well it’s not so easy to give you the answer, cause there actually is a proper answer but y’all don’t wanna hear it. however I’ll tell you since I don’t have anything to lose. it doesn’t happen you know? it is happening right now,it was happening right then and if we don’t get help it’ll be happening all over again, all day everyday. almost. you see? there is an almost so in conclusion it isn’t that terrifying somehow... that almost is for example spending time with somebody you love, but even then it’s still in the back of your head, you can’t just get rid of it. sometimes when the sunset is stunning and your SO or best friend holds your hand, you just for a moment forget. you feel free, you feel calm ... but then out of blue it’s happening again, it starts different every time. you may for example think about your next meeting or phone call and then.. your stomach hurts so bad, you feel dizzy, you are stressed again, you have to prepare yourself for asking this simple question for atleast 30 minutes. it may also be that one name, person, memory that brings about all this anxiety once again. but you are free so rarely that you forget how it feels to be normal. your whole day has to be planned, your routine is the same every day, because when something is changed you can’t focus and you’re scared - again. you won’t go to store all by yourself without appropriate preparation, you think about what you’re going to buy, what you gonna do when you meet someone. you want everything to be planned. but there are some things that you just can’t plan- like some chores or schoolwork. this gives you even more anxiety. you may enjoy surprises but at the begging you’ll always be like: what am i going to do now? i haven’t planned this... okay this was a daytime but what about nighttime you’ll ask.. it’s even worse, without meds you aren’t able to fall asleep, you just simply can’t. you have these meds so you finally fall asleep, you’re peaceful for a couple hours, you don’t want to wake up early but you do, you’re trying to fall asleep, but you can’t no more, you know exactly what will happen, you’re waiting, trying to calm yourself down, but there are thousands of thoughts on your mind... there it is- panic attack, you can’t breathe, your body is cold and covered in sweat, it seems like you’re dying, when it ends you’re so exhausted that you would like to go back to sleep but you still can’t. it’s not easy, you don’t trust nobody (or u trust only that one person-love u k), you can’t tell the others how you feel since you know they won’t understand anyway. it is so hard, it makes you lose hope, dreams, friends, bond with your family, hobbies, it eventually leaves you all alone. it’s even more stressful when you think about it, but you’ll be lonely, it’s the sad truth.. you need to get help, please do it for yourself, for your pet, your family, friends or the loved one, for your future, do it before it’s too late, i wish somebody would have told me that at the very beginning, but i know it’s still not too late.. because i am here- still:) -A.
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