DAMN, JACKIE!

Indie.Select.Priv. Michael Kelso from ‘That 70’s show’. Written by Cat.

[kelschmoh]

— { KELSCHMOH } —

a HIGHLY SELECTIVE & VERY PRIVATE roleplay blog for MICHAEL CHRISTOPHER KELSO from THAT 70’S SHOW. Medium-Low activity written by CAT ( she/they | 29 | MST ). 18+ only, minors DNI. Follows from @breakthings ! Please READ MY RULES before interacting!

HEAVILY AFFILIATED WITH @hydeman !

This is a pinned post. Please do not reblog.

— { LINKS } —

CARRD. ( Rules are here! Kelso’s profile will be added eventually. )

MAIN BLOG.

MEME TAG.

[returnedmother-a]

Shit The Squad Has Said Starters

"WHAT DO YOU MEAN THAT I CAN'T LICK THE POOL."

"It hasn't been cleaned in months."

"I'M GONNA FUCKING LICK IT."

"Have fun with diseases."

"You know what would be cool? Bacon."

"It already exists."

"___? Do you actually know who created the muffin man?"

"When you can't read a clock."

"Have you been drinking?"

"Drinking Capri Suns, bitch."

"THAT IS A BAD MEME. DON'T TALK TO ME EVER AGAIN."

"Ahaha.. Hey ___? What chemical is this? I may or may not used it in the fish tank.."

"YOU'VE MURDERED MY HUGE ASS GOLDFISH, CHIO. YOU NASTY BANANA MUFFIN."

"I'm gonna fuck that character."

"He's a fish?"

"... Straight up fucking him."

"God, this is why the fandom is called furry fuckers."

"Guys, I need a condom. A size S."

"Dude, you don't need a condom because no one is gonna fuck you anyway."

"WE GOT THE BEST OF BOTH WORLDS."

"Who has Twinkies? Hand them over."

"DAMN.. THAT ASS THOUGH. BECAUSE IT GONNA BE WHOOPED IN A MOMENT IF YOU DON'T SHUT UP."

"You frickin chicken noodle. Noodle off."

"I once did police on cocaine."

"What the fuck."

"STOP CUSSING AT ME."

"FUCK YOU, YOU STUPID FUCK."

"I'M NOT A STUPID FUCK."

"...I Wanna be Miley Cyrus and swing on the schools rope swing."

".. How about you just drink acid."

"WHERE IS MY COCO PUFFS."

"Where you belong, the mental house."

"STOP MAKING PENIS JOKES. IT'S NOT FUNNY."

"DAT BOI is a dead meme. Don't ever talk to me again."

"Can we still pull our dicks out for him?"

"I will cut your penis off."

"I once forgot my name."

"I wish I could forget your existence, sweetie."

"YOU ARE SUCH THE MOM FRIEND."

"FUCK YOU. I AM THE GRANDMA FRIEND. LIKE I WOULD EVER PRODUCE UGLY ASS KIDS. Y'ALL FUCKIG ADOPTED."

[kelschmoh]

I think Kelso needs to sleep for a very long time. Permanently.

[kelschmoh]

@hydeman sent: ❛  where do you think you're going? 

“Where do you think, huh!? You’re not gonna get my eye this time, man!”

This is how it would always turn out—& once again, they were at the Formans; Michael Kelso on one side of Eric’s car & Steven Hyde on the other. Kelso had managed to do something stupid again towards the other—this time he had licked his own hand and wiped it off on Hyde’s cheek, running up the stairs and outside to the predicament they were currently in; playing a game of chase & Kelso hoping that he had won this time—instead of getting his ass kicked.

They both knew how this would probably end, unfortunately.

Kelso’s lips were pulled into a grin, body hunched over as he faked moving left—then faked moving right—before he committed to moving left and trying to run right past the younger; whatever smarts he had in this idea leaving him right in that moment; giving Hyde the opening to kick his ass—by accident. Again.

[thespyinred2]

The fact that Steven Hyde won every fight wasn’t a testament to his own skills. He knew that all he needed was patience, because sooner or later, Kelso would just hurt himself. Once again, this proved correct when he heard his friend exclaim about his eye. A proud smile was reflected in Hyde’s expression when he relented and let go of the pile of limbs in his grasp.

Climbing to his feet, a chuckle escaped the younger as he straightened his aviators. ❝ You keep messing with me and you dated Jackie ? Damn, Kelso, you really do love punishment. ❞

[kelschmoh]

“Hey, man—Jackie thought I was CUTE…and…CUTE.”

Kelso’s retort was quick as the bundle of limbs had been released from the confines of the youngers strength ( how was Hyde so strong, anyway??? ), dramatically managing to roll around a bit in the ground before scrambling back onto his feet, body hunched over as hands rested on his knees and lips pursed in a brief moment of thought ( shocker ). Chest heaved a little as he tried to catch his breath, brown hair swaying as he hung his head.

“Dude, c’mon—bringing up Jackie, anyway?? That’s kind of a low blow!” He never seemed to get over her. No matter how many times they had broken things off and gotten back together, he always felt his loneliest when he wasn’t in a relationship with her. Kelso could get anybody, sure—and he did—but his heart belonged to Jackie Burkhart—and that was either very romantic, or just absolutely stupid. Knowing Kelso, it was probably the latter.

“Wait—don’t they say, uh…beauty is pain or something?? I am beauty—ohhhh, that makes sense!”

[moosings-deactivated20231019]

SEAROWS' GUARD DOG (2022) ALBUM PROMPTS

ₓ ˚ .   ୭   ˚ ○ ◦ ˚     as always, some triggering content may be present! change any pronouns to better suit your muse(s) needs!     ˚ ◦ ○ ˚   ୧   . ˚ ₓ

i started a war.

what could be worse than having nothing to depend on?

thought you were in love with me.

nothing's ever really quiet.

i would've followed you anywhere.

i lose.

i don’t wanna be your angel.

everything's fine.

i don’t think i really like myself.

i don't know what steps to take.

it's gonna rain soon.

would you believe it’s fate?

i must’ve let them slip away.

don't you wanna know me?

you're all i can see from the rearview.

i'd forgotten what it felt like to be living like you're dead.

bury me under gravel.

i wanna be roadkill.

you’ll be there when i get home.

oh, darling.

i was hoping the house was haunted.

what do i do?

the prettiest parts are the ones i see.

pretty soon i'm gonna say something.

we're not all dying here.

will you still walk me home?

i made a life i don't remember making.

stay right where i can see you.

just when we were getting it..

i wanna know what you would say.

we used to be friends.

what's this supposed to mean?

keep the rain.

we’ll plan a new escape.

walk me home.

i don't have a lot to say.

turn me into a believer.

the mission's never been more clear.

take the rest from me.

at least that's what most people say.

i don't know, but i'm pretty sure it gets better than this.

i'm good at letting it get to me.

am i digging up the bodies you buried?

fake your death and call it closure..

let me take it from here.

you need distraction to survive.

could you tell that you were scaring me?

carry me to the nearest tree.

i know there's a villain.

i guess it can wait.

i already swore to be the person i'd defend.

i try.

whatever it takes.

i guess you thought i could fix the problem.

i’ll even make it last for you.

i never wanted you to take the fall.

i already gave an answer and still, it wouldn't end.

don't worry now, it's already dead.

would i have to forgive you still?

stay on thе line, i just want you to be here.

i guess that wasn't really what you had in mind.

we look much different in pictures.

you were just too stubborn to pretend.

i'll play the songs.

am i kicking up dirt where i shouldn't?

just like we would do when we were kids.

i'll do it ‘cause you askеd me to.

i keep on pretending it's impossible, love.

i can't fix all the things that you couldn't.

would you tell me if you're lying?

yeah, i had a bad feeling.

i'm worried it's me this time.

keep the lights on.

if i loved you at the start, then i would love you at the end.

i hardly recognize myself either.

you could like me if you wanted to.

i'll help you burn it down.

i still keep you in my locket.

if i knew what it was, i would tell you.

you don't even know you're falling ‘till you're on the ground.

i don't do that anymore.

i'll talk to you when i'm ready.

you're all that i've got to lose.

do you like becoming what you hate?

i’d let you in.

nothing comes in.

i couldn't stop you anyway.

they bet too much money on it.

i'm gonna fuck it all up.

i knew it the second you walked the door.

we’re really in it now.

i've got nothing to fight with.

i've been standing at the door.

i was trying.

i used to feel it when i’d wake up.

am i brave if the noise doesn't scare me?

i want you to have it all.

i'm already going under.

maybe i'm crazy.

there's nothing left that i bеlieve in.

do you have a place for me?

i would've died for it.

you were so easy to hide from.

some part of me had to care for you.

i'd already had enough then.

i wanna know all you know.

i’m good at letting you go.

i was hoping the house was haunted.

is it just like me?

i never cared for it at all.

nobody wins.

my feet hurt.

i was honest for the second time.

take the fall.

would you see me differently?

i'll take the city train.

you must know that i just adore you.

it's always too loud, hope the noise doesn't scare you.

nothing i can do, but sit and wait.

and i’ll even make it last too.

you don’t know the ending.

no, you were never the enemy.

i promise it won't be too long though.

but i wanna stay alive.

i’d like to think that you knew me.

are you really having fun?

pick me up like i'm fragile.

a guard dog with a death wish.

a racehorse with nothing to win.

i’ll probably pay with my life.

what do i do here?

i've been talking to myself.

what if i give up too soon?

i missed the point you tried to make.

will you know where to find me?

take your sweet time.

i fixed up all the broken things.

i've been sleeping with the lights on.

you know i’d follow you anywhere.

guess it was just another rule that you could bend.

it's part of me.

i am the master of mistakes.

i'll let you go.

what could i still need?

i'm barely staying alive.

do you think about dying?

it's impossible, love.

i’d stay, but i don't wanna bore you.

i’ll change for the better.

everything's different.

wouldn't you believe it's nothing?

[mcflymemes]

AS SAID BY ZEVRAN ARAINAI

ASSORTED DIALOGUE FROM DRAGON AGE: ORIGINS

we are… ridiculously awesome.

ahh, i grew up in a place such as this.

you need to worry about what happens before that.

now would be the time to consider it.

i do not think we are alone here.

that’s just a myth, yes?

now i regret that extra pie at lunch.

what is this? some ridiculous ploy to get me to lay down my guard?

how did i get here?

it seems they left one alive.

a trap, perhaps?

you sure that’s a road to follow?

well that’s just typical, isn’t it?

anyone up for a little bit of naked cliffdiving?

almost too perfect.

just once i’d like to walk into one of these places and discover a lively dance, or a drinking festival. or an orgy. but alas, no.

ahh, an untouched treasure!

what wonders await us here?

we’re not planning on… actually fighting it are we?

couldn’t we just… sneak around it?

i have faith in my friends well enough.

let us put our heads together.

nice vase, i should get one for my house.

that smell… we’re definitely approaching some kind of lair.

i see where this is going. downhill. and quickly too.

what a remarkable amount of lava.

it seems darker this way.

we have to be getting close.

that is a sexy sword, and i must have it.

you know, you never feel so alive as when you’re breaking and entering.

these guards will know we have no business here.

you are more cunning and ruthless than we suspected.

carry on. do not let me get in the way.

why do you say that?

what manner of monster do you think i am?

perhaps you ought to think about asking for a little forgiveness yourself, hm?

is there some reason why they should not?

why not, indeed? it’s a mystery for the ages.

still with the stern glances?

you are cruel to subject me to such torture.

what have you heard?

but those stories you heard? all true.

you’ve decided to take the plunge, have you?

the massage is quite pleasurable, do not worry.

you are in good hands.

technically speaking, i still am.

are you thinking of having someone murdered?

what makes you think i intend to go anywhere?

i think i should stay where i am.

off with you, then.

perhaps you have people you need killed?

you may ask, but i may choose not to answer.

you are… feeling all right, yes? perhaps you are tired?

it has brought us… closer together.

i assure you that i am not smirking. no smirking here, no.

sounds intriguing, if you ask me.

but it could be true, yes?

has no one told you?

one day you will realize that you have wasted your youth and beauty on bitterness and suspicion, mark my words.

has anyone told you what marvelous eyes you possess?

we all have our reasons for doing what we do.

i am content to wait and see for myself.

i admire you.

are you dispensing professional advice now?

if you want to bed me, you only have to ask.

you are only slightly more attractive to me than a slime-filled pool of swamp water.

i’m just cheered by the thought that you might have picked up a book at some point.

the stench is worse than your feet.

i think i have a joke for you.

you just decided that, did you?

from you, that’s practically a proposal of marriage.

oh? does that make you jealous?

why, thank you ever so much.

i’m sorry… are you speaking to me?

i know. i am terrible and it makes me sad.

may i rest my head in your bosom? i wish to cry.

you say that like it’s a bad thing.

it drives me mad with desire.

so let’s pretend that i do, indeed, believe that murder is wrong.

i… am so confused.

you are so ver cruel.

there is no reason to deny yourself the pleasure of male companionship after all, yes?

i couldn’t help hearing about your… predicament.

i mean no offense.

i simply offer my services should you ever feel the need for… release.

adventure has changed you.

you really have no idea, do you?

[kelschmoh]

@hydeman sent: ❛  where do you think you're going? 

“Where do you think, huh!? You’re not gonna get my eye this time, man!”

This is how it would always turn out—& once again, they were at the Formans; Michael Kelso on one side of Eric’s car & Steven Hyde on the other. Kelso had managed to do something stupid again towards the other—this time he had licked his own hand and wiped it off on Hyde’s cheek, running up the stairs and outside to the predicament they were currently in; playing a game of chase & Kelso hoping that he had won this time—instead of getting his ass kicked.

They both knew how this would probably end, unfortunately.

Kelso’s lips were pulled into a grin, body hunched over as he faked moving left—then faked moving right—before he committed to moving left and trying to run right past the younger; whatever smarts he had in this idea leaving him right in that moment; giving Hyde the opening to kick his ass—by accident. Again.

[thespyinred2]

Did it ever end ? Did Kelso’s stupidity ever end ? Of course the answer was no, which provided unending entertainment for Hyde. The rebellious teen talked a big game, acting as though he were above such asinine shenanigans, but the truth was, Hyde lived for this shit. Point Place didn’t have much going for it, but the promise to kick his best friend’s ass on a nearly daily basis gave him purpose.

Like clockwork, it didn’t take long for his nemesis to enact an immature prank, pulling the curly haired boy from his comfortable chair, and give chase.

❝ We both know how this is gonna end, man. Give it up now. ❞

As Kelso danced his fakes, Hyde merely stood still, watching with a disinterested expression. Then the older finally went for it. With ease, Hyde moved around the Vista Cruiser and grabbed the other around his waist. He tackled Kelso to the ground and scrambled to get him in a headlock.

[kelschmoh]

It was almost like a small adrenaline rush that kept Kelso going—he got his ass kicked every time he did something stupid like this to Hyde ( licking his steak, gum in his hair, the list went on… ), always knowing what the repercussions were and yet not caring about it whatsoever. Point Place wasn’t the most exciting town; they had to make their own fun some times—and though sure, it often came from Kelso’s absolute & utter stupidity—but they still had a good time. Somehow. Injuries & all.

One would really think that Michael Kelso would learn—his grades proved that he was much smarter then his actions did, and yet, he continued his ridiculous antics, annoying his best friend to the best of capabilities.

There was a loud cry as Kelso was grabbed by the waist, hands immediately moving to pry Hyde’s arms off of him; his tone high pitched as he was tackled to the ground and shuffling his body around erratically in an attempt to squirm: even when arms wrapped around his neck; the older now forced into a headlock. “DUDE, COME ON—“ Kelso whined his words loudly, legs kicking & head turning sharply; still trying to pry arms from his neck before he jerked his hand off of the youngers arm by accident, hitting himself square in the face.

“MY EYE!”

[kelschmoh]

@hydeman sent: ❛  where do you think you're going? 

“Where do you think, huh!? You’re not gonna get my eye this time, man!”

This is how it would always turn out—& once again, they were at the Formans; Michael Kelso on one side of Eric’s car & Steven Hyde on the other. Kelso had managed to do something stupid again towards the other—this time he had licked his own hand and wiped it off on Hyde’s cheek, running up the stairs and outside to the predicament they were currently in; playing a game of chase & Kelso hoping that he had won this time—instead of getting his ass kicked.

They both knew how this would probably end, unfortunately.

Kelso’s lips were pulled into a grin, body hunched over as he faked moving left—then faked moving right—before he committed to moving left and trying to run right past the younger; whatever smarts he had in this idea leaving him right in that moment; giving Hyde the opening to kick his ass—by accident. Again.

[poohsources]

🐝  *  ―  𝑺𝑰𝑿 𝑾𝑶𝑹𝑫 𝑺𝑬𝑵𝑻𝑬𝑵𝑪𝑬 𝑺𝑻𝑨𝑹𝑻𝑬𝑹𝑺.

❛  all of this is my fault.  ❜ ❛  are you even listening to me?  ❜ ❛  are you scared? 'cause i'm scared.  ❜ ❛  are you sure you'll be okay?  ❜ ❛  can you say that again, please?  ❜ ❛  do you have anything to say?  ❜ ❛  do you wanna go out sometime?  ❜ ❛  did you ever really love me?  ❜ ❛  have you considered trying something else?  ❜ ❛  how long do we still have?  ❜ ❛  i can't do this any longer.  ❜ ❛  i can't wait to go home.  ❜ ❛  i didn't want to do that.  ❜ ❛  i don't follow, i always lead.  ❜ ❛  i don't know what you mean.  ❜ ❛  i hate him but i love him.  ❜ ❛  i like i here, it's nice.  ❜ ❛  i'll only go if you go.  ❜ ❛  i'm here if you need me.  ❜ ❛  i'm sorry, i had no idea.  ❜ ❛  i'm weird, just deal with it.  ❜ ❛  is this your first time here?  ❜ ❛  just tell me what to do.  ❜ ❛  just tell me why we're here.  ❜ ❛  no one will believe you anyway.  ❜ ❛  nothing else matters except for you.  ❜ ❛  please just let me help you.  ❜ ❛  there is time to fix this.  ❜ ❛  what do you want from me?  ❜ ❛  where do you think you're going?  ❜ ❛  when will you come back here?  ❜ ❛  why are you acting so stupid?  ❜ ❛  why do you ask these questions?  ❜ ❛  why would i lie to you?  ❜ ❛  will you go out with me?  ❜ ❛  you are more important than me.  ❜ ❛  you don't mean that, do you?  ❜ ❛  you have nothing to worry about.  ❜ ❛  you'll always be my best friend.  ❜ ❛  your hair looks really nice today.  ❜

[kelschmoh]

tag dump!

000. — ooc. | 𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐂𝐀𝐓 𝐌𝐄𝐎𝐖𝐒.

001. — ic. | 𝐈’𝐌 𝐋𝐈𝐊𝐄 𝐊𝐄𝐓𝐂𝐇𝐔𝐏; 𝐈’𝐌 𝐆𝐎𝐎𝐃 𝐎𝐍 𝐄𝐕𝐄𝐑𝐘𝐓𝐇𝐈𝐍𝐆!

verse. — main. | 𝐓𝐇𝐀𝐓 𝟕𝟎’𝐒 𝐒𝐇𝐎𝐖.

verse. — secondary. | 𝐓𝐇𝐀𝐓 𝟗𝟎’𝐒 𝐒𝐇𝐎𝐖.