suna’s words come out slurred, his breath reeking of alcohol. your nose scrunches up at the scent, trying to focus on supporting his weight. an arm is slung around your shoulder, your steps are slow and staggered as you attempt to lead him to his bedroom.
“damn it, rin. told you not to drink too much.” you scold him, opening his bedroom door with a quiet grunt.
suna pays your words no attention as he puckers his lips towards you, eyes half-open, “want a kiss.”
you place him on his bed and letting the pillows catch his head. a sigh escapes your lips, giving yourself a few seconds to rest before pulling the blanket up to his chest.
suna pouts, his face still red from all the beer that coursed through his veins, “why don’t you wanna kiss me?”
with a roll of your eyes, you sit on the edge of his bed, “you’re drunk. why do you even want to kiss me?”
“because i like you.”
your mouth parts, heartbeat beginning to speed up upon hearing the words you had been dreaming of for the entirety of your friendship with him. no, this couldn’t be. there’s no way he could like you back…right?
“if i were sober,” his voice snaps you out of your train of thought, “would you reconsider?”
shaking your head, you offer him a small smile, “if you still feel this way tomorrow morning, i’ll kiss you.”
a grin stretches across his lips, you don’t think you’ve ever seen him smile like that. even in all the times you’ve seen him drunk. he sinks further into the pillows and pulls the blanket up to his chin, eyes finally fluttering shut.
you raise a brow, “why are you smiling like that?”
“because you’re going to kiss me tomorrow.” suna hums, excited to fall asleep. tomorrow couldn’t come soon enough.
from elle ! some fluff to make up for all the angst i’ve been writing >_< had a tiring day so ‘m gonna go to bed now,, i’ll come back and proofread this when I wake up byeee <3
Scaramouche x Female!Reader
Genre: Angst, hurt/comfortish??
Warnings: Mentions of blood, cussing, scaramouche being a meanie, not proof read, kidnapping, wound mention, let me know if I missed something!
Author's Note: This was requested by my lovely cousin :> The request is here I think this might be my longest fic yet, I am kinda proud of it. (and yes this is before he had his new update)
''Archons, you are so annoying. You never leave me the fuck alone!'' Scaramouche says, slamming his pen on his desk.
''Well maybe if you didn't stay out working all the time I wouldn't have to be like this, Kuni. You never give me attention anymore, you almost never talk to me anymore, you come home late everyday and when you do you either go straight to bed or you sit in this office and do stupid 'paper work' the whole time! It's not my fault I miss my boyfriend.'' You trying stating in a calm manner but, it's almost impossible with the lump forming in your throat, while you try to keep the tears from spewing from your eyes.
He seemed almost offended by this statement. The expression on his face gets worse, the crease between his eye brows deepening, his eyes, almost as if they are holding a tight grasp on your figure, full of rage and annoyance. ''Did you just say that I don't give you enough attention?'' He scoffs. ''EVERYTHING THAT I DO IS FOR YOU, FOR US-'' He takes a deep breath before speaking once again
''You are such a selfish, filthy piece of shit. I don't have any use for you anyway, so why do you care?''
That's not true. He knows it's not true. You are not in anyway the slightest bit selfish. You have been by his side when no one else was, you didn't see his as a bad person because of his actions and his past. You saw him as something not many did. You saw him as human and nothing less. He never understood why you were so kind to him, even now. You are barely yelling at him, you are still being kind to him, why?
''You are such a selfish, filthy piece of shit.I don't have any use for you anyway..'' Those words keep repeating in your head again and again. He didn't mean it, right? He didn't mean it, he didn't mean it, he didn't- it wasn't long before the tears you were trying to hold in leave your eyes. You try to wipe the tears away but you can't get it to stop. He has always thrown small remarks at you and picked on you but, it has never been this bad. He has never spoken to you in such a way before and you have never been more taken back by one of his rude comments. This one felt real. It felt like he really ment it. The way he looked at you while he said it, the tone he used, his hands flat on the desk.
You mumble a soft 'sorry' while you take a few steps back from his figure, eventually storming out of his office. Your job here is done, he doesn't need you anymore, he's tired of you- he doesn't love you anymore.
Or so you thought.
With eyes blurred from the nonstop flow of tears, you weakly push the front door open and start to head for Chinju Forest. It a place where you usually like to go. The flowers that grow rapidly and the soft soil underneath your feet, to you it's a calming place to be.
After a while of sprinting and getting odd looks from people in the city, you arrive safely. You begin walking on some trails you found and smiled at the presents of the fluorescent flowers. You pick one from a bundle in a bush and brush over the gentle petals with the pad of your index finger, while looking down at the flower you harshly bump into something in front of you.
You quickly look up and you are met with a tall, and muscular man. You weren't sure what it was but you immediately had a bad feeling. Something about the way he was presented. He seemed intimidating.
''Well, what's a pretty little lady doing out here all by her self?'' He says while bending down to meet your eyes, even though you weren't as short as he tried to make you look.
''Oh.. I apologize for bumping into you but, I really need to get going. It's getting pretty dark out here.'' You say almost rushing your words, you wanted to get out of there as soon as you could, something wasn't right. Looking past him, you being taking small steps to get by but you are soon stopped with his long, bulky arm wrapping around your figure, your eyes widen.
''Hey now, I could use a buddy ya know. Let's talk for a while yeah? Follow me'' The man says this with a smirk on his face but you can tell he is on the edge of annoyance. His grip on you tightens. This is where you begin to panic. You try to wiggle out of his grasp but it only gets tighter, until eventually he is using bother arms to keep you in place of his hold. You let out screams of ''Let me go'' and ''Don't touch me'' and pleas for help from anyone else who might be around. It wasn't long until your vision gets blurry again, and this time not from tears. You then see nothing but black and the noise around you gets muffled.
Scaramouche looks up from his paper, to look out the window. He notices that it is now dark outside. Where the hell is she? He thinks as he draws the curtains. You're not still mad at him, right? Was he too harsh? What if you finally left him? What if you never come back? What if-
*Knock knock*
His thoughts are soon interrupted by heavy knock at his office door. Ah that must be you! He opens the door with a slight smile on his face, ready to greet you but, that smile is wiped right off his face when he sees it isn't you. There instead in one of his agents. Kind of surprised of why he would be here at this hour he shows an expression of confusion.
''My Lord, I got the message that the papers are due in the morning.'' Scaramouche rolls his eyes at this statement almost dismissing the agent but, something comes to mind.
''Go look for y/n and don't ask any questions. Make sure to tell the other agents as well, if you don't find her by midnight, it's not going to look good for either of you.'' The agent rapidly nods his head and leaves the presence of Scaramouche. He closes the door and sits back in his desk chair with a sigh, all while his anxiety starts to get the best of him. He spends the rest of his time intently staring down the clock.
12:01
It's one minute over 12?! And they still haven't found you? Unacceptable. He storms out of his office, to the agents.
''Where the hell is she?''
''W-we came were coming back to say that we couldn't f-find her my Lord but, we-'' The agent was quickly cut off by a punch to the face.
''Now, who's next? Not following my orders? How dare you?'' Scaramouche is full of rage, it's written all over his face, he is even angrier than he looked when the two of you were fighting. He leaves and heads for the city.
It might not seem like it but he's scared. He's terrified that you're gone, that you don't love him any longer. He's frantically searching high and low and every corner of the city. An agent comes running up to him, stopping at a halt in front of him, almost out of breath.
''My Lord! We got told that y/n was last seen going into Chinju Forest. We searched part of the area, we noticed there was a picked flower left on one of the trails.'' States the agent.
Of course. Chinju Forest was one of your favorite places to roam. Why didn't he think of that sooner? But he is then met with another fear. What if something bad happened to you? All because he got mad at you for trying to get his attention. This is bad. He says nothing and starts dashing to the Forest. At this point, he doesn't care who's watching at the moment. He needs to know that you're okay.
You slowly open your eyes, you feel a sharp pain gradually getting worse on your head as you become for aware of your surroundings. It seems that you're still in Chinju Forest, and you're alone so maybe you can make a run for it. You try to move but, you can't.. You look down to see that you're tied to a tree with thick rope around your shoulders, feet, and torso. You're weak, you're in pain, you don't know what to do anymore. You soon hear crunching from the dried leaves on the ground getting closer to where you're tied.
A distorted- looking man appears next to you. You slowly raise your head up to meet eyes with the man. The spinning in your head makes it hard to tell who it is but, based on the figure and height of the man, it seems to be the one from earlier. The one who might of caused this.
He tilts your chin up harshly, even higher than it was before.
''This all could have been avoided if you just listened to me.'' He even speaks harshly, spitting in your face as he speaks, as if he is disgusted by your actions and behavior.
You let out a groan of pain as the wood from the tree trunk you're tied to digs into the wound on the back of your head, while he tilts your chin up.
''Now, why don't we start-''
''I suggest you get your hands off of her, now'' Scaramouche says while the man widens his eyes in pure fear. The man gets on his knees and begins to plead for forgiveness, as if he already knew what was coming for him.
You look at your boyfriend, all of the memories from the fight come back to you. The yelling, the look of being infuriated by your words, the fear that he has no use for you anymore, that he doesn't want you anymore. Yet, here he is confronting the very being that put you in this current state. Gosh, your head is spinning.
The man's begs for forgiveness are quickly ignored and he is kicked to the ground. Screams and cries can be heard from the man as Scaramouche kicks his gut and curses him out. He man spits out blood with each rough kick he receives. His body is now limp and disregarded. Scaramouche turns his attention to you. He takes out a small pointed pocket knife and cuts you loose. You unconsciously falls into his arms, with your head laid on his shoulder. He begins to tear up. This is his fault. He let this happen to you, he let you get hurt because of his stupid temper issues, because he is selfish. He places his hand on the back of your head and feels a warm liquid on it. He looks at his hand to see that there is blood from the open wound on your head.
''Hey.. look at me'' His voice is small, still in shock.
You slowly lift your head to look at him. He is met with your half-lidded eyes. The eyes that used to hold so much life. He could swear he sees sparkles is them. Your eyes are still glossy from the flow of tears earlier.
''You actually came.'' Your statement shatters his dull heart. The guilt continues to build up as he remembers what he said to you during the fight.
''I am so sorry'' He whispers. Those words are hard to say. He hates admitting that he's wrong but, he hates what he made you feel. That you were unworthy of his love, that you were not needed in his life, that he didn't love you anymore. That was far from the truth and he knew it.
''I..'' He trails off, trying to find the right words to say.
''I didn't mean anything I said, I swear.. please I know this is so selfish of me but don't leave, y/n. I didn't mean it I didn't, I love you so much, I can't live without you.'' Pathetic. He sounds so pathetic. He cringes every time he begs and pleas but, if that's what it takes for you to know he needs you, that he loves you, he would do it a million times over and more.
You can hear the sorrowful tone in his expression. Yes, he made you feel useless but, as much as he hurt you, it still pains you to see him like this. Especially since he almost never acts like this. He knows he messed up. You place his head between your hands.
''Can we go home, Kuni?'' You have a small smile while you say this but, you're not sure what to say to his apology.
This is definitely something the two of you will have to talk about but, until then you want to feel the warmth of your lover once again, free from pain and sadness, feeling like you are truly wanted by the person that made you the happiest.
summary : scaramouche has been keeping secrets from you, and he finally reveals it all... one last time.
warnings : very dialog heavy ; soft scara ; (spoilers!!) d*ath
genre : fluff to angst
a/n : anti-comfort writing because i need to cry tonight. inspired by one of ふむ's audios on youtube! (will find and link it tmr)
scaramouche has made many promises ever since he started pursuing a deeper relationship with you. one of which is fairly easy to uphold- "never hide secrets from each other."
but as it turns out, it's on this tranquil morning that he's decided to tell you the many secrets he's been concealing. he sits on your right gingerly- an uncertain smile gracing his face. his lips open and close with evident hesitance.
"[name], uh-" there's an awkward chuckle, "i don't know where to start... you know that promise we made?" he starts playing with his fingers. "the one about not keeping secrets from each other. i..."
a doubtful pause fills the air. "i've been hiding some secrets from you- but before you say anything, hear me out, alright?" scaramouche takes a deep breath and glances at your face. expectant. and he begins explaining.
"i'll start with the lightest. i know i always, um, act like i don't like it when you hug me." he places a hand on top of yours. "well, that's a lie. i actually love it when you hug me, or do anything with me, generally," a cloud-like laugh escapes his lips. "i know, i know, i should've just been upfront with it. but your face- your pouty face- is just... too cute to resist," and he grins, eyes scanning the ground.
scaramouche looks back at you and squeezes your hand. "ready for the second one? this one's worse." a deep breath.
"i've been watching you when you sleep. not- not in a creepy way, though!" a bright red tinges his cheeks. "you're too adorable for your own good! i'm simply appreciating your beauty." he says while frantically attempting to justify himself. "no no, don't get mad at me yet. i have just one more."
he takes a final deep breath. "listen- i know you always tell me to let you brush your teeth before i kiss you. but..." and on his face is a certain look- one that says 'you know where i'm going with this.' "you're so enticing that i wake up early just to secretly kiss you. sorry, morning breath doesn't exist in my eyes!" and with that, laughter erupts.
and when his laughter fades out, scaramouche releases a long sigh. "so, are you mad at me..? i did break a big promise there, so i don't mind if you are..." and as his voice trails off, dread begins to climb the walls of his throat. his smile is a lingering ghost.
"really, just scold me. i've acknowledged my mistake already." he mumbles as the foreboding feeling weighs down on his shoulders.
"it's okay to scold me... you know?" now, it's a whisper- a muted tremble that even he can't hear. he ignores the thick tension plugging his throat.
and that's when one tear falls.
"hey, [name]? please- please scold me... do it like you always do?"
two tears.
"you can do anything to me- shout at me, hit me, anything you want. just please, do something."
three.
"hey... hey, [name]... open your eyes, please?"
and the dams in scaramouche's eyes finally rupture. his hands are uncontrollably shaking as he struggles to hold yours. yours, which are cold. pale. lifeless. he presses your fingers against his forehead; not daring to even glance at your blank, resting face.
"i promise i won't keep secrets anymore, i promise i won't kiss you in your sleep, just- just- spend one more day with me?" he sobs- voice cracking so frequently that his words can barely be understood. he grits his teeth- "wake up, [name]. that's an order. i order you to open your eyes and get mad at me. now." and he expects you to listen to him- his orders are absolute, after all.
but no matter how opulent scaramouche's dreams are, in the end, they're merely dreams.
summary: when the immortals are suddenly reminded of your mortality
pairings: xiao x gn!reader; zhongli x reader; venti x reader; scaramouche x reader
warnings: [angst ahead] overall: mentions of death; xiao´s part: mentions of death, life or death situation; zhongli: mentions of past loved ones; venti: nightmares, past traumatic experiences; scaramouche: death (not reader nor character); if i forgot anything please do tell me!!
a/n: this is my first time writing something that´s not mainly fluff, so i´m both very excited and even more nervous; if you like this fic, i recommend you go and thank @dustofthedailylife without whom i might not have had the confidence to post this ♡
genshin impact masterlist
XIAO
Never bothered to further explore the difference between his immortality and the humans´ mortality
Such sentimentalities only got in the way of his eternal duty
Xiao didn´t get too attached to the realm of mortals, their customs, habits or lifestyles
For many millennia he kept his distance and only spared a glimpse here or there
That was until you came along
You invited him into your mortal life and taught him how to cherish the smallest wonders Teyvat had to offer, no matter how fleeting they were
And that´s when the yaksha grew fully aware of how short-lived this moment of peace with you could be
Countless memories of how easily mortality could slip from between one´s fingers infiltrated his mind
If there was a way for you to become immortal yourself, he would be torn about bringing it up but would eventually talk to you about it; he won´t pressure you to accept and lectures you thoroughly on just what this decision would entail
The black smoke surrounding the yaksha was slowly dissolving, the horned mask evaporating and reappearing on his hip. His grip on his spear tightened as the remaining malice wrapped around his body and clouded his mind, karmic debt weighing him down, but only momentarily. With a last glance over the battlefield, he gracefully leapt off the edge of the cliff.
Xiao´s feet landed on the wooden planks of the inn´s balcony without so much as making a sound, his footsteps quieter than the wind rustling through the leaves. Sure, his day had again been filled with nothing but banishing evil spirits and fighting the malice building within him but luckily for him, he had recently found an effective remedy to cure his ailment.
Opening the door to your shared room the adeptus expected to find you already there, just like on most days. You hadn´t said anything about being out later either but Xiao wasn’t about to fret quite yet. While he placed your well-being over anything else, he also knew you could handle yourself, despite you being `a mere mortal´.
As time passed and the last sun rays cast an eery red glow over the world, however, Xiao grew more restless. Grumbling to himself, he made his way down to the reception, if someone knew when and where to you had left, it was that woman.
“(Y/n)? Hmm, no, I´m sorry but I know as much as you do, I´m afraid. I´ll notify you if I see them.”
“That will hardly be necessary,” he scoffed before taking off and jumping from the balcony. Maybe his ears betrayed him but he swore he could hear a faint “I wish he would stop doing that”.
Where were you? Xiao had clearly instructed you to call out his name if you were in danger and he trusted you´d do so. Currently, he really wished he could trade abilities with you though, wanting nothing more than to call out your name and have you appear right in front of him.
This feeling, he hated it. The way his chest tightened, his mind straying to the worst possible places. It was unlike him and that only made it worse. Just a couple of years ago, he couldn´t have cared less about a single mortal life, choosing to isolate himself from their world instead of learning their ways.
And then you wedged yourself in between the cracks of his hard shell and stirred something long forgotten deep within him. The planes of Liyue he had traversed plenty of times before somehow seemed more colourful when he was with you. Nature was bustling with life, his curiosity for butterflies, lizards and crystal flies reawakened tenfold when you pointed them out to him. His vision was more than just a weapon, a tool for inflicting pain, when you rested your head against his shoulder as you sat with your hands intertwined and listened to the evening breeze. He wasn´t ready to part with these feelings any time soon.
After minutes of aimlessly traversing Guili Planes, he forced himself to halt. Over the harsh beating of heart against his ribcage, he tried listing to the wind. Morax had always told him to focus on the elements around him when in search of something for the world had a way of communicating its joys and sorrows to us.
Xiao was about to give up and continue his manual search when he heard something. Or well, it was more a feeling. Distress, to be exact. At that, his attention broke and he took off in the direction the sensation seemed to be coming from, his footsteps faster than ever, feet barely touching the ground.
He only slowed down when he reached a small village on the outskirts of Liyue Harbor. Spear already in hand, he closely surveyed the area, ready to take out whatever monster was causing your anxiety but there was not one to be found. Actually, there was nobody to be found, the streets oddly empty and the windows of the houses dark and cold.
Just then, the yaksha heard agitated voices coming from the side of the mountain. Rushing over, he could already see the glow of lanterns from down the street. What was possibly the whole village was gathered around an old wooden construct mortals used to mine ores but this one seemed to be no longer in use. The rotten planks were dangling oddly in the air and the frayed ropes barely held them together.
In an effort to decipher what he was looking at, Xiao followed their wide-eyed gazes up the mountain and he almost dropped his polearm at the sight. At the very top, he could make out three figures, two tiny ones and… you. There was no doubt to be had, it was definitely you and the anguish he felt earlier returned. But this time, it was his rather than yours.
You were clutching the hand of a little boy, your palm clammy from both fear and exhaustion. In front of you, just out of arms reach, stood his sister with glassy eyes and trembling legs. Testing your foothold, you tentatively stepped forwards only for the wood to creak and bend under your soles. In time with his sister´s shriek, the boy´s hold on your hand tightened.
“It´s okay, it´s okay. Nothing happened,” you tried to soothe them, praying your voice didn´t give away how helpless you truly felt. “Okay, here´s what we´re going to do: Chang, do you see this part of the mountain above us? I´ll lift you up and you´ll climb out of here, understood?”
When the boy nodded, you folded your hands into a robber´s ladder and pushed Chang as far as your arms could reach, praying to the archons the boy could climb. The plank underneath your right foot gave out, splinters falling into the gasping crowd as your pants ripped all the way up to your thigh where the sharp edges lodged themselves into your flesh. The sniffling next to you grew louder as you cursed under your breath.
Pulling yourself back up, you reassured Ming that you were alright and stretched your hand towards her again. The gap between your side of the construct and hers wasn´t that big, normally you easily could´ve jumped the distance but you´d both fall to your certain death before you could even land. So, you only scooted closer, centimetre by centimetre, leaning closer to the edge.
Your fingertips finally touched and you clasped your hands together. Scanning your surroundings for a safer route, you came up empty-handed. Breathing in deeply one more time, you mustered all your courage and gave the girl a hopefully reassuring smile before pulling her to you with all the strength left in your tired arms.
And then you were weightless. It was as if time had slowed down as you looked up towards the top of the mountains slipping farther and farther out of reach. Clutching the little girl tightly to your chest, you opened your mouth to call out to the only person able to help you now but nothing came out. Your throat was sealed with fear. You screwed your eyes shut and braced yourself for the impact, hoping at least Ming would-
The impact came but it was softer than expected. Shakily exhaling, you vaguely registered someone calling your name. Loosening your arms from the small body in your grasp, you let yourself be pulled into a familiar embrace that felt just a little tighter than usual. Strong hands were stroking up and down your arms, your back, your cheeks—everywhere they could reach.
“I- I saw you fall and- I thought I was too late.”
For the first time since you had met Xiao, his amber eyes were glassy and you saw your own fear reflected in them. Throwing yourself against him, you started to cry harder than you ever had before as he cradled your head closer to his chest. Over your own sobs you couldn’t hear those of the worried parents, relieved they could hold their children in their arms again.
“I was so scared, Xiao. I thought I was going to-,” you whimpered. “Without you, I´d be- I´d be-“
“Shh, no more. Let´s go home.”
A mere blink later, you were nestled into the blankets of your bed at Wangshuu Inn, your position unchanged except for the fact you had wrapped your arms around his waist in return. None of you spoke a word as you calmed down, both still trying to process what just transpired.
As he stared into the dark of the night outside the window, Xiao´s thoughts wandered. It was incomprehensible. Why put yourself in such danger when your own life was so fragile? Why risk everything for someone else? Someone you didn’t t even know?
Although he tried to push them away, the memories of you falling to your death were haunting his every thought and holding his mind in a vice grip much worse than his karmic debt. Scenes of him standing over your broken body, too late to catch you, choked his breathing. Burying his head in the crook of your neck, he concentrated on your pulse, the continued rise and fall of your chest.
“Please, don´t go where I can´t follow.”
ZHONGLI
The former archon was very well aware of your differences, as a consultant of the Wangsheng Funeral Parlor he was confronted with a human´s mortality on the daily
He had watched over Liyue long enough to see younger generations replacing the older and eras blend into one another, consequently changing the Land of Contracts in their constant cycle of rebirth
And he had been alive for even longer, forming new relationships and having to sever just as many
Zhongli knew from the beginning he could not enjoy your company for eternity and the day of parting would come sooner or later, preferably later rather than sooner
That doesn´t mean he´d not be worried, the notion of your mortality still weighed heavy on his heart and mind, some days more than others
But he tries to make the best of it and cherishes every moment with you to its fullest
There´s no use lamenting a flower´s inevitable wilting before it even had the chance to bloom
If there was a way for you to become immortal yourself, he would not bring it up to you; humans have a very different outlook on life compared to immortal beings like himself, he´d be scared you´d lose a part of yourself if your lifespan went from barely a century to endless
He will consider it if you´re the one who brings it up and are well aware of what you´re getting yourself into
It was a beautiful day in Liyue Harbor, sun casting its golden glow over the city. Next to the window of his humble home sat Zhongli, attention focused on the journal on his desk. The former archon was deep in thought, absentmindedly twirling his brush between his fingers, the inkwell opened but yet to be touched.
He had already spent a considerable amount of time on finding the right words to convey his emotions but none of the phrases in his head seemed to do the memories justice. The subject of his written memento was an outing he had together with you the day before, a date as the people today would call it. Therefore, only the most eloquent and sophisticated of sentences would do.
It had been quite some time since Zhongli had picked up journaling as a hobby and it had become somewhat of a second nature by now, an essential part of his routine. But it served not only as a creative outlet opposed to the more formal nature of his work at the Funeral Parlor. No, his journals were a second memory for him, an extension of his mind so to speak, which was less prone to slipping from his grasp when he reached for it.
What started this passion was actually a rather sombre occurrence, a realisation he never thought he´d come to. A couple of centuries ago, Zhongli had visited the resting place of a trusted companion for melancholy´s sake and was shocked to find his mind void of clear memories, their voice muted and appearance foggy. In fact, he had trouble recalling some of their fondest moments together, although he promised to treasure them for eternity.
So, in order to keep future promises, he started writing everything down. Especially if it related to the people he cared for, the people he loved; people like you. Be it a common afternoon of sharing stories over a cup of tea or a night spent together under the lights of the Xiao Lanterns during the Lantern Rite. He was determined to commit every part of you to his memory.
As he contemplated his phrasing further, he let his gaze sweep across his room. Wherever his eyes landed, there was a trace of you to be found. The jacket you left hanging over his chair, the matching charms you two bought during a walk in the city, the flowers you gifted him that he preserved by drying them, the teacup you got him to replace the one you´d broken. Zhongli smiled as he recalled how flustered you were and how stubbornly you insisted on presenting him with a new one, one that was far more beautiful and valuable in his eyes.
Wallowing in memories, he flipped through previous entries in his journal. As he read, it was like going back in time and he couldn´t suppress the little chuckle as he visibly recalled you chewing out Childe nor could he stop his fingers from tracing over a note you had written, two little hearts doodled in the corner.
With a sigh he closed the little book, he could tell this was not going anywhere. While thinking back on these moments with you made him feel warm and cosy, it also brought the bittersweet taste of yet to be sorrow.
Sometimes he wished he was mortal like you. He longed to see the world the way you did, longed to grow old with you and longed to not fear the day of parting. But he couldn´t afford to think like this, it was not how the world worked. No matter how much he desired it, he knew you wouldn´t be joined forever, your paths would inevitably stray away from each other. And he could do nothing to change this dreaded future.
He used to be the oldest of the archons, he formed the earth with his bare hands and shaped a city that had long since grown prosperous under his care, yet he was powerless in a situation where he needed it most. It was the universe´s most cruel mockery and he could do nothing against it. One day, these tokens and these notes and these memories would be the only thing marking your temporary presence in this world.
There was a knock on the door. Smiling to himself, he called out for you to let yourself in. As always, your timing was impeccable. Zhongli met you halfway between the front door and his room, his hand reaching out for yours to brush a featherlight kiss onto your knuckles. If only he could preserve your adorable giggle like the flowers in his room, the sound alone was enough to leave him wondering why his spirit was clouded in the first place.
As he listened to you talking about a renowned opera troupe coming to perform in Liyue Harbour soon, his immortality was the furthest thing from his mind. Instead, all he could focus on was your excited expression and your hand in his.
VENTI
He´d rather not think about your mortality
Venti knows it should be addressed, at least for him personally but he avoids the topic as best as he can
After what happened to his friend, it´s hard to ignore your eventual fate
It makes him turn to the tavern more often than he´d like to admit
But he never shares his concerns with you or anyone really, even though there are a handful of people who know his real identity and some of whom are immortal themselves
You and him being separated was not eventuality but certainty, so he wants to use every opportunity to make memories he could look back on fondly
The bard has written countless songs with you as his muse, on a quest to immortalise you in the melodies of his lyre
If there was a way for you to become immortal yourself, Venti would discuss it with you and although he knows better than anyone you´re free to make your own choice, he´d love nothing more than to keep you with him as long as time would allow it
The moon was shining high in the sky, the streets of Mondstadt were empty and silent, yet rest didn´t come easy to its archon that night. Tossing and turning under the covers, drifting in and out of sleep, Venti almost gave up on the idea of getting any shut-eye in the coming hours.
He wasn´t quite sure what caused this but sometimes his thoughts just seemed to move a mile a minute. In his many years of existence, he was bound to have sleepless nights, that much he knew, yet, Venti still couldn´t pinpoint what prompted his restlessness.
His day had actually been quite pleasant, spending it under the old tree at Windrise together with you, strumming his lyre to whatever melody the breeze brought to him. Venti was quite sure he could never grow tired of the expression you wore when you listened to his music and his heart soared when you asked him to teach you how to play, gently guiding your fingers over the strings with his own.
So, naturally, he was puzzled as to why he was lying awake, staring at the ceiling without a hint of sound sleep in sight. Every now and then, he did manage to drift off only to be awakened by a nightmarish image of your hands, covered in red stains. No, that was only residue from the fruits you ate during your picnic. Then he woke up to the sickening crack of a branch giving out underneath you and your shocked scream as your hand couldn´t reach his. But you only lost your balance, you didn´t actually fall, you were okay.
In fact, you were right next to him. Safe and sound, chest rising slowly and evenly, your mind far away from his dark thoughts. Without meaning to, Venti asked himself how much longer he´d be able to look over and see your peaceful expression and hear your soft breaths. Careful not to wake you, he reached out to you…
Your skin was ice cold. The archon physically recoiled from where he had touched your arm and his heart plummeted. The lack of warmth brought back one of the first and most gruesome experiences he had in this form. As much as he tried not to, he recalled it so very clearly; how cold his skin felt, how heavy he felt in his arms, those slow and shallow breaths, the red stains on his hands…
Venti´s sobs must have roused you from your sleep, your groggy voice calling out to him, your icy fingers against his shoulder as he tried his best not to flinch away from your touch. Sitting up, you opened your arms for him to sink into and he gladly did, hiding his face in the crook of your neck. Your hands slowly warmed up as you ran them up and down his back in soothing patterns.
“You´re okay,” you whispered. “It´s not real. You´re safe here with me, I got you.”
He wanted nothing more than to believe you. To believe that it wasn´t real, that it was just his mind playing tricks on him but how could he, when he knew what was bound to happen; when he knew that one day, you wouldn´t be here to comfort him; when one day, imagination might turn into reality, into memory.
But for now, he thought, it would be okay to hold you a little tighter, to press his lips to the spot where he could feel your pulse the strongest, to relax in your hold as you hummed a melody he´d heard before. He´d tell you eventually. Maybe not tomorrow or next week, but he would.
Eventually.
SCARAMOUCHE
Your mortality? Yeah, he´s not a fan
I´ve said it before and I´ll say it again: Scara tends to be possessive with what he considers `his´ and he´d be damned if anyone so much as tries to take it (or in this case, you) away from him
Be it a lousy soldier, a disease or even the concept of mortality, he will not relent
Out of everyone on this list, I´d imagine him to be the most likely to actively search out ways to keep you tethered to this world
The end justifies the means and he utilises every resource at his disposal, having his agents look for clues, scanning materials on the matter while on a mission or bribing those who may know something
He might tell you he´s only doing it because this mortality makes you weak and that that´s not a quality the partner of a Harbinger should show but regardless of if he wants to acknowledge it or not, he´s not only worried for you due to the nature of his job and the enemies he´s made, Scara simply doesn´t want to lose you
He doesn´t trust others and others don´t trust him but you still accepted him and could look past his harsh words, something he had scoffed at in the beginning
Over time though, you grew on him and he decided to take a leap into for him uncharted territory and now that he was here, it would be hard to get rid of him again (not that you minded)
If there was a way for you to become immortal yourself, Scaramouch would undoubtedly convince or persuade you to grasp this chance, whether it´s for his sake or yours is unclear though
Scaramouche was leaning against a pillar in the corner, staring down the opposite side of the funeral hall with narrowed eyes. Honestly, the Harbinger couldn´t care less about the guy in the coffin or all these people crying or sniffling into their handkerchiefs.
What he did care about was you being one of these people, dressed in all black, eyes bloodshot from days of mourning. In all the time he´d known you, you had never been so shaken by anything before but after your cousin´s death, Scaramouche basically had to force you to eat, shower or sleep. The vacant look in your eyes made frustration against your late relative flare up for meeting such an untimely end and hurting you in the process.
He watched as you made your way up to the stand on wobbly legs, shoulders shaking as you reassured your aunt that you were fine. Your fingers trembled as you unfolded the eulogy he watched you write and rewrite at least a hundred times as you took a shaky breath.
Scaramouche let his gaze wander around the hall decorated in muted colours and flowers as he listened to you recounting old stories of the trouble your cousin and you would get yourself into when you were still kids. He was already familiar with all of them, you had explained that the two of you used to be very close up until he had gotten into that accident.
Somehow, his attention always came back to the framed picture of your relative and the resemblance he shared with you was so unmistakable it sent a chill down his spine. You´d shown him old family pictures before but as you stood up there, next to that coffin, next to that picture, your similar features seemed to stand out even more strikingly than before. Your cousin even was the same age as you, still young with all his life ahead of him. But death didn´t differentiate between early and late. There was no guarantee as to when your time would come.
Your voice broke off into a heart-wrenching sob, the paper balled up in your fists as if it was a lifeline. Despite the tears flowing freely down your cheeks, you finished your eulogy before being guided off stage by your aunt and into the embrace of your family.
As the memorial came to an end, the guests gathered outside for the burial of the coffin. You left your family´s side and slowly made your way over to him. As you looked up at him with glassy eyes, he couldn´t help but reach out and wipe away some of the tears falling from your lashes. At that, you only seemed to cry harder before hiding your face in his chest.
“Thank you… for coming.” Your voice was hoarse and barely above a murmur but Scaramouche heard you clearly. “I know you don´t normally care about this kind of stuff…”
He scoffed. “Of course, I´m here. Somebody has to make sure you´re getting through this.” In another uncharacteristic gesture, his voice softened. “How are you holding up?”
“I´m fine, really. It´s just…it all feels so real now. Before I didn´t…it didn´t hit me that he´s really gone now, that I´ll never see him again. But it all feels so final now.”
He could only hum in agreement, never having grieved over the loss of someone like this before. He stood back as you and your family all took turns adding to the pile of soil covering the wooden casket. Even then he merely watched as you mourned with your relatives a little longer.
Eternity stretched things out over a long time but each moment within it became all the more fragile. He remembered saying something like this once. And as he looked onto the scene unfolding before him, he guessed he was right about it, too.
Scaramouche had made his decision. He´d never have to look at your picture in that frame next to the casket, he´d make sure of that. This moment with you, he´d stretch it out as far as he could, the couple of decades he´d have with you just wouldn´t be enough.
Even if you despised an immortal life, despised him, you´d have forever to change your mind.
His eyes instantly snaps open upon hearing your voice. The sight before him is beguiling - it's you, lying next to him on his bed.
"You haven't visited me in a while." He half complains, cupping your cheeks tenderly. Then he hears it, your melodic laughter that makes his eyes shut, as if he's trying to save the sound of you laugh in his memories.
"I'm sorry," You apologize sheepishly. "It takes a lot of my energy to visit you. I didn't mean to make you wait."
He pulls your face closer to him with a frown on his face.
"Don't apologise, darling." He breathes. "You are here. And that's enough."
You smile sadly at him. Every second you spend with him is precious 'cause the longer you are with him -
Forcing a smile, you lay your head against his warm chest.
"Your heart is racing. You are full of life." You sigh in relief. He doesn't say anything, only rubs your back in tender motion.
"May I ask you something?"
"Yes, darling." You felt his lips move against your hair.
"How do I feel?" You tentatively question. His whole body turns stiff. You know it must be the most cruel question anyone ever asked him. But you must know. You need to know that you are -
"Cold." Zhongli chokes. "You feel cold."
"I see." There's a wonder in your voice. "That's how I feel."
Fate is cruel to you. All you wanted was to be with him. Forever. You never meant to hurt him.
Zhongli plants a soft kiss on your forehead when you lift your head to look him in the eye.
"What is it darling?" Zhongli asks.
You cannot recognise this zhongli before you. He is looking at you with so much longing, traces the curve of your lips with his fingers in concentration as if trying to memorize the softness of your lips. No, the zhongli you knew was a happy man.
But this zhongli before you is a broken man.
"Let me go." You whisper. His face visibly crumbles at that.
"Can't do that."
"I can't keep doing this."
"Please don't say that." His voice breaks.
"You need to." You beg, desperately grabbing his shirt. "Let me go, zhongli. Be happy."
He's crying. You hate to see the look of grief on his face. You hate it so much.
"If I let you go, I won't remember you." His trembling hands hold the side of your face like he's holding a fragile glass. One motion and you will break.
You nod your head.
"You won't remember." You agree gently. "You don't need to remember me zhongli 'cause I'm already -"
"Don't say that aloud." He fearfully whispers.
"Dead." You finish.
You made a mistake once, a terrible one. Greed made you strike a deal with a devil. One wrong move and you will suffer a terrible fate. So here you are cursed even after you breathed your last - struck between life and death. The only way to free you from this curse is if everyone you know forgets you. And, zhongli was the only one you ever had all your life.
"Forget me." You plead. "Every second I spend with you, hurts me. My body can't bear this pain anymore."
And then the dam breaks. Both of you are sobbing in each other's arms.
He hugs you until it hurts. Kisses you until his lungs beg for air. Stares into your eyes until he realises that time would never be enough. It was never enough when it came to you in the first place.
"What do I need to do?" He asks in resignation, heart growing heavier. This would be his last time with you, and he will not break down when he's letting you go forever.
You tell him the words to undo the curse. And then you wait for him to say something.
In these final moments, he doesn't know what he should say.
"I love you. I'm glad I met you." Zhongli finally whispers, before planting a kiss on your nose.
"I love you, and I will always be watching you, zhongli. You may not remember or feel my presence but a part of me will always be with you." You assure him with a beaming smile.
When the morning comes, he will not remember you. He will not miss the sight of you in his bed, snoring and very much asleep.
He will walk through the streets of liyue and not remember the times he passed through those very streets with your hand in his.
He will not remember plucking your favourite flowers nor your beautiful smile when he hands you the flowers nervously.
He will eat his dinner alone and not remember any of your favourite food nor will he remember the taste of your cooking.
Most importantly, he won't remember that he once loved you.
Hiii! I saw your request is open so I have a few requests.
I was wondering if you could do genshin men arguing with their s/o who is a sweetheart? But one day, they had a fight about smth and their s/o just snapped.
I wanted them to like suddenly stopped talking and just death glare at them before walking to their shared room.
I actually want to know what their reaction be and what they do! I don't mind how many but I would love to see Xiao / Zhongli/ Scaramouche (if you do him too) !
— the story of us (looks a lot like a tragedy now).
;; the genshin boys get into an argument with their sweetest lover, yet, the “sweetest” has seemed to turn into something else.
:: preview: guizhong being zhongli’s past lover, and he isn’t moving on yet(aguyy), and xiao not being understandable of your situation.
“xiao, please! we could work this out together if you’d listen and understand me!” your sweet voice began to crack, and xiao is raising an eyebrow at you. the thing that happened was; xiao was pretty much away the past few weeks in which it has left you wandering around and helping people around, especially in the places where he could’ve been. one late night, he finally decided to come back in your shared home, which brings us back to where we were. “if you weren’t away these past few weeks i wouldn’t have been overworking myself in the midst of you being gone! there isn’t anything else i could do than help everyone around when you’re gone! it’s what i do!” you tried to explain, “and yet you’re still mad about why i keep working while you’re away? xiao, you need to know that if you weren’t gone i wouldn’t be so tired!” you sighed, “y/n, i hate how you work around for everybody, can’t you just rest?! i’m here guarding everyone- including you, so that everyone is safe and they’re able to feel safe, and yet when i tell you that you rest when i’m away, you work!” he started to shout at you loudly, and he stood there with his fists bolded up, “i work for us, xiao! you wouldn’t understand since you walk away all the time and now you barely have any time for me! i’ve been doing my best to keep us alive, and now your blaming it on me since i want us to live a nice life?! xiao, this is nonsense you’re bringing up. and i don’t want you to blame me into the wrong situations you’ve caused, and i don’t want to hear anything- anymore!” you began to splurt out words that was in your head, it was supposed to remain in your head and not out your mouth, and now tears started to spill down your eyes as you turned away from him, xiao had never seen this side of you so clearly and privately, and he began to think, and his thoughts were circling in his head, thinking about what you and him would’ve been doing if this stupid argument that the two of you had weren’t happening. your feet began to tap on the floor as you headed to your shared bedroom, catching his attention, right before one step into the bedroom, you gave him a piercing glare of knives stabbed through his heart. you then went inside the room, laying down on your side of the bed, unable to face xiao’s side of the bed, thinking of what he’s doing right now, and the answer was; he was walking around the living room, thinking of how to apologize, muttering out words that he thought to say. a few minutes have passed, and now you’re sitting on the bed looking at your photo album with xiao. you smiled softly, looking at the memories that the two of you had. you then heard the doorknob open, a figure walked over to your seat, and xiao was looking at the ground, attempting to atleast let out a word. “..y/n.” was that all he could say? your name? “…xiao..?” you turned your head to him, fiddling with your hands. “i.. i apologize. for the way i have acted. i didn’t understand your situation when we talked, and.. and it was stupid that i blamed you so bluntly without understanding your current struggles about us.” he began to raise his head up to you, smiling slightly, you could see his eyes get glossy, the moment his eyes saw yours. “and… i am also sorry for being absent and not being able to spend time with you… it was my fault. i apologize-" his sigh was cut out by you hugging him tightly, burying your face into his neck as you bursted into tears. his eyes widen, and yet his senses has made him hug you back, rubbing your back. “xiao… i- i’m so sorry!” your voice was muffled slightly by your head buried into his neck, “i’m so sorry that i snapped- i wasn’t really thinking- and the words that came from my mouth… i-i’m so sorry!” you hugged him tighter, sobbing onto his neck. “no… y/n.. it wasn’t your fault that you explained your struggles when i didn’t understand. it’s fine, y/n..” he said, whispering softly as he rubbed your back soothingly. xiao then kissed your forehead lightly and shushed you to sleep, calming you down.
zhongli was never really judging of you, still yet, you’ve never seemed to pass a day without him mentioning guizhong. his friend that died from the archon war, maybe even more than just a friend of his. — the day started ordinary like every day off of his, waking up with him, his messy hair all over the pillows and some on his hair, you fixing his long hair and tucking them behind his ear making you smile sleepily, seeing his face clearly in the early morning. “ah, guizhong used to do that when the winds would blow against us whilst we sat on a peak.” he smiled softly, caressing your face, although he mentioned guizhong, you couldn’t help but not mind it. his touch was soothing as always.. in the afternoon, you read some books to zhongli as his head layed on your lap, as he requested. “gui..” his voice started to fade, “y/n, dearest?” he smiled, staring into your eyes. your smile faded slightly, hearing the first syllable of… her name, again. “yes, love?” you responded. “i love you, guizho- ahem… y/n.” again? not only has he been testing you but it’s the nth time he’s mentioned (or atleast he’s tried to) guizhongs name. you chuckled, “i need to get something from the bedroom. you can rest on the couch.” you lifted zhongli’s head up your lap and placed it on the cushions on the couch. you headed to your shared room with him, and started to lay down on the bed. guizhong, guizhong, guizhong. that was all you could think of, did zhongli date you because he loves you for you, or did he love you for… your resemblance to her? your thoughts started to swirl again, guizhong, guizhong is the one he loves, not you, not you. guilt, doubt, worry, sadness and all sorts of emotions swirled inside, and it was unbearable, so unbearable. but no- not this time, he’s still waiting for you on the couch, you grabbed a hairbrush, to make up the image that you got the “thing” you wanted to grab from the bedroom. you went back to the living room. he was sitting on the couch, reading the unfinished part of the book you read to him. “ah, dearest.” he looked up from the book and saw you walking over to him slowly, “i suppose you’ve found what you needed? it took you quite a long time.” he set down the book on the nearest corner table, “yeah, it was hard to find it.” you brushed a few parts of your hair and placed it on the corner table and sat beside him, cuddling closer to him. “guizhong, my dearest.” you heared him whisper, making you pull away and bold your fist. “love? is something wrong?” zhongli tilted his head in visible confusion, “i’m not her.” you sighed, “y/n, dearest, what are you saying?” he chuckled in a joking way, thinking that you were joking. “i will never be her.. never.” you looked up at his expression of confusion with glossy eyes, tears were about to fall. “zhongli.. understand that… i am not her… and that i… will never be her..” the more you spoke, the more your voice trembled, and droplets of your tears started to wet the fabric on the couch. “no, love… i love you for you..” he tucked your hair behind your ear. “no! no you don’t!” you pushed him away and stood up from the couch. “you only love me and dated me because i am just like guizhong, and archons, am i tired of hearing her name every single time we’re together! i can’t even pass a day without having to hear her name from your voice again!” his hand started to reach out to you as he looked up your figure standing over him. “don’t even touch me,” you backed away and crossed your arms over your chest. “go back to her for all i fucking care!” zhongli’s eyes had widened, he’s never seen this side of you this mad, he knows that you’d usually be forgiving, just like how he mentioned guizhong’s name everytime! he stood up from the couch and standed facing your face flooded with flowing tears, his heart overflowed and overwhelmed with emotions of regret. you began to walk away and into your shared bedroom, you sat on the bed and started to hug your knees to your chest and let your tears flow freely from your eyes. minutes have passed and now you’re laying on your side.
you were hugging a pillow and burying your face into it. sniffling softly and hugging the pillow tighter and tighter. you heard a soft knock on the door, “love..? are.. are you alright? may i come in?” zhongli placed his hand on the doorknob, he didn’t hear you, but he opened the door in worry, guilt and regret. “what do you want?” your voice was still muffled by the pillow you were hugging, “i apologize, my dearest.” he sat beside your figure and placed a hand lightly on your head, “it’s no use, zhongli.” you whispered, hugging the pillow tightly. “i know i have done things wrong, my dear.” he sighed, “and i know that i shouldn’t have treated you like you were some reincarnation of her.” he began to stroke your hair slowly, “you are not her, y/n. you will never be her.” zhongli’s voice became softer, and… sweeter. “guizhong is the past. you, y/n, my dearest.. you are my present, you are my future, and you are my forever.” he began to carry your figure and held you close to his. “don’t ever forget that.” he kissed your forehead, “i apologize again, dear.” he kissed your lips softly, raising your head to his face. “hey… don’t kiss me yet.” you giggled with a soft voice, “my face is still wet from crying.” he chuckled and still kissed your forehead. “..hey, zhongli?” you leaned against his chest, and he responded with a small hum. “we’ll be okay, right..?” a small amount of worry was in your voice. “we’ll be fine, just as long as we’re together.”
- vale speaks ! .. hello! thank you for requesting! sorry for taking a very long time to do your request, my apologies for not being able to add scaramouche as well. sadly, I wasn't able to put scaramouche in this request as the two characters' parts were long enough and I wasn't able to put scaramouche's part in. thank you for supporting my blog! best regards, vale <3
you took the best part of me, when you left. you took my heart with you. ( or, the aftermath of a breakup. )
ft. diluc, albedo, childe, xiao, zhongli, kazuha x genderneutral reader
warnings : angst with a capital A !!! Angst !! post-breakup, lovers to exes to HMM?? HUH???, ooc characters HUHU, THIS IS SUPER LONG, i haven't written in awhile hihi sorry
sticky note : i got a lot of inspiration from quotes !! i cant link every quote i got inspiration from but please just send me an ask for a specific character like "whats ur inspo for zhongli?" and i will happily try and find it !! ALSO I HAD SONGS IN MIND FOR EACH CHARACTER PLEAAASEE ASK ME ABOUT THEM
DILUC RAGNVINDR. noctua
the day things fell apart was the day diluc lost every bit of light in his life — every bit of you. the day you left was the same day diluc realized how big the house truly was. pictures of you and him line the walls, and no matter how much it hurts to look at them, diluc can't bring himself to take any of them down. diluc can't bring himself to even come home. can't even stand to be in such an empty house.
the day the burning embers had gotten out of control, the flames enough to swallow him whole, diluc realized you weren't there to snuff them out anymore. to soothe the burn, to wash everything away.
you see him and speak of fire as if it's the softest thing in the world. speak of fire as if it hadn't burned you before, as if you could start fires with the feelings you have.
like a candle that has been lit for far too long, his love burns quietly, yet it burns all the same. his love for you was quiet, but yours? your love was loud. brighter than any flame he's created from the vision that dangles along his waist. your love lit suns into his heart and diluc ragnvindr fears that he will never be able to repay it.
he stands in the doorway of his room, silently watching as you slip through his grasp, as you pack your things and despite how much he wants to stop you, he makes no move to do so. he isn't good for you, and despite how endlessly he will miss your presence, your laugh, your smile, the habits he's worked his daily life around just so he could have more of you in it, if it meant he could save you from himself — diluc is willing to burn alone.
you were leaving and there was nothing else he could do. diluc ragnvindr could do nothing but sit in the silence, his house—his world was too quiet without you in it. diluc ragnvindr thought he was fluent in silence, until he locked eyes with you and his throat runs dry. until he's run out of things to say with you, of all people. you were leaving and everything diluc wants to say remains. you leave some of your things behind and you leave him behind too.
restless in his own bed, diluc would rather sleep on the floor than have to inhale another whiff of your cologne. he says he can't rest because of his work, but the truth is diluc ragnvindr can't — won't rest until he has you next to him. he knows better than to ask you to sleep next to him just so he knows he isn't alone, so instead he compromises with the fact he will never rest.
even now, as pieces and remnants of you and the history you both share litter his house, diluc is restless, yet he leaves it all alone. he leaves everything right where you left it, too scared to move it, lest he breaks what you left behind, what reminds him it was all real. he refuses to get rid of it, despite adelinde's countless offers of handling it for him, he can't. he can't bring himself to, because then, you'd really be gone from diluc's life. and he refuses to fill in the space you left, he refuses to take up the space in this house that's way too big for him, just as he refuses to fill in the gaping hole in his heart with anyone else. with anyone but you.
diluc finds you again when the burns start to heal, when all that's left is a scar on his heart. diluc finds you again holding the things he couldn't keep, the things he knew you'd need. you see him and, pained and still in love, still so in love, he sees you.
"i haven't forgotten about you — if that's what you were thinking. i am never . . . not thinking about you." he sighs, "i didn't say it then, but . . i love you."
"did you mean loved?"
"love. i still love you. i think . . . i always will."
ALBEDO. princeps cretaceous
in your absence, you'd taken albedo's comfort in the stars. the everlasting winter of dragonspine does not falter, albedo does not falter, and on the surface, it seems like everything is okay. if it were anybody else, everything would seem just fine. but you're not everybody else, and he hates it. albedo hates how the absence of a single person could affect him so deeply. he hates how often you run through his mind, sketches that were supposed to be rough diagrams turning into portraits of you, accidentally ending sentences in your name because that's all he can think about.
to the rest of the world, there is nothing wrong with the chief alchemist, but to him? — he feels sick. there must be something wrong with him, to see pieces of you in everything he does, in everything he reads, in every breath of life — in every star in the sky.
your eyes were so bright, he thinks, your smile even brighter, looking at the stars, at every constellation you remember. he didn't even notice, or maybe he just didn't care when you get the names wrong. it felt surreal, then. breathtaking, to look at the stars he sees every night. nothing in the sky had changed, but to have you next to him — it felt magical. you made everything feel magical. albedo can't even remember if he was looking at the stars or if he was just looking at you.
that's why it feels so wrong, to look at the stars without you next to him. it's unexplainable, the feeling of being without you. the feeling of having someone fade out of your life and having no way to stop it. having to wonder if anything was real, because if it was real it shouldn't have been so easy to drift apart. after all, the only stars you see in the night sky are the ones that've already died, their light the only sign that they were real, once. they were alive and they were burning so bright . . . were we real?
maybe it just wasn't meant to work, maybe there was nothing you both could've done. albedo had convinced himself that he was just never fit for the relationship he craved so dearly, he knew that. even if it hurt to know. even if it was one of the most painful things he's had to learn. he wasn't fit for human relationships, but at the same time, it felt—it feels like loving you was the only thing he was ever made for.
so even as he watches you walk away, even as he feels the ache in his mind and his chest that he could never quite explain grow stronger — albedo isn't sure of anything. of the time you've spent together — if any of this was worth the pain.
albedo isn't sure of anything, and yet there is one thing he'll always be sure of. until every last star dies, he will always, always, love you the exact same.
CHILDE. monoceros caeli
childe had lost the bits of peace that remained in war when he left. his breath is warm against your shoulder, hushed sobs as the strongest person you knew fell apart in your arms. the days leading up to his departure filled with the grief of losing someone who was right in front of you — childe had lost the peace in your embrace when he started counting down the hours. when he started thinking of when he would have to leave. when childe — ajax, your ajax, was torn from the times he was allowed to be more than destruction, more than a weapon, when he was allowed to just be yours. when you were allowed to be his.
it was night when he left, the sky so dark he hoped his family couldn't see how how red his eyes and cheeks had become. he had to be strong, he always had to be strong. if not for himself, for them, for his family, for you. it was night when you childe kissed you for the first time, when you both had to pretend nothing happened so it wouldn't hurt as much when he left, his pinky tucked under yours, you'd made a promise. you had to wait — please, wait for him.
his visits home were few and far between, there were times you'd rarely see him, but he made sure. he always made sure to come home to you. even when his body would nearly collapse out of sheer exhaustion, childe would always try to come home with a smile on his face.
no matter how tired he was, childe made sure to fill every memory he had with you with sheer happiness.he wouldn't be able to handle it — if the few times he'd get to see you were filled with the emotions that came with missing you.
so he'd come home and say his hellos that sounded too much like early goodbyes. he'd come home and crawl into your arms with the exhaustion of someone with the world on his shoulders, just to hide from that very world in your embrace — even if just for a day or two. childe will come home not to a house, but to a person, and he will try desperately to ignore the way everything's changed. he's not a teenager anymore, and neither are you. but while he can, childe will pretend you're both just kids, and he will take the few days of peace in your arms before he is forced to face the world outside.
XIAO. alatus nemeseos
you have changed the meaning of "forever" the moment you stepped into xiao's life, and the moment he decided it was too much to stay. the word had little significance to the yaksha, forever just another word stuck in the back of his mind, forever just another empty promise. for no one could promise forever and truly mean it. it was warm the day you first said it, warm being almost all he could remember about that day. how warm it was to have your hand resting atop his, how warm it was to bask in sunlight and you — how warm it could feel to be wanted.
you changed forever on days where xiao would find himself staring down from the roof of wangshu inn, expecting your footsteps, expecting you — he has to slap himself before it becomes too much. you changed forever the day xiao asked why someone like you would ever stay with someone like him. why someone so perfect in his eyes would want anything to do with the mess he is. what did he do to deserve it?
your touch was so gentle on his skin. so gentle it was terrifying. your arms would wrap around his torso and he'd never hug you back because he destroys everything he touches and he wouldn't know what to do if he ruined one of the greatest things he's known in this lifetime.
xiao had always wondered what it felt like, love. he'd never admit it, but it's always lingered in his mind. and if anyone ever asked, it would be your name on his mind. because if anything, if anyone was love then it had to be you. it had to be you. it had to be you and he hated it, because for the first time, he wishes he'd never known. xiao wishes he'd never known the answer to that question, if it meant he'd never have to say it; "i love you."
and maybe forever started to change when he met you, maybe forever changed when he had to utter words he didn't even believe himself, when xiao had to rid himself of what he thinks is the one good thing in his life. when he cut you out and desperately tried not to make you cry because he'd take it all back if you did and he couldn't. he couldn't take any of it back — that's exactly why he was saying goodbye in the first place. "i can't have you in my life." when all he really wants to say is he shouldn't have you. when you could have so much more.
and he prays that there will come a day where forever won't have to mean the life you both could've had, where forever won't mean something lost. where forever won't be filled with longing for something unattainable. where forever is nothing but the promise of finding eachother. in this lifetime. in every lifetime.
if it meant sorry, goodbye, i love you, everything he wishes he could say — every doubt, every regret he could ever have, he's not sure. "i don't regret it." his voice comes out choked, barely above a whisper. you stare at him and he keeps going even though he so desperately wants to stop talking. "meeting you, it was — "
"it was everything. you . . . were everything."
ZHONGLI. lapis dei
the day you parted ways was the day zhongli knew he would always, always remember you. the day you left you'd taken his peace of mind with you. countless nights spent wondering, because to wonder is to set your soul free, but to wonder and to never find out is prison. a prison zhongli has willingly trapped himself in for years, a prison he will continue to trap himself in for thousands of years to come.
zhongli isn't one to lie to himself, so when he passes you in the street, when he locks eyes with you in the crowds of people, when he sees you again, not as a god, but as a mortal man, zhongli makes no move to lie and say that he's fallen out of love with you.
memories will flood back with every stolen glance, memories of love and of loss. for that's all these memories really felt like; loss. but even then, zhongli didn't have it in himself to think of your memories as just loss — when he knew there was so much more to the memories you shared.
he had a new life now — you did too. and maybe that's why it felt so different. maybe that's why he felt so stiff saying hello. maybe that's why he had to catch himself before he stared into your eyes for too long. you always respected his decisions, he had to respect yours. even if he ached to hold your hand as you walked next to him for the first time in a thousand years.
you'd done this all before, lifetimes ago. when it felt like the two of you were on top of the world, when it felt like time was on your side, when you hadn't known the feeling of loss yet. zhongli just wasn't sure if you were willing to do it all again. if he was willing to do it all again.
he doesn't ask, so neither do you.
so as he sits next to you in the theater, exchanging simple pleasantries in the dark, for once, he lets the play fade into the background, stories he's heard a million times all of a sudden brand new as he watches you stare in amazement. a million questions playing on his lips as the play comes to a close. he wants to ask how you're doing, what you've been up to, if you even remember — he wants to ask if you've fallen in love. but as the two of you get up to leave, the only thing he can say is "take care of yourself." because he no longer has the right to ask these questions. he no longer has the right to know about you — to know you. and with that, he no longer has the right to peace of mind.
KAEDEHARA KAZUHA. acer palmatum
it feels as if you took the color from kaedehara kazuha's life the moment he walked away, the moment he left and you didn't chase after him. the moment he left and you didn't beg him to stay. you couldn't, not when he needed to leave, so you stay in the same place. you stay right there, smiling through the tears, and kazuha can feel his breath catching in his throat as he steps on that ship.
at times, he finds that his mind wanders to you everytime he sees the breathtaking scenery, the leaves that rush through the wind, the skies right before sunset, because archons, it cannot compare to the sight that is you. soft flowers fall from the branches as red as his puffy eyes and, despite the overwhelming amounts of color that paint the landscapes, he sighs at how dull, how colorless—lifeless his world seems when you're not in it.
ink stains the sides of his hand, poems he didn't even intend to write about you always tying back to you anyway. it makes him feel seasick, at times, the ache in his gut at the thought of how he left.
kazuha's heart weighs on him like an anchor, tides crashing against it as he is forced to stand still; lest he drift away into the depths of his emotions. blood stains his clothes, it stains the bandages that wrap around his body, the bandages that do nothing to mend his heart.
kazuha runs his fingers across the paper, the indentations of words on paper for letters he knows he will never send. the words aren't romantic, or as poetic as he wanted, instead filled with the guilt, the unresolved grief of being the one to leave — there is so much he wants to say. there is so much he wants to tell you and none of it can come out in words. pages littered with ellipses and crossed out sentences because there is absolutely nothing poetic or romantic he can write about missing you.
the ink smudges on his finger and he can't bring himself to rewrite the same letter again — so he doesn't. he packs everything he wishes he could say into a single envelope, and amongst the smudged ink he can only hope you can't make out the last sentence. i wish you were here to kiss my scars.
He had ended things with you because rumors had spread, his reputation and his families reputation could go down the drain completely. He loved you but he just couldn't risk it, you were a mere.. Commoner.
In the battlefield he was, with ayaka a few meters beside him, he and a few others had fought against the army. He was about to defeat one of the generals when, he saw a glimpse of you from the side of his eye.
He saw you mouth his name, as you were about to step a bit closer, a polearm had pierced your stomach, ayato's breath hitched. No. No.. You couldn't be? Right? How did you even get caught up in the fight? You were supposed to be safe, you were supposed to be alive.
The war was finished, he lifted your tired and cold body, he tracked all the way to the estate.
He could now care less about his reputation, he was being absurd, and selfish. Hell who was he kidding? You were his family.
Childe:
He never did confess his love, being stubborn and putting his feelings aside for his fatui duties. Running errands and clearing some camps and killing enemies.. You know, fatui stuff.
However.. When he had seen a commission hanged up on the billboard of the adventurer's guild, he felt as if celestia has dragged him up and threw him back down.
It was a picture of your face, MISSING
It was written on bold. He immediately grabbed it and ran, he heard Katheryn yell at him but he ran so fast he lost her voice in less than 5 seconds.
He went to the exact location on where you were last seen.
Only to be greeted with the foul smell of blood and rotting flesh. It was disgusting, but something else that was horrendous was your head plowed on a stick buried into the ground.
His name was written on your forehead.
Kaeya:
He never really shared much about his oast, besides the times with crepus and diluc, he was old enough to recall his origin for sure but every time you would bring it up he would chuckle then avoid your questions.
But.. How you react when you see he was the reason all of this happened.
Mondstadt was burning to the ground, he was smiling proudly. One nation down, he thought.
He turned his head to be greeted with your pale and lifeless corpse inside of a bubble of the abyss mage, his smile dropped.
"YOU! LET HER OUT. LET HER OUT!"
He yelled at the abyss mage, they got scared and put you out of their bubble, dropping your corpse.
Kaeya regretted this moment immensely, why did it have to be you?
He got what he wanted but in exchange. For you.
Zhongli:
Maybe it was his fault, his fault his polearm was sticking out of your chest.
Maybe if you had not interfered you would be ok,, but it is not you to blame, is it.
It was all on him, from the moment you threatened him with a knife, because he was going to kill a child. A cursed child who was beyond salvation might i add. Though you were persistent,, he had no choice. Now.. Both the child and your corpse lay on top of a bed of flowers.
summary: after getting your confession rejected by certain funeral parlor consultant, you take a visit to wangshu inn to see xiao. he isn’t impressed by the current situation presented to him.
notes: i’ll probably edit this since it’s been so long since i’ve written something. i’m sorry if it’s absolute shite. nonetheless, this is a super self-indulgent fic and i hope you enjoy it as much as i’ve enjoyed writing. cheers!
“He’s a fool.” Xiao murmured as he ate the almond tofu prepared by you.
“Huh? What do you mean?” Your eyebrows furrowed as the yaksha suddenly filled the silence with a single statement. He looked at you for a moment and finished the dessert, setting the empty bowl next to him.
You and Xiao were currently at one of Wangshu Inn’s terraces, sitting at the edge of the terrace floor with wooden railings situated between you and the vast expanse below. The sun was setting when you decided to visit your self-proclaimed best friend to tell him the story about a confession that was met with a painful rejection. Of course, that story was yours.
“You already know what I mean, [Name].” He looked down at the waterscape below with what seemed to be annoyance adorning his face.
You tilt your head in confusion, aware that he could see the gesture from the corner of his eyes. The man sighed and uttered one word that answered your question, “Zhongli.”
when you sleep on the couch after an argument (except its more like the guest room)
diluc ragnvindr x reader
2.1k+ words | zhongli
warnings: hurt/comfort, more hurt on dilucs end im sorry baby❤️ no pronouns used
hello yes not even 24 hours later i'm back with more angst
“just forget i said anything diluc,” you sound as defeated as you feel. it could be so difficult trying to get through to a man as stubborn as him and it only upset you more when you started to lose your cool while diluc remained impassive about the whole situation. you’ve always known he had a difficult time expressing his emotions, especially the more uncomfortable ones like you both feel so swirling in your hearts right now, but that didn’t stop you from wishing he would let you in just a little more when you opened up about your own. you don’t know how long it’s been since the argument started, too long, long enough for the late afternoon sun to turn into dusk. by now your throat hurts, your eyes sting with frustrated tears, your lungs feel like they're suffocating in the heat of the room and all you want is for this to be over, to stop hearing his frustrated tone normally reserved for annoying bar goers and other annoyances being used to speak to you. how much longer could you take of this before you broke.. “i’m too tired to keep going on like this..”
“we’ll be finishing this discussion later.”
the coldness of his tone is the final blow to the cracking dam that was your tear filled eyes. with your back turned towards him, your steps quiet and shaky, you try your best to hide the quiver in your voice as you whisper a small ‘okay’ before exiting the study, softly closing the door behind you. thankfully most of the staff was gone by now and you could walk to your room with your head hanging low, without the embarrassment of them seeing you and accidentally making your tears worse.
you know you won't be able to sleep despite how exhausted you feel but you lay down and curl up in the plush duvet anyways, hating and loving how it smells of cedar, wine and a hint of smoke. you don’t know if the scent of him is making your tears better or worse but you don’t move from the bed until the sun sets behind the open curtains and you hear the large mahogany doors of the manor shut as your beloved heads towards the city. realizing a little too late how it would affect your already fragile heart, you rise from the bed and watch from the window as his figure disappears into the night.
all at once everything feels like too much and you find you can’t handle how every inch of this room feels clouded in your frustration and sadness. you couldn’t be in here, you wouldn’t find sleep with his scent lingering on the sheets. in your upset and frustrated mind you didn’t think you’d find comfort in any reminders of him but you soon found the guest room was not much better. it hadn’t been touched in so long, probably before you even knew diluc, and not a single thing in here is a remnant of him, it’s everything you hate about the room but you weren’t sure which was better. in the end it didn’t really matter, no matter where you were you were bound to cry yourself to sleep, hating that you’d still feel this way when you had to face this argument again in the morning.
“we’ll be finishing this discussion later,” he says, forcing himself to tear his attention away from you and return to the paperwork that needed to be filled out hours ago. you were getting nowhere like this, you both knew it and the only way he knows how to calm the uncomfortable tightness through his whole chest, that creeps up his spine and rattles his stolid demeanor, is to throw himself into his work, and he does just that.
he hardly notices the sun set and the darkness throughout the study as he gets through contract after contract. only when the words on the parchment became not enough to distract him from your argument and he was finding it harder to ignore the emotions still coursing through his veins was he pulled from his work. despite the late hour there was still so much to be done, the night was far from over for him. he slips on his coat as he exits the study to head to the city but is stopped at the edge of the steps, his eyes drifting slowly towards your closed bedroom door. he swears he could choke on his heart in his throat. he does his best to swallow it, and takes some solace in the fact the room is dark. hopefully that means you’ve found sleep.
he doesn’t even make it to the city before every ounce of his frustrations is used to fuel the burning flames in every swing of his claymore; every hilichurl, every abyss mage and treasure hoarder that was unfortunate enough to come in his path feeling the searing scorch of the uncrowned king of mondstadt.
as enemies lay defeated before him, proof of his anger, the feelings raging inside him turn from irritation at you for being stubborn, to confused frustration about the whole situation, to guilt ridden self loathing about his blindness and bullheadedness. why is it only now, as he analyzes the fight over and over, that he sees the tears pooling in your eyes, that he truly hears your words and that all you said came from nothing but concern for his health, all because you loved him and cared for him. it was him who was being stubborn. he pushed you away, he kept you at arms distance when you were so ready to accept all of him and tonight he pushed you even further from his heart but that was something he never wanted. without you -
his claymore clanks on the ground beside him as he tears off a sullied glove and rubs the bridge of his nose between his thumb and index finger before running his hand through his frazzled locks, trying to compose himself. archons he hates this. he hates arguing with you. he hates feeling so far away from you even though he knows he has no one else to blame but himself. he hates seeing you cry and even more than that, he detests being the one to cause your tears.
his aching heart leads him home, sending a plea to the universe that you’re still asleep and you will stay asleep as he holds you tightly against him, not caring how desperate his grip will be. he knows he messed up and when you awake tomorrow he’ll apologize from the bottom of his heart and keep his promise to do better, accept his consequences but tonight he can't be away from you any longer.
with quiet footsteps he makes his way up the grand staircase and to your shared bedroom, shaking hands quietly closing the door behind him. the sweet smell of you wafts faintly in the air and lessens the pressure tightly in his chest. hanging his coat on its hanger by the door, shedding his vest and changing from his day clothes to something more suited for sleep he wants nothing more than to crawl into bed with you. but as he steals glances at the bed, while normally hard to make out much through the drapes on the canopy, he notices how empty the bed looks. it has his heart pounding in his chest but he remains rational, it's dark and you often like to curl up, it’s oka-
he pulls back the drapes on your side of the bed, slowly at first, but when he sees the bed is completely devoid of you his body goes rigid, the heat his worried heart flares up nearly catching the drapes on fire. letting out what was supposed to be a breath to relax him, to not let his mind run with the worst of assumptions, with the fear he refused to let form fully until now- was this fight really enough for you to leave like this? had he lost you thanks to no other than himself, rather than the darkness that usually took those he loved- of perhaps he was the dar- no diluc. get a grip.
he had to think rationally before he burned all of teyvat down in search of you.
plenty of times you’ve fallen asleep on the couch while waiting for him to return, he hadn’t even thought to look there when he came home- his tunnel vision bringing him to the place you should be. gripping tightly onto the banister, he quickly makes his way down to the parlor and feels his barely held together calm slip completely when you’re nowhere to be found.
every door, even ones that don’t make sense- closets, the pantry, the cellar- are thrown open in search of you. every guest room that hasn't seen a guest in so long has the master's attention, one by one turning up empty, taking more of his sanity until he feels like he's suffocating. there’s only one more guest room left and he doesn’t waste a moment opening the door and lighting the candle by the bookshelf to illuminate the room and hopefully you.
he honestly isn’t sure how he makes it to the bed. he swears once he sees you laying in the normally untouched sheets his knees threaten to give way but nothing could stop him from holding you. he had to, if he didn't, what was the possibility this wouldn’t be real or that you’d slip right through his grasp while he was unable to do anything.. even if that chance was miniscule, it wasn’t a risk he was willing to take. he couldn’t imagine his life without you, more than anything else in this world he loved you.
shaking hands that grip and pull you harder than they intended to make it impossible not to be stirred from your restless sleep but you don’t question who it is, this warmth could only belong to him. you attempt to sit up to get a better look at him, to rub the sleepiness from your puffy eyes, but his arm wrapped around your middle and his other hand buried in your hair holds you steady against him, your face buried in the crook of his neck, tickled by soft vermillion locks.
“‘dil-”
“please forgive y/n..” he pleads softly. “i’m sorry for being so stubborn, i regret you see that part of me from time to time but y/n.. i.. i love you more than i know how to express.. i will do better for you. i can’t- i can’t lose you.”
“lose me?” your tired mind finally registers just how hard his heart is beating against your chest, how his breath is uneven, that his grip on you keeps growing tighter with each passing moment. it's almost crushing but you don’t protest, you need it just as badly as he does. pressing your head against his shoulder, accepting him completely, you speak honestly and hope he’ll hear the love behind your words. “‘luc, i’m not going anywhere.”
“i don’t know what i’d-”
“my love, you don’t need to worry about that,” your lips find his exposed neck and you place a tender kiss against his porcelain skin. “i’ll always be by your side. nothing will change that.”
you swear you feel his heart skip a beat. “i do not deserve you.”
“that is far from the truth. you are deserving love and everything you could ever hope for-”
“you are all i hope for, all i need…”
his confessions of love continue, each one stealing your breath away, melting away any lingering sadness from your fight. he leaves you blushing, speeches and you can’t help but cling to him. all of his promises, all of his apologies, were so full of honesty and love, they consumed you, dilucs love encompassed you and you melted against him, your heart so full you didn’t know what else to do but cry.
somewhere in the eternal warmth of his love and words he had lifted you up higher to rest his forehead against yours, to feel your touch, leaning into every brush of your fingers behind his ear as you moved hair out of his face and returned his love in kind.
only celestia would know how long you spent spilling the contents of your hearts until tears of love and pure exhaustion brought you both to sleep in each other's embrace, in a bed that wasn’t your own. but it didn’t matter, wherever you were together the flames of your hearts burned brightest and couldn’t be torn asunder.
mayyyy be writing the same with some other boys too👀
“okay.. okay! i get it zhongli,” you express loudly when you’ve heard enough of his words, dropping your tense shoulders and letting your head hang low as you rub the bridge of your nose between your fingers to try to ease the unshed tears that threaten to make their escape. except your words are a lie, you don’t get it and don’t know why can’t he understand where you’re coming from. he was always so understanding but tonight your conversation took a turn for the worse and somewhere in the heat of it all, understanding was lost and forgotten from the both of you. your strained throat can’t take much more of this and the shakiness of your words say as much. it's been a long day and an even longer night with your beloved towering over, unintentionally making you feel small both with his stature and choice of words. his tone was so unfamiliar to you, every word feeling like he was talking down to you and the volume of your own voice was something he hardly ever heard from you. even if you felt like you could scream you didn’t want this to continue, not knowing how much more your heart could take. “i’m tired.. let's go to bed.”
zhongli sighs and rolls his shoulders, letting your words and the knowledge you now understand his own lessen his frustration. with your discussion out of the way, tiredness and the need to show you his affection is all that remains. arguments are few and far between with the ex archon, for more reasons than one but most of all, he would hate to be the cause of your sadness. all he ever wanted was to love you. after feeling so far away from you this entire discussion, laying in bed and holding you against his chest sounds like the best possible way to end the heavy night. with a tired smile he reaches for you, ready to lead you back into the bedroom and go through your nightly routine together as you normally do but his smile, and his heart, drop when you walk past him without meeting his gaze and he hears the running water as you get ready by yourself.
in the bathroom, side by side, you wash your faces, brush your teeth and change clothes all without speaking a word to one another. you hardly even look at him but his topaz gaze finds you more than a few times, each quiet moment you don’t return his loving glances making the pit of nervousness in his stomach swirl uncontrollably.
“may i?” he boldly asks when you reach for the hairbrush he recalls purchasing for you when you first started dating, thankfully the day he saw it he had remembered his wallet.
“.. i’ve got it,” you reply quietly, grabbing the brush and working it through your hair. it felt like the words were being choked out of you but you do your best to steady your racing heart and stop the tears forming in your eyes. “i’ll be a bit longer.. you.. you don’t need to wait for me.”
“y/n..”
“it’s okay, everythings fine.” but you’re saying it to yourself just as much as you are him because maybe, just maybe, if you spoke it the universe would make it so, but it doesn't; it doesn’t stop the aching in your chest, it doesn’t silence the echo of his harsh words replaying in your mind, it doesn’t make the tears in your eyes not sting any more. “i’ll be ready soon.”
gulping, and despite his better judgment, he nods and makes his way to the bedroom, preparing your side of the bed before sliding into his own. he hates how tight his stomach feels but he’s certain it’s nothing that holding you and getting some sleep can’t fix. it’s far past when you normally go to bed and now that you had come to a compromise and his body rested against the plush sheets he notices just how tired he actually is. yes, some sleep would do you both good.
he hears the bathroom door close behind you and smiles sweetly, hopefully, his heart feeling lighter the closer you get to your side of the bed.
“sh-”
the feeling of his heart dropping into the - now feeling endless - pit of his stomach stops his words from forming fully and has his smile turning into something sorrowful. but you wouldn’t have seen the pain he wore on his visage from behind the pillow you grabbed and buried the bottom of your face in.
“what are you doing?”
“i- i’m gonna go sleep on the couch..” you bite your bottom lip, hating how little of a shield this pillow made when all you wanted to do was hide from his ember eyes. sometimes you really hated how even when you can’t see them you can still feel them on you. “i’d just like some space right now..”
for the first time in a long time the ex archon felt worthless in his knowledge. zhongli thought he was getting better at grasping the entirety of human emotions but as he tries to process what is going on in your emotions, not sure of what to make of them and honestly not even sure of what the significance of sleeping on the couch is, he starts to realize he may not be as close as he thought and he’s forced to watch the distance he felt between you before grow vaster than he thought possible. the only thing he knows for certain is he would never deny you of what you needed, including space from him.
he can only watch as you grab an extra blanket from the closet and quietly, with gentleness that wouldn’t disturb a fly, close the bedroom door behind you. he wishes you’d at least slam the door behind you, yell at him, give him some physical form of indication that you’re still mad at him, that his argument wasn’t over because this is so much worse.
despite how tired he felt before, he can’t sleep a wink and for far too long he watches the door until eventually his gaze ends up focused on the ceiling above your shared bed, images of your argument replaying in his mind, guilt building higher than the mountains he’s created in all of liyue the longer he reflects on the truth of what happened; how he spoke to you as if you were a child and he a frustrated fool only trying to make sure his point comes across, not listening to your words or seeing how wet your eyes were filled with unshed tears or when your voice was strained with every word you spoke. not changing course when you hid from him and rubbed your nose in an attempt to calm yourself, a nervous habit he knows you have and normally is the only thing to help makes it better. his heart breaks realizing this argument was never truly resolved, all while he was blinded by his feelings about it and was fine with the conclusion but this he was far from fine with. whatever this sleeping on the couch custom was, he hated it, it makes him want nothing more than to hold you in his arms.
hoping you’ll forgive him for not respecting your wishes to be alone, he makes his way down the hallway, his heart stopping him in his tracks when he sees you balled up uncomfortably on the couch, your wet cheeks glistening in the light coming from the bedroom. you must have only fallen asleep a little while ago, with your heart so full of anguish he had caused. watching you now he’s never felt so small, a pebble amongst the tallest mountains that threaten to collapse against his aching chest.
he couldn’t let this continue.
“z-zhongli?” your voice croaks at the feeling of being moved, strong arms adorned in black and gold bringing you safely against the chest that holds that heart that belongs to you. you're too tired to fight it, but even if you weren’t you aren’t sure you’d resist his touch or that your hands could ever resist the warmth of his chest. “what -”
“this isn’t right.” he whispers as he takes steady steps away from the living room to where you rightfully belong; in the comfort and safety of his arms. his forehead resting tenderly against yours. the smell of him invades your senses, calms your racing heart, makes it hard to fight off the sleep you both desperately need. “forgive me, for not letting you sleep on the couch, for not realizing my actions and how they hurt you sooner.”
he’s so thankful you don’t try to get out of his arms and a wave of relief washes over him when he places you into the silky sheet and lets go of you, making his way to his side of the bed but you don’t get up to leave. still, the anxiousness- while much less than it was before - pumped through his veins at the uncertainty of if you wanted or needed to hear his apologies now, if he was allowed to touch you, if he had done the -
all of his thoughts and worries stop when the bed dips as you scoot to his side and press against him, accepting being wrapped in his arms with a tired mumble of his name that has him pulling you flush against his chest. his lips press against your forehead, the love they hold seeping into your skin with every apology and confession of his love he speaks as you drift back to sleep.
thinking ab bf kiyoomi who has a hair tie of urs on his wrist & will tie up ur hair 4 u when u eat
bf kiyoomi who reverses the car w one hand and rests the other arm on your shoulders, his middle finger idly tracing your shoulder blades
bf kiyoomi who hates seeing you sad , and immediately knows when you are, bending to meet your eyes and whispering ,” what’s up ?” with the most tender look in his eyes
bf kiyoomi who pretends to be stoic with his friends, but when you meet up with them one day they can’t help but gawk at their 6’4 scary dog buddy giggling at you
bf kiyoomi who loves how small you are compared to him because he wants you to feel safe
bf kiyoomi who gets mad butterflies when you show him attitude and hand his sarcasm back to him
bf kiyoomi who adores when you give him butterfly kisses on his neck
bf kiyoomi who has deep, sweet dimples that no one but you has seen. he tries to cover his mouth when he laughs, but when you told him you loved it, he never did it again
bf kiyoomi who keeps a copy of you birth certificate, passport , id, diploma, anything, because ‘i cant trust you to keep it now can i?’
bf kiyoomi who feels heat rise to his cheeks and his vision get hazy when you hold his hands and brush your lips against his knuckles
bf kiyoomi who cries at your wedding because ‘ no one ever had the patience to put up with my uh,, particular habits. ‘
bf kiyoomi who appreciates your patience and love for him- showing it in the most endearing ways
