i make my own fate.

✨ adri / lucien | he/him | 27| 🏳️‍⚧️🇲🇽 | strawpage ✨

[kamuzeros]

about me

adri | 27 | he/him

trans man ; bisexual ; mexican ; gemini ; isfp

yumedanshi ; yumeship blog

please ask me about my yumeships and yumesonas. please. pleak.

main interests atm: obey me!, ex and bee, the apothecary diaries

i realized i never made an about / pinned. oops

i've been on tumblr since 2013 (unfortunately). I try and be active here but i'm more active on my twitter

umumum

[bippus]

when i was born they rushed all the nurses into the room. called the whole hospital. Here’s the baby that doesn’t cry they said

[sagehole]

we love to applaud performative masculinity

[bippus]

I was a stoic

[mayadile]

Still don't have much yet and we are on Tuesday. We need this before Friday um ... We are $215/$600

paypal

[mayadile]

Plus, my friend is also trying to escape an abusive situation and I'm the only help she can reach to. It would mean so much to me to get to her so I can watch over her. She's been there for me while I was suffering and I want to be there for her. 💜

[mayadile]

TODAY IS MONDAY! MY DEADLINE IS THIS FRIDAY! I NEED TO MAKE $500-$600 BEFORE FRIDAY SO I CAN GET MY PLANE TICKET!!!

Paypal

[mayadile]

I want to get to my friend as soon as possible. She's been going through mental stress from the ER and her parents forced her to work calling her lazy and think she's faking her chronic pain. Which made her spine burn in her body and her mom made her quit her job. It's crazy so she needs me for support her parents are crazy 😭 she's been in a dark headspace, she's been crying to me on the phone for days. So please!

[mayadile]

🙏🏾🙏🏾🙏🏾

I have three more days to make $500-$600 to get a plane ticket. My deadline is close and I'm worried. I'm only saying this because my friend has been going through psychosis due to her abuse and learning things from the ER made her feel worthless. She tried attempting awhile ago but I helped her out of it. It's important for me to be there for her. So please this is serious.

🙏🏾🙏🏾🙏🏾

[wykart]

what do you mean my disability disables my abilities? what the fuck

[pudulogy]

for all of you:

[thememedaddy]

[mayadile]

Very important announcement! (Last post) PLEASE READ!!

So I got an email back from some nice people who have been helping me. They worked with me and my mom to make sure we could get through our goal so we are close to getting out of the streets! (along with you guys help too thank you!)

I was informed we just need $530 that way we can get the full help that we need so me and my mom can finally get everything we need to be stable 😭 I was so happy to read the email this morning!! I'm so close I'm serious this time!! I'm so close to getting a normal life again!! So I need everyone's help one last time!! I just need $530 and I'll finally get the help I should've gotten since shelters in my area were unresponsive and ghosted me which was frustrating. I can get a car ride, finally get a damn truck, I can get clothes, I can go grocery shopping, get my medication all of it!! No more homelessness, no more heatstrokes, no more hospital visits, nomore sleeping in the rain and floor, no more anxiety being in the dark at night.

SO PLEASE HELP ME GET TO MY GOAL!!

PAYPAL

CashApp: $BattyHatty

Gofundme

[mayadile]

I JUST NEED $300 LEFT!!!! WE ARE ALMOST THERE!!!!! WE ARE ALMOST THERE!!!! PLEASE!!!! 🙏🙏🙏🙏

[mayadile]

I want to get it until tonight or tomorrow morning 😭 plus I need to save up so I can stay in the hotel!!! Pleaaaase

[vampiresdownpour]

Characters: Lucien Oleander , Melody Zhu ( @teffiyx ) Prompt: First Kiss Additional context: ma and @aspiringtrashpanda have been talking a lot about writing random prompts together! Panda wrote these amazing fics today and this is what I came up with! I'm nervous about posting since I haven't done writing in years, but I did like how this came out ♡ gif is also by aaden!!

“Oh! And this, and that… Yeah…! Cici? Are you listening?” Melody lightly tapped Lucien’s arm, slight worry on her face. Lucien blinked, softly looking back at Melody.

“Hm? O-Of course, Countess…” Lucien avoided any eye contact with Melody, feeling his face heat up. He looked down at his now empty plate of food, deciding it was the most interesting thing in his field of vision.

“U-Um, Countess…” Lucien began speaking, mentally hitting himself with a hammer. He could tell how nervous he was as he spoke.

“Shall we go watch the stars after this? There is a hill behind my apartment that is the perfect spot for stargazing.” He looked back up at Melody, smiling softly, face dusted pink. Melody’s eyes seemed to light up as she gave her usual bright smile, nodding.

Once Lucien was done paying for their meal, he gently held Melody’s hand as they began walking out and back to a nearby train station. He held onto her hand tightly, glad that his gloves concealed how sweaty his palms were. They walked in comfortable silence, Lucien rubbing Melody’s hand with his thumb. The two eventually made it to the train station, hopping on the next train that led back to Lucien’s apartment.

“I’m glad to be able to share my love of stars with you, Countess.” Lucien spoke coolly as he continued to hold her hand tightly. “As you know, I’m not from here, and despite living here for the past 2 years I still get homesick…” Lucien’s tone was softer now, not the usual loud and eccentric tone he liked to put on.

“…Being able to look up at the stars and the moon makes me feel better, you know. It’s the same stars and moon I would see back home. The world is big, but being able to find traces of home makes me feel less alone.”

It was a rare moment of softness from Lucien to be able to lower his guard down a bit.

“I understand…” Melody leaned her head onto Lucien’s. “I still need to go back home sometimes to take care of family matters… Whenever I look at the sky, I know it’s the same sky you see…” She smiled, her face equally dusted pink.

The train finally arrived at their stop, Lucien gently grabbing Melody and pulling her close to him as they walked in the direction of his apartment. The night was still young, streets still well lit with the warm lighting of nearby street lights. The streets weren’t entirely empty, but not completely filled with people either.

The two walked together in close proximity, Melody swinging their joined hands together as they continued on near Lucien’s apartment complex. He looked down at her, smiling at how joyous she looked.

“It’s taken this long to finally take me to your apartment, why is that?” She teased him, giggling. It only made Lucien blush more.

“W-Well, Countess, I had to make sure that you weren’t an undercover vampire hunter who was hired to slay me.” Lucien awkwardly replied.

“As you know, I am VERY wanted in the vampire world. Many people want a piece of The Prince Of Darkness, you know.”

“Mhm, is that why Bee said he had never heard of you when you brought this up?”

“…We’re almost there, Countess. Can you see that big hill?” Lucien pointed to a big hill in the distance, behind the apartment complex. “…It’s a place where I like to clear my head when things are too much… There is a fantastic view of the sky.” Lucien squeezed Melody’s hand a little tighter. Melody could only laugh at the fact that Lucien completely glazed over her comment.

The two made it to the apartment complex, Lucien leading Melody towards a somewhat hidden pathway that led directly to the top of the hill. The trek was made in comfortable silence, the two only communicating through looks and quiet laughs.

As they reached the top of the hill, Lucien suddenly froze. Melody looked at him, brows furrowing.

“Cici?”

“Where. Where is it. Where.” Lucien suddenly ran towards an isolated area where it looked like something was cleared out.

“I… what. Didn’t I… I…” Lucien mumbled to himself as he bent down on his knees, searching around the area. Melody tilted her head as she watched Lucien stick his head into a nearby bush.

“Cici?” Melody walked over, bending down to his level. Lucien cursed at himself under his breath.

“I swear to god, it was RIGHT HERE…” Lucien huffed in frustration as he raised his head, immediately being met with Melody’s confused jade eyes.

“M-Melody!” Lucien laughed nervously. “I-I, ah- um-” Lucien stumbled on his words, looking incredibly flustered. “I had a basket here for us, but… Ah, I think it’s gone…” He mumbled under his breath as the two of them stood up. Lucien began to pace around immediately.

“Did I leave it inside…? I must have, right… Or was I foolish enough to leave it out in the open for hours…” He mumbled before Melody grabbed his arm, lowering him down so that they were now sitting down. “It’s alright.” Melody gave her usual soft smile that always managed to make Lucien melt.

“Let’s just sit here and look at the sky!” She looked up and began to point at the stars.

“The sky is so clear tonight…! Look at how pretty the stars are!” Melly’s whimsy only made Lucien melt further. He got suddenly shy as Melody excitedly grabbed his arm.

Lucien cleared his throat as she continued to admire the stars.

“Countess, ah…” Lucien began, his cravat suddenly feeling tight around his neck. He cleared his throat.

“You, ah…. You know, you…” Lucien cleared his throat again. His mind was spinning as he tried to declare his feelings for Melody more intensely. “Melody, you, ah, You’re… You’re amazing…” Lucien seemed to finally have a good spot to start.

“I’ve never…. Ah…. met someone like you. You’re… You’re so…” Lucien’s face was red, the reddest it’s ever been before. Melody gently placed her hand on Lucien’s.

“Yes, Cici?” Melody smiled sweetly in the way that gave Lucien cuteness aggression towards her. He couldn’t do this.

“ILIKEYOUALOT-” He blurted out suddenly, making Melody giggle. Lucien had never let himself be so… so… pathetic!

“IplannedadessertpicnichereofrusbutIcan’tfindthebasket-” He spoke without taking a breath. “-Idon’tknowifsomeonetookitorifmaybeIjustforgot-ohgoddidIleaveitinthepartment?” He rambled on.

“ThisdatewassupposedtobePERFECTbuti’msuchafoolfornothavingitgothewayitshould-IwassupposedtofeedyouyourfavoritedessertandthenI’dbesosmoothand-” He finally took a breath… before continuing on.

“AndthenIwassupposedtokissyou!!FireworksweresupposedtogooffthiswasmeantotbetheperfectdateverbutImessedupandnowyouprobablydon’twanttocontinueand-” before he even realized it, Melody leaned forward, shutting him up with a soft kiss.

[vampiresdownpour]

Characters: Ani Valdez , Leviathan Prompt: “You’re the one, you’re all I ever wanted. I think I’ll regret this.” Warnings: Ani is almost touched without his consent, but nothing very graphic ! Additional context: Ani/Levi timeline. Another fic spawned from writing exercises done with @aspiringtrashpanda !

He didn’t mean to grab Ani’s wrist. And he especially didn’t mean to teleport out of the important RAD event they were supposed to attend as per Diavolo’s request.

One second, there was a noble demon staring at Ani in the courtyard, walking towards him and immediately getting touchy as they spotted Leviathan’s pact mark on Ani. Perhaps it wasn’t the best idea to follow Asmo’s advice and wear something bold tonight- a backless, sleeveless black top with chains on the back with flared black dress pants decorated in more chains. The backless design of his outfit was something new to Ani, but he trusted Asmo’s comments on how flattering the outfit was on him.

Unfortunately, they did not account for the fact that some demons would see this as an invitation to touch Ani’s back, where Leviathan’s pact mark was proudly displayed.

The noble demon’s fingers hovered over Ani’s back, about to touch…

“How fascinating, the famous pact mark of the Avatar of Envy…”

Ani’s vision suddenly whitened- he was flashbanged, as Mammon would say. He blinked as his vision adjusted to the familiar blue light of Leviathan’s room. Ani stumbled back a bit, immediately being held in place by a familiar face.

Levi held onto his shoulders, lingering for a moment before realizing what he had impulsively done.

“A-Ah… Ani…! I… I can explain…”

“You kidnapped me.”

“I-I teleported you!”

“Against my will?”

There was a bout of silence between them.

“W-Well, when you put it that way, it… it sounds bad!”

Levi let go of Ani, nearly tripping over a discarded pile of magical girl plushies near his bathtub as he rushed to put distance between him and Ani.

“I could’ve handled it myself.” Ani huffed, being stubborn. They both knew that that wasn’t true. If Leviathan hadn’t impulsively teleported them, it was more likely that Ani would’ve stayed frozen as a random noble demon touched him without his consent.

“I- I-I know! You could’ve, but-” Levi growled in frustration. “I-I wasn’t thinking! Just- that normie kept touching your pact mark and smiling like he owned you, and- and just-” Levi pulled at his hair in frustration, his words beginning to tangle together.

“J-Just… ah…” He buried his face into his sleeves, his glasses pushing up. “…never mind.”

Ani rubbed the back of his neck, around the area where Levi had previously held onto him.

“…it didn’t hurt, by the way.” Ani reassured him, making Levi shake his head.

“I know!”

“?”

“I-I mean-! Not because I’ve tested grabbing people before! J-Just-” Levi put his head into his hands, feeling a mix of awkwardness and frustration. He couldn’t help feeling so awkward around Ani. It was silent between the two, until Ani started to giggle under his breath.

“Ughhh.” Levi dragged his hands across his face.

“What is it?”

“You’re laughing. You’re laughing at this.”

“…Is it that bad?” Ani tilted his head as Levi nodded. “It means you’re going to forgive me for this.”

“…So?” Ani spoke a bit softer this time. “Is that such a bad thing?”

“Yes. I-I mean, no, I mean…” Levi sighed, still avoiding any sort of eye contact with Ani’s eyes. “It’s going to make me feel worse.” He groaned as he dramatically flopped onto his bathtub. “I hate this…!”

Ani blinked. “Hate what…?” He remained in that cute head tilting position that made Levi want to shriek from cuteness aggression.

“Existing!” He flopped around as Ani simply laughed at him. A genuine, soft laugh.

“See? You laughed.” The Envy Demon pouted, wanting to bury himself beneath his Ruri-chan throw blanket. “Yeah…?” Ani replied with uncertainty. He wasn’t sure what the big deal was.

“…You laugh like that around everyone.” Levi’s words were muffled by his pillow, where he currently lay his head. The mood quickly snapped to something awkward.

“…Levi-”

“No, it’s fine.” His voice was too quick, cracking. “I know where I rank.”

Ani frowned. “I didn’t say that.”

“You didn’t have to.” Levi snapped, sighing from frustration over his lack of control when it came to his feelings about Ani.

“You smile at Mammon when he does something stupid.” Before Ani could speak, Levi rambled on. “You listen to Satan ramble about his murder mystery books. You follow Asmo to wherever he asks. You always make time for the twins when they ask. You do anything Lucifer asks you to do, no questions asked.” He laughed quietly to himself.

“But… whenever I ask if you want to come over and game with me, or binge your favorite anime with me… I spent 4 hours convincing myself that you’re only saying yes because you feel bad for me.” He laughed quietly again, an awkward silence stretching between the two.

Ani walked over to him, settling on sitting down next to the plushie pile Leviathan tripped over earlier.

“…Levi…”

“I know.” He refused to look at Ani, instead keeping his face planted onto his pillow. “I sound pathetic.”

Ani shook his head. “You sound… hurt. Anxious…” Ani’s lips pursed. He knew exactly what Levi was feeling.

“…Same thing.” he mumbled as Ani shook his head.

“It’s not.”

“It kinda is.” Levi’s voice was quiet, so quiet Ani almost missed it.

“…I’m the Avatar of Envy.” He bitterly laughed. “I’m literally designed to compare myself to everyone else.” He gave another bitter laugh before he sat up, locking eyes with Ani.

“When that guy tried to touch your back…” His eyes wandered behind Ani, where his pact mark lay. “I fucking hated it.”

“So you teleported me.”

“So I teleported you.”

“Very possessive yandere of you.” Ani snickered, trying to lift the mood.

“I-I KNOW THAT!” Levi’s face went red as he groaned loudly. “I know, okay?! I know how that looked!! That’s why- That’s- That’s why I’m freaking the fuck out!!” He yelled as he covered his face with both hands, glasses pushing up.

“I- I didn’t even ask you first…! I just. I saw him about to touch you, and my brain just… it blue-screened!!” His voice was high pitched, muffled behind his hands. Levi could feel the heat creep up on his face from embarrassment, the tips of his fishy ears feeling hot.

“…I’ve officially become one of those obsessive yandere love interests from those stupid gacha otome games.” He groaned as Ani could only laugh softly from awkwardness, but also from endearment.

“…I think you’ve been playing way too many otome games.” He giggled, only making Levi feel more embarrassed.

“I KNOW. I HAVE!” He groaned again, pulling at his hair again. Ani stood up, reaching over carefully as he softly set his hand on Levi’s shoulder.

“…Levi…” Ani sighed as Levi didn’t move. Gently, he tugged one of Levi’s sleeves away from his face. Levi’s cheeks were a bright red, ears twitching every other second from how flustered he was. The Envy Demon’s amber eyes refused to meet Ani’s brown ones for more than a second.

“I wasn’t upset at you getting jealous.” Ani’s voice was low, the ambience of Levi’s aquarium sounding louder by the second. “…I was surprised… A-And, I get it, I really do…” Ani awkwardly sat himself at the edge of Levi’s bathtub.

“I… W-Well, um… I-I know you know that I get jealous easily.” Ani’s cheeks turned pink, thinking back on a comment that Levi made about sensing Ani’s immense envy every now and then. “I… I get it.” He sighed. “I-I guess, in human terms, we’re the same, having a certain person we want attention from a-and just… being impulsive about it.” Ani felt weirdly vulnerable, quickly shifting the topic.

“A-Anyways, what I mean to say is… You aren’t a bad person for it.” Ani still spoke softly, the aquatic ambience almost drowning out his words. Leviathan immediately stared at him.

“You… R-Really?” There was a slight flicker in his eyes as Ani nodded.

“I mean… you panicked.”

“I absolutely panicked.”

“And you also apologized.”

“I apologized like… a billion times.”

“Seven. I counted.” Ani teased him as they sat in silence. Not an uncomfortable silence, just… a comfortable silence. Levi’s shoulders finally relaxed as he let out a sigh.

“…I still shouldn’t have done that.” He groaned.

“Probably not.” Ani agreed, even though, truthfully, this was probably the best Levi could’ve done to protect Ani knowing he’d freeze up and not stand up for himself.

“But…” Levi’s ears perked up as Ani squirmed.

“I’m… I-I’m glad you wanted me.” Ani shut his eyes, his face turning red.

“I-” Levi’s face was equally red as Ani continued. “You brought me here.”

“I DIDN’T THINK ABOUT IT!” Levi yelled, still flustered about his impulsive decision. “AND THAT’S- THAT’S THE PROBLEM!” Levi clumsily stood up from where he lay, trying to get out of the bathtub.

“I- I don’t think around you anymore!” he pointed at Ani accusingly. “You- You came into my life out of nowhere, completely turned my life upside down Anakin!! You did this!! You’ve completely ruined my ability to function!!” Levi was letting his feelings get to him as he groaned, pulling at his hair once again.

“Me?” Ani tilted his head, pointing at himself. “I ruined it?”

“YES! You!” he pointed at Ani again.

“Y-you smile at me and suddenly I’ve forgotten every dialogue option I’ve ever practiced!” His breathing was uneven as he began to anxiously babble, this brain completely bypassing any rational thoughts he may have.

“You come over to play games with me, your favorite games, a-and suddenly my heart rate is just… extreme!!!” Ani could have sworn that spirals began to appear on Levi’s lenses from how flustered he was.

“And then… then… someone else tries to touch you…” Levi’s tone was calming down now. “Like… acting like they own you…” His voice cracked. “..and… and I…” Levi took a deep breath as the room became painfully quiet, the sound of the aquarium being the only noise. The Avatar Of Envy laughed. Softly. Without any sort of humor.

“…I’ve been trying really hard not to tell you.” He laughed to himself as Ani’s chest tightened.

“…Tell me… what…?” Leviathan could only look away. “…I can’t…” he whispered quietly. “If… if I tell you…” His hands began to shake. “…everything will change.” He swallowed hard, throat suddenly feeling dry.

“Anakin… Ani.” He cleared his throat. “I can’t keep pretending we’re just friends. I can’t keep pretending that I’m okay watching everyone else flirt with you.” He swallowed again, throat feeling scratchy. “I can’t keep pretending that I don’t wait around all day hoping you message me first.” He laughed to himself again. “You know I keep my D.D.D. volume on all night, right…? In case it’s you.” He squeezed his eyes shut, trying to verify if this was really happening.

“L-Look, I know, I know how embarrassing that is.”

“It’s not.”

“It is.”

“It isn’t.”

“Adrian, you don’t have to spare my feelings.” Ani tensed up a bit at hearing Leviathan use his first name.

“I’m not. Promise.” Ani reassured him, hoping off of the edge of the bathtub. He walked over to where Levi was standing, stopping at only a step away. Leviathan’s shy eyes darted everywhere except Ani’s face, before speaking in a barely audible voice.

“I… Ani, I don’t know how to do this.” He whispered, hands still shaking.

“You don’t need a script for this, Levi.”

“I always need a script.” Ani shook his head. “Not now. Promise.” Levi let out a shaky laugh. “…That’s terrifying.” Ani could only laugh in agreement, leading into a long silence.

Finally, Levi let out another shaky sigh.

“O-Okay. I’ll just… say it. Ani… you’re the one.” His words were a whisper. “The one who makes every game more fun…” He rubbed the back of his neck, avoiding any sort of eye contact. “The one I want to tell about new anime first…” He laughed nervously. “The one I look for every time I walk into a room…” He finally gathered the courage to meet Ani’s brown eyes. Unsteady. Honest.

“…You’re all I’ve ever wanted.” His shoulders sagged as if the admission itself had exhausted him.

“I think…” A tiny smile touched his lips.

“…I’ll regret this.”

Ani frowned as he tilted his head, as to ask why.

“You don’t feel the same…” He laughed through his embarrassment. “…I’m never going to recover… God, why did I do this?” He laughed again as Ani stepped forward one last time. Before Leviathan could spiral again, Ani shyly wrapped his arms around him, feeling Levi go completely rigid. The two stayed like that in silence, swaying slightly before Levi finally spoke.

“…This isn’t pity…?” Ani shook his head. “…You aren’t comforting me because I confessed…?” Another head shake.

“…Then why are you hugging me?” Levi asked quietly, trying to figure out why Ani decided to stay.

“…’Cause…” He smiled against Levi’s shoulder. “…I-I… I like you too…” Ani’s face went red soon after confessing, feeling Levi’s arms slowly wrap around him. The two couldn’t believe this was happening, Levi couldn’t quite believe that he was allowed to do this. He buried his face against Ani’s shoulder with a muffled groan.

“…Ugh you know I’m going to cringe about this for the next hundred years…” Ani could only laugh softly.

“…Could….” Leviathan’s voice was soft, almost too quiet to hear. “…Could you.. St-stay here a little longer…?” Levi’s face was a bright shade of red, out of breath from asking such an intimate question. Ani simply squeezed him.

“…I was hoping you’d ask.”

Levi smiled into Ani’s shoulder, hiding from how embarrassed he felt. For once, the huge tidal wave of envy was quiet. For once… having Ani there, holding him close, felt enough.

[latinotiktok]

[dogpuppy]

[birdpaladin]

🌠🌠🌠

[memewhore]

[catcrumb]

[soulren]

Hanging out with me and you keep getting annoyed cause you think I keep sighing loudly but it's actually wind rushing through my strangely hollow interior and I blow away

[mayadile]

TODAY'S UPDATE

👍👍👍

Thanks everyone for boosting and helping share my post!!

I successfully got 6 days at a hotel to stay out of the intense weather!

Though, I don't have any food for the remaining time 💔 I've been so worked up on things I forget to eat. When I'm too focus on something I give up any other necessities until I complete it. Which means eating, sleeping and showering. I was so focused on us getting a roof over our heads I didn't eat for two days.

So if it's okay to ask for help to get food for the week? Ive been sleeping a lot from lack of energy 😔 I'm anemic.

PAYPAL

Gofundme

CashApp: $BattyHatty

[mayadile]

Nothing yet. I just want to see if me and my mom could doordash groceries that could last us a week or something. I'm very weak right now and my stomach has been growling it hurts 😭