Feelings are Complicated (genshin men x gn!reader)
You were so sure about your feelings towards Xiao and Tartaglia, but once you both began dating, you began to question yourself.
comfort to angst because im a sadist, reader thinks that xiao likes traveller (lumine), Tartaglia is referred to as Ajax for a lil bit, not beta read, i think thats all of the warnings??
Hi guys, hope you enjoy!! Just letting you know that this was a bit rushed since my phone is about to die, but i hope thats okay! Anyways, dont forget that requests are open! Bye bye!! Also sorry for not posting in a while!!
Xiao
Youve been hiding behind a baracade of feelings towards that reserved adeptus; he was strong, caring (well, youd like to think that he is), undoubtably handsome, and mysterious. Hes saved you a few times, which is one of the many reasons why he gained your love.
But, as much as you may hide your feelings, a part of you cant help but wince and wilt every time that "Traveller" interacts with him.
That traveller was kind though, she tried her best to help everyone the best way she could. All she asked for in return was for someone to help her find her brother— you felt bad for her. After all this time, she still couldnt find the one thing she wanted after helping others obtain theirs. Youve reached out to her a few times, notifying her every time you saw someone with the same description as the boy she had described as her brother.
Over all, she was such a pure soul. But you hated how that purity made Xiao seem interested in her.
You watched from behind, scowling at the interaction the two had. It seemed as though they were speaking about a recent mission they had gone on together, and you were, of course, jealous. Not openly, you watched them with a straight face. Yet on the inside, you were raging at the two speaking to each other.
"I'll see you around, then." The traveller spoke, waving goodbye to the adeptus as she turned her back and left. You stood upright behind Xiao, holding a plate of one of the few dishes Xiao barely tolerated. You knew he must be tired of the Almond Tofu that people fed him, so you wanted to give him a change. You slowly walked up to him, tapping him on the shoulder which caused him to tense up.
He swiftly turned around with furrowed eyebrows, yet upon seeing you, his face only slightly softened. "What? Is there something of urgency you require from me?" He asked, his voice hoarse. You could only hold out the dish with a small smile, as if you were holding out a peace offering.
"I made this for you. I cant imagine how exausted you must be, and i thought maybe a change in dishes might be nice." You explained as he took the plate from your hands. He stared at it for a few seconds, examining the food before picking up the fork on the side of the plate and taking a small bit of it. It was weird, you didn’t expect him to trust you with food that easily.
"This dish is... endurable." He said after finishing chewing, looking back at you. "Why did you make this for me?"
"...Well, you know..." You shrugged. "Ever since you saved me, recently, I wanted to thank you. Ive always wanted to get closer to you, in a way, and I thought the best place to start would be by offering this to you." You said, refusing to make eye contact with the man in front of you. He stared at you before huffing, facing away from you.
"I appreciate this." He said, still holding the plate. "Not many people have the confidence to approach me like you do."
You smiled and nodded. "Im grateful to have the oppritunity to speak to you." It was silent for a moment, you didnt know whether or not to continue a conversation or just to leave, so you chose the latter. "I'll take my leave now."
And with that, you left.
~~~~~~
So, after that event, you had been visiting Xiao more often, now learning that he had begun tolerating you. Its been a few years since then, and to your surprise, he started getting more comfortable around you as well.
And now you were sure of your romantic feelings you held for the yaksha, the more time you spent with him the more the feelings grew. You werent sure about him though, rather reserved he was, you were sure he would reject you in an instant.
But its best to just endure the pain of rejection, right?
It was a normal day, rather cloudy but it was warm nonetheless. You were standing in front of Xiao on the balcony of the Wangshu Inn after calling him (now accidentally finding out that calling him would make him teleport to you), a slight breeze in the wind. You stared down at the floor as Xiao watched you with confusion.
"Well? We dont have all day." He said, prompting you to speak. Today would be the day, you said to yourself, that you would finally let the man in front of you know about your feelings towards him. "Is there a certain meal you would like to give me?"
"No no, nothing of the sorts." You said, finally looking up at him. His arms were crossed as he tapped his foot in impatience. "I actually wanted to tell you something."
His eyebrows raised slightly, making you continue. "Ive been— We've been well-aquainted with each other for a long time now id say. Would you agree?"
"I agree. I know a lot about you as of now." He said.
"Yes, same goes for you. I know some things about you that you wouldnt have told me if we were... not as familiar with each other. Im glad you trust me." You said, looking back down at the ground. "But... theres things that I want to know about you that nobody else knows. I want to learn more about you, Xiao, and— I just... I think telling you how I feel would make you understand."
He only stared at you in silence, taking in what you said. However, once he finally analyzed the words that came out of his mouth, a silent yet audible gasp came out of his own mouth.
"Ex-cuse me—?!" He exclaimed, his arms flying down to his sides. "Are you implying—"
"Please just tell me if you feel the same way." You said quietly, you had a feeling that he would react badly to your confession. However, his tense body began to relax as he took a deep breath.
"...I understand what you mean. I would rather not disclose such personal information with others, yet... for some reason, I cannot help but feel the need to tell you about such private things." He said, quieting down at the last part. "I would really like to... tell you about them."
"So— do you understand what im saying?" You asked, eyebrows furrowing. He hummed before looking at you straight in the eyes.
"I believe so. And it pains my pride to say this, but, I would also like to believe that the feelings are mutual."
And so with that, you both began dating.
At first, you could only describe the feeling as, well, amazing. Youve been teased for being single for so long, but now that you have a boyfriend— now that youre dating the "vigilant yaksha", you couldnt help but tease your friends for being in such bland relationships.
However, as time slowly went on, and as duties began getting more and more important, you could start to feel something inside you just— vanish. Not instantly, but slowly, slowly it went, you didnt know what it was, but it felt different. Specifically something about Xiao. Not his physical appearance, but... you couldnt put your finger on it.
When he would greet you, whether it be with a kiss on the hand or just a simple wave, something inside you felt different. As if Xiao was suddenly just a stranger to you. You began feeling more hesitant to return those romantic feelings you felt for him all that time ago. You began feeling uncomfortable with the way he spoke to you so differently than he did with common passerby's. And you began to feel sorry that you restricted the communication between Xiao and the Traveller. You had told Xiao that you were uncomfortable with how oddly eager he was to speak to the girl, so he stopped. But now it didnt feel right.
You sat on your bed, hands clenching the sheets below you. Your legs kicked back and forth as thoughts about your current relationship swam around in your head like a floatie in water. Your eyes were glued to the wooden floor— if they didnt know what you were thinking about, people wouldve just thought you were in deep concentration.
"Y/n." Xiao said, snapping you out of your thoughts. He stood by the door to your bedroom. "Are you alright?" You nodded as he made his way towards you.
"Yeah, just... you know, thinkin' about stuff." You shrugged as he sat down beside you, the mattress sinking as his weight was placed ontop of it.
"I see. You've been acting different. I cannot understand how, but something about you has been ticking me off, in a way." He said, his voice sounded as if he were angry. You looked at him and frowned.
"Im sorry, ive been gathered in my thoughts lately." He only huffed in response.
"Its whatever. I just, wanted to know if there was something wrong." He said, turning towards you. "Is there?"
"No, no! Everything is okay." You smiled, your hands coming up to your chest in defense. "Please dont worry about me. Are you okay?"
"Well of course i am." He said, his eyebrow raising. "If thats all, though, I'll take my leave."
Xiao then leaned in to hug you, his arms wrapping tightly around your torso. Yet, as you hugged back, that missing component came back again. Something about him— about the hug, about your relationship, was missing.
It was the warmth you had felt for him.
Tartaglia
He tried to please you as much as he could. He tried and tried, and he often succeeded. Giving you affection, buying you the finest accesories he could manage to afford— he was a giver.
And you loved it about him. Thats not the only thing you loved about him, of course, but it wad one of the many things. How generous he was, how thoughtful and kind. How much he cared for his family, for you. He always managed to make you feel like you were the only ones in the world, with how much spoil he gave you.
Even though his position as a harbinger made you rather upset, you knew it was against his choice. You were able to see the Ajax underneath the "Childe" and "Tartaglia" people normally saw, which helped you understand that he really wasnt a bad guy.
You loved him, a lot. Thats why you confessed of course— he did all of these kind things for you, and you fell for him. And luckily, the feelings were mutual.
Yet, for some odd reason, something had been bothering you recently. Ajax hadnt changed really, only the patterns of when he leaves the house and when he comes back. But even then its not very different— you know he isnt cheating on you due to how devoted he is to his family, you included— so why is that pit of emptyness lying where the love is supposed to be?
~~~~~~
You lay flat on your back, staring at the ceiling as you laid on your and Ajax's shared bed. He was asleep, recently coming home from Fatui duties that you had no interest in. Something was bothering you, making you unable to sleep tonight. Your eyes were wide open as they glared holes into the ceiling of the bedroom, thoughts you had were unable to be remembered.
You shifted your leg upwards, the blanket lifting along with it. As you did so, the covers optop of Ajax moved as well, causing a slight stirr in his sleep, he was always such a light sleeper. Your head slowly faced the male next to you, his peaceful resting face made you slightly smile. He had always been so kind, ignoring the side of him that, for some odd reason, likes the thrill of fighting. Despite that, whenever he came home, he always made sure to hug you, ask about your day, shower, eat, and go to bed with you.
Maybe that was the problem? You were tired of your guys' routine? It made since— you both had been dating for a long time now, no wonder why youve been so bored. You just needed to switch things up a bit.
Your body fully faced Ajax now, the blankets shifting with you again, causing him to move once more, his eyes slowly blinking open.
"...Y/n? Youre moving so much..." He said, voice raspy and sleepy. You lightly chuckled and shook your head.
"Cant sleep, im sorry. Would you perfer if i moved around on the couch instead?" Ajax breathily laughed in response, finding your shoulders and pulling you close to him.
"I never said it was a problem, now did I? I might even say that I happen to enjoy when you shift around in bed." He said, a small smile on his face. You hugged his torso as he once again pulled the covers over the both of you. "However, usually you dont move around at night this much. Is something bothering you?"
"Oh, no. I think theres just too many thoughts going around in my head. I cant seem to focus on sleeping." You said, cuddling more into his chest. He hummed, his hand resting on your back.
"Do you wanna talk about it?"
"Mm, nah. You have to get up early tomorrow, you should just go back to bed."
A moment of silence passed until you heard a silent scoff from Ajax.
"Fine, i think i will, then."
After that conversation ended, you noticed that the emptiness that was once there was filled again. Maybe it was just because you needed a bit more closeness to Ajax? That could be it. That had to be it.
The next morning, you woke up to your head still ontop of Tartaglia's chest, his embrace still tight around you. He could feel you squirm around as you tried to leave, causing him to wake up.
"Did i wake you up? Sorry," You muttered, still moving around. Tartaglia chuckled and let you go, you took a large breath of relief. It felt like you had been trapped in his hug for hours.
"You did, but i forgive you." He smiled, gazing into your eyes. You pursed your lips and sat up, looking around the room.
It was there again, that feeling of emptiness. Like there was a missing component— still, you couldnt tell what.
"Are you alright? You look like youre staring into the abyss or something." The male beside you asked, putting his hand on your shoulder. "Is something wrong?"
"No, not at all." You said, gently taking his hand off your shoulder as you then sat silently on e again. You were focused on trying to figure out what made you feel so... different.
"Hm, i doubt that but, alright? Anyways," He said, yawning and stretching before lifting himself out of bed. "While you... do that, im gonna go shower. 'Gotta go to Inazuma today." He said, his voice tinted with sadness. You frowned as he turned his back, but for some reason, it felt like you didnt mean it. That you didnt mean to frown.
"Aw, alright. Have fun," You said, staring at his back as it shrunk further into the distance. You squinted your eyes, staring straight into the hallway of your home. It wasnt a physical change, you know that much. So was it an emotional change?
You hadnt even realized how long you had sat glaring daggers into the hallway until a tap on your shoulder jolted you back into reality.
"Are you good?" Tartaglia asked, his eyebrow raised in confusion. "Stop staring at the hallway like it did something to you."
"Sorry... Its just— something feels off. Dont you feel it too?" You asked, looking up at the male next to you. He gazed back at you, staring straigbt into your eyes until his own suddenly widened.
"Oh my god— i think i know what you mean!" He said, an exaggerated gasp leaving his mouth. Your eyes widened with him.
"Really? What do you think the feeling is?"
"I think the feeling is—!" He said, cutting himself off as his face relaxed. "Youre delusional—!"
"Ajax, what the hell?!" You slapped his arm, your face in an angry expression. He only laughed, very loud as well, at your reaction.
"Im sorry— im sorry! No, i dont know what youre feeling. But we can talk about it if you want?" He said, sitting down next to you. You shrugged in response as you felt the weight of his body make the matress shift.
"Eh, i dont know how to explain it though." You sighed. It was silent for a moment, before Tartaglia let out a small "Hm" noise.
"Welp, dont know how to help ya' there." He smiled, wrapping an arm around your shoulder. "But i hope you figure it out."
"Thanks," You sighed, looking at him. He quickly leant in to leave you a kiss on your cheek before standing up to leave.
"No problem. I'll see you soon, alright? Take care, i love you." He announced, already in the middle of the hallway.
"..." You stayed silent. Something in your mind, in your body, was stopping you from saying those three words, "love you too". Why? Were yoy getting a sore throat? Did you lose your voice?
You touched the spot where he kissed on your cheek. It felt as if nothing were there. Of course, molecules from his mouth and germs stuck there but, it was something else. Feeling-wise, nothing was there. It that why? Is that why you felt so different lately?
Has your feelings for the harbinger gone away?