There and back again...a Shobogenzo story.
So it's been a while since I posted anything here... I'm thinking it's because I haven't wanted to make a real commitment. The good news is I've been slowly reaching a place over this winter holiday that might be leading me in the right direction...more to come on this later.
I have noticed a pattern in myself. If you read my first posting you'll know I was afraid to be alone with myself, and i'm proud to say that is no longer the case. It isn't from any huge spiritual event, or even the nobel art of sitting (which I haven't done since forever). No, it's really just the humble me listening to audiobooks and attempting to dissect what I want out of life.
The real motivating factor was getting an audible.com account, something I did out of necessity because all my standard resources (i.e. library) didn't have the type of books I was looking for. First I listened to "Mind and Body are One", a series of live lectures by Thich Nhat Han. Then I did a complete 180 and started "Sit Down and Shut Up" by Brad Warner, which was a completely different type of writing altogether.
It was at that point that life took over and I wasn't able to finish Brad's book, until some time later when I had a little more time. Once he started talking about Shōbōgenzō, and this guy Dogen and how this (in his words) incomprehensible piece of writing was monumental to finding his way toward zen.
Intrigued, I downloaded a translation by Reverend Master Hubert Nearman of the Shasta Abbey. Now I only picked this translation because it happen to be the first search result, but I ended up e-mailing Brad Warner and thanked him for the book. The power of technology being what it is, he replied and we struck up a brief conversation regarding this translation, where he critiqued it as "not bad but far too much trying to sound like the Bible for my tastes". I do appreciate this review, seeing as he is a self-proclaimed "Dogen-fanboy", but I stuck with the reading while having free time during the holidays.
Probably what has struck me the most after reading chapter 1 is just how pithy Dogen was during a made-up Q&A session based on questions he had received over the years. I ended up copying and pasting these interactions and intend on creating my own personal 'FAQ' with Dogen. My favorite so far is:
Student: "I fail to see the point in merely sitting idly and doing nothing, so how can such a method be relied on for achieving a spiritual awakening?"
Dogen: That you should now regard the deep meditative state of all the Buddhas and the peerless Great Dharma to be a pointless ‘sitting idly and doing nothing’ makes you one who is slandering the Greater Course. Your delusion is as profound as one who says, ‘There is no water,’ whilst he is sinking down in a vast sea. Thankfully, all the Buddhas are already sitting sedately in the meditative state that is the consummate delight in the Truth. Is this not creating vast spiritual merits? Alas, your Eye is not yet open and your mind is still in a stupor, as though you were drunk.
I mean...that's both funny to read, and after understanding what he's saying, makes you feel kind of stupid for ever questioning why one would do seated meditation. Probably the most ironic thing is I still haven't been able to commit myself to practice. There isn't any one thing taking up all my time, however, homework does seem to take priority.
So where am I at now? Well, 20 minutes ago I was reading (for the 3rd time) the 16-page "newcomers guide" to the local Zen Center, which still seems to intimidating to visit. I was looking at Zen retreats up in Santa Fe, which even for a weekend retreat cost $360, a little steep for the newbie laywoman.
So I went to my Tumblr feed, which I filled full of inspirational pages, and I found a quote from Thich Nhat Han: "At any moment, you have a choice, that either leads you closer to your spirit or further away from it". Well that seems to seal the deal, doesn't it? Like, if I were at the preverbal crossroads, he just illuminated a big glowing sign for me, right?
Should just sit down, shut up, and meditate?
turnnoffyourmind
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