dan and phil reveal the truth (but like actually this time)

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@kassilovesr5
dan and phil reveal the truth (but like actually this time)
We’re back with another rant. I. CANT. STAND. DAWSON. LEERY. This self absorbed, main character complex annoying ass boy. Ugh.
Lindsay Lohan in Mean Girls (2004)
John Mulaney Quotes as Majors
English:
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as a math major and computer minor. i believe the following additions are to be made.
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HELLO FRIENDS HELP A GIRL OUT
Hello!! I’m doing a research project for my research methods class and I’m doing it on retail companies and their communication styles with pus sized women especially in ad campaigns. So if anyone considers themself a plus sized woman I would loveeee if you have a moment and would like to take it. I'd be very grateful!! :) Thank you!!! <3 https://forms.gle/193ZXPKRBGcANPzZ7
HEY FRIENDS WATCH MY LATEST VIDEO AND I’LL LOVE YOU FOREVER OKAY THANKS BYE :)))))))
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HELLO FRIENDS WATCH MY LATEST YOUTUBE VIDEO AND ILL LOVE YOU FOREVER OKAY THANKS BYE 🥰🥰🥰
HELLO IM WATCHING THE ELITE AND ITS SO GOOD ALSO MY HEART CANNOT HANDLE OMAR AND ANDER AND THEYRE THE HOTTEST BOIS ON THE SHOW I WILL FIGHT YOU ON THAT
HELLO EVERYONE WATCH MY YOUTUBE VIDEO
Today I uploaded my first YouTube video!! I hope to post more and create a channel and I would love you forever if you watched!! Also let me know what you think! 🤗🥰
Big Dan and Phil fan here also love the Enneagram and I really want to know their types haha. Anybody wanna give suggestions what they think? 😂
You’re My Music- (Chapter 43) SCANDAL
“Excuse me… Ma’am…Um hello.”
“I’m sorry what?”
“Sorry sir the bathrooms are around the corner and to your right.” Jackson piped in behind me.
“Thanks.” A middle aged bald man wearing a green suit shirt gave me a condescending nod and followed the way Jackson’s hand pointed him.
“Whoa! Earth to Rian, anyone home?” Jackson dramatically waved his hands in front of my face.
“Sorry I just have a lot on my mind.” I said shrugging in angst. I couldn’t keep my mind on work for one second. The coffee shop was extremely slow for a Tuesday morning and I was drifting.
“Anything you want to talk about? Some tea you want to spill? How is that boy you dumped?” Jackson was the only person I really enjoyed working with.
“I didn’t dump him, it was comp-”
“I know it was complicated—aren’t relationships always!”
“And what do you know I haven’t heard about any boys on your end.”
The coffee shop door swept open and Rocky walked in.
“Ugh yes, your hot friend is here.” Jackson said under his breath. I laughed and shoved Jackson to the side of the counter.
Rocky walked up and put his elbows down and his chin in them. I mimicked him and got face to face with him my elbows parallel to his.
“What’s up?” I tilted my head and cracked a smile. He cracked a similar half smile.
“I was bored so I thought I would come visit my favorite barista.” We both stood up.
“You come all this way just to see me?” Jackson gushed. Jackson set an iced americano on the counter.
“You remember my drink and everything thanks man!” Rocky put his hand up for a high five, but a disappointed Jackson just cringed and walked to the back room.
“So, what do I owe you?” Rocky asked fumbling with his wallet.
“On the house.”
“Uhh…” He sighed. “What did I do to deserve you!”
“I’m just in my everlasting quest to feed your coffee addiction.” I said half chuckling. Rocky put his hand on top of mine on the counter and gave it a squeeze.
“Ri, I love you! I’m going to use the bathroom quick.” Rocky set down his coffee and walked around the corner to the restrooms.
“That man just keeps getting more gorgeous.” Jackson said.
“Well I hate to shatter your dreams, but that man is straight and too old for you.”
“Oh, trust me I know he’s straight, he is extremely into you.”
If I had been drinking something I would most likely would have expelled it from my mouth
“Excuse me what? You think Rocky is into me?”
“Yea I always see the ways he interacts with you, it’s right under your nose. He practically professed his love for you.”
“He professed his love for coffee. You are seriously out of it, we’re just friends.”
“You’re too close to the situation to realize it, but your best friend is in love with you trust me. Maybe you have some feelings for him too and that’s what’s really upsetting you.”
“Trust me I am not in love with…ROCKY!”
I jumped as Rocky came back around the corner.
“Dudeeeeee you have to look at this!” Thankfully Rocky was distracted with something more pressing. Rocky showed me his phone lit up with a tweet from the celebrity gossip account: “LA Tonight!” The tweet read “RIKER LYNCH’S EX-GIRLFRIEND PREGNANT!! CLICK THE LINK TO GET ALL THE DETAILS ON THIS PREGNANCY DRAMA!”
My breath got caught in my throat and my jaw dropped. This was the first leak of the news and the first we had heard from Estella in weeks.
“What is the video?” I asked frantically.
“I don’t know I haven’t looked.” Rocky tapped on the link and opened a YouTube video.
“Jackson, I think I’m going to take my break now.” I said already undoing my apron and hanging it on the hook.
“Do you girl.” Jackson shrugged and went back to cleaning the espresso machine. I ran around the corner to Rocky and pulled him towards a small table. We sat down and clicked play on the video.
I anxiously listened to a blonde girl flip out about Estella being pregnant and spew a bunch of twisted details about her life. What really grabbed me was the first mention of Riker’s name.
“Estella has confirmed her ex Riker Lynch is the father. She told LA Tonight:Her tone switched when she started using the quotes from Estella.
”I am quite nervous for the future and for single motherhood. Riker has not been supportive and has rejected that he is the father.
At that point I quit listening. My mind wondered from his screen to processing all of what had been said and what was happening. My mind was a cluster of nothing until Rocky started using a number of expletives. My vision was clouded until I focused on the screen. There was a number of gossip news companies that were tweeting about the incident all claiming to have a different inside scoop. Another in particular caught my attention.
MUSICIAN RIKER LYNCH CHEATING SCANDAL flashed across the screen.
“What the hell!” I reached across and tapped the link on his phone and he didn’t have a say otherwise
“You all may remember the lovely relationship that fans coined RiStella well it turns out that RiStella may not have been the dream love we all remember.”
Pictures of Riker and Estella when they were dating showed up on the screen and a big broken heart was stamped over the picture as the gossiper talked about the demise of their relationship.
“Estella told Celeb Weekly ‘The relationship Riker and I had was sweet at the beginning I started to think he was the one until I found he was cheating on me.’”
The quotes appeared in large black letters over a blue background on the screen.
“‘The girl he was cheating on me with tracked me down physically assaulted me. Riker then dumped me for her and until he found out I was pregnant and has been trying to cover everything up. He’s completely shut me out and refuses that he is the father.’” The celeb gossiper read.
“How do you guys feel? Were you a RiStella fan and are you shocked with the news of Estella being pregnant? Let us know in the comments below!”
I buried my hands in my face and knocked my head against the desk. A few seconds later the clatter of a mug sat made noise in front of my face. Jackson set down a mug with steaming liquid in front of me.
“B, it sounds like you’re going to need this.” He said cringing and stepped away slowly.
I took a sip of the steaming chai latte and took a breath. I couldn’t deal with this. I didn’t have the emotional stability I was already at a downwards slope.
“Um Jackson?” I voiced.
“Yea?” he called from behind the counter.
“Is there anyone in here?” I stood up and checked for myself as well.
“Nope still dead.”
“AHHHHHHHHHHGGG.” I screamed.
“Feel better?” Rocky chuckled a little placing a hand on my side.
“This. Isn’t. FUNNY!” I emphasized funny like I was about to snap. I sat back down and buried my head in my hands. “I’m sorry.” I apologized.
“Look Rian it’s been dead all day and you only have two hours of your shift left. I can cover you!” Jackson called.
“Thanks.” I smiled lightly at him. I brought my cup up to the counter and ruffled his curly brown hair. “You’re sure?”
“Of course! Get out of here.”
**
I opened the door and met a gathering of pillows and blankets.
“Whoa what’s all this?” I asked the body behind the pillows. A blanket slipped from his hands. I reached down and grabbed it before he did.
“I thought you were at work?” he responded moving past me to get to get outside. I followed him with the blanket he dropped.
“I got off early, I was a little stressed and it was super slow.”
“You saw all the gossip articles I’m guessing.” He mindlessly responded stuffing some of the blankets and pillows into his car never making contact with me. He seamlessly grabbed the blanket from my hands and stuffed it in as well.
“I did. Are you okay?” Riker slammed the car door and stood up walking towards the house.
“I didn’t realize it mattered how I feel.”
“You’re kidding me, right?” Riker swiveled around and glared at me. His hair was a scrunched mess his eyes were red and droopy with bags under them. I wondered how much he’d slept the night before. “I get that you’re stressed. Maybe you should just cool it for a bit thing will die down.”
“Yea uh…avoiding problems is your thing. I need to handle this.” He turned around and stumbled back into the house.
“What are you even doing?” I followed after him. He was growing aggressively annoyed.
“I don’t think I should stay here. I thought I’d might go slum it at the folks’ place for a bit.”
“You know you don’t have to do that.”
“I don’t know how it’s going to look if people find out I’m still living with my ex-girlfriend.”
“Why does it matter what people think? Just let this all blow over it’ll be okay.”
“I can’t just sit here and let Estella ruin my career. I have an interview with celeb weekly tomorrow.” He sounded exhausted and agitated. I don’t think he was making the soundest decisions.
“Riker you shouldn’t just fight fire with fire!”
“YOU DON’T GET TO TELL ME WHAT TO DO. I THOUGHT WE ALREADY HAD THIS CONVERSATION.” He yelled in the middle of the living room. I saw him regain his cool and shake away the urge to explode. “I’m going to my parent’s place to get some space,” he started. “Please do not follow me.” He said in a low almost whisper. He grabbed his keys from the shelf leaning against the stairs and walked assertively out the door.
Reade more of You’re My Music: Here
You’re My Music-(R5) Chapter 42-SUFFER
Note about you’re my music and meee: XX
Life update? What was there to tell except that it was a confusing time. Things had progressed to Riker and I being in numerous social situations together, and us having nothing but small talk. I, surprisingly, was happy with that. I just wanted things to be chill. I hated conflict, so pushing things to the side just felt like the easiest route. If I actually faced all of the questions that reared their heads I would never sleep from the consuming anxiety. What if he still has feelings for me? What if he doesn’t have feelings and is having all the sex he wants now? What I still had feelings for him? The fact of the matter was it was easy to move on when I didn’t face the matters at hand. It felt like we were on the track to being friends. All we needed was some time to let our feelings dissolve and that was what was happening if I had anything to do with it. It was a fresh day. I had felt better than I did in a long time. Rocky and I made a commitment to be healthier, so we got up at seven in the morning we went for a run to a local farmers market where they sold vegan smoothies. I was panting and running as fast as I could to keep up with his long strides. “WHY-Y…CAN YOU...RUN FASTER THAN ME.” I huffed as I tried to keep up. His face cracked a cheeky grin but he gave no response and sped up a pace more. “You have to be kidding me I’m the one who’s an athlete.” “You’re an athlete?” He grinned. “I swear if you try to be one of those douchebags who says dancing isn’t a sport I’ll kick your butt.” I sped up a pace more and finally sped ahead an inch only to be caught up with a second later. “I run a lot that’s all. It helps me think.” “You got a lot to think about?” “Lately yea, a little too much.” He was silent for a second. I saw sweat droplets fall from his face and his eyes look dead on at the paved trail ahead of us. As close as we were he never really opened up to me about what was going on in that thick skull of his. That wasn’t new. That boy never conveyed any of his thoughts to me and it was something that worried me from time to time. I felt like he was saying so much in no words at all. “You’ve got a lot to think about too.” “I have all of my thinking sorted I’ll have you know.” “Oh really? That’s why you’ve been acting so weird around Riker.” “I have not been! We’re finally getting back to normal!” “And what is normal for you guys?” I had to pause for a second before knowing how to answer that myself. My relationship with Riker had never really been any sense of the word normal. That didn’t matter though. I was set on rebuilding our friendship up. “We are two mature adults that have passed a phase in our lives. I don’t want things to have to change drastically because of it.” “Wow okay. Well if you think you’ve moved on then power to you! I’m proud. The dinner party won’t be weird tonight at all!” He raised an eyebrow. I couldn’t tell if that was Rocky reassuring me or testing me. “Nope, it won’t,” I said triumphantly. The farmers market was up about a block ahead of us and we were coming in hot. “Make you a deal winner buys?” “You’re on.” ** I stood staring at a rack of clothes. In the interest of trying to keep my life casual, I picked a purple, velvet, form-fitting dress with a small slit in the back. I slipped it on and checked in the mirror to make sure it looked all right. I fluffed the curls I spent an hour working on and added a touch of setting spray to my face just to keep it fresh. “HOLY CRAP!” I spun around the see the voice behind the expletive. “Is it awful?” I winced. There was no going back on the decision I made. “It’s gorgeous.” Rydel grabbed a chunk of the freshly died deep brown hair on my head. “I needed a change.” “I love the purple tint to it too.” We stood there for a second while Rydel examined my hair. I could tell she had thoughts that expanded past the color of my hair. She had that look in her eye. “What? What is it?” I edged her on aggressively. “I didn’t say anything.” “Yea, well you have that look in your eye. You’re thinking something just say it.” “Well, you look gorgeous. This dress is absolutely killer and your hair is amazing. You just don’t usually put much stake in these types of things. Is there a reason for all of it?” “No, I just wanted to look nice you know.” I knew that wasn’t the whole truth. There was no doubt she did too, I just couldn’t explain myself. “Okay, you won’t get more questions from me.” She smirked. “Now let’s go. I don’t want to be late to this fancy thing. Rich people are so cool, but they scare me.” After I finished laughing we gathered ourselves and walked out the door. The spurts of laughter calmed my nerves for less than a second and then I realized I was a literal puddle. I was oozing out with anxiety. My palms were glazed with sweat. ** The dinner party was nicely sized. It was mostly a networking gig. Renowned producers, a few choreographers, directors, along with some talent were in the mix. R5 was invited and the only reason I was going because this dinner was a hot ticket. Invitations had been sent out months ago, and the band was lucky to get a ticket. The amount of exposure I could receive from this dinner was priceless. That’s why I jumped at the opportunity to be Riker’s plus one. Of course, I jumped at the opportunity when we were still together. We hadn’t talked much in the passing days and now I was to be seated next to him all night. To make matters worse the point of the event was to get talent and producers alike to mingle. The band was split up all at different tables. Even though I sat at that table with two middle-aged producers, a television personality, and a Hollywood celebrity choreographer whose clothes were worth more than my life savings; I would have rather talked to them, than Riker. I was going to make a commitment. I wasn’t going to be weird. The dinner was going to be casual. I had no problem with being casual with Riker. I just had to get through dinner until it was the social hour where I could stand and mingle. “I’m a big fan of this bread.” “I can tell you’ve eaten half of the bowl.” The dry words barely fell out of his lips and he didn’t give me a glance when he spoke. “So, Riker how is the band?” A man around 50 dressed in a completely black suit asked picking up the glass of wine in front of him. My best guess was that this man was R5’s connection to the gig. Rocky told me previously that some hot-shot producer saw them perform at a music festival and was impressed. The guy introduced himself, said the band showed potential and just needed a few more connections to make it to the top. A few weeks later the band received the golden ticket. “Great. We got some really good prospective projects coming that I’m excited about.” The man hummed in approval. “If you ladies and gentlemen weren’t aware, this is Riker Lynch. He plays bass in the talented band: R5” “Nice to meet you, Riker, I’m Lauren Jennevive.” A gorgeous black woman with her hair pinned up, wearing the classiest black dress and a maroon lip reached her hand out to shake Rikers. She was so smooth and elegant. “And I see you got yourself a lady friend here. Don’t you two make a lovely couple,” said the man who got R5 the connection. He was admiring the golden name card that said “Guest of Riker Lynch: Rian Erikson. The name card was very dignified. “Oh, we’re not actually together.” He spoke. “Oh, come on, don’t be shy. You can’t be telling me there’s nothing going on between the two of you. I can feel the tension between you. Plus, you brought her to an event like this you must like her an awful lot,” a girl in her mid-20s giggled. I’d seen her on tv before; she was the host of a hit entertainment industry gossip show. “Well I mean we’ve had stuff in the past, but we’re just better as friends,” I spoke. It was concerning how chipper I sounded. Riker cleared his throat. “Yea something like that.” His face shifted to be very uncomfortable, but he looked at me and flashed a fake smile. The dinner might’ve been the most uncomfortable hour I’d ever experienced. More uncomfortable then losing a bet and jumping in the lake naked in front of my friends when I was 13. “Ladies and gentlemen if you’d like to join us in the grand ballroom for the social hour” Another elegant woman announced very smoothly. Riker mumbled thank God under his breath. The hour revealed we hadn’t made as much progress in our friendship as I hoped. “Nice meeting you folks, if you will excuse me.” Riker abruptly stood up. I got up and followed after him. “Riker, please wait,” I spoke. He turned around with such disdain. I would’ve expected his glare to be so harsh but instead, he looked so disappointed. “Can we talk.” “I need a drink.” He turned back around and walked up to one of the men wearing a tux holding a silver platter with glasses full of champagne. He intensely grabbed one of the glasses and it tipped it back. He let out an exasperated sigh when he turned around and I was standing there. “This champagne isn’t cutting it. I need vodka.” “Can we please talk.” “We just talked for an hour.” He rolled his eyes. “Things don’t have to be like this.” I pleaded. “Be like what? Awkward? You’re seriously kidding yourself if you think we can just be chummy and pal around. “I just think it would be for the best if we could be friends at least. We can’t avoid each other.” “We were together, and you left me, or did you already forget?” “You act like I just walked away from us. You know damn well why I ended us. I was just trying to be civil, so we wouldn’t have to be awkward forever. We live in the same house.” “I don’t want to be friends with you. The way you’ve been talking to everyone it’s like we had a fling and it was some sort of mistake. I get that you’re over me, you’ve made that pretty fricken clear. I am still in love with you, so if you don’t want to be with me, then don’t make me suffer” “You know our relationship meant something to me. I never meant to make you suffer, I left you because you hurt me.” “You get so emotionally detached that the first sign of conflict makes you run away. You try to ignore your emotions and it pushes everyone away. I get that I hurt you that was on me, but you didn’t want to work it out, you didn’t even want to hear me out. You wanted to run away because that was easier. You want me to play along and pretend that I’m over you too and that we can be friends, and everything will be okay. Well, I am not going to do that, because unlike you I don’t ignore my feelings. Let me tell you I wish I wasn’t still in love with you. Apparently, I might be a father, and all I can think about is you because my heart hurts so damn much. So please let me get over you, and just leave me alone.”
Read more of You’re My Music: here
ADDRESSING MY BLOG
So if any of you read any of my writing, you see that it is primarily R5 based. I have worked a long time building up You’re My Music and I hold it very close. I know that R5 technically isn’t together anymore, but I will be finishing out the story because it has gotten to be more about the story itself than about the band if that makes any sense. As to other writing I may be doing a few other things if I feel inspired. I am sad that theres a few things I started that I never really got started or finished so stay tuned for updates.
I would also like to say that there will be a rebrand soon most likely. As much as I will always hold R5 dear to my heart, but I have to say that at one time I “fell out of love” with R5 and I have heard many people have.
I still cherish the R5 memories and people I met while being a fan of them. I still want to continue to interact with Tumblr friends and I still really love writing, so I plan to continue to write and I hope you will all stay with me on this silly little journey.
Love,
Kassi.
John Mulaney Quotes as Majors
English:
Social Justice:
Public Relations:
Science:
Education:
Criminology
Political Science:
Arts:
Athletics:
Gender Studies:
History:
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Anonymously message me (3) things you want to know about me.
How y’all doing? I miss you! Chat me up. :)
You’re My Music: (R5 Fanfiction) Chapter 41- MESSY.
In the moments that followed our rough breakup I didn’t know what my next step would be. I had a long moment of feeling the most surreal I’d ever felt. I stepped back and looked at my life and wondered what had just happened. What had I just done? I wasn’t sure if it was all real, it didn’t seem like it. I suddenly had to grasp onto the fact that the person I was connected the most to in this world was just poof out of my life. This boy named Riker I had loved him more than I had thought I would ever love anything. Suddenly our relationship, the thing that bonded us together as a couple, the state that defined us a people had been diminished. We were no longer a pair, we were no longer together, we were two separate people that had no official connection except the past. All of those thoughts zoomed around my brain and I tried to hold on and accept every one of them but that was harder than it was thought to be. I took a few deep breaths and tried to access the situation. There is hardly a moment my brain has ever been more scrambled than right then. Riker of course asked me to talk it out with him. I turned him down as I knew I just needed to sort my thoughts out before speaking to anyone about it. I didn’t want to be persuaded by anybody on this. If I had ever heard Riker out I might’ve been back in his arms one second later. I loved him and all I wanted to do was stand there and take it all back saying I didn’t care about any of it I just wanted to be with him. Those were all surface feelings though. Deep down I was so hurt that I didn’t want to even be near him, and I knew if I gave into the feelings I had at the very beginning I would be disappointed with myself. That’s why as fast as I could I ran out of that house.
I thought about that moments for many days to come. The moment was the most intense as I was running. I had slipped on a pair of sandals I kept next to our front door for easy access, grabbed my phone off of the coffee table stuck it in my back pocket and ran. I ran a for a few blocks until I was ready to walk. I was ready to take it slow, to start absorbing everything into my head. I was still in our little residential zone of homes when I my phone rang.
“Hey, sorry I’m, running a little late.” The voice said. It took a second for me to realize it was Rydel. It took me a few more seconds to realize why she was calling.
“Shoot I totally forgot we were supposed to go shopping tonight!” I interjected. I had plain forgotten in my chaos. It was honestly the last thing on my mind. I also didn’t feel like divulging everything that had just happened in the past few hours to her right away on the phone. I didn’t feel like talking about it at all. We spoke for a moment before I agreed to meeting her at this little furniture ship and I had to explain why I showed up in an Uber. I didn’t actually explain except for saying don’t ask kind of roughly and she didn’t ask. I’ve always been someone who likes to step away from their issues and push them aside to distract me from my pain. I know that’s the worst way to deal with things and pushing my emotions aside will only cause pain down the road but it’s what I do. If it this wasn’t my way of coping I wouldn’t have done it at all. Rydel just wanted helped picking a few things for the house like lamps, rugs, décor etc.
Obviously though everyone started to notice something was up. Rydel was walking on egg shells wanting desperately to know what was up with me, but not wanting to make me upset. About a half in hour into that night of meaningless conversation and words on thin ice I said a few things to make her a little easier. “I’m sorry I’m really off today Rydel. I had a bad morning, and I don’t really want to talk about it and I’ll be okay I promise.”
“Okay well I’m here if you need. Don’t worry we all have our days.” She was such a gem and didn’t bring it up a single time more our whole trip. She soon got distracted by a cute maroon rug and rushed over to check the feel of it.
The rest of my week went as dismal as you would expect. Classes were over, and I was living awkwardly in a house with my ex, and still estranged friend. Thankfully I got a job working at a coffee shop down the street part time, and was making very little money as a teaching assistant at a dance studio for elementary aged kids. It was more of a hobby and a way to keep myself occupied during one of the loneliest weeks of my life.
It had been a week plus a day or two (I’d lost track) since my falling out with Riker. “Iced Caramel Macchiato with soy” I called out. A man in his late 20’s with third day facial hair and casual clothing walked up and grabbed his drink.
“Thanks.” He winked, and dropped a napkin with some pen scribbled on it. I looked at it and saw it was a set of numbers. This man did not honestly just give me his number.
“Did that dude for real just give you his number?” A familiar voice said from in front of the counter. It was Rocky.
“I am so done with today.” I groaned, ripping the napkin in half and throwing it in the trash.
“I mean he was kind of hot you could’ve gone for it.” I rolled my eyes and Rocky gave a short chuckle before speaking again.
“So, is there a special discount for the best friends of barista’s?” I smiled. I needed something in my life to be constant again and I missed Rocky so much.
“Well that depends. Will the best friend forgive the barista if she gives him a free iced Americano?” Rocky slammed his hand on his chest, cocked his head, and raised the corners of his mouth into a cheeky smile.
“You know my coffee drink.” I giggled a little and already started to put the ice in the cup while speaking.
“Of course. I know everything about you.” I said finishing off the drink. Rocky shrugged.
“Not everything.” He said in a lower tone. After handing Rocky the drink another girl who worked there came up to the register where I was and asked how I was in the generic no connection but coworkers kind of tone. I untied my apron and hung it on the wall. All I said to her was that it was good but busier that day. It was a bit of a blur and not much about our relationship was worth salvaging beyond work. In life, you just meet those types of people.
I went and sat down at a cute two-person table that Rocky had sat at.
“Hey.” He spoke.
“Hey.” I said back. It was silent again. “Do you want to take a walk there’s a park around the corner, I’ve been in this shop too long.”
“I would love that.” He said softly and we got up and walked to the entrance of the park. There was silence again except Rocky looked up at me with hurt in his eyes.
“I am such a bad friend and I get it if you’re mad at me.” He kicked his feet at some grass and leaves.
“I’m not mad at you.” I spoke. “I was really hurt that you wanted to break our friendship off and was really scared for a while. But even when you were away you have always been my constant. I can’t imagine us not being friends I just want things to be the way they always were.”
“I don’t really have an excuse for the way I acted. I don’t know if I can call it jealousy or anger-” He started kicking at some more leaves to relieve a little of the stress he was experiencing. I cut him off before he imploded into a pit of self-guilt.
“What I saw was a best friend who was trying to protect me. While I was dating Riker, I wasn’t really being that great of a friend. I was just too focused on wanting to have the perfect relationship that I didn’t even think about anybody else. Now look where I am.”
“I don’t think it was that bad. You didn’t desert me I think we can agree we both haven’t been the fairest. Let’s agree to put this all behind us because I miss you like crazy and you’re my best friend and need somebody in this world who gets me.” He didn’t have to convince me I wanted my best friend back more than anything, I quickly wrapped my arms around him and gave him a gigantic hug.
“Agreed.” I hummed embracing the hug I needed in so many ways. We both stepped away from the hug and continued walking only a few steps until there was a huge field of grass where people would picnic and play Frisbee and flag football on nice days. “I just want to lay in the grass.” I groaned. I shuffled along until we were almost directly in the center of the field and collapsed onto the ground. Rocky laid in the grass less dramatically next to me and tilted his head.
“Rian are you doing alright? I know it’s still probably rough with Riker and you.”
“I don’t know. I haven’t talked to him much it’s hard to live in the same house because every time I see him he looks lifeless and I know that’s all my fault and it hurts so freaking much to see him in pain but I don’t know how to fix it and every day I’m just wondering if I made the right decision. Sorry I didn’t mean to explode like that but as you can see I’m kind of a mess.”
“First of all, take a deep breath. You have a right to be a mess. I know you probably still love Riker and I don’t know why you guys broke up but I’m sure you made the right decision. I’ve found that in life if something is meant to happen it will.”
“All I can think about is Riker being a father. What if he is the father?”
“Wait what?” Rocky was startled. I hadn’t exactly shared any details of our breakup with him or many other people.
“Um…Riker had gotten a letter from Estella telling him she’s pregnant and he might be the father.” I mumbled trying not to crack. Rocky was floored his eyes were wide as could be.
“Riker might be a dad? HOLY SH-”
“I know.” I cut him off.
“Dang Rian I’m sorry. That really sucks.” He moved closer and I rested my head on his shoulder.
“Estella is so manipulative and now she’s going to have a baby that very well may be Riker’s because they had sex every other day and who knows how careful they were.” I said very aggressively. I was still so upset that he lied to me it was almost what hurt the most. “The day we came to visit you when you guys were on tour I told you I had gotten my own room but I actually spent it in Riker’s.”
“It was going on for that long huh?”
“Yea well we thought about going further but then we talked and decided it would be more fulfilling if we waited until the right time. He told me that he had never slept with Estella because he wasn’t in love with her. That night was the first night that I felt deeply connected to him. I was really falling for him I ate it all up and it was just a bunch of lies.”
“He told you he’d never had sex with Estella?” I nodded my head yes. Rocky raised his eyebrows. “I’m almost shocked you believed him. I’ve walked in on that idiot more times than I’d like to say.”
“Well I believed him I guess I was stupid to believe.”
“You’re not stupid. He should not have lied to you about that and made you feel the way you do.” I shrugged my shoulder. Rocky sat for a few seconds before speaking again. “Not to pry but did it ever happen?”
“Yea it happened quite soon after that. I’d fallen in love with him, but that’s all. I told him I loved him and he freaked out and we took a break and then he realized he loved me too and I thought everything was amazing. We never had sex but I was okay with that. I thought he wanted to wait because that’s what he did with other girls. I guess it was just me.”
“I’m so sorry Rian but you should know that Riker has never cared that much. He must’ve really cared about you if he wanted to wait I know him.”
“I’m afraid if I talk to him I’ll realize I he still loves me and I’ll want to get back together with him. I love him so much but I…I don’t want to get back together.” I took a deep breath. I don’t know if I’ll ever see him in the same way I don’t know if I can ever trust him again.”
“Its okay that you don’t know how to feel. Its okay for everything to be a bit messy. Just know that I’m always there for you Rian. I always will be.”
Read the rest of You’re My Music: Here