KAI @kaipler-22b - Tumblr Blog

Can't wait to be 18 next year at this rate

I hate how fucking lonely I am

#kaipler 22b #kaimyguy #lonley #why do i have no friends #Literally have 3 #One long distance #One half an hour away #One who's always busy #Ugh #Get me fucking drunk

masterofkoschei

why cant gay people ask each other out they always gotta do some shit like turn you into an old man and wheel you around while singing a song from a band called scissor sisters

Tumblr and new phoebe bridgers album just giving myself a lobotomy.

#kaipler 22b #phoebe bridgers #new album

I feel like I literally know nothing anymore - I just simply don't know. I don't know what I want to do, I don't know if I want to do something, I don't know if it would help I just do not know.

Everything makes me so fucking anxious. Even leaving the house

This mentoring thing today was overwhelming because it was hot and just ah. I just don't know I don't know if I should try it or just walk away. This fishing thing next Friday with some random guy that might be 1 to 1 I just don't know. I like fishing but the idea of it with some random bloke I don't know yet in a place that I'm unfamiliar with half an hour from home I just really don't know man. I've got time to think about it but I literally just don't know. Because I also know if I agree to it I'll be stressing and then have to face the half an hour drive there and then the awkwardness and then not knowing when to go home and that crap. Ugh. I hate anxiety so much. And the mentoring stuff I just don't know but then the social groups again idk the thought of maybe having friends again seems great especially considering I'm 17 in a few weeks and don't want to be a complete loner but then again it's so daunting and scary and anxiety provoking, what if I just don't make friends? What if I just stand out like a sore quiet thumb too scared to interact with anyone. And then again it might be the one 20-30 minutes away from home compaired to a like a 5-10 minute drive across my town max. I'd rather the one closest to me if possible but at the same time would I even be able to bring myself to do it?

I just have no clue anymore, there's no rush about picking or choosing apart from the fishing one witch is before the 21st but we'll see..

Why can't I just be normal.

And I've got a cahms triage assessment - the first one ever after 5 refferals and someone having to stand my ground for me because they cant help me as I'm not in school or college.

But anyway that's enough crappy rample can you tell I'm stressed?

#kaipler 22b #kaimyguy #i don't got one #AHHH #Ugh

Its too fucking hot

#kaipler 22b #heatwave #uk #Absolutely sweating #UK weather sort it out #uk weather

Thinking about it.. Not having a celebrity crush now or ever does kinda make me feel a lil out of place because it seems like everyone has atleast one or something but I just don't - yes I fixate on characters and people like rocky and david tennant but I don't have a crush on David Tennant - more like I look up to him as a role model and I just love the type of person he is because he is truly fantastic. But yeah idk I feel odd for not having celebrity crushes because why does everyone but me have one

#celeb crush #I don't got one

I don't understand the whole Ryan gosling hype type shit idk AUGH

Like okay he's a decent actor and I liked him as grace in project hail mary but I woulnt go out of my way to watch all his films and like idk

Maybe I'm just weird? Probably. I don't have celebrity crushes or any crush for that matter often and I've never had a celebrity crush..

Help

#kaipler 22b #kaimyguy #project hail mary #ryan gosling

Thank you to everyone who got me to 250 likes!

Thanks guys lol

#250 likes #tumblr milestone #thank you

Also I was so happy ryland Grace went back for rocky. I sobbed so bad. Especially when I thought he was dying.

#project hail mary #phm #rocky phm

Watched project hail mary for the first time last night the hype was real although I'm still not on the Ryan gosling larp hype. But it was a great film 10/10 would recommend.. You'll probably cry.. I did. Rocky my buddie you're so me.

amaze amaze amaze as rocky would say

Fist my bump, later humans

#project hail mary #rocky phm #first time watch #such a good film #phm #phm film

I am rocky, rocky is me

#project hail mary #rocky the eridian #rocky phm #Silly

Getting sunburnt while fishing all day proves the lines are still in fact there. Even when they arernt as visable. A whole year later. And the thoughts do nothing but return and try to wear you down. Somehow I'm still over a year clean.

#kaipler 22b #kaimyguy #deppressed #tw sh related #selfharrrm #Scars #sunburn

kaipler-22b

I wish you weren't in Australia. I need a hug. I wish I could see you or talk to you, even for 5 minutes. I miss you.

kaipler-22b

I often forget how much grief actually consumes me. Simply driving past the old turnings to her bungalow and carehome brung back memories that just spiraled into more memories. I can't believe she is actually gone. And it's 2 years in October since we lost her. All these memories also reminded me of my favourite teacher, the one person who really stuck by my side and helped me out as much as he could and assured me I wasn't alone. I still miss him even though he's alive. Although he is now on the other side of the world. I hope he comes back soon and keeps his 'I'll see you soon' words he said to me the day before he got on that fight. I would do anything to see him again, especially right now. I need a hug.

#kaipler 22b #deppressed #greif #dealing with grief #greiving #does the greif get easier?#i hate grief #I miss you gran #I miss you too sir #i need him #teacher attachment #grief sucks

Got a crush again #roadtoinsanity

I can't keep doing this, I can't keep up everything is too much. I've had enough

Trending Blogs

Recently Viewed Blogs

KAI