KARA byĀ äŗå¼
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#extradirty

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Today's Document
YOU ARE THE REASON

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@kanekididnothinwrong
KARA byĀ äŗå¼
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"Should parents read their daughter's texts or monitor her online activity for bad language and inappropriate content?"
Earlier today,Ā I served as the āyoung womanās voiceā in a panel of local experts at a Girl Scouts speaking event. One question for the panel was something to the effect of,Ā āShould parents read their daughterās texts or monitor her online activity for bad language and inappropriate content?ā
I was surprised when the first panelist answered the question as if it were about cyberbullying. The adult audience nodded sagely as she spoke about the importance of protecting children online.
I reached for the microphone next. I said, āAs far as reading your childās texts or logging into their social media profiles, I would say 99.9% of the time, doĀ notĀ do that.ā
Looks of total shock answered me. I actually saw heads jerk back in surprise. Even some of my fellow panelists blinked.
Everyone stared as I explained that going behind a childās back in such a way severs the bond of trust with the parent. When I said, āThis is the most effective way to ensure that your child never tells you anything,ā it was like Iād delivered a revelation.
Itās easy to talk about the disconnect between the old and the young, but I donāt think Iād ever been so slapped in the face by the reality of it. It was clear that for most of the parents I spoke to, the idea of such actions as a violation had never occurred to them at all.
It alarms me how quickly adults forget that children are people.
Apparently people are rediscovering this post somehow and I think thatās pretty cool! Having experienced similar violations of trust in my youth, this is an important issue to me, so I want to add my personal story:
Around age 13, I tried to express to my mother that I thought I might have clinical depression, and she snapped at me ānot to joke about things like that.ā I stopped telling my mother when I felt depressed.
Around age 15, I caught my mother reading my diary. She confessed that any time she saw me write in my diary, she would sneak into my room and read it, because I only wrote when I was upset. I stopped keeping a diary.
Around age 18, I had an emotional breakdown while on vacation because I didnāt want to go to college. I ended upĀ seeing a therapist for - surprise surprise - depression.
Around age 21, I spoke on this panel with my mother in the audience, and afterwardsĀ I mentioned the diary incident to her with respect to this particular Q&A. Her eyes welled up, and she said, āYou know I read those because I was worried you were depressed and going to hurt yourself, right?ā
TL;DR: When you invade your childās privacy, you communicate three things:
You do not respect their rights as an individual.
You do not trust them to navigate problems or seek help on their own.
You probably havenāt been listening to them.
Information about almost every issueĀ that you think you have to snoop for can probably be obtained by communicating with andĀ listening to your child.
Part of me is really excited to see thatĀ the original postĀ got 200 notes because holy crap 200 notes, and part of me is really saddened thatĀ something so negative has resonated with so many people.
i think the coolest thing would be to see a new color
right so theres this thing called the bullet shrimpĀ
and not only are these things totally badass and stylish
they have 16 colour cones in their vision
us humans only have 3
these things can literally see over 5 times as many colours as we can
literally they can look at what we would see as a completely black space and see thousands of colours we donāt even know exist
do you understand how fuCKING COOL THAT IS
not only that but they can punch a hole in an aquarium tank.
thatās pretty fucking radical.
not only punching through aquarium walls too
these little demon-spawn can punch so hard and so fast that
IT BREAKS WATER PHYSICS
their punches cause water to boil and create a bubble underwater, which kills its prey if it has contact with it, cooking them from the outside
BUT IT DOESNāT EVEN NEED TO MAKE CONTACT
the collapsing bubble sends out a shockwave strong enough to kill anything in a 10 cm diameter due to pure pressureĀ
this fabulous sob is death incarnate and donāt forget thatĀ Ā
Even better - the inside of that little bubble before it collapses is over 400 million degrees Kelvin, hotter than the surface of the Sun.
One Punch Shrimp
ONE PAAAAAANCHE!Ā Ā
Shrimptama
Nice try SonicĀ
sugamama wishes you a happy holidays
my friend always gets angry at me when Iām scrolling tumblr and sheās looking at stuff with me because I go too fast, but she fails to realize that Iāve developed the skill of being able to determine in a fraction of a second whether or not I care about the post, or if Iāve seen it before, or if itās worth wasting my time to look at
and if I decide itās not important, I just skip it
And murdererā¦
And a rapist. And he kidnapped his victim and held her against her will. Like seriously, I fully understand that this is (generally speaking) mostly the fault of the screen adaptations of the novel, which tend to paint it as a love story, and you have to remember that all the actresses who have played Lolita have been older than she was. Even the above image uses a film representation of Lolita which is inaccurate, but it is iconic and probably purposeful so w/e.
If you think Lolita is romantic, you should read the book while consistently and purposely reminding yourself H.H. is a pedophile, and heās manipulating you. Seriously, the whole thing withĀ Lolita as a text is that the narrator is unreliable. Please also try to keep in mind that Lolita is 12 - 15 in the book, and that H.H. deliberately conceals his age from the reader by being vague and cryptic, but heās roughly around 37 - 42 across the whole timeline of the story, if you do the maths he gives you.Ā
H.H. literally rapes Lolita every single fucking day for over two years. It isnāt romantic, that was never the point. H.H. is fully aware heās a rapist, too, he describes it as rape offhandedly, but still as rape.Ā
What you should be doing when you read Lolita is looking at all the ways pedophilia, date rape, statutory rape, forcible rape, kidnapping, murder, assault, molestation, etc are played down and normalised through beautiful prose and slight of narrative hand.Ā
Thatās why Lolita is a classic novel. Because itās terrifying that we can so easily be made to side with a monster and blame the victim based on the lies the monster tells us, so long as he makes it sound pleasant. Lolita was never controversial or banned because itās a story about a rapist and his victim, it was controversial because it forced the reader to sympathize with a child rapist.
Itās about manipulation and language and victim blaming even when the crime is completely black and white. Thatās what Lolita is about.Ā Lolita is not a love story, it is not romantic, and if you think it is then the book has defeated you.Ā
Lolita is not about aĀ āyoung girl who seduces an older man,ā nor is it a fashion statement, nor does it have anything to do with DD/lg or sexual kinks/fetishes, or love, or star-crossed lovers, or pastel coloured frocks, or suspenders, or choker necklaces and collars and pet tags, or consensual relationships between two heterosexual adults who happen to have a large age gap between them. Itās about a pedophile who falls in love with his landladyās 12 year old daughter, marries said landlady so he can have full access to her daughter, kidnaps her daughter after she is hit by a car and killed, then travels across America for a year with the daughter while raping her everyday, gets a house far away from the girlās only friends and family, continues to rape her everyday, takes to the road again still raping her everyday, until she runs away with another rapist because sheās so desperate to get away from him. Thatās the bare bones of it. Itās not about sex or romance, there is never any kind of consensual sex between them, or arguably at all in the novel as a whole.
Go read the academic essays that take H.H.ās side when youāre done. Thereās plenty of them, they arenāt hard to find. Look at what they call Dolores Haze. Read the abomination that is Loās Diary. Look at how they treat her, look at how they talk about how sheās the monster, the perpetrator, the devil child, the whore, the temptress, evil, plotting, violent, harpy, shrew. Even though she was 12. Then youāll understand what Lolitaās about.Ā
Can I also just say while Iām here, that Lolita was an extremely important novel when it was published because very little had been done in the way of looking at how child sexual abuse affects children as they move toward and into adulthood, nor were there any hard statistics on child sexual abuse, and LolitaĀ brought the subject into the public eye and caused actual interest in the subject that there hadnāt been before, inspiring research on the subject that was the foundation for what we know today. That wouldnāt have happened when it did if not for Lolita, and we may not be where we are today in terms of knowledge, awareness and resources. By no means the only thing, but it was really important toward it.Ā A lot of people who read the book and see H.H. for what he is think the book is pointless and smut, but the book is so important in itās historical context, just like any other banned and/or censored piece of fiction (see Ulysses for a start).Ā
And finally, hereās a quote from the novel quote that I feel like sums everything up:
āWe had been everywhere. We had really seen nothing. And I catch myself thinking today that our long journey had only defiled with a sinuous trail of slime the lovely, trustful, dreamy, enormous country that by then, in retrospect, was no more to us than a collection of dog-eared maps, ruined tour books, old tires, and her sobs in the night - every night, every night - the moment I feigned sleep.ā
The most horrifying thing is that people actually treat real CSA victims and abusers in the same way. Think of Woody Allen, for instance. If H.H. was brought to court he would win with flying colours. People actually paint actual rape victims as teenage seductresses. Lolita is real.
Reblogging my own post for the brilliant text, and the last example. Thank you
as someone who used to romanticize lolita, this is very important. please read this.
me? overreacting? probablyĀ
science side of tumblr please explain this
I donāt know how to flirt so iām gonna stand here watching you till you marry me.