Prologue
Julie Ann Sarif sat in the chilly examination room, one bare foot dangled above the freezing tiles, the other sat flat on the pullout stand. She wore one of the ugly paper dresses but she felt naked. Dr. Morgan had excused himself to take a call, but before she left, she had told Julie Ann that her blood pressure was high and had kindly asked why. This was why Julie Ann felt naked; always a private person, sixty seconds with a cuff around her upper arm had revealed that Julie Ann had had one hell of a year!
As she watched her dangling foot bounce, she realized she did not have to say anything at all. Dr. Morgan was her doctor, not her therapist or her friend, but Julie Ann was so desperate to unload everything on somebody anybody. Maybe that was why when the doctor returned a simple, “Now where were we?” Turned into an hour in that room that stank of disinfectants, with tears running down her face and the other woman hugging her awkwardly.
When Julie Ann left, she felt a lot better, but that did not stop Dr. Morgan from giving her a prescription for a half-dose of blood pressure medicine. Julie Ann was fifty-one years old and had never had blood pressure issues; then again, she had had one hell of a year!
Christmas was the prologue to the Hell Year.
“Nah, this doesn’t feel right.” Julie Ann had said to her husband Ahsan that morning.
“What?” He asked, she covered his mouth with her hand when she saw his lips begin to form the words you worry too much. He was right, Julie Ann always worried, but there was always a reason to worry. Ahsan was in the military, as soon as she got comfortable they would have to move, Julie Ann felt like they had dragged their poor children all over the damn world and back again. They had been in Florida for a long while, Julie Ann had started to get comfortable, she had started working at a bank again and could feel the promotion to manager coming when Ahsan walked into the kitchen and announced that he would be moving back to West Virginia. For a brief second Julie Ann had considered beating her husband to death with a skillet. He had promised that this would be his last assignment.
“I want to retire at home, Ma and Pops are old, I want to be near them.”
Once again her eyes fell on the skillet, maybe she wouldn’t kill him but bringing the pan upside his head would make her feel a hell of a lot better. “You want to move me from sunny Florida, to Wasteland Virginia int the middle of Winter? On top of all that you want me to be with crazy Miya?”
“Come on JuJu.”
“Don’t you JuJu me you son of a bitch!” She snapped and stormed past him, skillet still in hand. Ahsan was six feet, six inches and nearly three hundred pounds of pure muscle, she would have to jump to reach his bald ass head and he would easily avoid the blow.
“JuJu…”
“No Ahsan, you said this would be your last assignment. You said once the kids were grown you’d retire and we could finally start taking those vacations. You said Florida was cool, especially after Daddy died, you know how I feel about Momma being by herself. You always promise me things.” She gasped, “You’re selfish!”
“I am not selfish.”
“Yes, yes you are.” She rounded on him, “Stop following me.”
Ahsan took two steps back, hands up, eyes on the skillet. He had tried her once or twice before.
“It’s not the middle of Winter.” He muttered weakly.
Julie Ann flung the skillet at him, and he had the nerve to catch it! She spun on her heels and stomped upstairs, “Mind your damn business.” She shouted at their eldest, Nia on her way to their bedroom.
Her children and their alliance with their father was another source of irritation. Ahsan could do no wrong in their eyes.
Julie Ann sat on the bed and pouted. It would be nearly a week before she would speak to Ahsan again, and another week before he was allowed back inside their bedroom. He had spent time in the living room and in the nursery with their grandson. Julie Ann had told him to go to West Virginia by his damn self, yet when the time finally came for him to leave, she followed.
Looking back, Julie Ann had to admit that things were not as bad as she thought they would be, in fact, they were not even close to the way she imagined it. Ahsan did not have to live on base, and they got the gorgeous three-bedroom home in Magnolia Park, with the stuck-up neighbors and the pool in the back.
“Oh, your boyfriend’s here.” Julie Ann had said when they were moving in and Silas Johnson swung into their driveway. “Is he why we moved back here?”
“Stop.” Ahsan grumped and kissed the top of her head. The pair had been childhood best friends and Julie Ann hated Silas since the day she met him. There was something about him, he was cocky and every time Ahsan got into serious trouble, Silas was right there by his side. Not to mention Silas was a whore!
“Goddamnit, Ahsan.” She huffed when the passenger door opened and Silas’ new wife Grace. climbed out.
“Please be nice.” He begged.
Julie Ann was nice, and to her surprise she found that she actually liked Grace. The woman was the same age as they were but looked so much younger, she was tall and shapely; a dancer’s body! Grace was quick to smile and was an all-around pleasant person. Pity. Julie Ann had hated this woman for years without actually knowing her. When Julie Ann met Ahsan, Silas was already married to his first wife Esther. The two were close friends and most of their children were the same age. Silas’ daughter Sonja was two years older than Nia; his second daughter Amore was two months older than their second daughter Rayne, and their son Amir was two hours older than Silas and Esther’s daughter Zion.
Poor Esther had struggled during her last pregnancy, she had finally found out about Silas’s whoring ways and the stress had drained her. Silas had a daughter who was a few months older than Zion, but by the time the girl was born Silas had already moved on to Grace.
It was through Grace that Julie Ann joined Mamas & Mimosas, a small women’s club for mothers. She made new friends who helped with her transition. Julie Ann also started her home-based craft business and with the help of the Mamas, the business took off online and grew to something lucrative very quickly.
Julie Ann also stressed often about Rayne because of her crazy boyfriend…also named Rayne. She lost sleep over that relationship. “He’s going to kill her,” was what Julie Ann lamented a lot. She knew she was driving Nia crazy always calling and asking if she heard from her sister. On the other hand, “Amir is going to kill him.” He son was as big and buff as his father, it took a lot to make Amir mad, the boy was some kind of saint—but at the same time Amir had a temper and once triggered he became a beast.
“Rayne is grown.” Ahsan would remind her, but she had heard him threaten to kill boy-Rayne on more than one occasion.
That situation resolved itself when one morning, Ahsan opened the door on his way out to work only to find Rayne standing there with a suitcase. “Yeah, I nearly killed Rayne.” She announced and strutted into the house like she owned the place. “What’s for breakfast Ma?”
Ahsan was on her heels, “What happened? Did he hurt you?”
“That nigga cheated on me—again, and had the nerve to swing on me when I confronted him about it. I defended myself with a rolling pin. Anyways, I’ve got court in January.”
“Your sister and brother already know about this don’t they?” Julie Ann questioned.
“Amir posted my bail and Nia drove me to the airport.”
Julie Ann and Ahsan exchanged a look, their children always screamed that they wished each other was not born but would protect each other feverishly.
Rayne had always been the most daring of their children, so she often found herself in sticky situations. She was also the most hot-headed and provoking so she usually started fights with her siblings. She was closer to Amir than she was to Nia, although the pair were always at each other’s throats. Nia was the most stable of the children, she married her high school sweetheart Timothy and the pair had a son, TJ, together. Amir was a chaotic neutral, he was the most affectionate and shared a close relationship the entire family. He was the one who convinced Julie Ann to move with Ahsan. “I’m in this weird traditional phase with work, so I still have to go up to Louisiana all the time. I’ll keep an eye on Gran’Mere for you Honey.” Amir never called Julie Ann Mommy, or Ma, or Momma because Ahsan always called her honey, so somehow, he thought that is what he was supposed to call her.
Nia, Tim and TJ came up the week before Christmas, Amir was not sure if he would be able to make it since the Coast Guard had finally transferred him fully to Florida and people tended to be idiots during the holidays. When the front door flew open and Rayne strode in from her shift at the bar Christmas morning with her brother behind her, rather than feeling excitement, Julie Ann’s feeling of dread grew worse.
“Something’s going to happen to my baby.” Julie Ann told Ahsan when she caught him away from the children.
“Is this about the psychic thing?”
“You know my feelings are never wrong.” Ahsan did not believe in—as he puts it—mumbo-jumbo, but he had to admit that these strange inklings Julie Ann got were never wrong. She knew something was going to happen to his older brother, and not long after he ODed. She knew Nia was going to have a baby and a year to the day she told her, TJ was born.
“Let’s not focus on that. Let’s just try to enjoy the day with our family and friends, okay?”
“Yeah…”
All in all, it was a good day. Two year old TJ was his usual, dramatic self being the center of attention. He wanted to go swim in the pool since he did not understand that water froze in the Winter. He was usually attached to Tim or Amir’s legs and would rather play dominos with his Papa and the men than with the mountain of toy he received as gifts. There was an awkward moment when Esther passed by for some food and met Grace and the Mamas at the house. “We’ll get brunch on the weekend, okay?” Julie Ann said as a way of apology.
Silas disappeared for about an hour and the girls grilled Grace on where their father could have gone but she just smiled.
“Oh shit, that boy done brought his girl here?” Ahsan’s father Armand said.
Amir laughed, “Come on Pops, you remember Zion.”
Armand’s eyes bugged out of his head, “That’s Lil ZiZi? Got damn!”
“Stop.” Ahsan slapped his father on the arm and tried to swallow his laugh. The other girls swarmed their sister, there was a lot of giggling and squealing.
“Look at that fool.” Amir grumbled when Rayne pushed her way through the Johnson girls. When they were little and Rayne was mad at Amir, she always told him that she wished Zion was her sister instead of Amir being her brother and he would cry every single time.
Ahsan chuckled, “It’s so good to have my family all together in one place.”
Julie Ann felt his eyes on her.
Two days after Valentine’s Day, Ahsan came home early from work looking terrible and Julie Ann wondered if he was sick. He made her sit on the couch and took a seat beside her. “We’re going to Florida. Tim called. Something happened…with Amir…”
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