Izaya-san, I had a very long dream about you. It was as if we were in a different reality. Some things were different but most of everything was the same. When we first met in our 20s, I tried my hardest to try to break you down, and I failed. It was another game to us. Poking and prodding for the tender spots. Who would flinch first. No threat of violence ever swayed you, and I only could wrinkle your shirt's collar. Days turned to weeks, and I endured your mental, emotional violence. Until I went quiet one day and looked at you for a long, long time. You quipped about my dullness that day, the boredom I inspired, and I was numb and tired in this sort of realization about you, and about myself. I left. No farewell. Severed all contact. I only had my memories of our arguments and the way I tried convincing you that I understood you. You never relented to me. It was only hearsay that I knew you were alive and continuing in your line of work. But something has to change, right? It has been a long ten years, haunted by wondering about you. Then we met again in our 30s. We didn't say hello, we slipped into easy conversation like every yesterday didn't happen. Like we both never left each other's presence. But it was different. Still us, but not, and yet, still...us. You weren't all edges anymore, not every encounter needed an undercurrent of goading for a fight. We gossiped and showed each other videos, and laughed, and I didn't need a break from you. Our friendship took a long time, but I think we finally showed our hands and decided...enough is enough, no more double meanings, second guessing, manipulation, conspiracy, anything that made us who we are at the time. Let's just be human together. You, uh, don't need to post this, or even answer... Sometimes you're just grateful for the humans on the other side of the screen, y'know?
How poetic. A dream spanning an entire decade, built on nothing but words, stubbornness, and the possibility that people can change. Humans really do have an unfair advantage when it comes to imagination.
I especially enjoyed the part where you claimed you never managed to break me down. Thatās quite flattering, isnāt it? You know, not even Shizu-chan is capable of such a thing.
The funny thing about dreams is that they always cheat. They skip over the boring parts, smooth out the contradictions. They let two impossible people meet again as though ten years were only an afternoon. Reality is much less kind.
ā¦Or perhaps reality is much slower.
āLetās just be human together.ā
What an awfully dangerous conclusion to arrive at. You make it sound so simple. As if humans could ever stop hiding behind layers of meaning. As if we werenāt all hopelessly addicted to pretending we arenāt saying exactly what we mean.
Stillā¦ I like that line.
Whether it belongs in a dream or not is another matter entirely.
Thank you for sharing it with me. Even if it was only a dream, it sounds like one worth remembering. Humans never cease to surprise me, and perhaps thatās why I can never quite bring myself to look away.
