Synopsis: Loving him hurt, but it wasnât a bad thing.
A soft beep went off from your alarm. You looked over and read the time it displayed. It was 4am. It was 4am and he was still on your mind.
You turned away from the time and shifted onto your side. You didnât want to be reminded of how youâve spent another night thinking about him. You were both physically and emotionally tired. It had become unhealthy, but it couldnât be helped.
You just couldnât help think about how much you still loved him. After all the time away from him, you still loved him. You often wondered if he felt the same. If he had a heart wrenching feeling every time that he thought you. If he felt like he would go crazy if spent another day without you. If he stayed up at ungodly hours of the night because the thought of you kept him wide awake.
Unfortunately, you had no idea how he felt and that killed you. He could be feeling the complete opposite from you. He could be happy. If he was happy, you should be too, right? Then why werenât you? Why couldnât you get his damn smile out of your head? Why couldnât you stop picturing the way his eyes lit up when he talked about things he loved? Why couldnât you stop thinking about how soft his skin was against yours?
You didnât realize that you were crying until your hand instinctively went up to wipe a tear that slid down your cheek. You quickly rubbed your eyes to get rid of the liquid gathering at the rim of your eyes, but, unlike your tears, your thoughts werenât wiped away with them.
You wished you hadnât fallen in love with him. Maybe then, you wouldnât be up at 4am thinking of his laugh and how it had become one of your favorite sounds. But you had. Youâve completely fallen in love with him. Sometimes you yearned for ability to just stop feeling. You didnât know exactly what you wanted to stop, but anything would be better than what you were feeling at the moment.
Hearing a knock at your front door is what tore you from your suffocating thoughts. You jumped a little when you could hear the second knock louder. You slipped your hand under your pillow to grip your phone. You walked out of your room and to the front door with your phone in your hand, ready to dial 911 if it was needed.
You open the door and see him standing there. He was there. Standing in front of you. He walked into your house and you got a clear look at his face. His eyes were glossy. Thatâs when you knew the answer to your question. You knew how he felt this entire time.
âY/N,â he whispered, but loud enough for you to hear.
You wanted to say something, but your mouth remained shut. You always thought of what you would say if you ever ran into him, but now that he was here, you couldnât string together any words to form a proper sentence. He stepped closer to you, but you backed up away from him. His eyes dropped down to the ground from your face.
âI-Iâm sorry. I didnât mean-â he started, but you quickly cut him off.
âJimin,â you started. His heart began to race at the sound of your voice. He wanted to say how much he missed it, but he decided against it. âWhat are you doing here?â
He saw you move towards him and he looked back up at you. He quickly closed the gap between your bodies and pulled you in for a hug. He hugged you so tight. As if this was only a dream and any moment he would wake up and you would be gone, but it was real. You could feel him against you. It took you a few seconds to move your arms to wrap around him as well and you held him equally as tight. You could hear his heavy breathing and sniffing as he hid his head in your neck.
He was mumbling a lot of things you couldnât comprehend, but he finally raised his voice so you could hear the things he was mumbling about. He would say things like, âI couldnât stop thinking about you,â and âOh god, Iâve missed you so damn much,â in between his sniffling. You couldnât help but let your tears make a reappearance as you heard him cry.
âDonât leave me,â he whispered. You couldnât trust your voice, so you repeatedly shook your head to assure him that you would never do that. He let out a sigh of relief as you held him tighter.
Neither of you could, or wanted, to pull away from each other. So you just stood there, in each otherâs presence, thinking. Not about his smile or laugh, but how falling in love with him wasnât something you regretted.
âI love you,â Jimin said. You signed in contentment.
Thatâs all you really needed to hear to be okay if you had your 4am thoughts again.
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