On Holidays and Recovery:
Reminders & Tips to Stay Grounded
I. “Take care of yourself.”
If you’re struggling with an eating disorder - especially if you’re in recovery - self care is probably one of the most overused phrases you know. Everyone tells you that putting yourself first and taking it one day at a time is all you can do. If you’re anything like me, then you’ve probably asked yourself what the hell that even means multiple times per day. How is it possible to take care of yourself when you have a disorder that opposes the entire concept of self care?
Holiday gatherings with family can be tough. Before your next meal, try to put your energy into one action that will make you feel a little more confident. Highlight your face, define your eyebrows, paint your nails, or do your hair. If makeup isn’t your thing, then take a bubble bath or use a body scrub. Give yourself anywhere from 30 minutes to 2 hours of YOU time. This is essential if you’re going to be around friends/family throughout the holiday season.
II. “Don’t take it personally.”
Why is it that the people who love you most feel the need to say the most thoughtless things? One of your aunts might comment on your weight, or your new piercings, or your hair, clothes, etc. One of you friends might get so excited about the new diet she’s on and tell you all about her post-holiday workout plans. Something I’ve learned is that you just have to assume the people in your life have good intentions.
You are your own worst critic. There is nothing someone else can say that will surpass everything eating disorder hasn’t already caused you to believe about yourself up until this point. However, the words of others can add fuel to the fire. Guess what, though? You took that time (hell yeah you did, and you deserve it) for self care and no matter what your friends/family say, tell yourself something positive to counteract their words. Your grandma doesn’t like what you’ve done with your hair or that you’re wearing yoga leggings again? Cool for your granny. Also, you’ve got some bomb eyebrows or really smooth skin as a result of you 30 minutes - 2 hours of you time. Roll your eyes at your family, scream internally, step outside for some air. Your feelings are valid, but for the sake of your sanity, take a rain check on processing them. You can and will get through this meal.
III. “Acknowledge that you’re trying.”
Having an eating disorder is an everyday battle, and it’s about so much more than food. You didn’t choose to be sick and you are so much more than your fears, insecurities, and doubts. I promise. Goals for holiday meals are great, but do you know what’s even better? Effort.
I know that everyone does not feel at home or safe with friends and family. If that sounds like you, then I hope that you will still find a way to apply this last piece of advice: try to find one thing to be grateful for. One. The sunrise you saw in the car on your way to see family, the cute snaps from your friends, the support from your recovery family on tumblr, or the sound of your little brother’s laughter. The feeling of a warm mug of tea and sitting on a soft couch after dinner, knowing that even if it was hard, you tried.
I know that the holidays are scary and there is nothing more threatening to your disorder than feeling like you’re being watched, judged, or forced into a part of recovery you may not be ready for. I swear your are not alone. You have gotten through every holiday to date, and that’s pretty rad. You will get through today, too.
You are not alone. If you catch yourself doubting this fact, take a deep breath and remember that someone out there cares about you so much.
You can do this. We can do this. Happy holidays. ♥
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