Had a catch-up lunch with two friends that I have not seen for like months. Ā The conversation at one point veered towards self-care, more specifically, dealing with classism in friendship. Ā
I am from a mid-lower income background. Ā I lived with my foster parents for most of my primary school years, and I stayed with my dad most weekends. Ā My mom came to visit me like three times a year cosā she had her own family, and I was a kept secret from them. Ā Then I moved home to my dadās when I was in secondary school. Ā My dadās business collapsed that period, and we had to live very frugally in those years. Ā In fact, I would skip a lot of meals or try to hustle one through my schoolmates or church friends. Ā Bottomline - my past means I am a person with lots of internal issues.
My dad has a rich manās taste. Ā He grew up from an affluent home. Ā I was there when he had money, at least the tail end of his glamorous, wealthy life. Ā Then everything went to the dogs. Ā Not only did he lose his business, but also his partner at that time. Ā Needless to say, he was a miserable man and even a furious one. Ā To add to the cherry on top of the icing, I was an effeminate boy, which made me an easy target to his irritation of life not working out.
Back to my conversation with my friend. Ā
I told my friends over lunch, due to my growing up years, I have developed ways to cope with different circumstances. Ā First and foremost, I have to learn to deal with what I don't have. Ā Growing up in a church community who are mostly English speaking, which in itself is a post-colonial culture social currency, I have picked up the language and mannerisms of mid-upper income level folks. Ā I have, through time, learned to assimilate to be one of them. Ā However, ss time goes, I realise it is tough to catch up and be one of them financially. I guess I am not a very good hustler. So I learn ways to continue to coexist among them while remaining a struggling white-collar worker.
I have to be very frank with my well-to-do friends on things like catch-up arrangement - where we meet or eat. Ā I would tell them I would prefer to catch up over coffee or drinks than over a meal so that I don't have to stress over an expensive meal. Ā I have to space out our meetings because I don't want to bore them with my mundane white-collar work tales. Also, I would have to work very hard to empathise over their problems which only rich people would have, such as the hardship in finding good organic food and walkable space in the city, similar to the ones in Scandinavian countries. Which, they could personally testify since they have been there.
I am growing older. Ā I am not growing richer. Ā I am not going to play the blame game over circumstances or people at this point because it wears my soul down. Ā But I can set proper relationship boundaries and find a way to maintain my friendship with people of a different class. Ā