KamiAnya.TTV

34 year old non-binary, Aroace, polyamorous, Jewish, chronically ill, disabled Linguistic Anthropologist and streamer with ADHD and MS. they/them/theirs. Expect yelling, advocacy, some fandom, much about streaming. KamiAnya on Twitch, kamianya1 on twitter (Used to be malihh, still the same person)

[animentality]

[writing2changetheworld]

SeaWorld has banned rollators (basically a wheeled walker with a seat). They say rollators have to be stored at the entrance.

They claim it's for safety.

They're offering walkers without seats and wheelchairs as a replacement.

They are currently being sued by the Department of Justice.

If you don't understand why this ban is a problem (with or without the offer of wheelchairs and seatless walkers), let me explain what I've thought of (and other people might have more points):

Some people choose to use a rollator instead of a wheelchair or whatever for a multitude of reasons. Whatever the reason(s), someone could be walking with the rollator and need to sit down when there are no other seats around.

[kamianya-ttv]

For any long walking, like I would do at a zoo or a place like SeaWorld, I have to use my rollator. It means I’m independent, where I would need someone to push a wheelchair, it’s a million times easier on me to walk with the wheels than a regular walker, and the seat being available is exceedingly important. I actively can not just change my rollator for a walker or wheelchair. Any place that would make me store my rollator like this is no longer accessible to me.

[slveepyscwrs]

Only chronically ill people will understand that oddly specific feeling where everything just kind of stops and your soul feels like it's about to leave your body but then your stubborn brain pulls it back last minute like "NUH UH NOT TODAY"

[lastoneout]

Like "Yeah I can walk, but I still need my wheelchair" is a statement that both someone who is faking AND someone who is 100% legitimately disabled could say, there's no way to tell the difference unless you're inside their heads so don't try. Even doctors will misjudge a patient's need, they do it ALL THE TIME. There's no reason to assume someone is faking, get that white knight shit out of you mind,, leave disabled people alone. I'd rather 500 people use mobility or other aids they don't need in peace than have a SINGLE disabled person get harassed or be forced to go without help they desperately need because people think they're faking when they aren't. If you think someone isn't actually disabled shut the fuck up, it's literally none of your goddamn buisness.

Edit: I encourage disabled people, both mentally and physically, to add stories of times they've been hurt or harassed about faking so abled people can see how harmful this shit is. Also if any of you get mad at me for including mental disabilites/illnesses/neurodivergencies under the disability umbrella you will be getting very acquainted with my soild aluminum knee braces, idc who you are. My brain is part of my body and solidarity is the key to liberation.

[slveepyscwrs]

i don't know which chronically ill mooties need to hear this but

you don't have to listen to the bE pOsItIve crowd

it's okay to grieve for the life that your illness robbed from you.

it's okay to feel sad when you can't do things you would have wanted to.

it's okay to detest that you have to use aids.

it's okay to look at your abled peers and feel empty, because of how you so desperately want to fit in with them but can't.

it's okay to be salty about everything you can't do while being disabled.

it's okay to not be one of the very few who are able to dEfY tHe oDds

it's okay to be terrified of the future.

because that's just what being disabled means. it's not all just pride and 'being strong,' it's absolutely miserable to face these realities sometimes.

and that's okay.

[majaurukalo]

Inaccessibility is discrimination and human rights violation.

[kamianya-ttv]

A post about goblins, to follow up on my post about antisemitism and blood libel.

Reminder, I am not an expert or authority on this topic. I’m just a Jew who reads a lot.

Goblins in folklore have long been an antisemitic trope. Does that mean that every use of goblins is inherently antisemitic?

Actually, I would argue no. There are ways to do goblins right.

But to do so requires subverting the trope.

If you use goblins exactly as they are, keep them evil, keep them greedy, then yes that is a problem. When you make them in charge of money, holy shit are you playing into the antisemitism.

So then, how do you avoid playing into being antisemitic?

I think this is where you want to look at what Terry Pratchett does. When you first encounter his goblins they are described in many ways that fit the folklore. But when you actually meet his goblins, you learn how many things humans have wrong.

Seriously, go read Snuff.

So, taking goblins and acknowledging how they are perceived, but then changing who they actually are. Or taking goblins and making them, well, more like any sentient race, where there are good and bad folks.

I’d love more examples or more thoughts here from others.

Now, I’m sure you all can guess why I’m writing this now. But I’ve had quite a few people ask me about referring to their own communities as goblins or if goblins are always a problem. Again I am no authority, this is just my own opinion, but I do believe you can do goblins well.

But it takes work and thought and being aware of what the antisemitic stereotypes are and working to avoid or subvert them.

[grahambaham]

So I've been writing a Harry Potter fanfiction for a while now and it probably won't come out for the next three years or whatever, but I wanted to know if you have any ideas for how to change how the goblins were written to be less antisemitic without basically changing so many parts of how the wizarding world works because I am not talented enough for that.

Like for example I don't think I can change the whole them being in charge of money thing because I have no idea how to even start on that. I'd have to create a whole new system and I don't want to do that because the bank and money thing won't even be mentioned much?? Or could I just have a few goblins who happen to work in a bank and the rest be wizards and witches etc. Would that work?

Sorry for bombarding you with all this, I know you said you aren't exactly an expert on this but I don't even know who else to ask and this has been bothering me and you are one of few people who I see talking about or even knowing about this issue.

[kamianya-ttv]

So, I’m a *really* bad person to ask about anything Harry Potter because in my opinion the whole IP is wildly bigoted. Between the author actively using the clout and money she gets from it to spread misinformation about and harm trans people, the issues surrounding house elves, the actual blood libel plot and antisemitism in the game, the severely problematic names for characters of color, more issue I know exist but can’t immediately bring to mind…(There’s also other major issues about the world itself and how things run, or more accurately should fail to run, but honestly to me they aren’t even relevant any more.)

Basically, my take is throw the whole world away and make a new one. But if you do write it, it’s going to be extremely hard to rework systems directly written into the books. Also, do you need to discuss the banks at all? If it’s not directly relevant to your plot then explicitly bringing it up will stand out as strange.

But again, my take is throw the whole IP in the trash and either create your own world of magic or look into some of the other magic systems already existent in books and games.

[kamianya-ttv]

You’re not lazy, you’re neurodivergent:

A post on executive dysfunction, ADHD inattentiveness and hyperfocus, and whatever else occurred to me as related as I originally wrote this for twitter.

If you’re like me, you’ve probably been called lazy by people in your life. But the thing is, there’s almost no-one (if anyone) who’s actually lazy. And I promise you, if you’ve felt guilty because there are things you should be doing and can’t get them done? You are NOT lazy.

I’ll get to executive dysfunction, the main focus of this thread in a moment. Because I want to start by talking about ADHD and hyperfocus.

Is it hard for you to pay attention to things you don’t enjoy, but can focus for hours on things you do?

Does the world ever disappear to the point you forget to eat/drink while you’re working? Can you suddenly get days worth of work done in a short amount of time, but only once it’s the last minute, or when you get into the zone? But you don’t necessarily have control over getting into that mode?

Hyperfocus

The reason this is related to this thread is that often this is the “proof” that you’re lazy. Look, if you’re interested you get things done! Look at how much you can do when you “just make yourself” or “just focus”! Clearly you just don’t want to do the thing.

I can’t tell you how many days I’ve sat there trying to get into a zone that’s eluding me, losing sleep and feeling guilty, just to finally hyperfocus in the final day and pull out a miracle.

But I have ZERO ability to force it (I have tricks! but it’s not the same).

Hyperfocus often gets brought up as a “you can’t have ADHD, look how focus on the things you enjoy! Look what happens when you do focus!”

But actually, it’s a major aspect of inattentive ADHD!

So, that’s why hyperfocus matters in this convo.

Now onto Executive Dysfunction.

To start with, a quick note: Executive dysfucntion is not just an ADHD thing. It’s an aspect of a lot of different neurodivergencies.

Also, this is primarily from my perspective as a person with ADHD, I’d love to hear your versions of these experiences!)

I like to describe executive dysfunction as “the start button isn’t there.”

Also, this isn’t just for chores or boring things.

Have you ever sat there going “I want to game” but it just never happens?

I sure have!

When you have executive dysfunction, this means that starting tasks can be near impossible. You just can’t get yourself to start it. Often, you may sit there staring at the document with the blinking cursor, or looking at the stove, or glancing at the full laundry basket, etc

But again, there’s no start button. You just can’t do the thing. Which makes it really hard when people tell you to just focus, or that you could do it if you just cared, or that you’re just lazy.

Because we want to do the thing! We do!

(I mean, okay, want may be a strong word sometimes, I never WANT to do chores, but it’s still not an intentional putting it off. It’s more an “I need to do this thing, I know I need to, I want it to be done, but I can’t get myself to do it”)

Now for me, and many with ADHD, once someone points out you haven’t done the thing, or when the deadline comes close, suddenly the start button appears

Which again, people use as proof you totally could have done the thing the whole time.

So clearly you were just lazy & are only doing it cause you got yelled at/prodded/nagged.

But this isn’t true, there was no start button!

@adhd-alien has a PERFECT comic on this: https://twitter.com/ADHD_Alien/status/1138475368191598594

Now, we learn tricks to deal with this. Or meds may help.

For me, I find ways to enforce outside deadlines, or I’m more likely to have. a start button for something I’m doing with/for other people.

But ultimately, our brains just don’t work the same.

So for someone where the start buttons are always there, who assumes everyone is the same as them, it looks like we’re actively making the choice not to hit start.

So they call us lazy, unable to see us desperately trying to hit a button that’s just. Not. There.

Now, add on to this all the other comorbidities that come with neurodivergency, we almost never have just one thing. Add on physical disabilities or chronic/invisible illnesses or chronic pain or fatigue.

All of these make it so much harder.

There are SO many things that affect our abilities to get things done.

For example, I had a doctor appointment four days in a row (OT, neurologist, OT, infusion). I also helped schedule an event, and did a stream.

Before MS and chronic pain that would be nothing.

I could have done SO much more, filled my days with getting things done.

Now? I’m spending today on the couch, recovering before my stream tonight.

And I have to fight so much guilt, because I feel like I should be doing more. But my body just CAN’T.

So.

Do you feel guilty, but you just can’t start the thing?

Is there no start button?

Are you exhausted and your body is insisting you rest?

There are so many things that affect our ability to do things.

Brains, bodies, the world we live in.

But you’re not lazy.

[dreamdropdollop]

don't just use mobility aids on your worst days. don't push yourself to the point you have to use it. use them even on less pain days too.

[kamianya-ttv]

It used to be really hard for me to do this, especially using the disabled placard on my car to take up a spot when my brain said I was taking it away from someone else that needs it more…but then I realized that: 1) however good I felt going into a place I felt worse coming out, and 2) it means I have WAY less bad pain days overall

[violet-phoenix-nebula]

When someone has a chronic illness or is disabled and can't work, they say a few common things.

It must be nice to sit around all day/sleep all day.

I wish I could sit around all day and not work.

I wish I could sleep all the time.

They don't want to sleep as much as we have to. They'd feel sick and sluggish.

They don't want to sit around the house all day not doing anything. They'd be bored out of their fucking skull.

It's so unbelievably fucking frustrating, but there's a fundamental lack of understanding.

They liken our lives to a vacation, imagining that it's fun and relaxing and we can do whatever fun things we want to all the time.

In reality, it should be likened to an extended hospital stay. You can't do anything and you feel like shit.

[dreamdropdollop]

don't just use mobility aids on your worst days. don't push yourself to the point you have to use it. use them even on less pain days too.

[myalgicencephalomyelitiscfstom]

[devilboydogman]

Hey, I know chronic pain is absolute hell for physically disabled and chronically ill people, but can we also talk about the chronic discomfort symptoms?

Like, it doesn’t hurt per se, but it sucks ass.

Like involuntary movements, making it hard to move or function

Nausea, the absolute BITCH

confusion, brain fog, forgetfulness

Getting lightheaded or dizzy or problems with the vestibular senses

RESTLESSNESS

Numbness and tingling

Fucking fatigue. Like the kind that makes you feel like a rubber noodle that weighs 800 tons and you can hardly left an arm.

Weakness in general, like that’s annoying as hell. Why can I not open this bottle.

I haven’t experienced this, but I imagine full or partial paralysis is pretty sucky.

Trembling. Like, sometimes not even because something hurts. Your just shaking, vibrating, man. What.

So yeah. Complain about discomfort from your disabilities and illnesses, you deserve it.

[positivityoutsiderecovery]

Instead of going "but have you tried-" every time you meet a disabled person, assume competence. Assume that we've already done our research. Assume that we are knowledgeable about our condition(s). Assume that we are doing everything we can to manage our disabilities well.

[neil-gaiman]

hello

can you please tell me to continue writing whatever the hell i am writing, because currently it seems like i'm writing nonsense

thank you

You too? Absolutely. You keep going and I'll keep going too.

[raining-stars-somewhere-else-de]

I’m writing right now too and struggling a little, but I’ll keep going along with you two

[weirdly-specific-but-ok]

Every time this post comes up on my dash i feel so fucking called out.

I dug up an old WIP yesterday and read through the entire thing, it was some 180 pages of an original story and I actually really fucking liked it??

[Of course, it was still transcendentally weird. On one hand there was a painfully beautifully scene where the trans boy comes out his crush and is worried he'll be rejected. On the other hand I discovered lines that i just. Who let me write them. Said crush, Rian, walked up to Avi who was getting flirted with by a bunch of people while preparing soil. And he just fucking says "I thought we were supposed to be using shovels for gardening, I see Avi's using hoes instead." Ngk????!!!!! 😭]

BUT WHO'S GOING TO WRITE THE REST OF IT? ME???? THIS IS HOMOPHOBIA.

Someone encourage me to write please so that my two idiot gays can have their enemies to lovers happily ever after and I can sit and be stupid with them.

[weirdly-specific-but-ok]

WE CAN DO IT EVERYONE WRITE. IT MAY NOT LOOK GOOD TO YOU. IT DOESN'T MATTER. THE ONLY THING YOU NEED TO DO TO BE A WRITER IS, WELL. WRITE.

[weirdly-specific-but-ok]

Alright you know what? Today's the day I drag that WIP out from its dusty little hole and write. I'll set a timer for an hour and just fucking do it.

[neil-gaiman]

For the record, that thing I was writing last week that I was convinced was the worst thing in the world...? I kept going. I finished it. I revised it. I sent it in. Everybody loves it so much. Even me.

[sheherlocked-deactivated2022083]

“Public libraries are such important, lovely places!” Yes but do you GO there. Do you STUDY there. Do you meet friends and get coffee there. Do you borrow the FREE, ZERO SUBSCRIPTION, ZERO TRACKING books, audiobooks, ebooks, and films. Have you checked out their events and schemes. Do you sign up for the low cost courses in ASL or knitting or programming or writing your CV that they probably run. Do you know they probably have myriad of schemes to help low income families. Do you hire their low cost rooms if you need them. Have you joined their social groups. Do you use the FREE COMPUTERS. Do you even know what your library is trying to offer you. Listen, the library shouldn’t just exist for you as a nice idea. That’s why more libraries shut every year

[sheherlocked-deactivated2022083]

If this post persuades even one person to get a free library account and use it, my time on this hellsite will not have been spent in vain

[certifiedlibraryposts]

Certified Library Post

[i-am-a-fish]

"why do I feel so terrible?"

-person who forgot to take their not-feeling-terrible medication

[neitherthehoneynorthebee]

So this post is the single reason I took my meds today. Reblogging out of duty.