
Kiana Khansmith
š
Noah Kahan

#extradirty
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hello vonnie
taylor price
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The Bowery Presents
ojovivo
2025 on Tumblr: Trends That Defined the Year

titsay
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Keni

gracie abrams
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⣠Chile in a Photography ā£
Sade Olutola

@theartofmadeline

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@keep-suprising-yourself
shiiiiiiiiiiit
POLYAMORY POST. YASSSSS
precisely the twist i was hoping for
āOne called me mayonnaise boyā
White peopleās definition of racism in a nutshell.
iām everyone in this gif
im rotting its fine
When your lady on her period.
this got Ā funnier as it went
āDonāt call her a bitch but
GET YOUR BITCH SOME CHOCOLATEā
Facts š
What do you call a cheap circumcision?
A rip off
Today, I fucked up... by calling a locksmith when I wasĀ ālocked outā of my car
Iāll preface this by saying Iām usually not a stupid man but I was at the end of my third 16 hour shift in a row and I was very tired. Iāll make this quick:
I got off work, went out to my car, hit the button for the doors on my remote unlocker - as usual. Nothing happened. I tried it a few more times, battery must be dead. I stand there for 10 minutes, mashing the little button, hoping for enough juice to open the doors. Nada.
I call a locksmith, explain that Iām locked out of my car. He says heāll be right over. 20 minutes later he arrives. He walks up with his tools, inserts a thing that looks like a blood pressure cuff in the door jamb. He starts making conversation as it inflates, pushing the door open:
āSo locked your keys in the car? No problem sir, Iāll have it open in a minute.ā
āNo, my keys are right here, my key fob is dead.ā I replied.
He stops and for about 10 seconds. Doesnāt say a word. He sees my keys in my hands. Takes them from me, inserts them in the lock and opens the door.
I was mortified. I was so in a habit of opening the doors with my remote fob that I entirely forgot that keys could be used to unlock cars manually. He started laughing so hard I thought he was going to have an aneurysm. After he stopped laughing, he told me there was no charge. The story heād have to tell was worth the drive out.
DO IT
real estate agent: so what kind of property are you looking for?
me: a simple cave with fewer goblins than most
Shrek came out 13 years ago
I didnāt know shrek was gay