m a c h i n e

kai, nineteen, modeldebauched and disillusioned ★★★✩✩

[fyexo]

via bluebird0114

[thekoreansearcher]

[luhan-vogue-blog]

↳ addiction // luhan & kai

[luhan-vogue-blog]

“I’m glad I’ve earned your good graces,” he said wryly, reaching out to trail his fingertips across the collar of Kai’s shirt, just barely brushing the skin below. “You’re pretty fun.” His hand was now curling around the back of Kai’s neck. The skin there was heated and he dragged him forward until they were closer than ever, faces only centimeters apart. “Now let’s see if you can do a little better,” Luhan said lowly, smirk curling around the corners of his mouth before he pressed it to Kai’s. He could taste the citrus and bitterness of the tequila, but it only served to heighten his eagerness.

[kai-vogue-blog]

Kai didn't figure himself to be a force of anything. He'd be more comparable to some innocuous object caught in the crossfire. Completely placid, agreeable left on his own, but he was paper thin and got swept up far too easily for his own good. There were varying degrees of course, the tumble of his life from dance to something cripple a hurricane flood of emotions that he was still recovering from. And then there was Luhan, a tornado - too fast and too focused, sucked him and would inevitable suck him dry. But Kai was already damaged, was already crumpled into a mess of a boy and what else did he have to do with himself besides his slow descent into madness, charring his lungs black with nicotine and flooding his liver with tequila.

Luhan might bring about destruction, but he figured himself already thoroughly wrecked, and so what more could Luhan do to him (the answer of course, was so much. A physical blow that left him lost and searching - but how could he have known that?) that he hadn't already experienced? It wasn't like he couldn't hold his own right. He might have been at the end of his rope but that didn't mean he didn't have a backbone, didn't mean he couldn't tug and pull and struggle for something more. And he did, fingers fighting their way under Luhan's shirt and a full fledged battle with desire that he was quickly losing the will to continue. Why should he when Luhan was so very malleable between his palms? Warm skin and more alcohol like it would paint everything over in a domestic sort of bliss, where Luhan's eyes didn't travel to every good looking body that passed them by. So he took his time in collecting the salt, slunk his way up and let their lips brush, a spark of heat and a flare of fire translated fast into desire that had his eyes clinging to Luhan's body, face, fingers begging for more as he twisted them against the counter.

"You should be." he responded back, tongue in cheek and by coincidence Kai's gaze was focused on Luhan's as he spoke. Luhan's hands were on his neck, goosebumps springing up at the touch and he leaned in overly eager, noses brushing and a whine at the back of his throat as Luhan paused to speak. "Will you shut the fuck up?" was his (extremely) intelligent reply, lost in a haze of want and puppy love that he was finally getting a chance to live out. Their mouth finally met and Kai pressed closer, his hand slipping to the small of the boys back to tug him closer, tongue curious as he licked his way into his mouth. He nipped down on his lower lip as he drew away, let it slide from between his teeth, let his hands linger as he kept him close. "I really want you," he admitted, a raw sort of honest and he didn't give Luhan a chance to look deeper into the meaning before he was quieting him with his lips once more.

[exscrxsungjong]

Temporary Bliss | Kai & Baekhyun

[exscrxsungjong]

His hand dropped to rest on the table just in time for his waitress to return, dropping down his plate with more force than necessary and setting the fresh glass of water on the surface hard enough to spill the contents over the polished wood. Baekhyun lifted his gaze and simply grinned at her, flashing a sleazy wink just to grate on her nerves further before she whirled around on her bargain bin heels and made herself scarce. He shrugged, uncaring, and poked at his food with cheap silverware, content with snagging half of the toast on the dish before sliding it across the table to Kai. Judging from the redness in his eyes, Baekhyun had easily deduced that he had more alcohol in his system than anything else. “I think you need this more than I do.” It was the first real kind thing he’d said to him since he’d arrived, “And don’t tell me you don’t want it; I have no qualms about reaching across this table and shoving it down your throat. I can’t have you passing out on me on set later.”

[kai-vogue-blog]

"You've probably taken the Virgin Mary." he snorted, knew he was being about seventy four different kinds of blasphemous, glanced up at the sky like he was perhaps waiting for God to smite him down to hell for having too loose a tongue, too crude a mind. But the sky remained a pale blue, as sickly as his skin tone and he hummed in apparent relief. Maybe he really was losing it if he was looking at the sky like the clouds might just spell out his fortune, bad omens spilling down like rain and he was just waiting to get caught in the downpour. He never had an umbrella on him. "Glow? What the hell are you, pregnant?" he spit out snide, raised his brows above the rims of his sunglasses, lifted a hand to slide them down the bridge of his nose like he was inspecting him. "Sometimes, Byun Baek." he tutted, shook his head to himself before he let out a pent up sigh of resignation or disappointment, it was hard to discern.

"Well, god forbid if your patience wears thin." he met him with, sarcasm obvious as he pushed his glasses back into place, his himself from view with lazy yawn, nearly leonine in nature as his nose curled into a half snarl. "You hardly count as a prior commitment" he drawled out on the dregs of his yawn, tongue flickering out to lick at chapped lips and he looked far too much like a predator waking up from a cat nap, all heavy eyes and languid limbs as he rested his forearms against the table. He let out a sharp shock of laughter as Baekhyun pouted, spoke, kicked him underneath the table in response. "No. I like it when it's filled, then I can't hear you talk. The one good thing you can do with that tongue." he leered obnoxiously back at him, though he at least had the integrity to keep his voice down.

"I bet she spit in that. I hope you get malaria." he hummed out as he looked dubiously at his plate (despite the fact that it really was not the way one got malaria - but hell, Kai didn't need to be smart for his profession). The plate was slid his way quick enough though and he pulled a face before shoving it back. "Ew. No, I do not want your malaria spit food." He shot him a look at his follow up statement, a fond glare mixed with 'try that and I'll snap your girly little wrist' written across his features. "I won't pass out. I had coffee." he informed him, another yawn and it proved he needed more. "[I'll drop something later, have a few pills." he mumbled like an afterthought. "What have you been up to? Try any of those get tall quick remedies I e-mailed to you?" he asked him with a snicker.

[miitsuiis-blog]

[luhan-vogue-blog]

↳ addiction // luhan & kai

[luhan-vogue-blog]

He led them over towards the bar, where the bartender tipped his head towards Luhan in recognition and began preparing rounds for Luhan’s usual shot recipe right away. A few moments later, two small glasses were pushed onto the counter, their contents glowing amber in the dim lighting. He wrapped his slim digits around the two shot glasses, handing one to Kai with a devilish grin. Without waiting to see if the other model was following along, Luhan closed his eyes lifted the smooth edge of the glass to his lips, tilting his head back to take in the liquid with one quick gulp. It ran a burning trail down his throat in its wake, a sharp contrast to the cool chill of the glass in his hand. When he opened his eyes again, the world was a little brighter around the edges, just enough things seem more present, more immediate. He waited for the familiar warmth to move from where it settled in the pit of his stomach to spread throughout his body. It was the start of a night to remember, he could feel it.

[kai-vogue-blog]

Luhan played attention like an instrument; a virtuoso that bent strings into harmonies and left the audience bewildered, breathless. A standing ovation and even Kai hadn't hesitated in getting to his feet. He plucked out emotions, left people strummed out sharp and in need of repair - a resonating hum that made him a fixture, warped out pulses into playbooks and then you could never be rid of him. Music ingrained into your skull, the lyrics you could never get out of your head to the point of annoyance, torture.

But it was never ending and he was forever bending to the slight boys whims and desires, cat calls on his lips like a chorus and Luhan drank it in like sustenance. It was probably regretful he could never dance again, at this point Luhan would outlast him - dip, dive, dissolve into a fragmented memory, a broken record played back in his head, too nostalgic. Could catch a treble in his voice; three parts played out like a overly clichéd coming of age novel. But feeling blue was so passé and he'd rather sort himself out in red until he was blind, wrapped in rage and impartial to the taste of Luhan's lips.

Or maybe he was just getting ahead of himself.

He curled his arm around slight shoulders like that would somehow smooth out the confusing creases of his mind, an iron but all it did was brand him, searing skin like a tag and Luhan didn't even need to lift a finger. "Take what? I made it this far, right - you think you can break me in a night?" he asked him with a smile, a play pretend coy that didn't quite fit his face. "I'd give myself a week, at least." he added on amusement coloring his voice, and hell if he didn't already want another smoke. Luhan's cologne was cloying but he felt hot pressed up against his side. Sentiments in scents and he didn't think he was ready to make that type of commitment to a boy who promised nothing.

Kai eyed the glasses on the counter and snorted, arm falling in favor of picking one up. "Not even gonna order me a round?" he asked him with a near playful quirk of his brow, tipped it down his throat anyway in hopes it would trip off his esophagus and leave him tipsy. He wrapped his knuckles against the counter and ordered a few more, let his fingers find hips before he grinned and hefted him up and onto the counter - pushed him down and dragged his shirt up with a curious hand. "Open that pretty mouth, let's put it to good use for once, yeah?" he spoke out as he grabbed a lime wedge, dragged his lips further open with his thumb anyway and placed it between them. "Don't get mad princess, to be fair, you offered me shots." he shrugged as he scattered salt of his stomach, balanced a shot glass of tequila near his navel before he shifted to lick a thick stripe against his stomach, a dull gleam from sporadic lights and salt blunt on his tongue. He chased it with the shot, let the glass thump back down before he trailed back up, plucked the lime from the boys mouth, lips just barely brushing before he unfolded, stood straight and dropped the rind back into the cup. "I feel less resentful towards you now. You're forgiven."

[taekai]

[kai-vogue-blog]

keyboard floors || kai & nana

The air was humid and thrumming with the overwrought sound of staccato bass; like maybe it was confusing itself with precipitation and clinging to his skin. Four shots in and a chaser to wash it down with had his lips feeling loose and body malleable, eyes half mast and still ringed in heady makeup from his photo shoot earlier. The room was overcrowded and overclouded with the musk of dropped dreams and the consequences that came along with them. Beautiful girls with hair curled pretty, tousled in a manageable mess; a pale comparison in regards to their lives. Veins twisted with drugs and smiles pulled up like contortionists working a crowd. It was all the same in the end, you just had to put on a show. Mirror tricks and the art of illusion and Kai figured himself to be a regular performer.

Still, there were some that he wouldn't even bother holding a candle to: and besides, why he would even want to compete in the self destruction Olympics was beyond him. It wasn't like you signed up though, more like sank in slow and there was no choice when the hands of addiction started clawing at your feet, biting at your ankles. You just had to succumb. It was tragic, really. But then, tragedy could be veiled behind the tipsy messes made of minds, the haze of drugs and pull of narcotics dosed too strong for such slips of little girls, all grown up and playing dress up with drugs designed to kill.  Such a shame the tabloids would say, but by then everyone's on a new trend and there's no point in remembering the forgotten unless it's beneficial. Or worse, held under the light of longing until all you're left clinging to is memories fading like photographs. Sun spotting vision and leaving people blinded, but still the words repeat: such a shame, and then even pain is invalid.

Or maybe Kai is too caught up in catching up, it's probably true, he can't idle. It makes him anxious, heart fluttering too fast in his chest and he's nearly positive he hadn't taken anything. It's hard to recall though, sometimes. Hours bleeding into days bleeding into months; a murder of years left gored at his feet. Most of the time he chooses to shield his eyes, ignore it all. It's for the best. Nana's there though, he knows this because he sees her - and that's usually a pretty clear indication no matter how fucked up he may or may not be. Limbs too long and it would be nearly graceless if it didn't raise her into haute couture, stilts made of bones and skin that he's been longing to touch. Not that he does, can, should. He's not sure which is more applicable. But he's riding high on liquid courage and his face is still painted for show, Kai is smoke curling around eyes made of coal and hidden in a need-to-know obscurity.

Nana knows his name, and he knows hers. He knows her laugh and she knows the angle of his eyes - it's an odd give and take broken up and scattered in an imitation puzzle that neither of them bother trying to solve. It leaves him at an impasse but he can't deny the attraction that thrums through him, chords vibrating in his chest like his ribs might in fact be made out of brass strings, his heart plucking them into tune with every erratic beat. Percussion to match. It has him sliding closer, drink in hand and a smirk on his lips like maybe he knows too much, and maybe she knows too little. "I haven't seen you in a while." is what he parts with upon his arrival, a gift made of greetings and he wonders if she even cares to receive it. "Have you missed me?" he asked, angled his body closer and tipped his head forward, secrets shared through unspoken thoughts and how he can nearly count her eyelashes if he stares long enough. He probably shouldn't want to kiss her, but then again, who doesn't?

[sunny-vogue]

follow me | sunny & kai

“We will begin the meeting when the other model arrives,” the director stated in a flat, monotonous drawl. His voice was lifeless and it made the hairs on the back of Sunny’s neck stand with disgust. He was experienced, yes, but his years of work had chipped away at his liveliness, leaving nothing but a hollow shell of a man behind.  She nodded at him in acknowledgement only after realizing that he had been staring at her for confirmation, not that she had a say in anything that was going to happen that day. After all, she was still a rookie. A newbie.  Someone to throw around - someone to play with.  She was used to all of this, though, and she put up with it because she knew that in the end it would only help her. The condescending glances from the higher-up models that made her stomach churn and the venomous glares from those who saw her as a threat only pushed her forward, motivating her to do even better the next time around. She wasn’t going to lose a single fight that they pulled her into and if anything, they were going to be the ones to fall.

Her feelings about this shoot were mixed. The concept didn’t click in her mind; it wasn’t something that she would be able to portray with ease. But at the same time she knew that this was crucial for her reputation because the company that she would be representing was held in high esteem by the public. Her manager had booked it for her saying something about how her co-model was a “glimmer of hope in the eyes of critics” and that this would put her out there for them to see as well.  

Who was he? They hadn’t given her the name of who she’d be working with so all she could do was sit aside and hope for the best. This was supposed to be her big break, and she was thankful – tired of waiting for that one moment that would propel her career. Sunny rested her chin on the palm of her hand, elbow up on the table in thought. Her manager’s vague description of the man she would be sharing the set with left her with much to think about. Would it be Lu han? That accomplished, yet arrogant model whose life was a tragedy waiting to happen? Byun Baekhyun, the one who had trotted in on the tail of the career that his mother had established years before he was even born? Her heart skipped a beat at her next thought: Was it Jung Yunho?

Sunny gave herself a moment of self-delusion before twisting her face into a look of defeat and laying her head on the table. There was no way it was him. She was still too fresh, too insignificant to be shooting commercials with him. He had better things to do, places to be, while she was irrelevant, barely a blip on the radar of the fashion world. She constantly longed for the days when she would be the one in control, the one who everyone would pine after.  Sunny was lucky that her patience was something that she was in control of, because she knew that time meant everything in this business. The longer she waited the more rewarding her profit would be, and she wasn’t going to jeopardize her chances by rushing in too fast. Recklessness was never a part of her demeanor and she was going to keep it that way.

She slowly raised her head as she heard footsteps approaching the conference room. Was that him? Finally, she thought, patting her hair back into place as she turned to face the door. 

[kai-vogue-blog]

Kai had managed to garner himself a commercial deal. There was no acting involved, no lines to commit to memory - at least not on his part. All he really had to do was stand there and look pretty, a living prop and he was already used to that so it seemed easy enough to adhere to the outlines of the job. Besides, it paid well and maybe he could coax Baekhyun into spluttering out jealous if he caught his face on television. The prospect had Kai snickering to himself - perhaps giving a glimpse into his life, the retrospection that he wasn't nearly as mature as everyone pinned him down to be, caught under pinpricks of pressure and expectations weighing him down until he fit complacent into his role. It didn't always make it true, just believed, a role to be played and he acted along well; so maybe he belonged on the studio set after all.

He was skipped forward through life, cutting out the middleman of childhood, stripped down to sell perfume like his abs were somehow a centrifugal role in their subterfuge to rake in wealth on the promise of scented water. It seemed backwards if he thought about it too hard, and so he didn't; sometimes it was best to act like a good little sheep among the herd. It tended to get him more perks. He was on time today at least, punctuality was key, at least in regards to his career. If there wasn't a camera to document his movements lost in shoots like hours caught between time zones. Or maybe he had; stuck in a haze of Beijing humidity and the gritty glimmer of Seoul streetlights. Either way, when the shutter faded to white noise and the lenses had been dispersed, Kai's responsibility went right along with it.

He was sipping slow on a cardboard cup of coffee long turned cold, coated his tongue bitter as it slid down his throat. There was probably some adlibs to be made of that, something cliché and overused - like how it matched the state of his existence, something trivial and overly poetic to the point of prose. Mostly he just thought it tasted disgusting; drank it anyway because his eyelids felt too heavy as of late, weighed down by nights spent lost in limbo instead of dreams, toed the tips of nightmares when he managed to find himself curled up in his bed.

He pushed his sunglasses up his face as he entered the building, dragged attention to his ambiguity though their real purpose was just to cover the dark bruises blotted underneath his eyes like watercolors that had bled together; something vibrant sinking into a swirl of black as colors overlapped and left him looking faded. The girl he was working with was apparently a model though as he walked in and eyed her she was shorter than he would have expected, had curves instead of bones. Not that he had a right to judge her, really, she just deviated too far from the norm and it had him wondering how long she could stay relevant for. It probably wasn't a coincidence he hadn't seen her on the runway. "I'm Kai." was his astute greeting as he walked onto the set, voice low and unraveling among the chords of the camera equipment as the crew rechecked their work. "You? I don't think I've heard your name before. Think of it as uninformed over ostentatious." he drawled out, his voice nearly combating his words in demeanor; draped himself down onto the couch as directed to play the living dead - regular eye candy to the fashion hungry.

[jujulielie]

[kai-vogue-blog]

Kai;gifs/endless - N°265 

[luhan-vogue-blog]

↳ addiction // luhan & kai

[luhan-vogue-blog]

The line outside of the club was long and littered with girls in skimpy dresses, but Luhan glided past it easily, taking Kai’s wrist in his hand without thinking to pull him along until they met the eyes of a surly-looking bouncer, who nodded as soon as he saw Luhan’s face. Luhan glanced over his shoulder at Kai; there was a glow emanating around him, cast from the lights of the backdrop of the city against his figure. In that moment, Luhan thought that maybe it’d be better for them to spend the night outside, away from the loud club music and mass of bodies under poor lighting, rubbing their hands together for warmth and pressing close to each other while enjoying the bustle of Seoul at night. But instead, Luhan turned back entered the doors towards the distant thumping of bass, beating like a death march.

[kai-vogue-blog]

"But you want them there, don't you? Isn't that the difference. It's not like you're trying to shake anyone off. You like being the center of attention. Don't worry, it suits you." Kai spoke out against the night, backdrop flayed through with holes from the streetlights, headlights that played translucent over pale skin painted opaque through tendrils of fog. Delicate as they perched Luhan up like a cloud built out of hallucinations. A demon done up like a doll and Kai would believe it if revealed. He looked angelic standing alone on the sidewalk though, but startlingly so - the kind built from hidden remorse and shattered dreams, plucked wings and pride in knowing you were about to fall from grace.

Hauntingly beautiful, it was spouted off like a mantra but now, here in front of him...Kai couldn't decide if it was a compliment or not.

He led him out of the transmundane slip in time and into the cab, magic haze hanging over their heads and painting everything like a storybook primer; Luhan looking dainty and surreal even against the cracked leather seat. "Sometimes I go from benders to business. They say looking wrecked sells. Something like that. As long as you can still turn it on for the cameras, nobody cares." he explained, a glimpse into his life than anyone could pick out if they looked hard enough. Though not many did, not when they were all too self-absorbed and caught up in their own scandals and self spewed drama. "But tomorrow? I'm free - mostly. Or I can be." he finished with a quick grin, fingers sliding across his knee and tapping for poignancy as the words tumbled past his lips like some sort of come on.

He didn't mind the subtle shades of maybe that hung between them, in fact, he hoped Luhan colored them in vibrant.

Luhan spoke and it sounded like hidden promises and the allure of more, echoed past his foresight and had him tapping his heel expectant against the floor of the car until it rolled slow, too slow, to a stop. He slipped out of the car, smirked at Luhan as he appeared behind him - a laugh following suit at his compliment. His wrist was caught up in a hold too strong for such a small boy, or man. It seemed like a constant reminder played out that Luhan was older, the only indication of it was the faint laugh lines that played around his eyes whenever he got him to smile.

They were led past the lines of hopefuls and the hopeless and into the club. "So. When are you going to start making things up to me?" he spoke low, lips brushing the shell of his ear, eyes roving across the long line of his neck - could imagine it littered with pretty marks that Luhan would probably kill him for if he actually brought them into reality. He was still tempted. "I think I was promised shots..." he trailed off with a laugh as he slipped an arm around his shoulders, drew his in close to his side, could feel warmth seeping in through thin fabric. He liked it, this, them. Quite a lot, actually.

[kai-vogue-blog]

7, 9, 12~

7. things I like and don't like about my looks: I like my body, I guess. And my height - I think I have pretty decent bone structure. I wouldn't call it pretty but then, I don't really want to be pretty. Apparently I'm too tan but to be honest I don't really give a damn. If anything I don't think I like my nose, it looks like someone smashed a brick into my face as a small child.

9. ----

12. something I'm currently worrying about: Global warming. No, actually. Not really, I'm not thoughtful enough for that. If I was conscientious I'd say something about wondering where my life was headed, but then I'm not that either. I guess if anything I'm worried about a person? I don't really have a right to, so I'm not sure if it even counts. People live their lives and make their own decisions and sometimes it's...well, tragic. But I suppose I don't have room to judge.

[kai-vogue-blog]

9.

9. Something that makes me sad: Lost chances, I suppose. A shattered bone shattered my world and the casualties it brought left me on my knees. If I hadn't done this, or that. Or if I had trained more, less. I can't think about that day, that time period in without being upset, pissed off. It was a life derailed, my life. So I had to make a new one. Sometimes I just miss it all, my old habits or routines - so I don't. Think, I mean, not about that. I focus on modeling, jobs, people, block out sounds and shapes and colors with sleep deprivation used like a drug and snorting pills like a pick me up.

[kai-vogue-blog]

1, 24, 26 ~

1. The person I like: I like a demon. He talks in tongues and jokes in riddles. He thinks he's brave and I'm waiting for him to cry. He looks like a doll and so many people want him broken. Demons breed hate and it's not necessary; maybe he's cruel or cold or impassionate. But he's so very lost and so very breathtaking. I think i like him too much? I think I probably don't even have a right wanting him, but god. Luhan's got me trapped.

24. ---

26. ---

[kai-vogue-blog]

24 & 26 ♥

24. Someone I'd like to be for a day: Fuck, I don't know. How about Roberto Bolle or Chi Cao. Somewhere I could dance, a different stage, a different crowd. You'd think the differences wouldn't seem like much, but they are. Modeling is different, modeling is a job. Yeah, I'd be a danseur for a day. They wouldn't even need to be famous, I'd be content enough in the act.26. --- 

[kai-vogue-blog]

26. story of my first kiss.

26. Story of my first kiss: I was young - fourteen, maybe fifteen? I guess it's all sort of irrelevant. There was some girl, pretty I guess, in the way schoolgirls are. Maybe a little average, she had pigtails. I was sort of into that, her. The idea of doing anything more than holding hands seemed appealing to me. We did something stupid, snuck out behind the school or something to kiss. Yeah, it was the definition of hardcore. Anyway it was kind of shit and we jammed our teeth together. I suppose it's a good thing I don't find firsts of much all that charming.

[kai-vogue-blog]

14 and 16

14. Something I do without realizing: Smoking. It's natural now. It's probably convoluted or something, I don't know. I don't really see a point in changing anything about it. Oxygen, smoke, carcinogens, either way it helps keep me awake, keeps me living. I know there's the whole dichotomy of shaving off years, burning out, dying young. But if I'm young it means I'm brash doesn't it, always right? So I say I'm invinsible. I fucking dare anyone to tell me otherwise.

16.  A drunk story: I don't know - shouldn't they be glamorous? But a hangovers a hangover whether it's through Dom Perignon or a can Colt 45. But whatever, so I got totally smashed this one time. Tequila and rum and someone convinced me mixing them was a good idea? Yeah, it wasn't - tasted awful too. Anyway afterward we're wandering down the street right and so there was this girl but then- fuck it. Long story short I hired a hooker and it turned out to be a dude. Whatever, got my money's worth anyway.