Kay Writes Words

[kaywriteswords]

Love your body, Love yourself, Love your life 5/13/2020

Welcome to the most inconsistent blog you’ll ever read. Meh, As always, I am what I am. It seems like every week or even every day I’m diving deeper into my being, stripping away those things that while they may have seemed important or relevant at one point, aren’t really in the grand scheme of things. So, what am I backtracking on this week? The online class of course! Currently lowest on the priority list, I’ll do it eventually. I absolutely find it mentally stimulating and challenging, but giving it time as part of my daily routine is not something I can do right now. But why? Because I find it to be more of a burden on my time and creative pursuits than I initially thought it would be. I’ve done this before, gotten really excited about doing something new only to get bored with the routine of actually having to do it.  I find myself in the same trap of trying to do too much and doing nothing as a result. This whole online class thing started as a way for me to put tangible skills on my resume. Check that one off the list because I did finish the first class I took. I thought I would roll right into the second, but nah, I don’t really want to, and guess what? That’s okay.

Most of us are in the habit of over scheduling ourselves because of good old FOMO (Fear Of Missing Out, for those of you who may not know) and also because we always want to do and be more. What ends up happening is a constant state of being overwhelmed leading to burnout. I didn’t come to this realization lightly, I spent hours on the couch last week watching TV. While laying there, I knew I should have been writing, taking class, exercising, but I just wouldn’t. So, I laid there some more and didn’t just mindlessly watch TV, I asked myself what it was about the schedule I had planned for myself that made it so easy to blow off, it was because once again, I had scheduled something that served as more of a distraction than a goal. I feel great right now. Because this is the trap I had fallen into at other times in my life and thanks to all work I’ve done on myself in the last couple years, I can now make that connection with my past and refocus my energy before wasting too much time. So, I took the eraser to my calendar and removed the blocks for the online class and smiled.

My initial go to was that I lacked discipline, but I don’t think that was the case. Discipline has been a recurring theme for me in 2020 because I previously didn’t have any. I did whatever I wanted on every whim. No more. Now that I’m fully focused on my health goals and writing every day, life is pretty great. I don’t know what comes next, but I plan to keep on sharing my journey. Especially because tracking my weight and reporting back on healthy habits holds me accountable to actually doing those things. Plus, it’ll be fun to look back one day and see the kind of progress I’ve made.

<Weekly Wednesday Weigh-in: 207.6>     

<Weight Change Since Last Week: -0.8>

Quarantine continues to gift me with the ability to eat as horribly as I want. Today was the first time I stepped foot inside a grocery store in over a month. I’ve been making due with the non-perishables on hand, ordering take-out, and sending my husband to the store with a small list. I watched a sad video of a cow crying while trying to back away from being pushed into the slaughterhouse and now I’m having issues with eating beef. The only upside to that is at least I’ve cut down slightly on my red meat intake. I’m going to continue to monitor my diet. Hubby and I already agreed the amount of take-out has been excessive so maybe I’ll try to get crafty with meal prep for the coming week? We’ll see. At the very least, I bought my salad stuff today so I can get back in the routine of having salad for one meal a day. Ever seen the episode of Seinfeld where Elaine asks for a big salad? That’s what I’m talking about. No dainty meals here. I love to eat!!

Just incase you’re wondering, I am still jogging regularly. And yup, it’s still the worst. We’re a year overdue on buying our new bikes so now we’ll get to contribute to the current bike boom that I’ve heard about. We’ll look like we’re participating in the current fad, but I assure you I am a lifelong biker and the delay in replacing my previous one is just another thing that I love to procrastinate on. Bike riding is the best and as soon as I have my new bike, I will jog no more. I eagerly anticipate that day, which could be as soon as this week. Yay!

Perhaps the most important aspect of an overall healthy lifestyle is loving yourself and spending time doing things that make you happy. So, after stripping down all the layers, I’m getting down to what I really love and what makes me happy. It feels wonderful and light and free. 

Future posts in this series can be found at my new site: https://kaywriteswords.wordpress.com/

[kaywriteswords]

Love your body, Love yourself 5/6/2020

Loving myself is a daily practice. It comes in the form of building daily habits that contribute to my health & wellness. Over the course of the last several weeks, I’ve gone in many different directions on what I choose to focus on for a given week. Having to practice social distancing and with nowhere to go, it gave me the opportunity to randomly try different things. I’ve tried to stick to a schedule and I’ve tried not to schedule anything. Neither of those worked. So, I logged what I was doing hour by hour for about the last month. It’s not as OCD as it sounds. My nifty day planner breaks down by the hour from 6am to 8pm so it was more like fill-in the blank. The only thing I know for sure is I watch way too much TV. So, another plan, just for the month of May while shelter in place continues. I’ve blocked off sections of my day for different things, the three most important things I’m doing right now: exercise, writing and my online class. Sure, there are plenty of other things I need to do and they will continue to get done, but even in just the last few days that I’ve been trying this, I’ve accomplished a lot more.

Yesterday was the first day I tried to meditate in I don’t know how long. It was alright. It’s something that while I believe it’s important, I still manage to forget it. So I made myself a little reminder note to help build the habit. I also haven’t been stretching as often as I should. The benefits of stretching are ingrained in me. I know them because I have felt them and it’s just another one of those things that I seem to forget to do. So, I made a little reminder note for that too. I’ve found that having a visual helps these things click in the brain, much like the post-its that I put on my hubby’s snacks. Side note: sometimes I don’t put the notes on all his snacks because I want to eat some of them. I am what I am. 😊

<Weekly Wednesday Weigh-in: 208.4>     

<Weight Change Since Last Week: -3>

I’m going to give myself a pat on the back for getting 4 sweaty workouts in this week. That’s one of the fitness habits that I want to maintain on a weekly basis. First week down, forever to go. Okay, forever is not realistic, but at least for the foreseeable future that will be my target each week. Since I started jogging, I’m able to hit that number with no problem. I am patiently waiting for the day I can take classes at the gym again. I’ll never neglect my ability to go to cardio kickboxing and Zumba each week because without them I jog, and jogging is still the worst. Despite my deep despise for jogging I’m actually motivated to do it while it’s my only option.

For the coming week, I’m going to continue to follow my block schedule, focusing on my current top three: exercise, writing, online class. Exercise for my physical health. Online class for my mental health. And writing, because it is my passion and I should be doing it every day. You would think if you love something so much you would just do it, but there are so many external factors that impact us in ways we don’t even know. Shelter-in-place has alleviated some of those external circumstances giving all us non-essentials the ripe opportunity to peel back the layers and get down the nitty gritty of what fuels the fire deep in our souls.

[kaywriteswords]

Laughs at a Funeral

The mood was somber, tissues dabbing wet eyes, noses being blown, whispered words of comfort. Being a friend supporting a friend and not a grieving a family member, I shared my condolences and politely moved to the back of the room. I sat, watching the scene in front of me. Hugs, crying, children too young to understand using the rows of chairs as some kind of obstacle course. Another friend arrived, spotting me from across the room and following the same path past the casket toward me.

“When did you get here?”

“Just a few minutes ago.”

She sat down next to me and we waited quietly. For what exactly, I’m not really sure. Funerals are weird. I never quite know how I’m supposed to behave. Having a history of being the fun friend, the one who keeps things light, grim condolences and quiet moods make me uncomfortable.

I turned toward my friend. “Did you say anything to her?”

“Sorry for your loss. The usual.”

“I never get why people are always saying sorry. We didn’t have a hand in this death so why are we sorry?”

We continued to sit in almost silence while the family and other mourners moved around us. The kids continued to play. A gentlemen holding a Bible walked in and after a brief chat with the family of the deceased, headed to the front of the room and stood next to the casket.

“Hello. Hello. Could everybody please make their way to their seats?”

I shared a shocked glance with my friend. We specifically came toward the end of the viewing to miss exactly this. After several years of Catholic school, we are very much over religion, but we went through the motions of the prayer service anyway. They asked if anybody wanted to say any kind words before ending the service. The family welcomed all. The siblings all took a turn, standing side by side next to the casket in front. Considering they had just lost their father, they mostly seemed to be holding it together well. All except for the oldest sister who had spent the last several months back in California working her very important job. While the other siblings had flocked to his beside, she had refused, stating she just couldn’t leave work. The regret of that choice was clearly written all over her face and in the next thing that happened.

As the priest wrapped up and said a final farewell, she lost it. Her heaving sobs were drawing all the attention. This was the guilt of a missed final good-bye, and for nothing better than a job. And in one moment, the somber mood that seemed to course throughout the room changed to a mix of emotions… confusion, worry and for the least austere among us, namely myself, silent laughter shook our bodies. For in one movement, the eldest sister threw herself over her father’s body in the casket and as she heaved her sob, the casket shook and the lid fell down upon her, pinning her to her dead father’s chest.

I regained composure, the eldest sister was rescued from her prison and the room quieted down to it’s somber mood once more with tissues dabbing wet eyes, noses being blown and whispered words of comfort.

[kaywriteswords]

Despite the rise, I take this weight gain as a win!

<Weekly Wednesday Weigh-in: 211.4>    

<Weight Change Since Last Week: +3.4>

Something ridiculous is going on. My weight continues to go up and I just had a good week. My diet remains inconsistent because of quarantine and not wanting to go into the grocery store so I eat a lot of take-out and the rest is whatever is available in the house. I had to stop cooking because I am so done with doing dishes it’s not even funny, I needed a break. I worked out too, more than usual, and I even did the thing I hate most, I jogged. Jogging is THE WORST! Keep your runner’s high to yourself, LOL, because all I feel is pain. Alas, without my weekly gym classes, I just wasn’t getting the cardio that I need to drop pounds. So why, on the week that I finally feel accomplished, do I see my weight trend in the wrong direction? Ahhh, well the only thing I can say is that’s probably that age old truth about muscle weighing more than fat. I have been using free weights at home and doing strength training, cardio is what I’ve been lacking for probably all of quarantine and maybe even some weeks before that too. Now that it’s been reintroduced I’m hoping to see the positive results I’ve been searching for. My war on cardio continues this week. Now if it would just stop f*cking raining so I can be outside that would be great.

[kaywriteswords]

Love your body, Love yourself 4/22/2020

It’s been a great week of growth and progress. I’ve found more balance in my days as the last week went on. I’ve prioritized three things: exercise, writing and an online class I’m taking. Mental stimulation is just as important to self-care as physical activity and a proper diet so I’m learning basic webpage design. I’ve gotta say it’s pretty cool. And because it’s a whole lot of information to take in, it’s helping me structure my days along with the several dog walks because I need breaks for all that knowledge to absorb. Full disclosure, there was a day I didn’t walk my dog, *gasp*. Always a work in progress, never a completed project, LOL.

I also took the time to make a list, just for reference, on the habits I want to break and change. It’s like 8 items long so I won’t bore you with it here, but it’s also given me a chance to create some focus in what I’m doing each day. Since I needed to figure out what is really going to motivate this evolution, I paid attention to what helped me to reach my goals and what caused a distraction.

I love a clean and organized home. When I start with my day without chaos reigning all over the apartment it tends to be a much more peaceful start. It also allows my focus to be on what it needs to: health & wellness. If I’m not worrying about needing to wipe everything down with Clorox wipes, tackling a mountain of dishes and picking up everything laying around the house, I can focus on what really matters.

Vision boards are amazing. Looking at mine keeps me focused on what the life plan is, it’s another thing that I constantly add to and adjust, just depending on what’s most important at the time and how future plans change. It reminds me of the plans I made for myself and also serves as a daily reminder for what I should be doing.

<Weekly Wednesday Weigh-in: 208.0>     

<Weight Change Since Last Week: +2.4>

This past weekend was like Chicago’s greatest hits… beef sandwich, pizza and wings, Mexican food… it was great for my mouth and my happiness, but I have eaten so much red meat lately it’s horrible. It’s probably one of the barriers to my weight-loss. I’m no nutritionist so I could never say for sure, but the sluggishness has to be related to the amount of animal fats I consume on a regular basis. Alas, this coming week, I hope to shift my eating habits to slightly less animal based consumption. Hopefully that will have positive results. I did start the week strong with workouts, tailing off the last few days. Consistency and regularity are what I need here. My plight for physical activity continues this week.

The online class and regular dog walks will help provide structure this week. My three main priorities each day are: writing, exercise and doing my homework. This will give me a daily focus and also hopefully prevent further Netflix binging (until a new season of one of my shows is released, of course!) If you feel like you’re just floating around and not getting anything done, try starting with one “must-do” per day. Once you’ve got that in a good flow, add something else. Everything in moderation is key to a balanced lifestyle.

This isn’t just about what I’m doing right now. It’s about building good habits now so when I take the next steps with my career, the self-care habits are already in place. I’m worried about future corporate burn-out, but if my good habits are in place before I take that burden on again, I’m hoping it won’t be so bad.

[kaywriteswords]

Love your body, Love yourself 4/15/2020

The thing about changing our habits is that we have to first acknowledge the behaviors we want to change. Once we’ve done that, it will hopefully allow for a little more self-awareness. Being aware of a behavior we are trying to change in the moment is the first step to making the preferred lifestyle choice.

We can’t do everything every day, that would be impossible. But if we set aside certain times at regular intervals that will help build habits. I bought the loveliest day planner for this year that breaks down Monday through Friday by hour. This was great when I needed to keep track of when I would be out of the house so I could plan accordingly. It also kept me accountable to things like working out and meal prep because I was designating time in advance for these things. Under normal circumstances, most of us have a daily routine or schedule that we follow. While we’re sheltering-in-place, all the days seem to run together, there are no weekends and the regular daily routines seem non-existent. What I ended up with were a bunch of empty days where nothing was getting done because while nothing is going on, I had endless time to follow any whim. That didn’t work out too great because I still wasn’t being productive. To help myself, instead of scheduling my day, I keep track of what I’m doing each day.  This gives me the opportunity to see exactly what I am spending my time on and as the days go on I can focus on what hasn’t been given enough time on a certain day or during the week as a whole.

I had another go at meditation this past week. I tried it a few times and what I found is that music does help. I listened to some soothing beach sounds and classical, basically music without any words. There words cause a bit of a distraction and trying to reach a certain number of minutes was causing me to countdown in my mind, a distraction. So I quit the clock and instead just focused on my breathing and dismissing thoughts to clear my mind. That worked a lot better. The struggle I have is once I realize I’m thinking a thought, I’ve already thought the thought and interrupted the thoughtlessness I’m supposed to be feeling. So, not setting a time boundary on trying to meditate and just focusing on the quality of a few breathes, or even just one, resulted in something much more healing. Classical music has actually been great. When I’m trying to write or focus on something, not just any old music will do. Rock and Roll is good for cleaning and shenanigans, but the wordlessness of classical allows for a clearer mind to focus on the task at hand.

<Weekly Wednesday Weigh-in: 205.6>     

<Weight Change Since Last Week: +0.4>

My weight remained relatively unchanged while I got myself back in the routine of actually working out at home. I got a few workouts in this past week, but the intensity could and should be higher. I’m well past the point of mild workouts to build up endurance. The endurance is there. What I’m lacking here at home is the motivation to actually exercise and not just binge watch TV while snuggling my dog. My diet continues to be about what’s available and not necessarily about choice. Although, I did technically go out and buy these things, I find myself also eating a lot of what my husband leaves left over, and that guy eats like a teenager. This comes from a deep, almost unyielding urge to not waste food. That’s not to say I’ve never thrown food out, but every time I do I actually feel bad. People starve to death everyday around the world so what does it say about my privilege if I can just toss perfectly good food in the trash?

That’s another issue to unpack another day… Try to find what motivates you this week, my lovelies. That’s what I’m going to work on too.

[kaywriteswords]

Love your body, Love yourself 04/08/2020

The best part about trying to do something for yourself is you don’t have to follow anybody’s rules except your own and you can change the rules at any time. Setting firm goals each week hasn’t been a fruitful endeavor for me. It’s been mostly disappointing as I repeatedly don’t reach them. So, why I am I even doing this? Some days I don’t even know. What I do know is that we only get the one body and in the vision I have for my best life, my body is well cared for. What else I know is there isn’t just one good thing for your body, it’s a combination of efforts on multiple fronts. Tackling them all can be daunting especially because it seems like new good things for your body pop up all the time. I guess it’s all about trial and error. What works for one person won’t necessarily work for another either. Our bodies are as unique as snowflakes.

I hit the reset button last week. No plan, no goals, just floating from task to task, doing what I felt like. I ate whatever, whenever. I exercised when I had the energy. It was aimless, but necessary. It was exactly what I needed both physically and mentally. A week of no expectations. The result being that I came out of it more motivated than ever to continue to evolve.

<Weekly Wednesday Weigh-in: 205.2>

<Weight Change Since Last Week: +2.8>

After maxing some of hubby’s chips and dip during my shows on Thursday, I finally did the thing I’ve been saying I’m going to do and put the post-it’s on his snacks. They actually worked because the next time I went hunting for treats I completely avoided his. My food choices continue to be interesting as I try to limit trips to the store and time inside them as much as possible. I’ll never take for granted again the ability to go to the grocery store every few days to pick out what I have a craving for. Working with what I’ve got has been fun, but the other way was definitely better.

My dog continues to get an abundance of walks, he’s living his best life almost never being home alone anymore. I would imagine all dogs are living their best lives right now with all the humans home. I did manage to sweat once this week. I so badly miss the sauna at the gym. I think of all the times when I was too lazy to go. Never again! I’m sure there are a lot of us right now with some pretty lofty post-quarantine things we’re “going to do all the time” so let’s hope that when things do eventually get to whatever our new normal is going to be that all those “going to do’s” actually happen.

I do need some kind of direction as I continue on this self-care journey. Everything I do along the way will be in the name of mind & body wellness. So, the lifestyle habits I want to build toward are:

·       Nurturing my body both inside and out

·       Get down to the weight I consider healthy (160/170 lbs)

·       Four sweaty work-out sessions per week, 2 rest days of restorative yoga

·       Regular meditation

I’ve used the word goal a lot in the past, but changing your lifestyle doesn’t necessarily have a finish line. Self-care is a choice we make every day. Each and every day I will make choices in an effort to care for myself in the best way possible. I hope you do too. 😊

[kaywriteswords]

F*ck! I put on too much perfume...

Downstairs in the employee common area, I spritz on perfume after changing out of my work clothes into my evening clothes. Fuck! I forgot there’s no ventilation down here and I just spritzed like 8 times. This isn’t the kind of perfume you should overdo. Ugh, now I’m going to be that girl. The one everybody thinks is trying too hard. Oh well, can’t undo that now. Hopefully I air out some on the walk back upstairs. Maybe they won’t even notice.

Approaching my coworkers back by the cubicles, I try to casually slide into the group. Uh-oh, John is staring at me. I bet he can smell me. Crap, now Dave is staring too. I definitely sprayed too much.

John’s curiosity got the better of him. “Did you put on perfume?”

“Just a bit,” I replied, nonchalant. Dave continued to say nothing, but shared a glance with John that clearly conveyed their mutual agreement that I had put on more than just a bit of perfume.

I’ll just wait them out. Neither one of them will say anything. It would be rude to point out the strong scent of roses that seems to be forming an invisible cloud around me.

Other people join us, but nobody else says a thing. Social protocol dictates that they pretend they don’t notice the smell. People are always so worried about offending other people that most would rather not say anything at all. That is what saves me now. I’ll just wait them out and hope there are some strong winds on our walk to the bar.

And if not… Fuck it. Once I have a few drinks I won’t even care anymore.

[kaywriteswords]

Snacks are good, Self-care is better

You might have noticed the title change and that my pic isn’t just my fun socks and a scale. I couldn’t decide on a  new official blog title so you can expect randomness until I land on one that I love. I’m changing it because weight is not the only thing that matters. When I first started all this, dropping pounds was the primary focus with the hope that other lifestyle changes would follow as I worked toward that goal.  Tracking pounds is measurable, it made sense, but after 5 weeks, it’s kind of stale and not much fun. Some goals aren’t quantifiable, they’re just a feeling. I had way more fun this week practicing self-care by focusing on my skin care routine and attempting meditation. And guess what, while I was doing all that I had less time for snacking, YEAH! This was always supposed to be about total health and wellness, a change of lifestyle. It will take time and I’m willing to give it time, but sharing the journey with all of you keeps me focused on my evolution and accountable to working toward it.

<Weekly Wednesday Weigh-in: 202.4>                                                         <Total Weight Change: +1.8>                                                               <Fluctuation Since Last Week: -2.4>

Amazingly, my weight has trended back down in the last week. Portion control wasn’t great. I cleared half a tray of lasagna one night. Honestly, all I did was cut snacking down by about half for this result. To be clear, I still ate hot cheetos and pounded down half a pack of oreos, a few other things here and there, but significantly less than what I’ve been having in recent weeks. I gave myself a hearty pat on the back for this progress because seriously, I’m subconsciously heading to the fridge and pantry when I sit down to watch TV. It’s almost involuntary. I have to retrain my brain, dissociate watching TV and eating. Now that I’m aware boredom is guiding me, I ask myself two questions: 1. Why are you looking for food? 2. When is the last time you ate?

My workouts matched my intensity levels from the previous week so another pat on the back for consistency. I did get some exercise in 6 out of 7 days, WOOHOO! My pursuit of daily exercise continues again this week with the long-term goal being that I can get an intense, sweat filled session in 5 days/week with two days for yoga spaced accordingly. If I sweat 3 days per week at this point, that would be a win. The yoga has been hard to incorporate. For some reason, leading yourself in a flow is much harder to accomplish than following an instructor. But, there is plenty of free stuff online right now so it’s up to me to take advantage of this opportunity.  

I gave my body some love this past week. Sugar scrub, lip mask, clay mask for my face and I even pumiced my feet… not all in the same day. Even though we know we should take care of our bodies we don’t always. Whether it’s because we feel like we don’t have the time, lack the motivation or just completely forget because it’s not an ingrained habit, our skin suffers. Being conscious of it helps me, because even on the days when I’m not feeling like doing anything, I at least make sure to cleanse my face, tone and moisturize to keep my natural glow on point. Love your body, love yourself.

Hahaha, the meditation. I’m mainly doing it to help reduce anxiety. I get insomnia like a m*tha f*cka so this is one thing, among many different things, that I’m trying to deal with that nonsense. I made an effort to do it 3 out of 7 days, I may or may not have just blown it off completely a couple days, but that is neither here nor there. After two days of wondering if I was doing it right, I headed over to reliable old Google… The type of mediation I seem to practice (yes, there is a variety) is breath awareness/mindful breathing. Essentially, I focus on my inhales and exhales while ignoring all other thoughts that enter my mind. The batting away of random thoughts is almost constant, but I did manage to just breathe for a few breaths. My mind wanders to things like writing this blog, food, work, cheese, the fact that the dog needs a bath, food, wondering how much time is left till the 5 minute alarm goes off. I did make it to 7 minutes one day, but that was only because I set the alarm for the next day and while I was supposed to not be thinking thoughts, I thought, it’s definitely been more than 5 minutes and checked. It is what it is. Dismissing the thoughts is a work in progress and my fight continues this week!

Despite resting on Friday, I still felt like I was running myself ragged with the to-do list by Saturday. We can always find things to do, ways to keep us busy. Maybe it’s being stir-crazy that is making me feel like I should be getting stuff done, but I already waged war on my living space last year (see the Art of Purging posted Feb. 6, 2020). Too bad that didn’t stop me from reorganizing my movies by genre the last 2 days. I think the stir-craziness is manifesting as overloading myself with personal goals to-do list items. I’m putting a stop to it today because I need to find balance. A little routine wouldn’t hurt so I’m going to plan to take my dog on a few short walks throughout the day to build some structure into my aimless days and help with balancing my time. I didn’t realize yesterday was Tuesday until almost 8pm. I’m sure some of you are in the same boat being stuck inside.

My goals for the next week… Keep aiming for those daily 5 minutes of meditation, continue to love on my skin, and space high intensity workouts accordingly with restorative yoga to rest and reset. I’m going to take a pause on specific goals where food and diet are concerned and just be mindful of my portion sizes and snacking habits. Oh, and I think I’m going to allow myself to just give in to those types of days where I can just lay on the couch, take naps, snuggle my dog and do nothing productive. Ultimately, this journey is about total health and wellness, a change of lifestyle, and sometimes the best way to care for ourselves is to do absolutely nothing at all.

[kaywriteswords]

We don’t always know when the last time is the last time…

The original inspiration for this post was a mass exodus of groups chats and a vow of I’m never doing this and that again. It was a sad moment for me because two of my traditions were broken in one moment. After this sat untouched for several weeks, waiting for inspiration, the world had found itself in an international pandemic. It seems fitting to me that I revisit it again now.

 Oh, the last time I… I haven’t done that since… I’ve gotta do that again… I’ll get around to it…

You might not know when the last time you said something like this is, but you’ve probably said things like this more than you know. The truth is as much as we try to cling to traditions and schedule time to do the things we enjoy, we don’t always know when the last time we are doing something is the last time that we’ll be doing it, maybe forever. We don’t always know that it is the last time we’ll experience something a certain way or with certain people.

We live in a society where we are always on the go, running from one thing to the next, constantly moving on to what we consider better. We use our calendars as a way to make sure we can fit everything in. Saying “No” to an invitation seems almost criminal to a lot of us. So, we carry on. Running from task to task, event to event, place to place. All in the name of working off a never ending to-do list and event schedule. While caught up in the chaos of it all, we sometimes miss the moments that could end up being the type of thing you cherish forever.

It’s weird being told to stay home. I always said I needed a break from all that running around, the hustle & bustle, and here it has been handed to everybody and I feel lost. I can’t help but think of all the things I haven’t been doing up until this point. Going to live performances, hitting up All-You-Can-Eat Sushi, actually making it to the gym several nights a week. I’m in a period of evaluating who I am and what am I going to do when we no longer need to shelter-in-place. Asking myself, what’s really important?

I can tell you what’s not. Choosing what you think you should as opposed to what you want to choose. All the things you say yes to when you don’t really want to. The time wasted worrying if others would be happy with the choice made instead of deciding based on whether or not the choice makes you happy. I can’t imagine that everybody comes out of this the same as they went in.

I digress. Because this isn’t just about what’s happening now. It’s what’s about has always happened. We live our best lives, Carpe Diem, and YOLO, but we don’t always take stock of the value of the moments we are living in. Before we know it, time has passed, years have passed, and all of a sudden we can’t remember the last time we did something, how long it’s been since we last saw someone, how we haven’t done something in a long time that we used to do all the time. Because we don’t always know when the last time is the last time, we lose the value of a moment as time passes. It usually isn’t until too late, when we try to think back on it, that it seems to fade in the distance.

Sure there are some things that we know will be the last time. Like when you graduate and say “the last time I’ll walk these halls”. The last day at a job you are leaving. A last ride in a car you are about to sell. Last call. There are a lot of regular lasts, something a large number of people can collectively relate to. I’m referring to those things that are held dear to us as individuals. Those things we seem to care about more than anybody else. Those things that run so deep into our souls, it’s like they are a part of our very fiber as human beings.

I spent my childhood running around a park with a group of other kids. We grew up running around that park together. Making up games and playing by our own rules. Some things changed when we went to high school, but we all made a solid effort to keep playing our games while making up the rules. But at some point, you age out of doing certain things. Not because you necessarily want to, but because life requires you to. You can’t spend five evenings a week just playing pick-up games of basketball or tennis court softball. Perfecting the Rainbow play in an effort at inter-park, flag football domination. I can’t remember when we played our last pick-up game before it became a thing we just weren’t doing anymore, but I like to think that we had a damn good time.

The number of times I sat in the pub, listening to the drunk old men rambling on about nonsense while I read a book or magazine or chatted with my favorite bar tender in the whole city. Seemingly out of place, typically the only female in the establishment, it was like being home. And it isn’t the raunchy, patron-filled, St. Patrick’s days that I miss. It’s the early evening peace of an open space with old men creating white noise while I had a Guinness and did some reading to decompress after a long day. Without any warning, I walked in one day and there were TV’s tuned to sports mounted on each side of the bar, chips and pizza for sale. It was over and I didn’t even get to say goodbye.

One of my dearest traditions is camping in an asphalt parking lot on Memorial Day Weekend. It is care-free, it is filled with laughs, there is fun and there are a million stories to be told. It’s racked with anticipation and filled with such familiarity you think you might have already spent a lifetime there. But then people are taken from you and the dynamic of the entire thing seems to shift. An essential piece has been lost. This is something you’ve done so many times all the memories start to blur together. You can’t remember what happened when and you don’t always remember to take pictures. You try to pick out the moments, nail them down in your mind, but who is really taking mental stock of their carefree, laugh filled weekends? We were just living in the moment as we should have been. And just like that, everything changed.

There are moments that you know hold value, the things you know you will always do without question. All it takes is one rogue circumstance to throw the entire feeling of it out of whack. I haven’t yet lived through my recently broken traditions and I refuse to name them in hopes that another rogue circumstance comes along to right them. I won’t hold out too much hope, I’ve made peace with the fact that they are likely forever changed, but we’ve all gotta dream.

Think about the types of moments you most cherish, the moments that don’t just make life worth living, but living worth doing. What’s something you’ve been saying you have to do again, but haven’t gotten around to? Maybe in a really long time. Move that to the top of your post quarantine to-do list. Think of all the things you usually “have to do” that the shelter-in-place order now has you realizing weren’t really that essential to begin with. Our lives are a series of moments so try to find the value in each and every one of them because we don’t always know when the last time is the last time.

[kaywriteswords]

Weekly Wednesday Weigh-in: 204.8

Total Weight Change: +4.2

Fluctuation Since Last Week: +2

I was shocked that this week’s weigh-in only ready 204.8. It’s been hard to stay on top of health & wellness goals when all of my time has been spent in the house, but that is what a shelter-in-place order is. This is the best effort we can make to stop the spread of a disease that appears to be running rampant through the population. I spent the week powering though a majority of the snacks available to me. My only guess is that it was boredom and although I was very busy with work for the first half of the week, I still managed to shovel some down my gullet every night.

We had purchased a sufficient amount of non-perishables to last with what we already had in the fridge & freezer. So my meals have been pretty random and no prepping involved. I’m working with what I’ve got and what I’m most in the mood for. Like Monday for example, breakfast: brat, cabbage & potatoes, lunch: grilled cheese & turkey slices, dinner: potato chips & an apple. Suuuuper random. It’s a lot harder to eat healthy when you aren’t meal prepping, but rather just kinda eating what’s available. Maybe I should make more health conscious choices at the store so the options available to me will be better. My goal of practicing portion control was an epic fail. I’ll try again this coming week. Without as many snacks on hand, it should be easier.

The good news is that I managed to work out on 5 separate days. Two of those were mild workouts, two were higher intensity, and the fifth and final last night was a yoga flow. Progress on the workout front has for sure been made. My goal is to at least hit that 5 day mark again in terms of exercise, but because I have so much down time for recovery these days, ideally, I’ll do some type of physical activity every day. Restorative yoga and light biking on what would typically be full rest days.

While on lockdown, I think it might be a good time to focus on some of the other wellness goals and habit building. So I’m focusing on building good habits with my skin care routine. We only have the one skin and even though the top layer schleps off as dust from time to time, it’s good to moisturize regularly. Plus all the hand washing is making my hands feel like sandpaper. I wish I would have gotten around to buying a dry brush to help with circulation.

I wish… it’s a funny thing. All the things that I always thought I could do whenever and are currently unavailable to me. They’ll be available again when we get through this, but it’ll provide a nice priority shift, a mental change of what it is actually important for me to do. Along with the physical aspects of health & wellness, there is mental one too. While it was my original intent to explore this type of wellness later on this journey, a change in the way we operate as a society has forced a change in my plan. So, first thing’s first. I am going to try to meditate for 5 minutes a day, I won’t be at 7 days a week by the next time I write because let’s face it, I am going to forget some days, but hopefully this is something that is done with increasing regularity and eventually, I would hope to be doing an AM/PM meditation sesh each day.

Oh, an if you’re wondering whatever happened to the idea of labeling Hubby’s snacks in an effort to prevent me from eating them, the post-its never even made it to the kitchen. I’m thinking when we restock would be a good time to actually try that out. Thus far, because of quarantine, snacking has been a free for all.

[kaywriteswords]

Weekly Wednesday Weigh-in: 202.8

Total Weight Change: +2.2

Fluctuation Since Last Week: +2.4

This is going to be a short one. Yes, I know it’s Thursday, but with celebrating my dog’s birthday this past weekend and the world being in chaos, regular routines have been thrown completely out of whack. Alas, in the name of accountability and consistency, I post anyway. The gym is no-go and I miss Zumba already. One of our songs came on while foraging in the grocery store and I almost started fist pumping and jumping around right there. I’ll see you when we don’t have to social distance, Melva, I miss your class already. I’m lucky enough that I have an in home workout set up so I can get strength training and cardio in. I didn’t because party prep, clean up and then possible quarantine prep took all of my personal time in the last week. I didn’t balance my time appropriately and workouts suffered as a result. I did manage to not snack for a few days so I’ll take that win, but I downed half a bag of hot Cheeto Puffcorn on Tuesday night and that was just fantastic. Healthy eating has been completely off the table with party leftovers. I’ve been making delicious corned beef sandwiches, corned beef hash and the classic corned beef & cabbage. It’s been a delightful week of eating not as well as I should.

My goals for the upcoming week are to workout at home at least 4-5 times, I’m not leaving the house anyway, and practice portion control. Trying to stay out of public spaces and finish perishables first, I’m gonna work with what I’ve got so that could get interesting. I imagine I’ll end up in the grocery store in a few days anyway because the option to get fresh fruits & vegetables is still there. Stay safe and well! And stay the hell inside!

[kaywriteswords]

Weekly Wednesday Weigh-in: 200.4

Total Weight Change: -0.2

Fluctuation Since Last Week: -3.6

Wow! This week was much better than the last. I cut back on snacking significantly and made healthier choices overall. Don’t be fooled by the Fluctuation Since Last Week. I thought I might be having an off day last Wednesday and I probably was which is why my Total Weight Change is a more realistic representation of my progress. I feel proud of myself for having practiced self-control on the tail end of this week. Limiting my snacks was hard, especially the ones that are horribly fatty and delicious, but even this little bit of progress tells me that it is worth it. Everything in moderation.

This week’s meal prep was tasty. I made turkey tacos and roasted veggies. I used the McCormick taco seasoning to make it easy. I kept it basic topping them with pico de gallo (store bought) and occasionally throwing some queso fresco on. Cheese is life. The roasted veggies consisted of sweet potatoes, poblano peppers and cauliflower tossed in olive oil and seasoned with salt, pepper and onion powder. Unlike last week’s brown rice and chicken, I looked forward to eating this meal as opposed to viewing it as a burden on my palate in the name of better food choices.

One of the healthy alternatives that I’m finding I like more and more is non-fat Greek yogurt and berries as a substitute for ice cream. I use frozen berries and let them thaw for a bit in a bowl on the counter which allows some of the juices to release into the bowl. How? I don’t know, science I’m sure, but as long as it tastes good I have no reason to investigate further. I add a few dollops of non-fat Greek yogurt to the bowl, stir and enjoy! Then I get to feel good about having something sweet that isn’t a million calories.

Just as important as developing healthier eating habits and better exercise routines is making sure I’m getting the rest I need. I realized last night that I might not be resting appropriately while in Zumba. The instructor put on one of my favorite songs for class, a bachata song, and I couldn’t get the steps right. I’m not referring to the choreography, I mean the basic 1-2-3-4 that I have been dancing (very well, I might add) for the last 20-ish years. I looked at myself in the mirror, like WTF is going on, and that’s when I realized that even though I had made is to Zumba physically I wasn’t there mentally. Thus, my choreography was a hot mess. I might not have been as high energy as some of my classmates and I made the necessary modifications for a less intense workout during the second half of class, but I was still active for 60 minutes and sweat plenty. That’s two weeks in a row for Zumba and the start of a great Tuesday night routine.

We’ll see what happens as we move into the next week. I’m taking a week off from meal prep. My dog is having a birthday party Saturday and because letting food go to waste is just not something I can do, I’ll be making meals out whatever ends up being leftover, if there are leftovers, until it’s gone. My exercise might suffer too as I’ve put off cleaning for the event and it’s only 3 days away now. There is only so much time in a day. My goal is to get to the gym 4 times in the next week, 3 days to work out and one day for recovery. I love the hot tub and sauna! If you’re leery about the hot tub, sauna and steam room at the gym due to their communal nature, a hot bath at home with Epsom salts works well too. Looking forward to that recovery and being ready to kill it in Zumba on Tuesday!

Until next week, enjoy all your favorite snacks, in moderation, and get enough rest. 😊

[kaywriteswords]

I found this book in the grass while walking my dog. It was a good read. And now, I leave it in a #littlefreelibrary for somebody else's reading pleasure.

#kaywriteswords #readingiscool #sharingiscaring

[kaywriteswords]

Weekly Wednesday Weigh-in: 204.0

Total Weight Change: +3.4

Fluctuation Since Last Week: +3.4

Whomp whomp, looks like I’m going in reverse. Last week got off to a rough start. Two consecutive nights of drinking wine so my food choices weren’t great -- midnight eggrolls and spaghetti for breakfast being among them. I ate so may chips in the last week, it’s ridiculous, probably 2 bags worth, big bags, not the size that cost a mere 25 cents in childhood. I have goals people I do, but food is my ultimate weakness. We burned a free buffet at the casino on Friday. PoJoe can’t help but take advantage of a deal. Plus the choices there are amazing, I couldn’t help myself having three plates of food and two desserts (Gee, I wonder why I’m at +3.4 in a week). I did better toward the end of this week, no snacks between meals on Monday on Tuesday. That’s a win! But not enough to tip the scale in the right direction.

Meal prepping was lackluster. I didn’t like the brown rice I made so I didn’t stick to my meal plan. However, because I have an extreme aversion to wasting food, I ate it all over the course of the week anyway. One thing about I’ve learned about meal prep – you have to want to eat what you make. Since I wasn’t really into the food I had prepared, I did a lot of snacking and it wasn’t just the chips, it was sour cream dip, candy, my husband’s ice cream. I say his ice cream because we buy different snacks for ourselves with me being so “health conscious” (ha!), but with the temptation readily available I give in often. Honestly, I might start putting post-it’s on his fatty snacks to give myself a visual when I try to reach for it. “No, I’m not going to eat that. I respect the post-it.” We’ll see how that one goes. I had a major craving for all things cheese the last few days so I’ve been having quesadillas and chilaquiles at home. That’s what I chose to prep this week and while both have absolutely no health benefits, except maybe the avocado I slather on, they make me happy and have prevented snacking between meals.

I do have a great motivator this year, I need new ID and passport photos. My DL photo was great until I changed my name (damn marriage!) and had to take a new pic. My tan, thin ID pic was no more. It was replaced by an very pasty white, mid-winter, very round faced photo. I’m so vain, but that’s okay. I know what I am and whatever motivation I want to use to reach my goals is how I’m going to reach them. Figure out what motivators work for you, they aren’t the same for everybody, and focus on those things to keep you going.

As for working out, dog walking is causing some serious exhaustion a lot of days. Since I’m about 3 weeks in to this endless abyss, my body is getting a little more used to the daily activity levels. I’ve had very mild workouts 3 of the last 7 days, but I did make my Zumba class last night so that’s an improvement over last Tuesday when I was asleep from 6:30-10:30pm. Not great for the sleep hygiene recommended by my doctor, but one healthy habit at a time, ya know?

I’m a work in progress and I’m not even disappointed that the scale tipped the wrong way. I had to get through the first week to give myself a baseline for accountability. Going in to this week, I know I have to watch the snacking and I will, I want the scale to tip back down. Weight fluctuates constantly. Today could just be an off day. Likely, it’s that I need to make better food choices. I’ll get there. Right now I’m trying to power through all the extra physical activity first and foremost. Once I hit that plateau and I’m ready to ramp up, it will be easier to stay focused on more beneficial food choices. I’m going to try something different with meal prep this coming week and it will involve a lot of roasted vegetables so stay tuned. Hopefully it goes well and we see that scale tip back down toward 200, I just have to enjoy the rest of that melty, cheesy, deliciousness first. YOLO

[kaywriteswords]

Weekly Wednesday Weigh-in: 200.6

Come with me on a journey, a journey of health and wellness. There will be struggles, there will be set backs, but hopefully it will mostly be progress and some quality comedy along the way. I’m about two years delayed in starting this journey because I’ve allowed myself to be distracted, but no more. There is no time like the present to live my best life!

This picture was taken almost two years ago. The inspiration came after sending my friend’s kids off to prom when we were up to photo shoot shenanigans. After the 8 went limp, I was faced with a blow-up version of what was then my current weight (almost spot on with today’s weigh-in!). I had read an article that day about how seeing other people's transformation photos can chip away at our own self-worth because we evaluate other people's bodies and progress against our own. Typical, we're only human. Before photos are generally unflattering, not to mention the more horrible one is, the better we can feel about some bangin’ body after photos. However, if we look at them to our own detriment then they really aren’t serving as the motivation they were meant to be. Before photos are there to show us where we started, but there’s no rule that says they should be unflattering or make us feel bad. My goal was to take a before photo that I could feel proud of and this glamour shot is top notch. 

And so, I start my health and wellness journey and I welcome you to come with me. The point here is to find what works for myself for an overall healthy lifestyle without sacrificing those things I love most… cheese fries, red meat, daily sweets, chips… the oral pleasures of food if you catch my drift. 😉 It took almost two years to get in the right frame of mind for this journey and I am finally getting serious about it. My initial goals:

>  Get down to a weight I consider healthy - 160/170 lbs (I’m not using BMI which for my height says I should weigh less than 160, I’ve got curves to account for)

>  Find balance with my food choices and the ingredients I am putting into my body

>  Regular physical activity including cardio, strength and yoga

 I’m basically functioning as a full-time dog walker right now, which has me walking for about 2-3 hours a day Monday through Friday. This is forcing me to plan healthy lunches and keeping me moving almost daily. No time like the present to take advantage of a shitty situation and pursue some personal goals! I’ve put this off for far too long already. As I’m on this journey the list of goals should evolve with my progress, and even take on a mental & spiritual aspect at some point as well. I’m not in any rush, I’ll get there when I get there as long as I start making changes now.

 My goal is to change my lifestyle in a way that is sustainable over the long-term and doesn’t just drop my weight for a period of time. Right now, I’m focused on meal prep, healthy food alternatives, regular exercise and conscious choices for what I am putting in my body. My plan is to chronicle my progress weekly, both the highs and lows - weighing myself, keeping a food diary and exercise log, journaling how I feel about the choices I make, both good and bad, and stating my opinion about what I think works and what doesn’t – hopefully we all learn something about total body wellness along the way.

 So, here goes nothing… or everything… I’m not really sure. But we’ll see what happens!! I hope you enjoy the ride!

[kaywriteswords]

To try to sum up in words the love of a dog would be impossible.