Big danny Keers

Iyer! I'm Danny and I talk a lot about my travels and experiences quotes and such that mean things to me and a lot of stuff about video games. I can talk the hind legs off a donkey so if you fancy a chinwag.. well why not send me an ask ?

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Big danny Keers turned 4 today!

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Every time I hear my parents fucking I'm like

I gotta move out of this house...

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To me Tumblr feels like a huge hub of negativity.

I'm not really gonna look at this or use it anymore.

I'll pop back on every now and then to answer all those asks I get

hahah I dont get any asks 5ever

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Just in one of those reasons where I want to ball me eyes out for no reason.

I really do feel crappy. There's no particular reason but I just feel awful.

I'm going to Illinois for the summer and I'm so stoked. I really am going somewhere in life and nothing and noone is stopping me. So why do I feel like I'm not? Like life has come to a dead end? This it. Crushing loneliness and no social life because of some shitty job.

Now, I'm very rational and sensible, lets get that out there. I know I'm going somewhere. I only work this wank job so that I can go America. This trip will really open doors for me.

As for being on my own?  I love it. I do what I want when I want. I spend money on myself like nice clothes and video games. I don't have to worry about going out for a night out with my friends and what might happen. I don't have to worry about anything... except for one tiny thing...

I might never be as happy as I once was.

Back to the rational, sensible and non-emotional Keers for a second.

I said exactly the same thing when I broke up with my first girlfriend. Got really upset about it all. Then met someone else. I know I'll find someone else. I'm not some horrendous person with no social skills and no ambition. I'm a lovely person with a lot going for them and I'm really unique.

I think the reason I feel this way is because of seeing so many happy couples just recently. All of them having babies and young children and such isn't making me broody at all. I just kinda think, what's the point in enjoying the world's finest things it has to offer if you have noone to share it with?

I realise how stupid this post is. I answer my own questions and yet still feel really crappy.

I'm a lover and a fighter, yet the only person I seem to beat up is myself.

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After a lot of faffing about

I managed to get myself sorted with Americamp and I'm officially gonna be spending my summer in Illinois! It's gonna be amazing. Really looking forward to making new opportunities for myself. I'd love to stay out there and start a fresh. Life here feels stale.

My new job sucks. I work at the infamous Sports Direct where I'm discriminated against for being English and not Polish. I try to learn the language to make life easier for myself there but I'm treated like crap and generally ground down to feel like nothing. Yet I keep my head held high. There's a light at the end of the tunnel.

I'm so glad I made the decision to focus on myself and my friends. I've become so close to the people I have now it's a great feeling. I can say I have the greatest friends ever and this summer I will make even more.

Contrary to that I've been thinking that I think now I'm ready to be with someone again. I said to my friend how I really think I've come out the other end of the whole messy ordeal. It doesn't have a hold on me anymore. My life is really going places at the minute and dwelling on things that people did isn't the right thing to do. It happens and you do think about it but it doesn't help at all.

One day it will happen. As Stephen King wrote

'It'll come like a wind, and your plans will stand before it no more than a barn before a cyclone'

It's a great feeling. Being free.

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Damn, that's a shame about your camp america application! Hopefully you'll have more luck with whatever you plan to do instead though!

applications for another company close at the end of today so I've rung them up and they are bending over backwards to help me!

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So my Camp America application form was declined...

They haven't told me why or given any reason just that's it game over. I'm gonna try different agencies for the time being but wow, what a kick in the teeth that was.

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Had an interview for another job

I don't think I've got it despite lots of preparation and being good friends with the deputy store manager. I really don't fucking get it anymore. 

Aye, it's got me down, however hearing some things lately has really cheered me up. To know that my dark days are done and the I am moving forwards really inspires me. The fact I can inspire myself just reminds me that I am a good person and that I shouldn't beat myself up all the time, something of which I tend to do a lot and often.

I'm so happy with the true friends that I have now and I know that we will be there for each other come hell or high water.

Also I'm doing another obstacle course event thing!

Last September I did a course called Tough Mudder which is an incredibly difficult course both physically and mentally. This year I'm doing a similar event called Endurance Runner in the Peak District. I'm doing it for Cancer Research UK with some friends of mine so that gives me something to train for and get hyped for. That and America. Lol.

As geeky as it sounds I've been watching a lot of Star Wars lately and maybe my insanity has reached a new level but when you really look at this film it is full of inspirational life lessons. Being a Jedi is all about strength in dark times, forgiving and forgetting, not holding grudges or creating animosity. It's really about being at peace with everything around you. I'm not talking lets start masturbating over this tulip because it's colour is so nice. I'm talking about how we can become so pent up in all our superficial worries that we forget what really matters such as friendship and happiness.

However to quote a different film all together I'm going to leave you with this last quote from the film Zombieland.

Rule 32: Enjoy the little things

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Putting my home town on the map! MANSFIELDDDD!!!!

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Guild Wars 2 - Escape from Lion's Arch

Coming February 18th

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Oh woe is fucking you.

A friend of mine told me to start talking to her friend because she's really nice and that we'd get on really well and hey! It might go somewhere. Now I'm not really that bothered about being with someone. It would be nice but I'm not gonna go chasing someone. Well, me and this lass are talking and it seems to be going alright. She gets her back up though when I start asking her about being vegetarian and wanting to be a Vegan. I mean I don't agree with it like but if that's what you wanna do then go for it!

I said to her it was nice to talk to someone who was so different and then she puts this sob story about being really hurt by some guy and she's so cut up about it.

I know the lad who 'cut her up'. He said he liked her then went back to uni and said he didn't feel the same. Up front and honest. Now, knowing what I've been through and from other people what this 'ere lass has been through it kinda just rustled my jimmies way too much. I said that really she had no Idea what its like to be hurt by someone and how I never wanted her to know that feeling.

At this point she jumped on to her highest of horses and lectured me. After waiting fupping years for this essay I said I knew who it was about and then she acted all stupid as if she didn't. I played along with this charade for an easy life and a quick get out of jail free card.

I can't fucking stand meeting new people. They seem alright at first and then BAM it turns out they're a massive slag and they don't care about anyone's feelings or BAM So much teenage angst and I have such a horrid life despite having a really supportive family network and friends to support me.

I can't stand people at the minute. I really need to leave here. There's only one person I really care about but it won't ever happen.

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I always want to play my ukulele at stupid times of the night.

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Valentine's day, fuck off.

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Had such a great 21st birthday yesterday!

I'm officially an adult all over the world.

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Abit much.

Went to a funeral yesterday. That's 2 already this year and it's only February.

Even though I've been spending more time with my friends lately, I have this overwhelming feeling that I don't belong here anymore. My friendship groups aren't the same, I don't have half as many friends that I can really open up to and my closest friends are so busy all the time, as well as them being really happy. I feel if I tell them how I'm feeling that I'll just drag them down. Everything around me just seems to be doing just fine and I think that if I disappeared nobody would really be bothered. I feel like I don't exist as it is.

Now I don't want people thinking I'm going to end it all because its all too much. That's not the case at all. I just don't belong here. It will always be my home yet I have this craving inside for pastures new. Sometimes I think I can hear people calling me. I heard my name get shouted so many times today but no one actually said it. I think a lot of other feel the same but there are some that act on how they feel and there are some that don't. Acting on my thoughts is one of my strong point. Leaving here within the next few months is on the agenda. However I'm hoping for it to be permanent.

If you actually managed to get this far and you kinda feel the same way I'm happy to talk about it. I sure as hell could do with someone to talk to about it. Life's too short to be worrying about what other people may think. Speak the truth, even if your voice shakes.

I'm not gonna do the whole KEERS OUT thing anymore. The world has moved on since then.

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Got a date for my Camp America Interview!

And it's on valentine's day!

At her house...

Wait, oh shit, what if she thinks this is a date?

lol jk

KEERS OUT  (dat sign off tho)

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Gaahhhh! So worried!

I went to the Camp America Job fair at Manchester last week and didn't get placed which sucked tbf. However I didn't let it deter me at all. I went straight home, picked an interviewer and messaged her so I could get the ball rolling. She hasn't replied to my message at all and it's been a week. I'm starting to get really worried that I'm not gonna get to go at this rate. I don't go out anymore because I'm trying to save absolutely every penny to get me to America but at every corner there always seems to be something trying to stop me!