A frightening question for a family of course. But don't they questioned it for at least once at some point, do they? As for mine, it's been circulated for several times in the span of 20 years. My family, as ugly as it sounds, is a dysfunctional one if i may say. I just found out quite recent, only few years ago, when I compared mine to others and i was like, "there's something wrong with this family". There's never been a normal communication, and the amount of secrets being kept makes me anxious. Also, i just realized that both my parents were never present emotionally as parents to me. It was as if they're just acting as one, without really functioned so. By the amount of how my mother hurts, and how verbally (and sometimes physically) abusive my father is, I thought maybe separation is better rather than seeing them hurt themselves or even more hurt me and my brother. We always tried to just put it aside but turns out the wounds stack themselves and we're just waiting until they burst like a time bomb. But when the question resurfaces, I realized, I don't think i can cope with that. I am devastated. As bad as they seem, my parents are the only thing that I have. I don't have anyone else but them. And it hurts so much more thinking about that. It's just not about being taken away from your comfort zone, or even financial things. They matter but not what pain me the most. I am afraid of the incompleteness, the void that cannot be filled with money or anything, the loss of someone that not actually gone, only left. I don't know if i can cope with that, not to mention the aftermath of that. I don't know... I've seen plenty of living proof that you can actually survive the disaster of divorce. My ex, dozens of my friends, my cousin, they made it through. They didn't break down, they live happily. They even live better. And i think to myself, "sure i can make it too". But on the second thought, can i really? I know, i know i probably sound like a bad kid for talking bad about my own family but i don't know anyone or anywhere else to talk. I am feeling lonely. I don't know if anyone read this but i am in dire need of your pray. For better or worse, please send your prayer. Thank you in advance.
