kait

just trying to get through the day

[feral-ballad]

Blythe Baird, from If My Body Could Speak; “Eat”

[Text ID: “I am trying to stop doing / things that don’t make any sense. Body, / forgive me. I am trying. I am trying. I am still trying.]

[katzenmusik-blog1]

*wakes up* *wants to sleep*

[exhaustedborderline]

I just dont want anything anymore. I want the world to stop asking anything of me.

[monachopsis-people]

THIS

[deathgasmic]

“are you okay” no bro i constantly feel like i am too much but simultaneously not enough

[tear-dropp-deactivated20241031]

getting older is scary can i stop

[traitspourtraits]

[wholeheartedsuggestions]

eventually you realize you don’t want to die. you just don’t want to live the life you’re living. and slowly you try to create a life you want to live. just gotta start there.

[wholeheartedsuggestions]

no one needs to add “sounds fake but ok”, “no”, “well, not me”, “impossible”, etc. to this post. and i’d rather you not.

[duckbunny]

one day you think: I want to die.

and then you think, very quietly: actually. actually. I think I want a coffee. a nap. a sandwich. a book.

and I want to die turns day by day into I want to go home, I want to walk in the woods, I want to see my friend, I want to sit in the sun

I want a cleaner kitchen

I want a better job

I want to live somewhere else

I want to live

[zenosanalytic]

The thing to understand is that Depression

Even When It Is Trying to Kill You!

Is Defensive.

Your brain exists to preserve you; it’s just Dumb, and how it goes about “preserving” is determined by evolution’s ‘Good Enough’ meat-and-chemistry mechanisms rather than a firm grasp of biology.

You know how, stuck atop a burning building, ppl will sometimes throw themselves off in a vain hope of surviving? That’s what depression-driven suicide is. You are under THAT amount of stress, often sustained for a FAR longer time. Your brain only understands “Stress”: it doesn’t know causes, it doesn’t know Events, and it only has the one set of instinctive ‘extreme measures’ to fall back on. I made things SO hard on myself for SO Long conceiving of Depression as a Fight I had to Win, rather than a chronic illness in need of my understanding and careful management.

Help your brain. Nurse it. Ask yourself where it hurts and why. Recognize that the desire to die is a symptom, an injury, and not your ‘Truth’. Try to calm it, Try to endure: It WILL Pass. As perverse as it sounds, your desire to die is an expression of how PASSIONATELY you want to get away from the pain tormenting you; of how MUCH you want to LIVE. PLEASE Live!

[winelover1989]

If you’re not in a place to accept positive messages, here’s a cynical way to look at it. The day after my suicidal tendencies peaked but my plans failed purely because my body and survival instincts told me to fuck off… I just looked at my life the next day like “oh, had I succeeded in my plan, I wouldn’t be working this shitty job today, I would no longer be in this toxic relationship, I wouldn’t be living in this place I hate living, etc, etc so why am I still doing all these things?”

You can just start killing the life you hate one stressor at a time. What do you have to lose? You already want out.

[ihopeucomehomesoon]

girl wtf is wrong with you (me to me)

[eternal-echoes]

“The most dangerous thing you can do is to take any one impulse of your own nature and set it up as the thing you ought to follow at all costs.”

- C.S. Lewis

[quotefeeling]

“Cause you never think the last time’s going to be the last time - you think there will be more. You think you have forever, but you don’t.”

— Meredith Grey, Grey’s Anatomy.

[cosmicdayglow]

Re-parenting yourself is like: I will hold you because no one ever did. I will show you tenderness because all you ever knew was hardship. I will protect you when everyone else left you to fend for yourself. I know it’s not fair what happened to you. But I am here for you now.

[aidashakur]

Being scared to ask for what you need is a trauma response.

[saadsaiyyed]

Happy Pride Month

[nutelladreams]

me: I’m literally gonna fucking kill my myself I’m tired of it all

me the day of my therapy session: yeah no I’ve been doing well for the past week like I feel like I’m getting my life together you know?

[desultory-suggestions]

One of the weirdest thing about growing up suicidal is that you assume you have no future, you don’t even try to envision it because you see no point. So eventually, you start assuming everyone else sees nothing in your future either. Recently, my friend and I were talking and she said something about how at her wedding I could wear a suit or a dress as long as it matched her bridesmaid’s dresses because the butler of honor has to make a good impression. This hit me so hard because I had never realized before how other people thought about me. She said it so casually like it wasn’t even a hard decision, just a given fact. She loves me so much she saw me at her wedding, standing with her on one of the most important days of her life. And you know what? There are so many people who think about you that way. If that isn’t proof that you should keep going I don’t know what is.

[rationalisms]

it’s mental health awareness week! i am aware of my mental health and it’s terrible how do i stop being aware of it

[hahadiehaha]

e m p t y