the temperature around him dropped rapidly until it hovered around freezing, and their breath showed in puffs of icy fog. “Tomorrow...” He grinned, a little too wide and too aggressive to be genuine. “Tomorrow I’ll be Dynas’ problem, you don’t need to worry about that, Wolfie.” Propping his head up on his good fist, he peered at the guy. “Where’s your problem posse,” he slurred. “The pretty one and her glare-y twin? Stretch? Group Leader Grumpus? I’m sure he’d like to come out and play a good round of Punch the Cripple.” He glanced down. “Where’s my drink.” Scowling, he gestured at the barkeep, who seemed to be ignoring him. “Daaamn, that’s cold. I’m sure she saw me. After all we shared, too, all the stories I told...”

[juvionmodord]

[juvionmodord]

just what it takes

JUVION & OPEN

Juvion was well past black-out drunk, and he knew it. He’d spent the first part of the evening flirting mercilessly with the pretty green-haired barkeep until he’d grown sick of himself, and now he stared into his drink. It was some Ryonian brew that Dynas had told him was strong enough to take the tattoos off a Huntian warlord, but it didn’t seem to be doing the trick at removing Darqa’s broken expression from his mind.

His ruined hand lay on the countertop, wrapped in its glossy black bandages. He knew he wouldn’t remember a thing of this night come the morning, but even that thought brought the sting with it---that he’d have to face the morning. Downing the rest of his cup, he slammed it back on the table and gazed out at the crowd. Haga at midnight brought out the strangest people, but he didn’t even notice someone was sitting beside him until they spoke.

[juvionmodord]

Strut It Off

[darqacastcar]

“Listen, idiot. I don’t care,” she said, enunciating each word clearly and pointedly, “if you think that’s not real because you fell on your nose for the first time since forever. Because, umm, newsflash? We’re none of us exactly who we pretend to be, but that’s, like, part of being a person.”

“I mean, so what? You made a mistake, and yeah it was a super big one. But everyone fucks up all the time at varying levels of, uh, fucked-up-grandness.” She felt that she was rambling and stopping to make sense, but she needed to say this and get Juvion out of the rut he was stuck in. 

“If you feel like all this calls for a reevaluation of yourself, then sure. Do it. It’s supposed to be healthy for the mind, I hear. But don’t for a moment think that it means that I love you any less – because, like, love is a package deal, you know? You take the whole thing because you want the whole thing, not because you like small spots of it. You’re more than just cool and funny, Juvion, and the only thing tragic about that is that it’s taken you this long to realize it.”

[juvionmodord]

He couldn’t say anything to that. What was there to say? She believed things about him that he couldn’t accept. Because the minute he did, he knew he’d have to face it all, to get over it in some capacity. And he wasn’t ready to give up on his old life, even as it was evaporating around him second by second.

“I can’t do this---I can’t fucking do this,” he muttered angrily, turning away from her. She deserved so much better than that, and he wanted to tell her that he loved her too, that they’d find a way to make it better. But he couldn’t. He was so sick of himself, of not feeling like the person she saw.

Without another word, he did what he’d never done to her before. What he’d sworn to himself he’d never do. He used his Magic on the room and pushed past Darqa, frozen in her anger. He would be halfway out of the building before it wore off, but the broken look on her still face stayed with him like it was branded behind his eyelids.

[juvionmodord]

Strut It Off

[orindagwozdek-deactivated201602]

Orinda sighed relieved before smiling at Juvion. “You’ve got sick humor, Modord. And I thank God for that. But I suppose the fact you aren’t dead is also maybe a decent reason to thank God.” It had seemed Juvion was the only one who didn’t shove uncomfortable feelings on her, despite the fact that– looking at his arm, he probably had good reason to. “Truly,” Orinda held her heart with both hands, “That boy was a ‘real fucking’ gift and he will be dearly missed.” She laughed before commenting, “You know, I can see why you and Milian are such good friends. Don’t tell him, but he’s the real glue of our team. His spirits keep us up– Kinda like yours.”

[juvionmodord]

“Sure, let’s go with that,” he agreed cheerily. He could afford to be optimistic right now--- he was sober, but if the last few nights were anything to judge by, his good mood would dissolve with his first drink. It was a trade he was willing to make in exchange for relative numbness and apathy during the night, however. As she spoke about Benji, he couldn’t really think of anything else to add, so he just smiled. “Actually, the ‘glue’ of our team is in a Knight cell right now.” His smile faltered momentarily. “I’m more like... the bringer of fun. But I can imagine Milian does that, for you lot. Rather, uh, negative, aren’t they? Your group I mean.” The Shadow Magician Titiana was especially... unsettling. 

[juvionmodord]

Strut It Off

[darqacastcar]

Words and clever turns of phrase had never really been her thing; a fact Darqa was regretting now more than ever. What could she possibly say to Juvion that would help him feel better about his arm? About everything? If she could just somehow just punch his sadness into submission, or his arm back to working then that’d be super easy, but…yeah.

Swallowing hard, Darqa began, “But your thing isn’t being stupid – you’re cool, and super awesome, and funny. So don’t apologize, and don’t lie and pretend you’re fine, either? I’m sorry if it came out as if that’s what I wanted, it’s just. Like.” She took a deep breath, moving a step back and crossing her arms over her chest defensively. “I’m here for you. I just want you to know that wherever you end up I’ve got your back, okay? And that’s not going to change no matter how hard you try to push me away, idiot.”

[juvionmodord]

“I don’t want to push you away, gods, I don’t want that at all, Darqa. I just--- you may think that I can still be that person, who’s cool and funny and all that, but that’s not real.” He’d been thinking it since he woke up and the sedation had worn off.

“None of that is real, it’s just a show I put on,” he said bitterly, believing every word. “And it’s become a habit. But I’m not really any of that, I’m the guy who gets himself and someone else nearly burned to death for no reason. If that’s not stupid, I don’t know what is.” And it wasn’t her job to make up for his actions, or to support him when he did this to himself. He just needed to find a way to fix it, and then maybe he could deserve her sympathy, but right now? Not happening.

[juvionmodord]

before we turn into a monster with two heads

[juvionmodord]

Strut It Off

[darqacastcar]

Darqa bit her lip, swallowing down a choice selection of curses directed mostly toward herself. It hurt like nothing else to see Juvion so down on himself, especially for something that had been completely not his fault at all – and she had no idea in the slightest what would get through to him in his current state. She squinched back tears. And then she rounded on him. 

“Can you, like, can you stop? I said it’s okay, and it is because I know you’re feeling like crap!” Determined, she leaned forward again and prodded him the chest. “And I wish like nothing else I’ve ever wished for that I could fix your arm, but, yeah. That’s out of my league, and it makes me feel like crap, so we’re both feeling crappy? But it’s no reason to also be stupid to each other, so–don’t be stupid. ”

[juvionmodord]

He had the impulse to run his hand through his hair, and tried, but nothing happened and he had to switch arms after a split second of realization and a sinking feeling he was getting used to. Everything, every damn little thing... Darqa wanted to be supportive, and who was he to blame her for that. He should be letting her help, but it felt like a charade to be anything other than hurt.

Juvion did want to explain a bit, though, if he could. “Look, I’m really sorry, but stupid’s kind of my go-to if you haven’t noticed. I’m not trying to put it on you, I’m really not, but you---” He was getting frustrated, and had to steady his breathing before he said quietly, trying not to snap. “I can’t lie around you like I can with the others. I can’t shrug it off and joke, not this time. I could try, if you really want. But I don’t know how good I’d be at it.”

[juvionmodord]

No more fun time for you, huh?

I lost the use of my arm, not my soul. 

Though it will make it considerably harder to strangle you---I may have to get creative, but I’ll make it work somehow.

[juvionmodord]

Strut It Off

[darqacastcar]

“What, seriously, you’re admitting it?” She laughed, figuring that the happier she was the more it would rub off on Juvion so that he would properly feel happy, too. “Do I need to write this down somewhere so we don’t forget it?”

At his visceral reaction to her touch Darqa immediately took a step back, her hand falling limp at her side. It felt like she’d been doused in too-hot water, but she somehow managed to force a smile back on her face. “It’s, umm. It’s okay,” she said quietly, and without meeting his eyes.

[juvionmodord]

Juvion chuckled low in his throat. He couldn’t look at her, just felt as she moved further away. “It’s really, really not, Teach.” They’d been through a lot, first as friends and group members, and now as so much more, but nothing had prepared him for the self-loathing he felt when he looked at her. 

How could she not be feeling useless, right now? He was presenting the strongest woman he knew with something she couldn’t fight. Him and his un-fixable wreck of an arm. Him and his stupid delusions of immortality, invincibility--- everything that’d said, sure, go after a fucking dragon. What’s the worst that could happen?

[juvionmodord]

Strut It Off

[orindagwozdek-deactivated201602]

“When you’re groupleader, you tend to learn when to give babies their bottles.” Orinda returned easily with a shrug. It was near relief when Juvion continued the banter because if he grew emotional, Orinda would have decided that she’d never room again for the next week, not even for food. “Well, I’m glad too. I can’t imagine the effort it’d be to clean up your body and prepare a funeral. That’s a lot of work.” Just a few seconds after the words left her mouth, Orinda knew she messed up. It was easy to forget the common courtesy shown for the fallen when she hardly thought of them. “Sorry, that was in poor taste.”

[juvionmodord]

Juvion chuckled. “If that’s poor taste, I’d rather be a beggar than a king. Actually, I’d rather that anyway...” He lit up brightly. “And that was a terrible pun! They told me I’d be recovering for a while, but evidently not everything’s broken, thank the gods.” His thoughts did stray briefly to Yoa and Benji, and the memory of the bar fight where Yoa’d prevented him from committing accidental murder made him grin again. “Besides. If we don’t laugh about it, what’s the point of trying to survive? I’m sure they’d understand.” he said cheerfully. “Well, not Benji. He’d probably just yell and swear.”

[juvionmodord]

Strut It Off

[orindagwozdek-deactivated201602]

“Compassion didn’t get me where I am today,” Orinda smiled overtly sweet, not missing a beat. “But I’m truly sorry, Modord. Did you want another bandage? I have been told my words were rather sharp.” Despite the fact that he really was injured and it wasn’t the best time for joking, Orinda couldn’t help but take advantage of Juvion. He was always one for a laugh and that was far easier to deal with than the others.

[juvionmodord]

“I’ve got plenty, but it’s awfully sweet of you to offer, almost makes me wonder if you’re lying about that whole compassion thing,” he said with a smirk. It was a relief that she was treating him like normal, that’s what he wanted, anyway. To try and forget this was something he should take seriously. “They keep me well-wrapped. Which is nice, because I’d hate it if I started falling apart, just losing a finger here, an elbow there...” He gestured vaguely to the rest of his body with his uninjured arm.

[juvionmodord]

Strut It Off

[darqacastcar]

JUVION & DARQA

“Mostly thanks to the beautiful girl soon to be hanging off your other arm, that’s how!”  

Darqa smiled at him as encouragingly as she could, reaching out a hand to gently trail her fingers down his shoulder. “And by that, I mean me. Also, we can get people to doodle on the bandage and make it look all ghostly and stuff.”

[juvionmodord]

Juvion returned her smile, but he felt cold, like his body was flooded with his own magic. Funny, since it was a burn. “You’re right, of course. You’re always right---you’d think after this long I’d have gotten used to that,” he teased.

He involuntarily jerked away from her touch, then winced when he realized what he’d done. “...sorry.” He didn’t know what else to say.