~Kazuhiko's Visions~

Hi everyone , My name is Kazuhiko,20 ,India. This blog shall mainly contain content related to my personal life updates and events and the fandoms that I follow. The fandoms I follow : Game Of Thrones , Lord of the rings , Supernatural and anything related to anime ^ _^ Bio : I like cake :3

[kazuhiko6]

Depression re-triggered.

Its.. back... after 7 months... again..

17/08/14.

[kazuhiko6]

Revisiting demons

First of all, my humble apologies for being so inactive. Got caught up with certain events that I shall be sharing in different entries. A few days ago I've patched up things with my with some of my old friends. Things can never be the same again ...both my (ex)best friends and me are aware of that. So that kinda saddens me somewhere but its nothing I can't deal with ^ ^ .. I have started to develop a phobia of some sort. phobia from humans I guess .. I think I am developing trust issues in general. But its alright I guess, I should have seen this coming for creating expectations from other people =_= ! The people whom I call my best friends are one of the most toxic and pretentious I've met till now in my life and I have come to realize this very recently... when I really needed their support. Meh ..I created expectations like a fool. Its my fault. Anyways that's it for today. I hate humans =_=

[kazuhiko6]

"Love"

It was midnight of 29th December 2012 , when she called me on my phone to tell me how much she loved me and needed me in her life. She said I have made her a happy  person again, bringing light into her darkness filled life.  . I was lost of words when I heard her open herself finally. I never forced her into expressing herself towards me. I wanted her to be comfortable around me. It was one of the best moments in my life when I finally heard her expressing her feelings. Since that day I accepted the fact she really needs me in her life. I am not just her "boyfriend". Someone needs me and I have a purpose in life again. is to keep her safe and happy. I felt Alive.. and I actually loved someone from the bottom of my heart. It was a type of unconditional love, it was magical. January 6th 2014. As soon as I returned home from office she asked me come online on Skype to tell me something important. She called me online to  inform how suffocated she felt to be in a relationship, and doesn't need me in her life anymore as a boyfriend and wants to be just friend again . As she was dumping me on Skype , I was going through my Facebook messages... sent by her just an hour before she called me on Skype which read " I love you so much , I can't wait for you to reach home.." Yet again.. I was lost of words. I couldn't even ask her why is she suddenly feeling suffocated. I loved her more than myself, wanted her to be happy more than anything else .. which led me to comply with her desires. (Present day 26th June, 2014)  She has tried to contact multiple times now left me emails  or messages passed on by her sister where she "Misses" me and wants the "Good times" back. I am too scared and weak to confront her . As I do not wish to experience "love" again in my life. . but I keep having recurring dreams of the surreal journey I had with her , how amazing it felt to be in love with someone. But..love for me was  a bittersweet experience. It has taken away a part of my life. I don't feel complete anymore. It feels like a hole has been created in my heart which cannot be filled so easily. As each day passes I grow evermore so desperate to fill this hole and I hate that I am actually desperate for something. I want to be happy again..

26th June,2014

Entry 6

[shizu-dark-diary]

Dear Dork

Me: Finally, double dork diaries part 2 is in my hand. SQUEEEEEEE!! Friend: What will you do after you finish reading it? Me: Cry.

[kazuhiko6]

Hey Kouhai ^-^ Can I know why do you like the "Dork Diaries" so much ?

[kazuhiko6]

Tired Visions...

Slowly getting tired of wearing the same mask everyday as my day starts with sound of my phone alarm ringing, bringing me back to reality. Oh how I wished to stay back in the realm of dreams~ Instead of waking up into this world of lies and denial. I am a honest person, It hurts me to wear a mask everyday. But society calls for it. Trying my best to meld in, but I might just stop giving a damn soon. Cannot keep on pretending.

This might be my first vision ever recorded on this blog ~

[sugoihentai]

[shizu-dark-diary]

That moment. ♡ I wish I had Yuuta in my life too. ♥

[kazuhiko6]

One day you might will have someone much better than Yuuta ^-^, Shizu-Chan.

[zalfend-deactivated20150816]

Look at the sky :) look at the stars too :) ({})

[kazuhiko6]

"Lets take a trip to the stars faraway~"

[lice-chan96-blog]

[kazuhiko6]

I'll always be with you, no matter what happens~ Just don't lose hope.

[kazuhiko6]

(Well my birthday is actually around 23rd of June ,but it was falling on a Monday -.-, had no option to celebrate one day prior)

I arrived 2 hours late to my own birthday party as I was busy preparing a presentation based on my new sales ideas for the company I work at. Honestly , I was not…

[shizu-dark-diary]

I hope we get to celebrate both our birthdays together some day. With me you don’t need to wear a mask, just wear a crazy wild PARTY HAT! I know tomorrow is Monday, but I hope your day goes better than a regular Monday! And oh, a very happy birthday in advance Senpai! ^-^

[kazuhiko6]

Arigatou Shizu-Chan ^ ^/ Thank you for everything . And I wish for the same. I do wish to know you more even though I am at my wits end with socializing with people ~ . Its very exhausting.  But you are special to me. Lets hope my office remembers my birthday >.>

[shizu-dark-diary]

I’m sure they remember senpai! They might even surprise you with a cake! XD

[kazuhiko6]

Hahaha they might ^-^ but as I said before, I have stopped keeping expectations ages ago.

[kazuhiko6]

(Well my birthday is actually around 23rd of June ,but it was falling on a Monday -.-, had no option to celebrate one day prior)

I arrived 2 hours late to my own birthday party as I was busy preparing a presentation based on my new sales ideas for the company I work at. Honestly , I was not…

[shizu-dark-diary]

I hope we get to celebrate both our birthdays together some day. With me you don’t need to wear a mask, just wear a crazy wild PARTY HAT! I know tomorrow is Monday, but I hope your day goes better than a regular Monday! And oh, a very happy birthday in advance Senpai! ^-^

[kazuhiko6]

Arigatou Shizu-Chan ^ ^/ Thank you for everything . And I wish for the same. I do wish to know you more even though I am at my wits end with socializing with people ~ . Its very exhausting.  But you are special to me. Lets hope my office remembers my birthday >.>

[shizu-dark-diary]

I’m so bored right now. Getting your house renovated when you have holidays is a bad idea. I’m just stuck in the bedroom all day. I’m sick of playing pokemon and I’m not in the mood to read anything other than the dork diaries. I might get the second part tomorrow if I go out. I can’t even play...

[kazuhiko6]

Hang in there in Shizu-Chan~ This is nothing but temporary ^ ^ try to search for other games than Pokemon~  Or Just get a whole set of new books to read , and if you don't have the money~ Borrow book from friends rent them from libraries ^ ^. Its really easy to get bored if you don't have anything to do. I kinda miss my jobless days so that I play on PSP all day long -_-..

[kazuhiko6]

Expectations

(Well my birthday is actually around 23rd of June ,but it was falling on a Monday -.-, had no option to celebrate one day prior)

I arrived 2 hours late to my own birthday party  as I was busy preparing a presentation based on my new sales ideas for the company I work at. Honestly , I was not looking forward to this event, I was not feeling that great to begin with , the whole day. But I am glad I was able to meet my friends and family that evening as I really needed a getaway from my monotonous "busy" life. I had no expectations whatsoever for the party, but If I had any I wouldn't have been disappointed ^-^ There was barbeque/ rum, my good friends, siblings and lots of Dota 2. There also some mutual friends who I was meeting for the first time. I had to wear my mask again to make them feel comfortable around me ^_^. Summary: A good nightout ^-^ Even though it got really boring when everyone started getting Zonked -w-.

Entry 4 - 22nd June. "Birthday party"

(The cake was a lie)

[shizu-dark-diary]

It was my birthday yesterday! So I thought since I have nothing else to write here, I’d describe how my day was spent.

I woke up at 7 and mum and dad wished me. Mum gave me clothes and chocolates as gifts and dad gave me money! Now I can afford that Wacom pen tablet I’ve been longing for! Then I...

[kazuhiko6]

Woah! Amazing. I am glad you had so much fun Shizu-chan ^^/ I really wish I could have been there to witness it all myself , but unfortunately my work didn't allow me to take the day off , or even a half day. But I am really happy  reading this entry ! And I might give a read to Double Dork Diaries too after seeing you liking it.

[kazuhiko6]

"Normal" day .

He wakes up in the middle of the night of with whatever amount  of rest he could get before his graveyard shift starts.if it was Kazuhiko from six months  ago, the first thing he would have done would be to check his phone for messages from certain someone who he loved from the bottom of his heart ,make sure he didn't miss any messages ,reply as soon as possible. But things have changed for him, as he no longer is bound to any emotions . He has routinized his life now , rather monotonous if you  actually think about it. Wake up, go to work, home , sleep, rinse-repeat. At first he did this to distract himself from certain demons who haunted him constantly . Right now he just follows this pattern because he WANTS to. He has finally calmed. He has made friends again, he feels loved again. He is still trying to search for a purpose though ,something to live for ... or die for. Still in his memories he finds some darkness , burning his eyes up occasionally with the visions of the past he is trying to forget. But the day  doesn't seem normal if he does not allow his mind to wander~   ^-^

17-06-2014

Entry 3

[kazuhiko6]

Daydreaming~

Today  after many months I've woken up with a smile on my face. even though I was suffering from hallucinations last night I was able to sleep calmly. I am not really sure what is happening to me but I like it ^w^ I hope I am not daydreaming~

[shizu-dark-diary]

All my life, I’ve wondered what was the reason I came into this world. I’ve heard that every being is of equal importance and has a specific role to play on this earth. Like those ugly crows that eat up garbage and keep places clean, or like the busy bees that make honey for us. What have I been...

[kazuhiko6]

Your life has not even started yet properly my kouhai, there is  yet a lot for you  to experience.  Sure if you look at everything from a certain perspective , it will definitely seem boring. You may not understand whats your purpose is now, and why you or your life is not that special. But soon a day would come , where everything would feel perfect ^_^!  Life shall be still monotonous ,yet perfect..and trust me your will be happy and you wont search for purpose . someone recently told me ~ "For the road we walk on is full of reality magic, that shreds people apart over time."  so believe in magic , believe in me >.> .. Because a little savior has shown me the brightest of light ! In amidst  of complete darkness, I wish for you to see the same in me  ^///^~ Your senpai shall be with you till the end of things ^ ^~

[diegoandor-deactivated20171220]