[kafka-esquire]

If you want to talk to me then all you've got to do is pick up the phone and dial some numbers. I don't think it matters which ones.

[stroebe2]

[screenshotsofdespair]

[furryprovocateur]

they should allow you to report posts for being gauche or passé

[segamascott]

[my-balls79]

[emosad420]

[screenshotsofdespair]

[rnismatch]

my camel straight up told me "man i am not carrying another fucking straw" like wtf asshole its just one straw whats your fucking issue

[hollow-toy]

mutuals can always dm me but be warned i talk like your coworker who is trying too hard to get to know you and my response times are akin to the response times you might get if we were communicating by letter

[hinoneko]

*sigh* fine, fine, i'll be the new doctor who showrunner. bring me two twinks, britain's tallest woman, and 1000 pounds worth of alumininamian foil

[papayajuan2019]

one day, i hope to be moved from your downloads folder into somewhere more deliberate

[nonlynear]

you can’t even run wild or lock horns or butt heads anymore. because of yoke

[thestuffedalligator]

So usually when an imaginary friend is a real thing in a story, it’s either a demon or a ghost or some supernatural boogeyman that probably wants to eat the kid they’ve befriended (Mama, a couple of the Paranormal Activity movies), or “imaginary friends” are just treated as a real thing in the setting, and if a child just thinks hard enough they can manifest a friend into existence (Foster’s Home for Imaginary Friends, Happy).

And somewhere in the middle is an area where the imaginary friend in question is real and they are supernatural, but they aren’t malevolent, and they aren’t entirely honest about what they are. Like maybe they’re a fairy or a god or some kind of boggle from mythology, but they just got caught by a six year old and they don’t have time to get into it, so they just go “…Yes. I’m your imaginary friend. We haven’t met. How do you do.” And then they stick around because they do love this kid, and if you’re a boggle from mythology in the modern day good food is really hard to come by.

And at some level. That’s what I think Hobbes is.

[friendlyfrankenstein]

He did, in fact, Literally Catch Him. And in the next strip-

Calvin takes him home and feeds him, which is a Humorous Misunderstanding. But also means Calvin is fulfilling: Hospitality Law.

[kafka-esquire]

In Drop Dead Fred it's made pretty clear that the Imaginary Friend isn't manifested by the child and that they operate as guardian angels /chaotic fae moving from child to child on the basis of a present need.

[kafka-esquire]

I was at a bar for someones leaving drinks and it came up that her leaving gift was an amazon voucher as opposed to say, flowers and wine. So I grabbed some flowers outta the vase at the bar and said These Are For You Now which would have been such a baller move had it been towards someone I had any kind of romantic relationship with and not someone I mostly talk to about like, adult safeguarding policies.

[st-just]

I think we can all agree that one of todays most pressing issues is coming up with a gender neutral inclusive variant of 'aunt/uncle' and 'nephew/niece' that doesn't sound fucking awful

[kafka-esquire]

Cousin, broadly speaking.

Guy who hangs out with my dad sometimes.

Kid who follows my sister around.

Adult I've known for a long time.

Family member who has weed.

Person who forgot to buy me a christmas present.

[kafka-esquire]

Hi @dynamaxwooloo sorry I got tagged ages ago and never got round to replying. Thank you for tagging me.

1. What's your blog title from ?

I guess it's just a play on words. At some point I had an idea for doing a twitch channel where I'd just read public domain books out loud to myself, I never wound up doing anything with that idea, but the first book I picked up was Kafka's shorts so I made a username around that.

2. What movie have you watched most recently? What did you think of it?

Last time I went to the cinema was for Crime 101 which I found to be, not all that bad.

3. What are you looking forward to right now?

I'm doing a little bit of a leading of a big discussion this weekend and I'm not really looking forward to it but I am looking forward to being able to say "oh yeah people do actually come up with good ideas when you give them information and don't gatekeep everything from them" (I'm grumpy about the way this was dealt with before I was involved can you tell).

4. If you could do anything at all today, what would it be?

I've got a long weekend, cos I'm taking an entire day of TOIL today. I'm hoping I don't waste it and that I can get some chores done, but if I spend the whole time napping that wouldn't be the end of the world either.

5. What's your drink of choice? (Coffee/tea order, alcohol of choice, soda, etc.)

Coffee out of a cafetière with a little bit of oat milk.

Whatever beers on draught. I do enjoy an alcohol free beer too, maybe cos I'm getting old.

6. What's your hair routine like? Anything special?

Sometimes I remember that I have hair.

7. What's your favourite way to travel? Is there a mode of travel you haven't done that you want to experience?

My fave seat on the bus is the suicide seats with my feet up and headphones in. But when I've got time and energy for it, the best way to get anywhere is on foot y'know.

8. Favourite month of the year and why?

I like working in December because everyone else has checked out and I look like the hardest grinder in the office for some reason just being my normal self.

9. Favourite time of day and why?

When all the essential stuff is done and you're into free time I guess? Even if you're still working/doing chores/shopping/eating, once there's not a pressure to do certain things then I feel very alive.

10. Do you play or follow any sports? Elaborate on that.

Nah. I've literally never had the attention span to be able to watch a whole sports match. That's all it is, I just find them boring. I've tried to get into sports but I can't do it, I can't force myself to give a shit.

I like to go for a walk and I'm now getting told that's good for you, so sure, whatever.

11. What kind of music is stuck in your head a lot lately?

I keep playing the chorus of Son Of A Gun by the Vaselines in my head, it's just catchy okay.

12. Dishes or laundry?

The fact that I can pay for a service wash and not think about it is easily the best part of having grown up money.

13. What's something you learned recently?

I've been getting a lot of value from people in my Meeting for Worship who come from a more conservative background who are using the bible and christian scholarship in their witness. In a strictly atheist way of course, I'm learning to feel more connected to my own history.

14. If you could give a TED talk on anything, what would you talk about?

Uh, I'm like vaguely planning a talk on common misleading phrasing in like adverts and propaganda. I'll need to do more research before it's ready to ship tho.

15. What's a piece of advice you find yourself giving a lot?

I try to remember that advice often comes from a pretty dishonest place. The Fundamental Attribution Fallacy comes around a lot when people are telling others what to do. There's often a projection of your own pride, or regrets or you'll simply be over applying your own experience onto someone else's situation. I think that when people come to me wanting to talk something through, the best thing I can do is to listen to what they're thinking with a smattering of "oh yeah that makes sense" or "what the fuck are you talking about" depending.

16. What's a piece of advice you would give to yourself five years ago?

Move out of London right the fuck now. Don't worry about a moving van, nothing you can't carry is worth keeping.

In a more general sense. It is possible to hold onto being nice! People who want you to be an asshole to fit their narrative will be persistent about it but you can go be nice to someone else instead and they'll like that! Most people like it when you're nice and polite! People who tell you otherwise are wrong!

17. Do you believe in luck and superstition? Do you carry any lucky items or follow any lucky rules?

I don't know why this is but I've decided I'm only allowed an odd number of tattoos.

18. Are you musical? Play any instruments or sing? Would you ever perform for an audience?

Remember when I used to like, run an open mic poetry night? That was fucking wild right.

19. Write, type, or speak?

Speak by far. I'm all into human connection. Call me on the phone literally whenever. When I'm leaving a voice not though, without the feedback of someone else listening in real time I will immediately go completely incoherent and it'll just be a jumble of "like, so like and I mean and and "

20. What do you wish someone would ask you?

I think if there was a question I wanted to answer I would just say what I wanted to say. That's what posting is!

I'll tag @frigbob and anyone else.