BEING MORBID @kaylamorbid - Tumblr Blog

I want to feel you. In ways nobody ever has.

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Some of us excrete love as naturally as the sun gives off heat.

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Wear your growth proudly.

We all eventually bloom.

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New non-amateur set available! I can’t believe how beautiful this set turned out- I worked with a photographer for the first time in a VERY long time and it was well worth it.

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“Be still, you soft soul- for the end is where

we begin.”

— words to remember

The Curse

She was a giver, always pouring too much love.

Never realizing that watering a rock

wont make it soft.

Thank you.

For giving up on me and not giving me what I gave you. You taught me how to survive on my own and how to be independent. You forced me to find myself again without you. I went from questioning absolutely everything you hated and feeling like I wasn’t good enough to learning how to love all the parts that didn’t make sense to you and embrace who I am. I was too hard on myself and I forgot how to be soft, how to be kind, how to be human. To myself, of all people.

Thank you for lying. You taught me that no matter how honest and genuine one can appear, people can still lie directly to their face. People will not reciprocate true honesty if it’s not going to serve them well. You taught me that some people can fake whole relationships or entire friendships just to keep the person around. To keep that kind of attention they crave. To have someone stroke their ego when it’s bruised.

Thank you for never fighting for me the way I fought for you. You taught me that fighting for things that are not meant for me is nothing but a waste of time and energy. You taught me that trying to convince someone to love you will never work. You taught me that when it’s right, both hearts will move. It will be simple. It will be less complicated. You taught me that it’s impossible to change someone’s heart.

Thank you for letting me go because you gave me the chance to know exactly what I want and what kind of love I need. I know what I’m after now. You made room for someone better to come along. You taught me the importance of self-love and how it protects me from people like you. Thank you for letting me go because you made me hold on to the only person I really need in my life, and the only person that will never do me wrong — me.

It’s just....

So complexing. Life. In general. The whole concept of stability... I mean, does it even exist? I sit here as a twiddle my thumbs, overthinking absolutely every aspect of my daily life. But the thing is, it’s stable. For once. And that’s what I don’t understand...what I don’t understand is perfection. The concept of my life going in the direction I want it to. When my life starts to do this, I immediately brace for impact because that is entirely what I am used to. When things go good, they go bad. That is a fact and it happens always. It’s inevitable. And it’s not that I want to have such a pessimistic outlook.. but I can’t help it. Everytime I’ve ever been at my highest, something would make me crash down into my lowest, and it’s a cycle I have no control over. I am constantly on edge because happiness never lasts and I am most definitely conditioned to feel this way. I believe in my heart that happiness can last, but my brain is telling a completely different story based off experience. And it’s almost like it puts itself into its lowest anyways- so nobody else can put me there. It’s almost better that way. I know how the world works and I know how people are, and I am self aware enough to know myself. This is an everlasting loop that never quite ends- and I fear so deeply that I will feel like this for the rest of my life. That everyone is out to get me and that everyone will eventually hurt me- that my feelings come last and I am least important. After all... every single person in my life HAS hurt me and I really do feel this way about how everyone eventually will. That the world will forever be painful, no matter what or who is in it. I want so badly to feel truly secure and put my full trust into people but every little thing weighs on me as if I’m being drowned. Suffocated, with my head barely above water. I often wonder what the point even is and if “this” is even worth it at this point- and then my brain takes me back to the spurts of true happiness I feel around certain people and their energy. But even then, I’m so petrified by my past and every little detail of it- and I end up craving distance. Distance means safety... I’m not exactly sure how, but it does. If I get less attached, that’s less things will hurt me, and the less I’ll think myself into hurting my own feelings.