I really am though... i miss him.... so much....i keep going to call him... he's the person I'd talk to about stuff if I was upset.. and I very much am... i am quite heartbroken... I thought he was gonna keep it safe.. keep me safe... I am incredibly dissappointed... not just with what happened but with myself too. I'm even more so dissappointed in him.... he has lied to me. There is something else, I have a gut feeling about it... Its either something, or someone. I hope its not the latter... If it is, I'll be furious with him. It will mean he did to me what he did to Lucy when he was getting with me... but somethings telling me its not that... its not that its someone else... When I remembered about what Al told me the night we broke up at Christmas, it clicked. That he was waiting for the pressure of moving out and working and stuff to get to him... It's either that, that he's having that explosion of pressure, now, that its has gotten to him or its something like it... but I do feel like it could be that. It's mainly the pressure of money tbh. Think about it, Al hasnt paid him, that means more shifts are needed to be done in Texaco, which he very much does not want to do, and he cant work there from Wednesday to Friday as he's with Al, for nothing I may add, well I dont know if it is anymore but lets assume for now. So, it means, fuck all money at the moment for rent, food, bills and smokes... Add on top of that the pressure that I know he'd be feeling about my birthday present, I spend around €250 on him for his birthday there in November... I know it probably sounds like I'm plucking this out of thin air and that I sound hopefull... maybe I do, maybe I don't but... I do beleive theres something else that he isnt telling me... I got paid from my placement on the Friday before he ended it and bought myself an Apple watch on the saturday morning, I know he wanted to buy an apple pro with his moola when he got paid that Friday too, but he didnt get paid, thats the problem... hahaAl, his roomate and best friend of 12 years hasnt paid him for his placement (yes, i know, one shouldnt work for a friend let alone roommate...) maybe it was a bit of jealousy in there, that i got paid and he didnt... a friend of mine explained to me why we dont like things in other people, and its cause we dont like it in ourselves, so for example, with himself, maybe he broke it off with me for, the reason he used, that he didnt like my negativity cause he couldnt be negative himself... or as another example, if someone says "ugh i hate that their so self conscious" its cause you yourself dont like being self concious ya know? We had such a lovely evening on Friday, yeh ok, i got annoyed at myself that the sauce for dinner wasnt ready for the 4 of us to have dinner all at the same time.. i was conscious of their friend arriving and i knew the kitchen had to be clean.. so i got hot and flustered cooking and ended up getting annoyed at myself... so i took a little me time to cool down while i went and got mixer... I came back and he asked if i was annoyed at him. I told him i wasnt and explained why i was. He took it, accept it and we had a really nice evening... we did have an ugly one the weekend before, but thats it... i havent had a bad night in ages... none that i can think of... tbh, him turning around and using my "negativity," which is me talking about my problems and stuff, like one should with their other half, is bullshit. thats why i think theres something else going on.. well i hope there is cause hes an asshole otherwise.. that he turned around, throughout our relationship, telling me that i can talk to him about that stuff.. and now he's pushing it back in my face....?????????????????????????? if anyone out there sees this, and reads it, can you leave your opinion of it and if you have any questions or want more info, ask. I'm extremely confused and hearing what other people think and stuff can open my mind up more about this, or might help me realise something...
prguitarman
tangentwithtanner
germansingergirl
dailybridgerton
vaporwave
andulkaphoto
pixelskylines
baratheonpilled
