questionnaire on girlhood (read this, if you would, with your ankles crossed).
at what age did you stop wearing v-necks? at what age did you stop wearing shirts with graphics on them to prevent what? i was just reading it. at what age did you no longer wear “loud prints”. at what age did you resent a dress?
when you threw up, was it across the street from where you put your belly? did you ever skip lunch. when collapsing your ribs in the mirror, was it your mother’s voice in your head, or your own? could you laugh loudly or did you watch yourself laughing and worry about it. did you ruin your own hair at any point. how often did you say - oh, i hate mine and mean your body/spirit/mind.
how often were you not allowed access to girlhood. were you ever comfortable in locker rooms; were you ever comfortable at all. could you look at other girls without worrying you were looking too long. could you be a girl and belong. could you be a girl without flinching. could you be a girl without apology. did you have to be an apology so loudly it seemed delicate, sweet, raw.
how often are you yourself, and how often are you just beside of your body. do you fix your hair in the middle of your zoom meetings. do you worry you don’t cry beautifully. is it a meeting of your teeth or is it a hiss. are you alone? when was the last time you broke, and did you hide it?
can you be home, or are you in unstable ribs. can you be safe. can you ever unhear the moon. can you pray loud enough. is the altar her skin, or is it inside you? is this enough. are you going, too.
are you okay? no, really, are you?
