Any Game You Can Play, I Can Play Better || Self
It had taken longer than she’d hoped, but they were finally here. A British passport in the name of Katherine Norris, and a work visa for a small New York newspaper where she would get to be the fashion writer. It was perfect. She had no idea how Lee had managed to pull something together that would suit her so exactly, but she wasn’t going to ask any questions. Maybe she had done it because they had a shared history. Maybe they had both just gotten lucky and that was available and simple to do. Whatever the reason, it was the first thing that had gone truly right for her in a long time, and she wasn’t going to question it any longer. Not when she needed it so badly.
Lee had gotten her a first class ticket on a plane leaving that afternoon. If she’d wanted to, she could have found a way to set up a portkey or even flown on a broom there, but considering that Lee was a muggle who had gotten her everything else, it had only made sense to let her set up the final bit of muggle travel. That meant she had until this afternoon to finish up the last of her business. The wait was officially over. In a matter of hours, she would be free.
That is, if she survived the last bit of her business she needed to take care of.
Since she was taking a portkey, she could really only afford to take with her what she could carry. Of course, with spells like the undetectable extension charm, she could still manage to fit a significant portion of her life into a trunk. But not quite everything. Part of her knew she should have done this already, but somehow she hadn’t been able to convince herself to pack without the solid evidence of the new identity in her hand.
That kind of lethargy was so foreign to the way she had lived her life for so long, it scared her a little. In previous years, she would have been packed as soon as she had graduated, sitting on Lee’s ass, starting to write letters and doing research so she could set up base as soon as she arrived. But it was like all her passion had been sucked away over this past year, all her energy, until it was all she could do to keep herself focused on why she wanted to escape in the first place. The one emotion that still burned brightly and consistently was a steady hate for Vlad, the club, and everything it represented. So as she worked, she stoked that flame higher and higher until something resembling her old quick thinking and drive returned.
Her non-work wardrobe was the first thing she packed, tossing all of her work clothes into a box she would discard later. Part of her wanted to burn everything in it, but she knew there would be other women caught in a similar dilemma at some point, so she would donate it instead. All of her shoes got packed (because it didn’t matter that she’d used them for work, they were damn good shoes). Her books she packed, but most of her school supplies she would leave here as part of her “vanishing” act. She kept a list of her contacts and a brief description of how they’d met and what they were useful for, but she burned every piece of correspondence she had received. Everything that had her name on it was destroyed or left on a shelf, depending on how incriminating it was. All the furniture would obviously stay here.
The last thing she needed to deal with were the photographs. Part of her wanted so desperately to keep them. After all, they were a reminder of the few friends she had made, or times she was proud of herself. It hurt to discard all of these when she could barely convince herself to leave behind a pair of shoes. The other part of her knew that it was potentially too dangerous, there were too many things in those photographs that could identify Katrina Mowse with Katherine Norris, and potentially allow someone to trace her back. No matter how well a secret is kept, it can nearly always be found out by someone making sentimental mistakes. So, biting her lip and swallowing hard, she began to throw photograph after photograph on the fire.
There were only three she kept. One was a picture she’d taken of Cam about halfway through their relationship. She was lying on the grass, staring up at the sky, and she looked perfectly serene. It wasn’t quite a profile shot, but the angle was such that it was clearly taken from only slightly above, and all you could see was grass and sky. The second image was of Kat and Cora laughing, and it was hard to see anything around their faces. The last was a picture she and Max had taken together. They were half turned away from the camera, as if they had forgotten that they were supposed to be paying attention to it as some new argument started. But it was easy to see the hints of smiles and the flirtatious heat that had accompanied all of their interactions. None of them had any background features distinct enough to be identifiable, and all of those people were too special for even Kat to let them go. So she slipped those in with the list of contacts and left it at that.
There. She was packed. The entirety of her life was inside one trunk, and everything else was about to be discarded. Next she cleaned the flat, scrubbing every inch of the place so it would be ready for someone else to occupy as soon as they discovered that she was no longer living there. The final step was to take the box to the place Annette told her accepted clothes like this, and then withdraw the entirety of her funds from the various bank accounts she had kept it in.
Now that she was ready to leave as soon as she had made her last visit, it was time to ready herself. No one went to face a man like Vlad without every inch of their armor and weapons in place, and Kat of all people knew the value of what she wore. After freshening herself up, she carefully applied her makeup in an understated fashion to emphasize that she was coming there on business. Deliberately she played down the attributes he had made so much money off of to further distance herself from her job. Then she slipped her black skirt that rested at mid-thigh, black ankle boots, and a pale green blouse. She was never going to wear blue again. Her back suit jacket finished off the look and she nodded at herself in the mirror. She was as ready as she was going to be.
Taking the file folder she had prepared ahead of time and the purse of cash she had calculated to fully repay his investment, she walked out the door and down to the Black Minotaur.
Despite everything she’d accomplished that day, it was only late morning. The dance club that anyone could visit was quiet at this time, none of the workers would arrive for hours, and it was late enough the cleaning crews had already left. Even the more secret club down below would be empty at this time as businessmen went back to work and mafia members slept through until their more dangerous life began again. Kat’s footsteps echoed on the hard metal floor, and the sound confirmed that the place was nearly empty.
There was only one person in the club at the time. She had made it a point to learn his general schedule rapidly, so Kat knew that Vlad used this late morning quiet to work in his office and plan whatever it was he was planning to inflict on people next. When he slept was the one mystery she hadn’t been able to answer, but that hardly mattered. At this point it was far more important that she had found a time to face the monster when he was alone. Commanders were infinitely more dangerous when they had people they needed to save face in front of. Alone, he would be potentially more reasonable. It was the best chance she was going to get.
Her footsteps unconsciously slowed as she approached the door to the office. She was sure he could see her. Vlad had had bespelled glass put into the walls of his office. He could see out and hear everything that was said on the other side, but no one else could see inside or hear anything that happened within his office. It meant he could keep an eye on everything that happened inside these walls, but no one had any idea when he was there. It left him with all the power, and everyone else knew it. Just how he liked it.
Well. It was time for that to change.
Squaring her shoulders, Kat knocked briefly to announce her presence before sweeping inside and settling in the chair across from his desk. Crossing one leg over the other, Kat looked him steadily in the face, waiting to see how he would react. No one entered his office without his permission, and no one sat in his presence until he allowed them to. Stories had been told about people who had done as she had and then gone ‘missing’ shortly after. Kat was hoping that he would still consider her too valuable to kill out right, and that her approach would show that she considered herself his equal. Maybe make him curious enough to know why. It was her first big gamble, but she refused to show any nerves until she learned whether or not it would pay off.
He gave her a fraction of a nod. “Katrina.” Apparently she had survived that initial encounter. Now to see how she fared with the rest.
But God she hated that name. She’d hated when her parents called her Katrina, and she hated that she was Katrina at the club, and she hated that she would always be Katrina to him. Katrina had become synonymous with people who had power over her life and didn’t care what she thought about the decisions they made. She was sure he knew it. So after her attempt to unbalance him, he had returned in the simplest way possible so she definitely couldn’t retaliate. Unfortunately for him, this was a slip. That small reminder was enough to focus her past the nerves and give her the energy she needed to make it through the rest. She wasn’t going to be Katrina anymore.
“I have a proposition for you. I suggest you hear me out before deciding, because I think you’ll agree it’s in our mutual best interest.”
He didn’t say anything, only leaned back slightly in his chair as if to show that he was really listening. He made a small ‘go on’ gesture before crossing his arms and tilting his head. She couldn’t see below the desk, but she could almost guarantee he had stretched his legs out in front of him and crossed his ankles. He was the picture of repose.
“While this past year has certainly been…educational in a variety of ways, I feel that the club no longer has anything to offer me. I’ve had a significantly better opportunity come my way, and I’m going to take it. However, the commitments of my new occupation are such that I couldn’t afford to spend my nights here. So I think it is time to terminate my contract.”
As she spoke, he began to smirk slightly, although his eyes remained completely cold. “Oh really?”
“I’m sure you heard of the recent demise of Truman and Miranda Mowse,” she wasn’t going to call them her parents, not anymore, “and because of this, I received a significant amount of money. I know that you made a considerable investment in me, so as a gesture of good faith, I’m offering to repay you the entire amount. The signing bonus, my wages for the past year, and the cost of my wardrobe. I’m also willing to include the next four weeks of wages as a bonus since I imagine you’ll need a little time to find my replacement.”
The smirk only deepened as she continued. It made her think of a cat watching a mouse scurrying around frantically trying to escape, all the while the cat knows that it is impossible. Good thing she wasn’t the mouse this time. She’d had enough of traps.
“No.” His tone held a dangerous finality. “I’m sure you think you just made a generous and reasonable offer. But all the last year has proved is that every knut I pay you comes back to me tenfold. Maybe in a few years, I would consider your offer. But I’m not going to let you go just for a little quick cash.”
He unfolded himself from his relaxed pose and leaned back towards his documents. Clearly, he considered the discussion finished. She had asked, he had said no, and he still thought his threats mattered enough to her that she wouldn’t push it. But also, he clearly thought her enough of a fool to have come in only with cash as a motive. Did he really think the past year had taught her nothing? Did he think growing up the way she had had taught her nothing? How dare he?
Kat’s grin sharpened but she didn’t move anything else. “I believe I said I wanted you to hear me out before making your decision. I’m. Not. Finished.”
He looked up only fractionally. Apparently he wasn’t going to give her his full attention when she had proved she would make it worth his while. Fair enough.
Pulling out the folder in her bag, she laid it on the table. “As we both know, I was not a particularly willing employee, but I chose to accept your offer as it seemed like the most reasonable response. But as time went on, and as it became clearer that your decisions were not necessarily in line with what I considered to be my best interests, I started to make other plans. Specifically, I recorded each of my sessions and I did enough of my own research to put together any missing pieces of information that I could. The results were often rather illuminating. Would you like to take a look? Of course, this isn’t all of it, but I thought you would appreciate a sample. I’m sure you’ll find it interesting. The aurors and the papers might find it just as interesting, but I thought I would approach you first.”
This time, each of her words brought him fractionally up until he was sitting perfectly straight staring at her. Even the hint of the smirk was gone, and he stared at her with the cold calculation that had brought him so high in his chosen profession. They both knew this was the kind of bluff that would get her killed if she was bluffing, so she nudged the folder closer to him. She wanted to make it very clear that this was no tale. She had worked too hard for this.
She only had two of her files in there, figuring that would be enough of a sample to get her point across and make it very clear she had more. The first was from one of her more prestigious business clients. He had been about a mid level employee in the Ministry, but after the death of the Minister of Magic and the subsequent reshuffling, he had found himself rapidly rising in prominence. Now he was almost the only voice involved in trade negotiations. Of course, since he had wanted to impress her with his intelligence and power, he had often said far more than was wise. In the file she had transcripts of all of their conversations, each cross referenced by the relevant country and potential trade deal and the monetary outcomes of this. Vlad briefly flicked on the recorder to be sure that the conversation was genuine before turning it off again.
The second file was the one Kat really wanted to watch him read. This one had to do with one of his own employees. Not that an organization like the mafia worked on a militaristic structure, but she had always thought of him as one of the main lieutenants. He had always fucked her hard and fast, and he talked the whole time. The more disgusted and scared she was of the various murders he had committed, the more turned on he got. It only took a moment for Vlad to determine that this tape was as genuine as the last one, harsh pants and the slap of skin breaking up a description of a triple murder that had been committed on Vlad’s order. The beauty of that one was that it mentioned Vlad by name as the one giving orders.
The first file would rock the Wizarding World, and would create an atmosphere of distrust of the ones in power that could potentially bring about a complete change in the structure of the Ministry. The second file could help bring down Vlad’s entire organization by giving the aurors and the public everything they would need to know to condemn the man. It wasn’t hard to see Vlad make all these deductive leaps. He hadn’t visibly lost his temper, but his eyes if anything had gone colder, and he had tensed. For the first time, she had him worried. The realization was almost enough to make her smile genuine. Almost.
Because she was watching him so closely, she watched as his hand twitched towards his wand. “I wouldn’t do that. After all, I would hardly have brought everything with me, now would I? These are just samples. But I have files that are similarly detailed on every client I’ve had since February. The rest are in a safe keyed to my own private password, and it has to be renewed daily. If, for some reason, someone were to try and guess the password and get it incorrect, or if I wasn’t able to renew it each day, a copy of everything in that box goes straight to the aurors, and a second copy goes straight to a contact of mine at the Daily Prophet.”
If you kill me, you’re ruined anyway.
Muscle by muscle, he forced himself to relax, placing both of his hands on top of the file on his desk. If she’d thought she’d had his full attention before, it was nothing like this. This time his gaze was a heavy weight, pressing down on her, daring her to continue to defy him. She forced herself not to flinch. This time she was the one with nearly all the cards in her hands, and they both knew it.
“Of course, the other option is to simply let me go. If you agree to destroy my contract, let me walk away from your organization, never reveal my involvement, and never ask me to return, then none of this will ever see the light of day. Our business will permanently be concluded and you walk away a lot richer. Do we have a deal?”
“You would really just walk away? Walk away from all the people who rely on you? I’d think it would be dangerous to leave them without any sort of protection. They might receive…unwanted attention.”
Kat had prepared for him to take this kind of tack with her, so she was hardly surprised. After all, that was the way he had convinced her to go along with this the last time, so why wouldn’t he think it would work again? But she wasn’t the Kat of a year ago, and he couldn’t see that. She surprised him by letting out a bitter laugh. “Who do you think you can threaten me with? There’s no one I care enough about left. This lifestyle you forced me into guaranteed that.”
“Oh, but the lovely Annette – “
“Has made her choice,” she roughly cut him off. “She’s dating one of your boys, she’s invested herself in this job, and she’s already thinking of how the Family can become her life. You want to deal with one of your own men over her, be my guest. I was a fool to make the choice I had the last time.”
“Then, of course, there’s that muggle pet you’re so fond of. Cameron. So unfortunate they don’t have any magic of their own to be able to protect themselves from people like us.”
The thought of Cam hurt the same way it always did, so Kat decided to use that pain. He could interpret it however he wanted, but he wouldn’t believe a lack of emotion on this one. So she gave him the wrong one. “Cam cut me off a long time ago. I rescued her when my stalker kidnapped her, but all she could see was that it was my fault she got put in danger. She treated me like shit. You think I really have any loyalty left for someone like that?”
That wasn’t the truth at all, but there was no way he could know that. That was just what she had been afraid would happen. She had been far too fragile to watch Cam be scared of her, and so instead she had pulled back entirely and hoped that the other girl could be happy. But the fear was strong enough for her to draw on in her lies, and this was the last thing she could do to protect someone who had once meant the world to her. She hoped it was enough.
“I see. But there’s one other who caught my eye, as she could make a stunning addition to the club. Cora, well, I suppose she’s calling herself Arlington these days. But that kind of spirit would be interesting to break.”
Cora had been the one person Kat hadn’t expected, although she supposed she should have. Vaguely, the phrase ‘calling herself Arlington’ echoed in her mind, but she couldn’t think about it. After all, she’d known that Cora had secrets. She knew that there were troubles they had never shared with each other. But right now, none of those secrets mattered as much as their survival did. So, sending up a silent apology to the girl who had been her best friend and her rock over the past year, she laughed loud and long.
“You really thought she mattered to me? Vlad, you really need to start checking your sources better. Or perhaps I’m a better actress than I thought. She was amusing, of course. And she was useful for satisfying the kind of needs your male clientele really didn’t understand. But decent sex isn’t enough to keep me on this rock when I have plans to be gone. If you really want to try and rope her in, be my guest. Although I doubt your clients would be satisfied. She’d need far too much training to make it up to the standards your other dancers set, and she has a Gryffindor’s stupidity about pragmatic situations. I’d almost be sad to miss that. But I’m still planning on being out of the country, so I’ll cope somehow.”
After her last speech, she fell quiet again, recognizing that pushing now would seem dangerous. He’d made his play for the sympathy card, and she’d made a point of having it fail. Three times she had countered it with separate arguments, enough to make it believable. She still had all of the threatening documents, and she was willing to pay him cash. They both knew that it would be more expensive and more dangerous to keep her around than it would be to let her go. But if she pushed too hard right now, she would lose him as he scrambled to save face. So, trying to hide the pounding of her heart, she watched him quietly think everything through to come to the same conclusion she had.
Finally, he looks up at her. She assumed he was going to speak, but instead he let his gaze slowly travel downwards. Down the line of her neck, over her breasts, barely pausing at the place where skirt met stockings before traveling down to the tip of her boots. Then, just as slowly, he reversed the direction of his look. His gaze felt like something physical, almost as if he was running his hands up and down her body and sizing up all of her personal attributes. He’d never looked at her this way before, and she found herself wishing he would never ever do this again. The other girls had said he didn’t have any interest in sex, and so in a way, they were safe around him. But maybe, maybe they had been wrong. And maybe she was about to find that out in the worst way.
“I see why you suggested I listen to all the conditions of your proposition. It does affect the outcome. I might have to reconsider my previous, hasty, decision.”
Kat felt something warm begin in the center of her stomach. Was this…was this hope? Was she actually going to pull this off? Of course, she had done her best to make sure that they were both in a situation where the only outcome could be the one that she wanted, but it hadn’t been remotely real until that moment that she could actually carry off this ridiculously outrageous attempt.
“Of course, there’s one aspect to your terms you forgot to mention.”
Just as quickly as hope had begun to rise, that bubble snapped and she felt the cold lick of fear. What could she have possibly forgotten? What could she have missed that he would bring it up now when she was so close to success? Refusing to let any of her changing expressions show on her face, she tilted her head. “Oh?”
“People rarely walk away from the Family like you are attempting. They often find it dangerous. But while everyone is here, we share what we earn. The good and the bad. Now how do you think it would look if people learned that everyone but me had gotten a share of you? It makes me look weak doesn’t it? And I won’t have that.”
Oh. He wanted to fuck her. After everything she had done, everything she had put up with, her bid for freedom was going to come down to her looks and sex. Just like every other damn thing in her life. It didn’t matter that she had trapped him with her knowledge and her skills of manipulation, he held just enough of the cards to make sure that he could let her go on her terms. She wasn’t going to have thought her way to freedom, or fought her way there. She was going to whore her way to freedom. Really, at this point, why was she surprised? It was all anyone ever wanted of her these days.
There was no way for her to say no. Vlad had just made it clear this was the last thing he was expecting, and then he would release her from her contract and she could turn her back on everything that had happened here. Considering how close she was to freedom, did this really take any thought at all? It was half an hour’s discomfort and humiliation against a lifetime of freedom. Considering that, why even bother to hesitate?
Just as she had made his choice for him about letting her go, he had made her choice for her about sex. So it was one last time.
She stood up and leaned against the desk. “In that case, what would you like? The blushing innocent schoolgirl who wants to walk on the wild side? The family member you aren’t supposed to touch but can’t resist? The slave girl who caters to your every whim?” As she spoke, she subtly shifted her expression and posture to showcase each character, slipping in and out of them as if they were layers of skin she could put on and take off at will. Since he’d never shown interest in her before, she had no real clues to base this off of, so all she could do was ask. He had stood up and stalked around the desk so he was facing her. “What’s your pleasure?”
Before she had time to prepare herself, he grabbed her and slammed her back against the desk, surprising a scream out of her. Instinctively, she raised her hands to try and shove him back, but he caught both of her hands. Before she could find a way to reclaim them, he had shoved them behind her, wrapping both of her wrists in one of his hands and stretching them behind her so she was forced to tilt back at an awkward angle that shoved her breasts out towards him. At the same time, he shoved one of his legs between hers so she was riding his thigh and lifted her up slightly, making sure that her feet weren’t touching the ground and only the slightest part of her ass was resting on the desk. She had no purchase at all. She couldn’t move.
She didn’t have to try and fake the hints of fear in her eyes as she struggled fruitlessly to break the grip of his hands against her wrists. She could hear the crinkle of the paper from her file as she shifted awkwardly, desperately against him, but he didn’t even flinch. Almost worse were his eyes. They were still completely cold. He was going to take advantage of her however he wanted, she was completely his, and he didn’t even look like he was excited by the idea. Instead, it seemed more just like something he was doing because of the effect it would have on her. There was no pleasure. Only power.
That brought Kat back to herself. Yes she was scared. Yes this was going to be awful and degrading. But Annette had taught her how to survive this with minimal pain, and in a strange way, she had agreed. She’d just had no idea what she had been agreeing to in the first place. But once again, it was her will against his, and she was too desperate to afford to lose. So she would survive this. She would give him exactly what he wanted, and then she would walk away. She just had to keep telling herself that.
It was a good thing she had just reached that resolution, because in that moment he reached forward and tore her shirt straight down the front. Her shocked gasp filled the room, and she squirmed against his thigh, pretending that she was trying to pull her chest back from his assessing gaze. He let go of her wrists for a moment, but before she could do anything, he yanked down her jacket and the pieces of her shirt and neatly tied up her hands. That gave him both hands free.
Instantly he sent them roaming. He would palm her breasts gently before sharply pinching her nipples. He ran his hands along her stomach, down her thighs, and up under her skirt before yanking down her stockings so they fell uncomfortably against her ankles. Throughout, she babbled whatever she came into her head, a litany of ‘no’ ‘stop’ ‘that hurts’ and anything else she could think of to accompany the physical struggle she put up against each intrusive touch.
She expected him to yank her skirt down, already planning for the way she could use that small slide to get a decent kick in – in the name of his game of course, and not for any sort of personal satisfaction – when he surprised her by simply shoving the entire thing up around her waist and tearing her underwear away from her body. She felt the cold air hit before she felt the rough fabric of his trouser leg rubbing abrasively against the sensitive inner skin, emphasizing that he was still nearly fully dressed while she was nearly naked except for the bits of clothing he had allowed her.
He unsnapped the front of her bra and bent his head down to feast roughly at her breasts. He used too much teeth, even as the hand gripping her hip began to leave bruises. Every time she adjusted her hips, she felt the fabric catch at her curls, but there was nowhere for her to pull back to. All she could do was lie there and take it.
His fingers brushed at her curls, and she assumed he was going to finger her, and she had to consciously force herself not to tense against the coming intrusion. But he didn’t. Instead, she heard the snap of a button, and she looked down in time to see him reveal his erection. Then, just as he switched him bruising attentions to her other breast, he buried himself in her to the hilt.
Her scream was only partially faked as her hips bucked against his. She’d tried to think of anything she could to get herself wet in preparation, but it hadn’t been nearly enough time and she winced as he began to steadily pound himself against her. At each stroke, she hit the edge of the desk again, and she could feel the way her ass was going to bruise after this as well. But that meant this was almost over with. She was almost through. Subtly she worked her hips so that she rode with him, easing the angle while still hiding what she was doing. Thank God for Annette. This was almost over.
That was when he raised his head and looked her in the eye again. For the first time, she caught a hint of excitement. But they were almost finished weren’t they? What else could he be hoping to do?
That was when he wrapped one of his hands around her neck. And began to squeeze. All of the control she had been carefully trying to use was instantly swamped by a fear so real and sharp, she had no defense for it. She couldn’t breathe. He was choking her and she couldn’t breathe.
Now she wasn’t planning anything. Desperately, she struggled against the bonds around her hands, kicking out with her feet and trying to find a way to scrabble at the fingers tightening fractionally against her throat. She could hear herself gasping, but soon that was drowned out by the blood pounding in her hears. He was still pounding into her, and part of her cared, but the other part of her didn’t anymore because all she wanted was to breathe.
How could she have gotten this so wrong? She’d thought she’d planned for everything, she’d thought she’d made it clear she needed to survive to make this worth his while. Instead she was going to die in this office, and the last thing she would have experienced was this awful rape play and his choking hands. The only satisfaction she could feel was that if she died here, she was taking him down with her. The entire world would know what happened inside this club, and there would be nowhere he could hide. At least her death would mean something. She would have that much. That thought gave her enough strength to snarl “Fuck you bastard” at him just as everything started to go black.
Just then, she felt him come deep inside her before he pulled out and began to paint her belly and breasts with his semen. As soon as he was done, he let go of her neck and stepped back. She couldn’t’ see what he did as she collapsed on the ground, coughing hard through her bruised throat as she tried to finally force her hands free. He must have untied them, because suddenly the pressure behind her eased and she was able to cover her mouth and brace one arm against the floor.
She had no idea how long her coughing fit lasted, but when she looked up, he was sitting behind the desk, looking as if he’d done nothing more strenuous than walk through the building. She pulled herself to her feet using the desk, and she could see the contract sitting on top of it. Waiting.
Without speaking, she reached into her purse and pulled out the promised bag of money, dropping it in front of him. She desperately wanted to repair her clothes and cover herself, but that wasn’t the point. She was getting out, but he wanted to have the last word. That meant she needed to stay exactly as he was. In continued silence, he took the bag and tucked it in his desk before lightning the contract on fire. It was a specific spell that was triggered, so nothing else on the desk was touched as the paper dissolved, and all the binding spells placed within it vanished once and for all. She was free.
That was it. He went back to going over the paperwork that was on the desk he must have straightened while she was busy rediscovering the ability to breathe, everything that had happened between them already out of his mind. At least it appeared that way.
Kat didn’t speak – she didn’t trust her bruised vocal chords to work, let alone have her brain keep up – she only repaired the clothes he had damaged so she could walk out of there without comment. Taking the file back with her, she walked out of the club for the last time, and out into the sunshine.
Outside, she was almost shocked to discover that it was just before noon. Still the morning. The street was still quiet, except for the families going out for grocery shopping. Children were laughing. A couple on the corner were gossiping about the latest trial of the Wizard Olympics. A boy tossed a dung bomb at one of his friends on the opposite street and laughed maniacally at the shouting that followed him. Owls flew overhead, delivering letters. The occasional spell drifted by. Life was going on as if nothing had happened.
She couldn’t feel any of it. It was like everything inside her had frozen. The only thing she knew for certain was that she needed to scrub herself clean, and she needed to burn these clothes. All of them. She could never wear them again. As she started to take a step forward, she realized that her legs were shaky. That wasn’t right. She couldn’t show weakness. Just because he had let her walk away so far didn’t mean he wouldn’t have some other trick up his sleeve. Kat had to be strong. That was the only way to win. She was supposed to win.
Coaching herself, she walked slowly down the street and back to the flat she had cleaned in what felt like another lifetime. As she walked in, she immediately stripped off the clothes down to the shoes and dumped them into the furnace before turning to walk away. She didn’t care who found the remnants of those clothes. She didn’t care about any of it anymore. She just wanted the feel of him off of her skin.
Once she stepped into the shower, she lost track of time again. She soaped and scrubbed at her skin once, twice, three times, four times, pushing harder at all the places where she could feel a bruise beginning to form. If it hurt, he had touched her there, and she wanted the feeling gone. She washed her hair once before scrubbing at her skin again, feeling every inch of her body becoming red and tender under the harsh ministrations, but she didn’t care. It felt like she would never be really clean again.
But when the soap was gone and the water had gone cold, she forced herself to get out of the shower and into new clothes. The time under the water had started t clear her head, enough to make her realize that she was free to go wherever she liked now, and there was no one to stop her. There were just a few final things she needed to do.
Gingerly, she sat down at one of the tables and pulled a piece of parchment and a quill towards her. Before, she hadn’t been sure she was going to do this. Final goodbye letters seemed so rite, and also they seemed a bit counterintuitive for a person doing their best to vanish without a trace. But Vlad’s words still echoed in his head, the way he had tried to play on the few connections she’d allowed herself to force her to stay as someone she didn’t want to be. She’d done her best to protect those people from him. But that didn’t mean she couldn’t make sure they would protect themselves.
Quickly she wrote the two letters she wanted to send before closing them up firmly and stowing the last of her letter writing gear. She would mail them on the way, and the letters would arrive after she had gone, saving the bother of an in person goodbye. She and Cora had already said everything that needed to be said, and they were going to continue writing each other anyway. For Felicity, this would be the last she would ever hear of the girl who had once dragged her shopping, and that was as it should be. Kat liked to imagine she would be remembered with affection and a little wonder.
She hadn’t been able to do what she wanted to in the United Kingdom. She’d barely begun to fight for women’s rights here. She hadn’t become a respected journalist or a politician, or anyone of importance outside of Hogwarts. So instead, she would become a story. Wealthy heiress disappears after the tragic death of her parents. Only a few people would know the truth, and that would be enough to keep whispers about her going. If that was the best she could do, well, it wasn’t so bad. It could be worse. She could be a body in a ditch.
She had no idea what the future would hold. She had no idea if she would be able to rediscover the passion, the joy, the love that had meant so much to her growing up. She had no idea if she would be a success in New York, or if she would fail spectacularly and spend the rest of her life hiding. There were no guarantees.
But for the first time in years, this was entirely her choice. There had been no men involved in the direction she was taking, and they weren’t going to be the most important part of her life any longer. There was no stalker, no father, and no pimp to dictate where she could go or what hours she could have when she got there. She could make that decision entirely for herself. And that was the important fact to hold onto.
Breathing deeply, she grabbed hold of her trunk and walked out of the door without a backward glance. It was time to meet Lee and start her new life.
It was time to start looking forward to it.
stormborns
snowghoul
andulkaphoto
germansingergirl
janainaart
yousharknotpass
turnnoffyourmind
