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GOD DAMN IT.

You think of ones that have left this plain to move on to another, either close of far away, they are no longer here. No longer here to visit, to talk to, or hold in our arms. You may think of them and say I miss them, I get deep in thought about them, how they had the furniture arranged in their home. How they had their hair combed, how they looked at you when they said they love you, how they looked when they said goodbye. The goodbyes were always the hardest, said as if it WAS the last goodbye. And then it was, because a heart attack left them speechless for the remainder of their days in a Hospital bed. Holding your hand as your warmth left you was the hardest thing me being 10 years old ever to do to this day. Nothing can remove that feeling of losing my truest of best friends and uncles in my life. GOD FUCKING DAMN IT. that was the day I stopped believing, and now I think of you more because of how too similar we are, they way I act is the same seen in my mothers eyes the same way you did, the fact that I am still single like you was waiting on one woman the same way I am. Your life of brutal honesty, self pride, loyalty, and family honor, are the ways that I wish more people in this plain got a chance to see. I know that where ever you are, you are living your new life the same, and I hope that you never change.

Uncle Jimmy I truly do miss you.

umisima-osakana

https://twitter.com/Kaisen_Tobiuo

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lonely

When I was young, my parents were fighting for my loyalty, same in the sense as a leader of many houses tries to keep loyalty among his/her people. I was told something that was true, that I was to be aborted, well the suggestion was made to abort me. And this leads to an event that many teens turning into adults have, and it is a graduation party, I am the only one in my family to not have one, and from what saw or heard in my town to not have one, and with the passing moment to have one deep thoughts of depression settled in my brain. So when a women I have an interest in, either tells me they never liked me, or they find me untrustworthy, its hurts more than breaking a bone. I only seek out love because I have never known it, to truly be loved by someone who actually cares for my existence. I have been told that I should have never been born, and anytime I escape the past I am constantly reminded that past by someone. So when you think you got it rough, think again, there could be someone just like me around you, that just wants to love and be loved back.

Me

Let me tell you about myself. I am a man of honor, in this modern time, honor means nothing anymore, everyone else uses words for lies, and they lose their meaning when I use the same words to guarantee the truth that goes with those words. My heart will forever be exposed, because i am unable to partially love, I can only love with my whole heart all at once. My ability to trust another has been shattered, more so than a mirror, the pieces of a mirror can be put back together over time with patience. My trust in another I am afraid is irreparable. My mind wonders too much into my past, not on regrets, but events that unveiled themselves. I have far too many nightmares of anyone I have an interest in, my nightmares all have ended badly. My dreams are not peaceful, nor are they pleasant, all I witness is the death of love. Sometimes I am able to fight back the nightmares, but not for long until they consume me. And I fear they have consumed me in reality.........................

....

These past few months have been filled with hope, Hope you would finally let me in, Hope that you and I could finally be together. A simple question asking you what was going on because I hate to see you in distress, followed by the name of meaning calling you darling. And no here I am, all hope is shattered, understanding of what you are going through is hard enough without you responding back to me, I have not crowded you with my words, and now here I am with no hopes of communicating with you, you have completely disabled all forms. I can say that I saw this coming, only because you are back with your ex, yeah I know, and you couldnt even tell me yourself. And that is the worst way to find something out, just stumbling upon your page, and to see that, it truly broke my heart, but I ignored the pain in Hopes that it was just a stunt. Seems I was wrong, you are now the Offical producer of stone hearts, and black souls, the provider of a sulfuric atmosphere, 2 months of my life wasted breathing this bullshit in, now leading to a faster unmendable heart, that will forever question motives, honesty, loyalty. I have found my armor again, and I will never take it off again. YOU WILL be the LAST to ever strip it from me. May your life be fruitful, and filling without me, may he never cheat on you again, may he never treat you poorly again, and may you never think ill thoughts again. May your little warlord grow with a better heart than his father. And that he learns to better himself away from all the negativity in this world to never be fooled as I was.

WASTED

BULLSHIT ALL OF IT, ALL THE WORDS YOU EVER SAID TO ME, AND THE ONES I WASTED ON YOU, MY HEART ACHED TO GET NOTHING IN RETURN, YOU ARE BACK WITH HIM AND I FOUND OUT FOR MYSELF, AND ARE NOT EVEN DECENT ENOUGH OF A HUMAN TO TELL ME WHAT WAS GOING ON, YOU SAID YOU NEEDED TIME TO CLEAR YOUR HEAD, I GAVE IT, I GAVE YOU SPACE THAT WAS NEEDED FOR YOU TO MOVE ON FROM HIM, YOU CALLED A CHEATER A LIAR YOUR SOULMATE, I CALL BULLSHIT, YOU ARE TOO AFRAID TO FIND SOMEONE THAT WILL TREAT PROPERLY, BECAUSE YOU HAVE BECOME ACCUSTOMED TO THE PAIN HE BRINGS AT YOUR FEET, AND HE WILL SHATTER YOUR HEART AGAIN, AND I WILL LOSE ALL FAITH IN MYSELF WHEN HE DOES.

A Crown of Burden

There comes a time, when the jewels cease to sparkle, and the gold loses its luster, and the throne room becomes a prison, and all that is left, is the love of another.

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karlnomad

There is only rage in this storm, and no calming of it.

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Longing

I have nothing in my heart but love, and fear. I love you still and I cant escape you. I fear that we are growing further apart, this time apart grows more difficult as each day passes, though I hold strong on my hopes that are meant to be together. I pray everyday to whoever will listen that your days get easier with choices you must make. I pray that you end the conflict that is your mind and heart that drove us apart. I am here longing to hear you laugh, and smile, and to have me fill your min d as I once did. I do not pray for this next one, i pray that you will not let HIM in your heart again, I pray that hasn’t happened already, for my mind can not take that thought as a reality. Its been a month, and I am still here waiting, wondering what it is that wonders your mind, my highest of hopes is that its me and you, and your little warlord together at home. I will always love you, you have helped me forget pain that had haunted my heart for so many years with the love that you gave. I WILL do anything for you. To you my DARLING VALKYRIE I wait for you and I will not let anyone get between us.

.........

The first time was last night, I had just awoken from a nightmare, one of you, and you were crying while you walked away from me. I screamed for you, you turned and I could see the tears streaming from your face, my heart stopped as I panicked, I ran towards you with all the strength my legs could muster. The crowd was thick, you flowed flawlessly through it, and I met resistance all the while, as I saw you glide further away I continued to call out your name, a cloaked figure was guiding you through the crowd, while others were trying to hold me back. I scream your name one last time before I see movement come from your face, your lips making form of words I could not here over the crowd drowning out your sweet voice. Then I jolt awake, my heart aching, in a pool of sweat, and heavy breathing. That was first nightmare I had of us, and I say that I hope I never have another one of you, i have never had a nightmare of one that I love, I guess that I truly do love you, I didn’t fall in love with you, I had RISEN to love with YOU, I have never been like this before, I thought that I have, but no other love can compare to this. I know this is torture, putting myself through this. But my heart tells me that you are the one. My SOUL is aching from the loss of your voice. My mind is in pain not able to escape fear of losing you for you good. I will continue to wait FOR YOU, because there is no one else. I love you, MY DARLING VALKYRIE.

#FEAR

That Grin of yours

That grin of yours is back, and I absolutely adore it. And I know the reason for the grin, no its not because you are pretending to be happy, its the reason because you know, you know exactly what I am about, YOU ARE my END GAME, and NO ONE will EVER change that, its not just a promise, its guarantee. I intend to hold that promise as an unbreakable vow and treat it as such.

Unfair

It is how I feel, when I cannot directly express how I feel towards you, it is how I feel, when I cannot bring myself to not want to talk to you, I have found a new song to listen to, and it helps a bit, not as much as I want it to, I am still here, waiting, patiently, until you are ready. This song, is sung by one person, but from both sides of US, you not being able to love me, and so we wait until you are able, then we’ll be able to be together, the other side is me, knowing that I love you, but you being unable to love me because of fear, we wait, UNTIL YOU are ready. THIS IS THE HARDEST TRIAL I have ever faced, I have so much determination to need to be the one you have waited for. I am entirely different from every stereotype of a man. I cannot love with even the smallest part of my heart, IT HAS to be with my WHOLE HEART and NOTHING less. I do not think of the ifs anymore, because in my world of waiting they cease to exist. I do NOT want to talk about your fears, they are there yes, they are only TEMPORARY driven by another and NOT YOU, driven by someone who should NO LONGER be in YOUR LIFE. I WAIT FOR YOU AND NO-ONE ELSE, BECAUSE THEY DO NOT MATTER, ONLY YOU AND THE LITTLE ONE. I LONG TO HEAR YOU AGAIN, I CAN HEAR YOUR VOICE IN MY DREAMS, AND IT WAKES ME FROM THE START OF THE DREAM, AND THAT IS UNFAIR.

I will ALWAYS LOVE YOU MY DARLING VALKYRIE.

Take it

Take this heartache of mine, and destroy it, leave it all behind, I want to forget this feeling. Its messing with my heart, and I don’t know how much more I can take, you’ve filled my cup so full once before and knew when it was nearly empty, and now that it is, I have no one to fill it up, I have temporary sources but even then its not enough to what you did for me. You say that I did so much good for you, and showed you so much more then what you’ve had, and now that your not hear, my mind is my worst enemy, my mind is on its own, and it thinks that you are giving him another chance, when you’ve told me he doesn’t deserve it. It is telling my heart to forget about you, but my heart wont listen. I have never been a forgetful person with whoever comes in my life, and each time I fall in love, I lose a bit of myself each time to only never see it again. But you brought some of that back to me of which I lost. My heart is waiting for, but my mind needs finding again.

Troubled

It is what I am, ever since you had entered my mind you are all that I think about. There is nothing that I can do, that will let my mind escape you, no matter what I do, there is nothing that can occupy my mind the way that you have. I am lost and no matter who I seek advice from, their words do not help. There some comfort in their words, but not enough that your voice brought me. You do still love me, I know that you do, you are only afraid of something that I am not, something that I will never become. I am nothing but honest to you, I am the whole love that you crave, as you are to me. I miss you so much, I hope that you continue to conquer each day as you have been, and I eagerly await you to let me by your side again.

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