i haven’t posted anything in ages and by that i mean after the latest awae episode and it hurts me since there were so many good scenes i want on my blog very badly but i’ve been having a crisis with my blog but i’ll hope i’ll get over that very soon bc today is a new ep day again! i just wanted to make a little update in case anyone was wondering where i’ve been and because i have a few things i want to remember so i’m going to share them here.
firstly: last night i had a dream about anne and diana. diana was having a birthday party and when the two of them were alone anne told diana how diana was the best friend she’s ever had and also the love of her life. i can’t remember much else but that’s enough to make me want to cry bc i’m craving them to be actual girlfriends on screen so so badly and i know it’s 99% certain that it’ll never happen so i’m absolutely doomed. i think i’m going to read every single fic i can find of those two and then maybe even try writing one myself too, if i’m brave enough. but i must say that oh boy am i still grateful for all the hecking gay scenes on awae between them bc without them i might be able to, you know, live.
secondly: i finished watching jane the virgin last night. i always thought of the show as something light and not so meaningful & important to me but when the end of the chapter ninety-eight said “to be continued... one more time” i realized how much i’m actually invested in the show and how much i love it and the characters and the relationships and everything of it. and yes, the finale came i cried and i cried a lot at least half of the episode and it started when it was revealed that older mateo was the narrator and then it just didn’t end. when it ended all i wished for was that i could watch it again for the first time. it is definitely a show i’m going to cherish forever in my heart. in the episode where the actors and the creator talked about the show and the characters and their history and everything xo’s actress said “growing up i didn’t really see myself on tv or my family on tv and i really felt invisible. and it was really a blow to my self esteem because i felt like i wasn’t important.” and that really hit home to me. i don’t see my queer nonbinary trans self on tv and i know that it doesn’t mean that i’m not important because i am, but i also know that i’m not important that my existence is worthless to this patriarchal cisheteronormative society and probably to most of the people living in this world as well, and that really fucking hurts.












