sleep walking;

Sydney Brendan Karofsky. You've probably heard about me. I'm the reason your parent's told you not to talk to strangers. twenty-one, perpetual fuck up, human dragon

[karofsky-sydneyb]

sebfsmythe:

The things I would give just to have a cup of coffee actually affect me.

You should try drinking less caffeine and coming back to it? You built up a tolerance or something?

[karofsky-sydneyb]

santanastrikerlopez:

It’s none of your business and I don’t want to talk about it so drop it. On the other hand, if you don’t want to talk altogether with me, feel free to join me in my room.

Do you... need me to?

[karofsky-sydneyb]

santanastrikerlopez:

I was preoccupied and now I’m back. I don’t owe you an explanation.

You don’t?

[karofsky-sydneyb]

santanastrikerlopez:

It wasn’t exactly planned.

That doesn’t change anything. You didn’t return my texts. You just fuckin’ left. 

[karofsky-sydneyb]

santanastrikerlopez:

This isn’t the warm welcome I was expecting.

Really Santana? You didn’t even tell me that you were leaving.

[karofsky-sydneyb]

santanastrikerlopez:

What’s up, bitches? Bet you all missed me. But don’t worry, Auntie Tana’s back and here to stay. Now someone better fill me in on what I missed.

Welcome back.

[karofsky-sydneyb]

sebfsmythe:

I wonder if they’re insured…

Hey, a lot of people here are fine. More fine than not, but god knows there’s some complete arses around here that I’d happily do without. I think we just might be, Karofsky.

Should we take out life insurance and fake our own deaths?

I’ve made my rounds and picked my winner. I haven’t really met these “arses” should I be watchin’ out for anyone?

[karofsky-sydneyb]

lawrencesammy:

Oh, you’re totally right. We’ll all die if I release a kraken!

You hold too much power due. We should have never discovered your new found powers.

[karofsky-sydneyb]

santanastrikerlopez:

It’s embarrassing. I’m not cute ever. Captain Oats is not cute. And you need to stop taking pictures of me. I charge for that shit, you know?

Fine. Whatever. I won’t publicly bother you anymore.

[sebfsmythe-archive]

I’ll be standing there with extra gasoline just to watch it go up faster.

He had his reasons for hating humans, I’m sure. I mean, of all the people I’ve ever met, most of them are complete dicks anyway. With a few exceptions. That sounds like a very good alter. We should start up a new religion.

[karofsky-sydneyb]

Let’s burn this place to the ground.

You must be sassin’ it up ‘cause I’ve really only met nice people here. Maybe that’s part of their trap. You think we’re worship worthy, Smythe?

[mercyrjones-blog]

Psh. She’s a lightweight. Okay, I’ll bite. What in the hell is the Full Karofsky and what happens if you can only muster a Half Karofsky?

Now you know, most strippers are just tryin’ to get their secondary education on. Surely, one of them out there is studyin up to be a nurse!

[karofsky-sydneyb]

She ain’t even close to a lightweight, ‘Cedes, you’re nuts. The Full Karofksy is a week of preparation before I give a someone the sexual ride of their life. You don’t understand how many pineapples i have to eat for that shit. The Half Karofsky works, it’s just not as epic.

Put an add out. “Looking for stripper with nursing degree or nurse with stripping degree.”

[lawrencesammy-deactivated201508]

I wonder if there’s any other supernaturals in my blood line. I should see if I can get any sort of powers.

[karofsky-sydneyb]

Don’t do it, dude! You could release the krakken with shit like that.

[ripsydtana]

Only because you say the dumbest shit sometimes even though you think it’s charming.

Then I guess you’ll be locked out of your phone for the rest of eternity. God stop, people can see what you’re saying. 

[karofsky-sydneyb]

Do you care that people can read what I’m saying?

[righteousdeanw]

Can’t really afford getting high.

Well, thanks. It’s actually very good to hear it. And this whole conversation started because I had no idea what you were talking ‘bout.

[karofsky-sydneyb]

You play sports or something?

I’m talking about combining birds and alligators to make a winged beast of epic proportions. It’s it a bird? Is it an alligator? It’s both.

[ripsydtana]

Nobody finds Hannibal Lector adorable.

I’m going to find those pictures and delete them off your phone. Then I’m going to replace them with pictures of botched boob jobs and butt enhancements. I’m sure your next solo session with your hand will go mighty fine.

[karofsky-sydneyb]

You find me adorable. Luckily I’m not trying to actually eat you, just ya know... eat you out.

You can try but you’ll never guess my password. You’re cute as fuck when you’re sleeping. It’s like, the only time you look like you’re not going to either stab me or making my scream your name. It’s really actually beautiful, San. We should like, get these pictures framed so I can see you all the time. And my handy sessions ain’t nothing compared to when I’m actually with you.

[ripsydtana]

And you just reached Hannibal Lector levels of creepy. Show me the pictures.

[karofsky-sydneyb]

More like Hannibal Lector levels of adorable.

No, San, they’re for my spank bank.

[mercyrjones-blog]

Ain’t no sense in havin friends if you ain’t ride or die, right? I got yo back, boo! Even though it would be hard to imagine you getting angry enough or having anyone angry enough at you to become an enemy.

Girl, please. Me and my broken hip would just stay in bed and join a ‘dial a nurse’ program or at least ask someone for a male stripper dressed like a nurse.

[karofsky-sydneyb]

Exactly. You never know. I often have a very pissed of Latina after me but once I give her the Full Karofsky she usually calms down.

I’m not sure if male strippers are qualified to be nurses but if you want to go out with a bang, literally, you work that hip girl.