It was exciting, in a way. What most people dreamed about--going off to college and starting a new life with your best friend. For her, it meant more than that. She'd been so incredibly desperate to get away from home, away from her Mother, from her sort-of Stepfather that she'd leapt at the chance. The farther they got away from home the freer she felt, and crossing the border she was struck with this impossible feeling of freedom. She was no longer required to abide by anyone's rules but her own, had the chance to finally be free. For long she'd felt impossibly suffocated, and the thought of seeing Logan for more than a few days (knowing that he'd inevitably leave again, and wondering every time if it would be the last time she saw him), of spending this time with Kamyrn.. it made it a little easier to breathe.
That didn't mean, of course, that it hadn't come with some work. Moving in of itself was a pain in the ass, and even though she really didn't have a lot to call her own, and even less to miss home for, it'd kept them both busy. Some clothes, a picture of her and her Dad, of her and Logan, a few ratty stuffed animals he'd gotten her over the years.. and she was ready. There was nothing keeping her there, nothing making her long for home--and she couldn't help but wonder if Kam felt differently. Kam's family life might be a mess, especially since they'd lost Ryan, but out of the two of them, she was really the only one with a life to go back to. And yet, in the same way, if this failed, if college didn't turn out the way they'd planned, she'd have a place to call home--always. Kara wasn't so lucky. Sure, her Mom would probably take her back, but the thought of living with her again, especially after the final blowout they'd had seemed worse than living alone. She had a few other friends, even a few guy friends that'd happily open their home to her--but somehow, none of that mattered. This was her chance. This was their chance.
Carrying the last box from the car, she made her way up the steps and awkwardly shuffled the box to one arm as she attempted to open the door, stepping through after a brief moment. Looking around, she felt that same surge of excitement plow through her. It wasn't the most of extravagant of places, but compared to home, it was the Ritz. And at the end of the day, she couldn't care less about what color the drapes were or if the front door made a huge creaking noise every time someone opened or closed it. What mattered was that they were here, together. It's not until she gets to the living room and notices how quiet it is that her pace slows, feet quiet against the tile.
She finds her friend huddled over one of the boxes, and lets her gaze hit the floor. She didn't have to look any closer to know what it was, or why her shoulders were slumped, why the air had suddenly become so thick.
Everyone had loved him, herself included. She hadn't been as close to him as Logan was, but he was a good guy, and she'd hung out with him a number of times through Kamyrn. She could remember the funeral even now, remember the sound of her friend crying and clinging to her family, as if somehow mere closeness could fill the void that he'd left behind. Over and over she'd listened to people tell her how good he was, how bravely he thought, and over and over, she'd fought the urge to roll her eyes, to mention that that meant nothing, not really. Most of these people didn't know her, were family friends or old teachers or soldiers--their words meant nothing, but she hadn't said anything when she'd pulled her back behind the church, away from her prestigious family and their countless number of friends that probably had never even known him. They hadn't said anything, not at first, and if it meant she was away from her mother and didn't have to listen to her tell Kamyrn's how sorry she was and how much she'd loved him and what a good boy he was, she was glad. Logan had joined them eventually, and Kara had to remind herself when she took Kam's hand that my brother's gone, and yours isn't was probably louder than all of the funeral procession combined. When Logan's arm wrapped around her shoulders as the crowd faded, she was sure that if anyone remembered that, it was him.
She'd never tell any of them that secretly she was glad, selfishly and horribly glad that she wasn't the one with an American flag in her hands. You never told anyone those kind of things; the ugly and awful things you kept deep down. She'd take it to her grave if she could.
"You okay?" Kara asks after a moment, sitting her box down and cautiously walking towards her best friend.
