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Count Olaf: I will make you sorry you were ever born.

Lemony Snicket: FOR YOUR INFORMATION, I am already very sorry I was ever born

if you have ever peeled an onion, then you know that the first thin, papery layer reveals another thin, papery layer, and that layer reveals another, and another, and before you know it you have hundreds of layers all over the kitchen table and thousands of tears in your eyes, sorry that you ever started peeling in the first place and wishing that you had left the onion alone to wither away on the shelf of the pantry while you went on with your life, even if that meant never again enjoying the complicated and overwhelming taste of this strange and bitter vegetable.

in this way, the story of the baudelaire orphans is like an onion, and if you insist on reading each and every thin, papery layer in a series of unfortunate events, your only reward will be 170 chapters of misery in your life and countless tears in your eyes.

illustrations by brett helquist

bemstar

Toxic people will shame you for pointing out their poisonous personality and make no apologies for polluting your peace. Beware of these snakes because the only antidote for their venom is your distance.

bemstar (via bemstar)