Kaotic Delusions

A place to explore your artistic delusions

[kaoticdelusions]

Thunder clouds quickly build up over the Clarks Fork valley. I'm always amazed at how it can go from being a completely clear day to this, in no time at all. This morning I was reading and learning about anger, resentment, and excessive thought...as well as the opposites... benevolence and integrity. I was amazed to realize just how out of balance I have been and currently am. This week has been full of heavy moments, culminating with a nice panic attack. All the changes, percieved and actual, seemed to be too much for my mind and body. It felt a lot like these clouds, came out of nowhere and loomed darkly over my life. But I know they came from somewhere and I know they came from something. Part of me I have been neglecting, failing to visit, hiding from...an imbalance. To everyone who follows this account and reads the words I write, please remember I am as fallible as any. What I write is my feelings, honest and true. If you find value or connection, I appreciate and recognize. But please dont take them as whole advice. I often write in the form of double meanings. Using landscapes and elements to help me describe the issues I face in life and in my mind. Lately that has gotten a bit negative and now that I am aware, I know that as a whole my life and my thought processes need some balance. If you read this far...i am ever so grateful...Namaste!! So here is to learning how to find my positive energy once again. I hope you will continue to join me. #emformdesign #creativewriting #chooselove #findyourself #landscapes #creativejourney #seektogrow #embracechange https://www.instagram.com/p/Bz5535hBK4W/?igshid=1xxifki4hg0tr

[kaoticdelusions]

Amidst the swirl of life and emotion, remember to find your way, out of your own head. . Seek those places that calm and soothe, surround yourself with visual peace. . Reconnect with the realities and let go of the what if's, take solace in remembering who you truly are. . Be present and feel the sea breeze blowing, take comfort in knowing you are exactly where you are supposed to be. . #emformdesign #beachtherapy #practicemindfulness #seascape #santacruzwaves (at Santa Cruz, California) https://www.instagram.com/p/Bz3sIV0BQ6g/?igshid=14lpcz9d2t8bn

[kaoticdelusions]

Wishing the bright color of the sunset would remain, is a feeble notion, yet I hope it does every time. Trying to recreate perfect moments, almost always results in disappointment, but I push harder to make them happen. Holding on to those exhilarating personal connections even after the flames have burnt you both, will probably be my undoing, even so I still seek a deeper understanding. #emformdesign #creativewriting #landscapephotography #lifelessons #monolake https://www.instagram.com/p/Bz1T-Vshrm0/?igshid=auyjhkavszix

[kaoticdelusions]

No matter how hard we may try to deny it, that moon is still going down. Even if you strongly hope, think hard enough, or wished it would change, time marches forward. . With it comes more decisions, from quick and easy to painful and challenging. You can let things happen as they will or try to make informed choices, make them all by yourself or seek to confide in friends and confidants. . Just remember that whatever you choose, there is no going back. ______________<<<>>>____________ One thing from my past that I have always thought of when making choices, is to ask myself Am I drinking wine out of a coffee cup? And if I am is there good reason to be doing so. . When my son was young, he would get concerned if I had too much to drink. So one night we were having a barbecue with friends and I went to the fridge for a second beer. My son asked, "how many drinks have you had?" Innocently trying to keep track. I instantly felt a tinge of guilt and put the beer back. Soon enough I craved the beer and waited for him to leave the room, I snuck in and poured the beer in a big mug so he wouldnt be concerned. I figured it would just be easier that way, I could enjoy another beer and he wouldn't have to worry about me. . Later that evening he sat beside me and smelled the beer in my cup. I will never forget him asking me, in a confused and disappointed tone, if it was another beer in there. I will also never forget how much worse that felt than just being forward with him about wanting another beer and explaining my choice. . So my rule of thumb goes, if you have to put the beer in a coffee cup, you need to ask yourself some deeper questions about why you might be afraid to face that decision. Perhaps it is warranted and you must remain confidential, but perhaps your subconcious is speaking louder than you think. . Not to say you cant have the second beer...just that there shouldn't be any reason to hide it. #emformdesign #creativewriting #inspiredbylife #writewhatyoufeel #landscape #crescentmoon #moonset https://www.instagram.com/p/BzzJwDuh42i/?igshid=1e3lp9tuqbqub

[kaoticdelusions]

Finding your place is not easy, these mountains have always felt like home to me. Part of me wonders though, is the idea that we only truly love one place, a complete myth. Are we actually capable of falling head over heels, for two, or even more, places at any given time? . When I think of pitching my tent and snuggling up for warmth, where do I actually picture it. Are the surroundings filled with Jeffery Pines or Eucalyptus trees, Coastal Redwoods or Giant Sequoias? Is it the sound of a rushing river or waterfall, the waves crashing or the wind blowing. . Perhaps, in order to thrive, we must not spend too much time in one place. Although I think the deepest connection comes with time, choosing a place to stay and get to know better, should not limit the beauty to be found in visiting and loving other places. We just need to return home often and make sure our connection continues to be deeper than any other. . #emformdesign #creativewriting #lovedeeper #splitbetween #landscapephotography https://www.instagram.com/p/BzyMtF9hCeE/?igshid=16gfn4fpepzg7

[kaoticdelusions]

Obstruction. Can I see clearly? Confusion. Do I know who or where I am? Transition. Will my view ever be constant? Comfort. Where will I rest my head? Distortion. How will worry cloud my choices? Revision. Could change be exactly what I need? #emformdesign #sonorapass #creativeshots #creativewriting https://www.instagram.com/p/Bzv3a5Zhnhh/?igshid=1ux5oevpa3q3n

[kaoticdelusions]

It's amazing how strong the connection can feel, standing out more apparant than the others, easily drawing and holding our attention. . Examining this phenomena closer, we look to find exactly why this particular one seems to call to us, like it's tiny inner particles are vibrating on the same wavelength as our own. . By all means there are some with equal beauty; a more societally accepted, familiar, and popular existence. Some that would seem to fit closer, the ideal appeal. . Yet here we are, so close and yet so far. One caught in the attraction for another, yet I know I must leave you where you are. All I want is to become closer, help you to live and grow. To see you truly bloom! . But I know now that you will shine bright under the sun, even when I am gone. You will flourish and live your life, regardless of where I am. For it was only me, who felt this deep attraction, in all of our interaction. #emformdesign #creativewriting #wildflowers #liveandlearn #deeperconnection (at Mono County, California) https://www.instagram.com/p/Bzt7mYjBqLL/?igshid=phc8gzw1sr9j

[kaoticdelusions]

Is it enough, to see the beginnings of colorful happiness growing in the wake of devestating destruction? Are these feelings of loss, mitigated by the realization that change is inevitable and learning to adapt is crucial? Even though the future will surely never be the same, perhaps there is hope in finding the beauty of regrowth. I think there are times in life where a catalyst is needed, for us to see the world more clearly and to let go of our past, to make way for our future. #emformdesign _____________________________________ We visited the Donell fire burn scar this fourth of July. The changes were shocking, especially the places that have now been logged. But there was just something about the contrast of these wild flowers growing from the ashes, that made me think of a deeper lesson we may be over looking. More photos to come of this special place. #donnellfire #stanislausnationalforest #mytuolumnecounty #dardanelle https://www.instagram.com/p/BzqqiAih0jU/?igshid=14uevovh24lgr

[kaoticdelusions]

During the transitional parts of the day, as the colors create such a display, I often wonder to my dismay, if even my genuine thoughts will betray, am I a complete fraud anyway? Perhaps an authentic fraud, one whose thoughts are mostly awed, but whose actions remain flawed, procrastination you would not applaud, constantly worried you might see through this grand facade. #emformdesign #creativewriting #monolake #colorfulsunset #easternsierra #landscapes (at Mono Lake Tufa State Natural Reserve) https://www.instagram.com/p/Bzn61LCB5Qn/?igshid=1lvj9j5misyun

[kaoticdelusions]

Time. Does it separate us? Moments. Do they pass us by? Present. Will it remain discarded? Under the night sky, I find a strange peace with the concept of measuring our lives. No matter where it takes us, this life is happening now, might as well enjoy it. #emformdesign #happybirthday #milkywaychasers #nightsky #leavittmeadows #sonorapass https://www.instagram.com/p/Bzmp7vRBZtN/?igshid=13izuc6gs9exs

[kaoticdelusions]

I love to spend the fourth of July out in nature, this year was no exception. Since I realized I was wearing the exact same shirt as I was in 2015, (swipe to see 2019 vs 2015) I knew I had to climb to nearly the same place I did back then. A few more pounds, wrinkles, and memories combined with knowledge gained, positive experiences, and a life lived. This time of year always has me contemplating who I am, what I am doing here in this life, and where I want to go. Some people probably feel these things around New Years, but for me it's when the emphasis gets placed on the idea of years since birth. I've used this photo as a way to inspire myself, to say that no matter how low I feel, how weak, how helpless...I can and will climb up again. To stand strong and weather whatever the next challenge is. ------------------------------------------------------ The light was not as flattering and there wasnt a cloud in the sky, but I think we got the composition on point this year! 📷 - @fatherjohnthirsty ------------------------------------------------------- Do you have any photos that remind you to be strong and stay positive?!? (at Sonora Pass) https://www.instagram.com/p/Bzl08T3h-wd/?igshid=1ja9gbddeccbl

[kaoticdelusions]

At times I drive for hours or hike many miles to get to beautiful locations. Here in the Easter Sierra, this view can be had by simply stopping to get some gas. Sometimes it isnt all about going to those perfect locations, but more how you view your surroundings. Although, I happen to think this place is pretty special! Happy 4th to everyone!! Enjoy your day, wherever you celebrate it! #emformdesign #americanflag #bridgeportcalifornia #hwy395 #easternsierra https://www.instagram.com/p/BzgKma3Biwq/?igshid=11ygsm7ebsx06

[kaoticdelusions]

Two things I constantly battle... "Dont focus on it", I tell myself again and again, as if saying it aloud would actually shift my mind away from that which I am so poignantly focused. More than likely this will bring about an unintentional, unwanted, awareness to exactly what I am trying to forget. . "Its because of _____", i think to myself as my brilliant convoluted brain comes up with what I feel is the likeliest story, filling in any blanks with fabulous speculations. Sometimes based on feelings and observations, almost always thought of as truth, but still for the most part completely off base or even entirely wrong. . Although, when harnessed properly, could these percieved flaws also be the place where my creativity comes from. My inability to stop my brain from continually focusing on figuring out the problems, in conjunction with the ability to fill in the missing pieces, has to be a potent weapon against the sterile and mundane. __________________________________ A few images from the Inyo Craters this last weekend. Although I was hoping for some gorgeous clouds, just being out there in Mammoth for the day, was just the thing I needed. All of then shot with a #breakthroughphotography polarizer...cutting the glare on the water to reveal that beautiful mineral color. #emformdesign #creativewriting #landscapephotography #niokond500 #sigma50150 #tokina1116 https://www.instagram.com/p/BzedY9xBKIR/?igshid=1xw6lyrcrpgb4

[kaoticdelusions]

Oh, hey there gorgeous, I've missed you! It had been all too long since I laid eyes on some of your most beautiful parts, especially in the orange glow of evening light. . Hopefully I can see you again soon, or at least sooner than later. We never quite get enough time together, although when I am with you, time seems to dissapear. . Perhaps there is magic in your snow covered peaks, forested mountains, cold rivers, and many lakes. Or maybe I simply fell in love with you, from the first moment we met. #emformdesign . #mammothlakes #creativewriting #monocounty #crystalcrag #twinlakesmammoth https://www.instagram.com/p/BzYYrFMhaLp/?igshid=1wgy8hvjqn8uf

[kaoticdelusions]

These places we go, the lengths we travel, the mountains we climb, and the time we spend, searching for beauty outside and within. Overall feelings combined with individual details contribute to the whole, a balanced blend of features both new and old. Percieved and real dangers waiting like pitfalls for us to find along the way, each one a challenge, an opportunity, a chance at life we must learn to play. Growth, setbacks, change are all part of the learning, we have to give in order to recieve and forgive to let go, keeping our internal fire burning. ___________________________________ Remember when you're out there this weekend, to bring the beauty and peace from everything you see, inside your mind! #emformdesign #getoutthere ISO100 - F11 - 1/125 - 11mm 5 shot panorama #tokina1116 #nikond500 https://www.instagram.com/p/BzTPfFqBH6k/?igshid=m7a1cw6wkdb4

[kaoticdelusions]

When the world seems like entirely too much, it's important to remember to focus in on some of the more beautiful details. Maybe, if I am being quite honest, I forget to do this more often than I care to admit. And the amazing part, when I start focusing on the littlest bits of goodness, it gradually builds. I start to see more and more, until I can again see the worlds beauty that has always been there. It was just hiding in plain sight, while the chaotic noise of life clouded my vision. Get out there and let the little things of beauty build you back up, and strengthen your mind and body. #emformdesign #natureinspires #creativelife #naturesbeauty #wildflowers #springinthesierras (at Stanislaus National Forest) https://www.instagram.com/p/BzDrPYqhYXo/?igshid=7zy641wku5sb

[kaoticdelusions]

Somewhere along these adventures, I slipped and stumbled into the dark pit of my mind. The sheer beauty of isolation seems to always call to me, surrounded yet alone, I cant wait to clear my schedule and dissapear. . As I create and process these images, I look back and see my subconcious finding the same isolation in the elements and subjects I capture. Certainly this has been good for my creativity, but I wonder if at some point I will start to forget just how to be social in real life. . Ignoring invitations only to feel left out, actively choosing not to make commitments, waiting for someone to make my plans for me, hoping something will happen without having to make a decision. I love when I'm alone in the morning and then despise it by evening, wondering why I didn't do something or connect with someone. __________<<<<<<>>>>>>>________ I think a lot of these feelings are what has happened due to being connected 24/7. I go to sleep moments after ending a conversation with someone and wake up and immediately am saturated with whatever it was I seemed to have missed. My brain doesn't know what to do when I'm not waiting for someone to message me back or scrolling through others lives, leaving comments and likes. . Right now, because it is evening, I feel super lonely and like my day could have been so much more productive. Yet I sit here, writing and creating, and hoping to find a real connection. Oh the irony. Not to say I haven't formed many good connections through social media...I feel like I have. Unfortunately I just cant seem to get out of my head long enough to get out of my house. . Think I might need to step back from these addictive platforms, to get back to actual living. I just wonder how we all did it before the apps, how would I show my photography and my writing if I didnt do it here? Maybe just the idea that I feel that way is one of the problems. #emformdesign #creativewriting #exploreyourmind #landscapephotography #thingsithinkabout https://www.instagram.com/p/BzCMnFnBemH/?igshid=hr5wsojf7svq