kai

through and through, i'll find my way to you

[soleilruan]

kaisolari​:

“What? You’re out of your mind,” Kai protested. He cock an eyebrow at Soleil. “Not care that much? Isn’t it already obvious enough that he’s always making googly eyes at you?”

He walked around Soleil, mimicking Ethan’s walk and pretending to have googly eyes. “Is this not Ethan to you?!”

“Huh?” Soleil didn’t say anything for a moment, genuinely thinking this through. It seemed ridiculous that someone would like him like that– but then again, Kai did, and Soleil had no idea of that fact for a good bit before they started dating.

“… Well,” Soleil cleared his throat. For whatever reason, he felt embarrassed, as told by the red tinting his cheeks. “I guess maybe you’re right… aren’t you studying him a little too closely, though?”

[kaisolari]

Kai scoffed. “I’m not studying him too closely!”-- he was-- “He’s just that annoying.” 

A moment of silence followed. Kai rolled his eyes. “Well, it’s whatever you want. Just know that he’s in love with you.” He put his hand on Soleil’s shoulder. “And just know... that I think you’re alright.”

Kai was well-aware that he did not say that he loved Soleil. Whether or not Soleil took that as a joke, however, was completely out of Kai’s hands. He gave Soleil a soft pat on the head and told him to go. “Just text me if you need anything... I will be there for you.”

[soleilruan]

kaisolari​:

“Accidentally,” Kai repeated. He was about to make a joke, but stopped himself. Then he frowned. Weird question. 

“I texted you because it’s raining, and I didn’t know where you were, and maybe you were drenched. I was worried, but I didn’t need you to come back. I just wanted to see how you were doing… I guess. Won’t Ethan be sad if you just ditched him like that?”

-

“Oh. Well, I’m alright,” Soleil smiled a little as he bluntly put, “I guess I was just associating the frowny face I saw earlier with the text message you sent because you were staring at your phone and all.”

“Sad? Umm, I don’t know… I don’t know if he cares that much,” Why Ethan still always tried talking to Soleil in the first place was beyond him. “Do you think I should go back?”

[kaisolari]

“What? You’re out of your mind,” Kai protested. He cock an eyebrow at Soleil. “Not care that much? Isn’t it already obvious enough that he’s always making googly eyes at you?”

He walked around Soleil, mimicking Ethan’s walk and pretending to have googly eyes. “Is this not Ethan to you?!”

[soleilruan]

kaisolari​:

“What face are you talking about?” 

Kai stood up taller, straightening his posture. If his face once showed any hint of melancholy, it was completely gone now. He was really good at saving face. After all, you never knew when you needed to hide your feelings for somebody that you were already in an established relationship with because your childhood had fucked up your emotional intelligence so much up to the point of no return.

“…Anyway, where were you today? Was it with Ethan… or something?”

He tried to sound casual by adding “or something.” Well, as Kai thought, you never knew when you needed to hide your feelings for somebody that you were already in an established relationship with because your childhood had fucked up your emotional intelligence so much up to the point of no return.

Soleil blinked at Kai’s sudden change in disposition. He could have sworn he was staring down at his phone, pouting maybe? Or frowning? Wasn’t that the same thing? Either way, he hadn’t looked happy. 

“Never mind, I guess,” Soleil shrugged, assuming that he had just been imagining things. It wasn’t often he saw his boyfriend frowning, anyway. He chalked it up to his typical but occasional tendency to be scattered-brained up until Kai brought up Ethan.

“… Yes,” Soleil spoke slowly. “I already told you this morning that I’d be hanging out with him. Or something. I accidentally ditched him though, just now. Why’d you text me?” 

[kaisolari]

“Accidentally,” Kai repeated. He was about to make a joke, but stopped himself. Then he frowned. Weird question. 

“I texted you because it’s raining, and I didn’t know where you were, and maybe you were drenched. I was worried, but I didn’t need you to come back. I just wanted to see how you were doing... I guess. Won’t Ethan be sad if you just ditched him like that?”

[kaisolari]

After they had that talk about Dae, Auguste left Kai to help Dae find the rest of her classes. He, of course, was invited by Auguste to meet Dae, but frankly Kai had more pressing matters to attend to. As Kai watched the clumsy blonde bounce his way across the school, he almost shook his head. What was this guy getting himself into anyway?

With his hands in his pockets, the brewing, cold sky grumbling above him, Kai walked into the art building of the school. Other people who had also anticipated rain automatically drifted into the building. Chatter, the shuffle of feet, and movement across the hall turned the school bright with life and laughter. Outside, the weather was beginning to pick up an immense storm, turning everything outside of school a mournful grey. 

Kai took out his phone and started to text Soleil. Where are you?

[soleilruan]

Hold on, Soleil texted Kai back in a hurry, not able to provide any more details due to the rain that was likely to come. He had been outside, on his way to a vending machine for a drink before he took in the stormy, gray sky, signaling a sudden downpour. 

He usually ate with both Auguste and Kai, but Ethan had invited Soleil to sit with him for maybe the fifth time in a row and he couldn’t say no again. He wasn’t one to feel guilty– but he also was trying to make an effort to seem more approachable. Ethan didn’t seem to give up. Sometimes it could be annoying, but overall, Soleil didn’t really mind that.

Soleil rushed into the nearest building– the art building, which was lucky considering his next class would be here. He took his phone out to send Kai another text until he realized he was straight ahead of him.

“Kai,” Soleil called out as he approached him. He broke into a smile but quickly shut it down by instinct. When he got closer, he gave him a confused look. “What’s with that face?”

[kaisolari]

“What face are you talking about?” 

Kai stood up taller, straightening his posture. If his face once showed any hint of melancholy, it was completely gone now. He was really good at saving face. After all, you never knew when you needed to hide your feelings for somebody that you were already in an established relationship with because your childhood had fucked up your emotional intelligence so much up to the point of no return.

“...Anyway, where were you today? Was it with Ethan... or something?”

He tried to sound casual by adding “or something.” Well, as Kai thought, you never knew when you needed to hide your feelings for somebody that you were already in an established relationship with because your childhood had fucked up your emotional intelligence so much up to the point of no return.

[kaisolari]

After they had that talk about Dae, Auguste left Kai to help Dae find the rest of her classes. He, of course, was invited by Auguste to meet Dae, but frankly Kai had more pressing matters to attend to. As Kai watched the clumsy blonde bounce his way across the school, he almost shook his head. What was this guy getting himself into anyway?

With his hands in his pockets, the brewing, cold sky grumbling above him, Kai walked into the art building of the school. Other people who had also anticipated rain automatically drifted into the building. Chatter, the shuffle of feet, and movement across the hall turned the school bright with life and laughter. Outside, the weather was beginning to pick up an immense storm, turning everything outside of school a mournful grey. 

Kai took out his phone and started to text Soleil. Where are you?

[soleilruan]

kaisolari​:

“Oh– that,” Kai sighed. He dug his hands into his pockets as a crisp breeze encircled the area. “That’s some pretty fucked up aura.” 

Even though the event had happened years ago, every now and then someone had to bring it up. Kai heard it in the back of classrooms, seen the writing on the walls, and even the retelling of the story at weekend camping outings. It was getting annoying, but anyone in this boring shell of a town was too desperate to talk about anything to care.

Maybe that’s why Dae left. He didn’t know her all to well, but he had known of her throughout elementary and middle school. She was just another blonde to him. Happy, really smiley and bubbly. They were all very, very energetic.

“Well, what is there to do? It’s not like you can shut everyone up about it. Sure, she might be sad, but I think that after having your parents killed, people gossiping about you is probably the least of your worries.” Kai took his weight off against the wall and stood up, facing eye-to-eye with Auguste. “Worry about yourself. You’re starting to look like a sad Golden Retriever.”

“… I guess you’re right,” Auguste said. Despite Kai’s wording of the situation, he did help to ease Auguste’s mind a little bit. Dae had a lot on her plate– but that probably helped her to have a strong resolve about everything. People were likely going to get bored anyway after a few days. 

And Kai was right– even though Auguste much preferred cats than dogs, even golden retrievers, despite the striking similarities he shared with them– never mind cats and dogs, it wasn’t like Auguste to over-think these things too hard.

“Yeah… yeah!” Auguste nodded his head, sounding more like he was agreeing with himself on something. “Aside from everything else, you can be so smart.”

[kaisolari]

“Aside from everything else,” Kai repeated, enunciating every word. “Thank you.”

[soleilruan]

kaisolari​:

Underneath the perpetually cold, grim sky that plagued Quebec, Kai pulled the collars of his grey trench coat closer to his neck. As if he wasn’t tall already, his coat made him appear even longer. His dark, tussled hair swept across his forehead in a effortlessly charming way, as glints of mischief illuminated the green in his eyes. 

Although handsome, Kai was not one to fixate on his appearance, a fact that seemed to seep into all parts of his personality. He was apathetic to most things. But at the same time, Kai paid enough attention up to the point where he could wreak havoc. 

Kai’s paradoxical personality confused many, but not up to the point where it could detract certain people. Especially if the people in question were crazy as hell… 

“Day? What, is that some kind of drug?” Kai asked. He picked up his head in response to Auguste’s question, chewing down on an already stale piece of gum. 

His maniacal, excitable friend was usually bouncing up and down with joy. But now, here he was. Maniacal and sad. Kai put his hand on his shoulder. To empathize, of course.

“What’s wrong with you this time…”

-

“Dru–? No, Kai!”

Auguste raised a brow, giving his friend a look of pure confusion. He did anticipate Kai knowing next to nothing about Dae, but his response still shocked him. “Haven’t you taken in the, I don’t know, aura around the school right now?”

“You know… Dae. Lalonde. Her family. And then Ru– the Vincent family on the same day,” Auguste still felt uncomfortable talking about the crime itself. Especially now that Dae was back. He wanted to draw as little attention to it as possible, as the whole thing left him with a sick feeling settled in his stomach. “I was close to her back then! She only just settled back into Baie-Saint-Paul, and this school. I just feel anxious about it!”

[kaisolari]

“Oh-- that,” Kai sighed. He dug his hands into his pockets as a crisp breeze encircled the area. “That’s some pretty fucked up aura.” 

Even though the event had happened years ago, every now and then someone had to bring it up. Kai heard it in the back of classrooms, seen the writing on the walls, and even the retelling of the story at weekend camping outings. It was getting annoying, but anyone in this boring shell of a town was too desperate to talk about anything to care.

Maybe that’s why Dae left. He didn’t know her all to well, but he had known of her throughout elementary and middle school. She was just another blonde to him. Happy, really smiley and bubbly. They were all very, very energetic.

“Well, what is there to do? It’s not like you can shut everyone up about it. Sure, she might be sad, but I think that after having your parents killed, people gossiping about you is probably the least of your worries.” Kai took his weight off against the wall and stood up, facing eye-to-eye with Auguste. “Worry about yourself. You’re starting to look like a sad Golden Retriever.”

[soleilruan]

Auguste picked at his less-than-desirable lunch. He usually made his own food and brought it, but he was so distracted by other things that in the end he totally forgot to prepare it. Even now, his mind was in a whole other place– completely concerned with Dae, of course. He thought (or hoped) he did a good job at making her feel relaxed for the start of her day. She seemed to be somewhat comfortable, all things considering.

Auguste had noticed the gawks aimed at Dae where ever she went while he had walked her inside, sometimes accompanied by hushed voices. He couldn’t tell if Dae had been put off by it all or not, or maybe she was just prepared. It was annoying, even to Auguste– but at the same time, it felt kind of unavoidable.

What had happened to Dae was a long time ago, that was true, and maybe if they lived somewhere else it wouldn’t have been such a big deal after all this time. The issue was that it was such a sudden tragedy that took place in a small town where nothing ever really happened, good or bad. All investigations coming to a dead end only amplified the talk about it, and so of course when the lone survivor came back to town, the murders were going to be on everyone’s minds. But still! Some subtlety from his schoolmates would be nice.

It really wasn’t any of his business, but it still bothered him. As long as Dae seemed undisturbed, it was okay. It would all probably die down soon, anyway– hopefully.

The only person who seemed unaffected by everything about this was Auguste’s best friend, Kai. Which wasn’t exactly out of character for the latter. More than anything, Auguste was relieved.

“Hey,” Auguste started, staring directly at Kai, wondering if he even knew the extent of it. “Uh, you know about Dae, right…?”

[kaisolari]

Underneath the perpetually cold, grim sky that plagued Quebec, Kai pulled the collars of his grey trench coat closer to his neck. As if he wasn’t tall already, his coat made him appear even longer. His dark, tussled hair swept across his forehead in a effortlessly charming way, as glints of mischief illuminated the green in his eyes. 

Although handsome, Kai was not one to fixate on his appearance, a fact that seemed to seep into all parts of his personality. He was apathetic to most things. But at the same time, Kai paid enough attention up to the point where he could wreak havoc. 

Kai’s paradoxical personality confused many, but not up to the point where it could detract certain people. Especially if the people in question were crazy as hell... 

“Day? What, is that some kind of drug?” Kai asked. He picked up his head in response to Auguste’s question, chewing down on an already stale piece of gum. 

His maniacal, excitable friend was usually bouncing up and down with joy. But now, here he was. Maniacal and sad. Kai put his hand on his shoulder. To empathize, of course.

“What’s wrong with you this time...”

[soleilruan]

dae-lalonde​:

“What? You’re making fun of me now?” Dae smiled, and then teasingly pushed him away. It was obvious that she didn’t really mean what she was actually saying; she just wanted to poke some fun at Auguste. “I’m not that short, you are just a mean, tall, smelly person!”

She pouted her lips and crossed her arms with a pretend serious face, lowering her voice so that only Auguste could hear what she was about to say. “And yes, it is bad. How could you forget to smell good when we haven’t seen each other in so long? What kind of friend are you!” 

She jokingly pushed him away again and pretended to give him the cold shoulder, but anybody could clearly see that the girl was only being playful. 

Auguste relaxed a little after realizing that Dae was just playing with him; as given away by her “serious” face. The same exaggerated pout she would put on for show when they were kids and wanted to mess with Auguste’s naivety a little bit. It would always send him into a whirl of panic back then, but Auguste liked to think that he had a bit of an easier time reading the room now– kind of.

“I’ll make it up to you,” Auguste started. Honestly, he would be just fine spending more time playing around with Dae out here– but it was getting to the point where almost everyone was getting settled in their first classes, and the bell would probably ring shortly. “I can be your guide for the day! Or most of it. Also I’ll make sure I smell good every single day after today.”

[dae-lalonde]

Dae nodded. As nervous as she was for her first day of school, she couldn’t help but smile at Auguste. Even though they hadn’t seen each other in nearly a decade, having someone by her side to help navigate Baie-Saint-Paul made her feel much better. After she showed Auguste her schedule, he offered to help her find her first class.

About half of the people they passed by were looking at them. Yes, it was annoying, but at the same time, Dae had already guessed that this was going to happen, which was completely different from her old schools. Most people didn’t care about a new transfer, and most people didn’t know about her past, either. She was just a stranger– just how she wanted it to be. Moving to a new place helped her form new identities. After all, it was her that was able to control how people how perceived her. Not the other way around. They didn’t know a lick of anything about her, and what now?– now they knew everything. It was like she was out on display. A laughingstock. Someone who didn’t have parents. Maybe she was a pity, and now maybe everybody at this school was pitying her. Or maybe they were using her as a way to start new conversation. To actually have something interesting to say about this boring, old town.

As soon as Auguste dropped Dae off at her first class, she warmly smiled at him and gave him another small hug. 

“You are much more helpful than I thought you’d be,” she joked. “See you around, Auguste.”

Dae waved at him as she walked into her new class. It was a classroom full of strangers, but it was already clear that she was no stranger to them. She sat down at her seat and stared out the window.

Well, if everyone thought they knew who Dae was, that’s what she’d let them think. 

She pulled out a stick of lipgloss and gave the rest of the gossiping class a keen smile.

[soleilruan]

dae-lalonde​:

Dae never thought she’d feel like a stranger in Baie-Saint-Paul, but after three years of moving around and juggling new faces, it seemed like everyone was a stranger now, including herself. As she walked along the entrance of school, she could feel everyone’s gaze as they ogled at the new girl.

Gripping her school binder in one hand, Dae haughtily stared back. Did people even have manners around here anymore? It was one thing to stare at someone new, it was another thing to stare at someone whose past was something everyone knew about. It wasn’t like she was a freak. She was just a normal, everyday girl, so there was no reason they should have been staring at her. Unless if it was because they thought she was really pretty. It was probably because they thought she was pretty.

Yep. That’s definitely it, she thought to herself. It’s not because you don’t have any parents anymore… You just have an amazing face.

She plastered a fake smirk on her lips, strode over to the principal’s office, picked up her school schedule, and walked around the rest of the school, trying to figure out where her classes were. 

Her excursion around the school lasted only momentarily. Not soon after she had started to walk around the school did she hear a deep, yet energetic voice call out her name. She shot her eyes towards a flailing, jumping body in the direction of one of the school’s entrances. Auguste stood atop the steps, making everyone within a two-meter radius stare at the commotion down below. She smiled– and instinctively felt her heart jump a beat. 

Stop that. You hardly even know this guy. 

Yet she still walked towards him, one foot at a time. And once they stood, eye-to-eye, Dae couldn’t believe how tall he was. Or how nice his smile was. Or how sweet he seemed… And how he only seemed to have eyes for her. Without saying anything, she pulled him into a bear hug. He smelled like fresh wood and bourbon. And then she looked up at him, into his eyes. 

“Why do you smell so interesting.” She grinned.

—–

Auguste was somewhat caught off-guard by Dae’s hug– he accepted it, of course, and hugged her back with enthusiasm, but he definitely was not prepared for it yet. Not that he wasn’t thinking about it prior to today.

“How are you so short?” Auguste wondered aloud, rather than it being an actual question to Dae.

“What– my smell?!” Auguste let go of Dae, frantically sniffing his jacket. There was no way on earth he somehow forgot to shower or put on deodorant or anything ridiculous like that, but now he was second-guessing himself. Then he realized the one thing he did differently today was try out a new cologne. 

“Is it bad?” he asked carefully. “I used the right amount!” 

[dae-lalonde]

“What? You’re making fun of me now?” Dae smiled, and then teasingly pushed him away. It was obvious that she didn’t really mean what she was actually saying; she just wanted to poke some fun at Auguste. “I’m not that short, you are just a mean, tall, smelly person!”

She pouted her lips and crossed her arms with a pretend serious face, lowering her voice so that only Auguste could hear what she was about to say. “And yes, it is bad. How could you forget to smell good when we haven’t seen each other in so long? What kind of friend are you!” 

She jokingly pushed him away again and pretended to give him the cold shoulder, but anybody could clearly see that the girl was only being playful. 

[soleilruan]

Auguste wrapped his arms around himself. The crisp breeze of the morning air made him shudder, the tip of his nose was turning bright red. He was never at school this early– in fact, a lot of the times he was almost pushing it regarding his (or lack thereof) time management. He couldn’t help it this time. Dae was coming back, finally, and he would be lying if he said he hadn’t been looking forward to this day all week. It was ironic considering they haven’t even really physically seen each other since– what, seventh grade? It wasn’t like they were in complete contact with each other either during all that lost time, either, right up until a few months ago they found each other again via the wonders of social media. It was then that Dae told him that she would be transferring to his high-school soon. 

It would be embarrassing how excited Auguste was to see her again if he cared about that sort of thing at all. He was not one to feel shame about how he felt or acted, which as informed by his peers, was as much as a curse as it was a blessing. He didn’t mind it. Dae was his childhood crush and one of his best friends, so there was no way he could feel anything less than ecstatic at the prospect of having her around again. 

Auguste shoved his hands in his coat pockets, kicking his shoe against the stone steps leading up to the school doors, as if he was trying to tame his excitement. As time passed, small crowds of students began to brush past him and into the doors. It was still a bit before the day officially started, and he was determined to wait for Dae.

After what felt like forever he saw a head of long and wavy bright blonde hair; if he hadn’t seen any recent pictures of her, Auguste would have been thrown off by the length of her hair– it was a bit of a contrast to the shorter, shoulder-length haircut she had back in middle school. His heartrate picked up and suddenly it didn’t feel so cold out anymore when his eyes met with her wide, bright blue eyes. He shot his arm up and started to frantically wave it, causing a few heads to turn and give him a look. “Dae!” Auguste called, trying to wave her over. “I’m right here! On the steps!”

[dae-lalonde]

Dae never thought she’d feel like a stranger in Baie-Saint-Paul, but after three years of moving around and juggling new faces, it seemed like everyone was a stranger now, including herself. As she walked along the entrance of school, she could feel everyone’s gaze as they ogled at the new girl.

Gripping her school binder in one hand, Dae haughtily stared back. Did people even have manners around here anymore? It was one thing to stare at someone new, it was another thing to stare at someone whose past was something everyone knew about. It wasn’t like she was a freak. She was just a normal, everyday girl, so there was no reason they should have been staring at her. Unless if it was because they thought she was really pretty. It was probably because they thought she was pretty.

Yep. That’s definitely it, she thought to herself. It’s not because you don’t have any parents anymore… You just have an amazing face.

She plastered a fake smirk on her lips, strode over to the principal’s office, picked up her school schedule, and walked around the rest of the school, trying to figure out where her classes were. 

Her excursion around the school lasted only momentarily. Not soon after she had started to walk around the school did she hear a deep, yet energetic voice call out her name. She shot her eyes towards a flailing, jumping body in the direction of one of the school’s entrances. Auguste stood atop the steps, making everyone within a two-meter radius stare at the commotion down below. She smiled– and instinctively felt her heart jump a beat. 

Stop that. You hardly even know this guy. 

Yet she still walked towards him, one foot at a time. And once they stood, eye-to-eye, Dae couldn’t believe how tall he was. Or how nice his smile was. Or how sweet he seemed… And how he only seemed to have eyes for her. Without saying anything, she pulled him into a bear hug. He smelled like fresh wood and bourbon. And then she looked up at him, into his eyes. 

“Why do you smell so interesting.” She grinned.

[dae-lalonde]

FLASHBACK.

The day was nothing but a quiet whisper. It was a simple Sunday– nestled amongst a calendar’s worth of Sundays– that began like all others. The sun rose from the east, the birds chirped in the morning, and the day’s quiet dull never rose. Yet, as soon as Sunday ended, Monday began with the death of four. And all the screams that came with it.

It was 1:54 AM. Dae slid against the wall of the master bedroom, the image of her parents’ lifeless bodies burning into her brain. They were right there before her eyes. Everything was different shades of black, with only the dim, hallway light revealing the blood-stained bedsheets, the severed faces. Cuts haphazardly cut into flesh. The blank expression on her parents’ faces. As if they couldn’t have known this was how their lives would end. Stomachs with open gashes and blood spilling across their bodies. Like a fountain.

Hot tears ran down Dae’s face. It felt like her head was being strangled into a cacophony of emotion. The blood that she had accidentally stepped into was searing hot against her foot. She wanted so desperately to cut it off. To cut her own foot off. To not even touch the blood. Who could have touched her parents’ blood? Who could have touched a real person’s blood?

Dae sank into the corner of the room, her butt to the floor. Emergency sirens blared into the night and flashes of red light crashed against the window. As she pressed her face to the window, her heart beating against the chest, her head pounding with the weight of the world, Dae wiped her tears with one hand and glared until everything came into focus. Nothing.

She could have sworn there was a shadow near the trees in her backyard.

[soleilruan]

kaisolari‌:

Despite what everyone knew him probably thought, Kai was less forward with touch than most people. In fact, in most of his relationships, he had probably been the one to have touch initiated at rather than the one to do the initiating in the first place. After all, Kai liked his personal space. He assumed other people wanted their personal space. And surely Soleil, out of all people, would have most definitely wanted his personal space.

That wasn’t to say Kai didn’t want to touch Soleil. Or put his arm around him. Or hold each other while they watched TV… It was just that Kai associated a lot of things with touch, and for Kai to have wanted to touch someone meant a lot. He hardly ever wanted to do that.

Kai and Soleil were sitting against Kai’s bed frame. The distance between them had not exactly closed, but Kai was trying to make efforts to diminish that gap. About several minutes into the movie after they had gotten comfortable, Kai noticed a sensation on his foot. 

A Soleil sensation on his foot. 

Kai did not know what to do. He didn’t want to creep him out, but then again, isn’t that what romance was all about? Not creeping people out– but taking risks, probably. Or some shit. Kai didn’t know. He wasn’t the best at romance, but he knew a mushy feeling when he had one, buried deep inside the burrows of his chest. 

Slowly sliding down the length of the bed frame, Kai laid his arms against his chest, in effect touching Soleil’s side with the side of his right arm. “Are you comfortable like that? Do you still want to sit down or like… lay down?” With a gentle smile, Kai glanced over at Soleil.

Soleil did not expect to actually trigger a response like that. He sort of expected Kai to just knock his foot back against Soleil’s and that would be that and then he’d have to come up with some other technique to initiate affection without being straightforward or open about it, per usual. In short, he wasn’t prepared for this outcome.

But then again, Kai didn’t necessarily say anything about cuddling. He only brought up laying down. 

Soleil glanced at Kai with a puzzled look, trying to work through a hundred different scenarios in his brain within the time frame of thirty seconds. Finally, he too slid down the bed frame, but still maintaining the little contact he had with Kai’s right arm. “We can lay down. I can. Are you going to lay down?”

[kaisolari]

“I’m laying down right now,” Kai said. He couldn’t help but keep a small grin on his face, what with Soleil’s awkwardness. While some people might have found it odd or weird, he found it incredibly endearing. As he waited for Soleil to lay down, Kai’s heart beat faster against his chest. He waited seconds after Soleil rested his head against the pillow to casually stretch his arm over and prodded at the side of Soleil’s right cheek. 

“You have a very soft face,” he commented.

[soleilruan]

Despite what probably everyone who knew him thought, Soleil wasn’t averse to physical touch. It was really the opposite. Even with how harshly he’d often react to the simple gestures of Auguste mussing up his hair and how for a long time it seemed like Dae was a strict exception to physical touch– with how easily he could link arms and hold hands with her– touch was something that Soleil actually really liked. And it would only be natural to expect stuff like that in a relationship.

Kai and Soleil have already held hands and had their first kiss, but the act of cuddling hadn’t taken place yet. It didn’t help that cuddling felt like more of a bigger deal than those first two things. Likely because Soleil was already (kinda) used to the idea of kissing, but he couldn’t place his finger on the last time he had just simply cuddled with someone. 

What had started thirty minutes later as a drizzle, turned into loud pitter-patters of rain that was likely going to turn into a storm later on. Kai’s apartment was dimly lit, most of the light in the room coming from the movie they were watching. The atmosphere relaxed Soleil, but it was undeniable that in a situation like this– with them sitting close together watching a movie inside during the rain– something like cuddling would have to be inevitable. 

And yet. The act of initiating was not something Soleil could pull off with ease.

The most he could do right now was “accidentally” knock his foot against Kai’s.

[kaisolari]

Despite what everyone knew him probably thought, Kai was less forward with touch than most people. In fact, in most of his relationships, he had probably been the one to have touch initiated at rather than the one to do the initiating in the first place. After all, Kai liked his personal space. He assumed other people wanted their personal space. And surely Soleil, out of all people, would have most definitely wanted his personal space.

That wasn’t to say Kai didn’t want to touch Soleil. Or put his arm around him. Or hold each other while they watched TV... It was just that Kai associated a lot of things with touch, and for Kai to have wanted to touch someone meant a lot. He hardly ever wanted to do that.

Kai and Soleil were sitting against Kai’s bed frame. The distance between them had not exactly closed, but Kai was trying to make efforts to diminish that gap. About several minutes into the movie after they had gotten comfortable, Kai noticed a sensation on his foot. 

A Soleil sensation on his foot. 

Kai did not know what to do. He didn’t want to creep him out, but then again, isn’t that what romance was all about? Not creeping people out-- but taking risks, probably. Or some shit. Kai didn’t know. He wasn’t the best at romance, but he knew a mushy feeling when he had one, buried deep inside the burrows of his chest. 

Slowly sliding down the length of the bed frame, Kai laid his arms against his chest, in effect touching Soleil’s side with the side of his right arm. “Are you comfortable like that? Do you still want to sit down or like... lay down?” With a gentle smile, Kai glanced over at Soleil.

[soleilruan]

kaisolari‌:

“By here, standing at this very point– if that’s what you mean– we’re here because we followed you. Because no human beings should be allowed in the afterworld. At least not normally,” she spoke. 

Her face turned grave, and she was no longer full of expression. Kai couldn’t read her emotions at all. It was like one moment she was full of worry, and the next, it seemed like she knew everything there was needed to know. Before Kai could say anything, she continued.

“The alive usually aren’t brought into the afterworld unless there is something needed from them. I assume you’re both here because you both have done something in the current world that could only be fixed here. Something otherwise unrepairable could be fixed in this world. If you’re still confused, perhaps it’s because your calling is late,” she explained. 

“A calling?” Kai repeated.

For the first time since they were having a conversation, the man besides the woman finally spoke up. “Humans here are rare,” he said. His voice was as clear as the woman’s, but he was noticeably more soft-spoken. His soft eyes were framed by wrinkles– perhaps he smiled a lot in his past life– as if he could burst out laughing at any second. Kai waited for the punchline, but there was none to be found. 

The man was still serious.

“A calling is given to humans as soon as they land in the afterlife. It’s the afterlife’s way of telling you why you’re here. Sometimes it’s simple– I know somebody whose primary task was to find something a dead soul has lost– and other times, it can be a lot harder than that. The point is, you don’t leave this place until you receive your calling. Everything you’ll need to know is in a piece of paper.”

“Crazy piece of paper,” Kai said. “But where do we find it?”

“You don’t find it. It finds you.” The woman continued staring at Ruth.

Something they both did? Unrepairable? Soleil couldn’t think of anything he’d done that could have possibly landed him in what this woman was calling the “afterworld.” Then he paused. There could be one thing.

But that was years ago, and there was nothing to be fixed. There would be no task for that. On a similar note, if this is a world akin to an afterlife, he found himself thinking of who else could be here. If he would come  across anything he didn’t want to see. 

As soon as that thought filled his mind, he forced it out without thinking twice about it.

Soleil finally stared back at the woman; though it was more of a glare in response to how long she’d been staring at him. “You’re both saying that we’re stuck here until… a piece of paper finds us. Where are we supposed to go in a place like this? What if we can’t fix whatever it is?”  

[kaisolari]

“If you can’t fix it, you stay here forever and die,” the woman said. She looked at Ruth as if this was common knowledge, as if there was nothing else to be done about it. Unblinkingly, she stared at Ruth. Her mouth was tight-lipped. She tucked a strand of hair behind her right ear as her eyes trailed the rest of Ruth’s face and body. 

The man besides her was less interested in Ruth. He was more of the type to exude an air of nonchalance about him. A good-natured, yet absentminded smile washed over his face. He stood around, hands in his pockets, and seemed less than one hundred percent involved in the conversation. 

They didn’t seem as interested as Kai would have liked them to be. 

“Well, so that’s it? Where are we going to go now?” Kai asked, repeating Ruth’s question. 

The woman glanced at Kai in what seemed like the first time since they had the conversation. She looked less stiff when her eyes fell upon him, but Kai couldn’t help the feeling that she was more wary of them than they were of the ghosts. “You’ll just have to figure it out,” she said. Her lips curled up into a small smile. “In the meantime, you can come with us. Wherever you are, the paper will find you.”

[soleilruan]

kaisolari‌:

“You don’t know me?” she responded. She tucked a strand of her loose hair behind her ears, as if she was trying really hard to think about it. Kai couldn’t tell what it was about her, but he got the feeling that she was kind of the person to worry a lot about something that didn’t matter. After all, she was like, twenty years older than them. 

She examined every inch of Ruth’s face, taking him in as if he had just stepped into her house. “You’re young. And still full of color,” she noted. “Why are you here?”

Soleil shook his head and narrowed his eyes away from the woman, uncomfortable with how hard she was focusing on him. If it wasn’t obvious before, her words basically confirmed that she wasn’t alive.

“I told you, I don’t know,” he said. “It had to be a mistake. I was in an elevator with Kai, and now we’re here.” 

The prospect of conversing with a ghost was incredibly strange, but there was no one better to ask questions to. “I don’t know where here is. Why are you here?”

[kaisolari]

“By here, standing at this very point-- if that’s what you mean-- we’re here because we followed you. Because no human beings should be allowed in the afterworld. At least not normally,” she spoke. 

Her face turned grave, and she was no longer full of expression. Kai couldn’t read her emotions at all. It was like one moment she was full of worry, and the next, it seemed like she knew everything there was needed to know. Before Kai could say anything, she continued.

“The alive usually aren’t brought into the afterworld unless there is something needed from them. I assume you’re both here because you both have done something in the current world that could only be fixed here. Something otherwise unrepairable could be fixed in this world. If you’re still confused, perhaps it’s because your calling is late,” she explained. 

“A calling?” Kai repeated.

For the first time since they were having a conversation, the man besides the woman finally spoke up. “Humans here are rare,” he said. His voice was as clear as the woman’s, but he was noticeably more soft-spoken. His soft eyes were framed by wrinkles-- perhaps he smiled a lot in his past life-- as if he could burst out laughing at any second. Kai waited for the punchline, but there was none to be found. 

The man was still serious.

“A calling is given to humans as soon as they land in the afterlife. It’s the afterlife’s way of telling you why you’re here. Sometimes it’s simple-- I know somebody whose primary task was to find something a dead soul has lost-- and other times, it can be a lot harder than that. The point is, you don’t leave this place until you receive your calling. Everything you’ll need to know is in a piece of paper.”

“Crazy piece of paper,” Kai said. “But where do we find it?”

“You don’t find it. It finds you.” The woman continued staring at Ruth.

[soleilruan]

kaisolari‌:

“If that’s what you want to believe,” Kai said. 

He turned his attention back on the ghost couple. They appeared to be whispering to each other, too. Pained expressions of worry and anxiousness crossed over their faces, as if Kai and Ruth weren’t more stressed from being in an entirely different world. Before he knew it, the couple drifted towards them in an enchanting, hauntingly beautiful fashion, their soulful eyes burning into Kai’s. He felt a chill run down his spine, but for whatever reason, he couldn’t move. As they drifted closer by, the air became ice-like. He had the immediate urge to hug Ruth so that they could both be warm from the cold, but any thought of moving had immediately dissipated as soon as the couple finally reached them.

The women spoke first. “I think I know you,” she whispered, but Kai wasn’t exactly sure who she was speaking to. Although her eyes lacked any sort of color, Kai could see that she had once had at least a small glimmer of spark in them. Her face was cartoonish– not in the way that her features were over-exaggerated, but in the way that her expressions appeared more lifelike than anybody’s that Kai had ever known. Her cheeks were hollow. He could tell that she was fairer-skinned and probably had lighter, blonde or red hair when she was alive. At the same time, she looked tired. Like she hadn’t been able to get any sleep for the past few nights. Which was ironic, because she was dressed from head-to-toe in pajamas. Who wears pajamas as a ghost, by the way?

“Who are you talking to?” Kai blurted out.

She pointed at Ruth. “You.”

Soleil grumbled something incomprehensible, knowing full well that it was useless to try and push that conversation.

His mind went elsewhere, though, when he realized that the two ghosts that had been merely staring at the both of them were now drifting over. 

It didn’t take long for the couple to reach them– but it felt like it had been dragging on for forever. The air growing inexplicably colder and the growing nausea Soleil felt didn’t help, neither did the fact that despite all the warning signs his body was sending him, he couldn’t get himself to move from where he was standing.

He was expecting the worst, what with a ghost couple heading their way. But once the couple had come to a standstill, Soleil couldn’t help but notice how almost normal they seemed. They were certainly dead– but the overwhelming sense of dread he felt wasn’t from that, but the odd sense of familiarity that only grew the longer he stared at the couple.

Especially the woman. There was especially something strikingly familiar about her, and her claim that she knew who he was just unsettled him further.

“Me?” Soleil tried to remain calm, but there was a waver in his voice. “That’s not possible. I don’t even know where I am. I’m not like you. I don’t know you, either.”

[kaisolari]

“You don’t know me?” she responded. She tucked a strand of her loose hair behind her ears, as if she was trying really hard to think about it. Kai couldn’t tell what it was about her, but he got the feeling that she was kind of the person to worry a lot about something that didn’t matter. After all, she was like, twenty years older than them. 

She examined every inch of Ruth’s face, taking him in as if he had just stepped into her house. “You’re young. And still full of color,” she noted. “Why are you here?”