how did i accidentally log into this account but ... hello from the other side ....
almost home
Keni

Love Begins
2025 on Tumblr: Trends That Defined the Year

tannertan36
i don't do bad sauce passes
taylor price

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roma★

Janaina Medeiros
I'd rather be in outer space 🛸
let's talk about Bridgerton tea, my ask is open
noise dept.

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DEAR READER
sheepfilms
Alisa U Zemlji Chuda
Jules of Nature

★
PUT YOUR BEARD IN MY MOUTH
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@kena-diallo
how did i accidentally log into this account but ... hello from the other side ....
oops
okay this is literally a post form my rp blog that i just copied & pasted ‘cause i don’t feel the need to change anything, but yeah...
so the smell of smoke has officially motivated me to get up from my bed and do what i’ve wanted to do for a little while, so thank you former traumatic experience for getting me up (for those who don’t know, back in october my house caught on fire while i was in it and for some reason now, a letter ended up in the oven and nearly caught fire too …. it’s never ending). basically, the point of this post it just an explanation as to why i’ll be going on hiatus for the rest of the month which is something i think i need to do and it’s beyond time for me to take a break. tumblr roleplay started out as a getaway for me because my home life has never been good, my family doesn’t even put the “fun” in “dysfunctional” prob just the “dys” and so i found tumblr as the one thing to make me feel better. i could play characters that had even harder lives than me (which helped me as an outlet, i was able to take some of my anger and frustrations out on them … sorry). i developed friendships that i wish i had for myself, created ships that i get wholly invested in, and most of all, i met new people. i love my friends that i made, sometimes more than the people in my real life. but in spending all of this time online doing all of things fun things, i left minimal time for my actual life. i thought this was okay, though, because i didn’t have too many friends when i started and i’ve never been popular so it’s not like i’m missing out on too much. but i’m seventeen (sixteen, mainly in this post) and i need to get out and be social; i don’t want to look back on my life when i’m older and tell my kids that “well, i was online for most of my teens” when so many people get out and do fun things.
the fun things online stopped being so fun after a while and it started to feel like a chore to some degree. i continued to pick up new characters in new roleplays in hopes of finding that great feeling i used to have, but it wasn’t there anymore. i didn’t click with new people anymore, i felt like what few online friends i have started to dislike me, and that my issues in real life were catching up with me. i’ve never been the “number one friend” if that makes sense; always second best, there was always someone better than me and i get that sort of thing happens. it’s allowed to happen, people are allowed to have more than just me as a friend but something in my mind and my heart feels as though that since they’re closer to someone else, they don’t like me. i annoy them, sending asks and messages makes me nervous because i’m afraid they won’t respond or will simply just say something to spare my feelings. but i’m an asshole, too. an over-sensitive asshole who reblogs posts about “not taking roleplaying seriously” in hopes that ‘hey, if i reblog this & make this shit my online mantra, i’ll stop” but like that works …
being online nowadays doesn’t help with how i feel outside of the computer. it stresses me out because 1) i’m constantly fearing i’ll lose friends which i already think i’m doing, 2) i think i’m annoying, and 3) i certainly am not as talented as everyone else graphically and and …. writingly (lmao idk). i have crazy moodswings, i push my real friends away, i talk back to my parents, i don’t eat, and i stay online constantly in hopes of being happy again. but, in my opinion, the rpc is dying out painfully slow and with it, my hope of being happy in it. so i’ll be taking a hiatus until the end of the month to see how i function without tumblr in my life, to see if i’m happier and more involved. maybe i won’t be as sad as i am, maybe i’ll regain the social life i had a few months ago. but i love roleplaying too much to really and truly leave it. i like writing and developing characters, i like making ships and destroying them and rebuilding them. i like my friends here and getting hooked on their convos and plots and ships, i’d miss it too much if i left permanently – – so i’m not.
just gone on a hiatus until feb 1st but y’all…when i come back … someone update me on everything that happened while i was gone. i wanna know about all those trashy exposed posts ‘cause tbh those are interesting to read (it’s like gossip magazines honestly), i wanna know all about how your guys’ characters developed, did your ships do anything fun? dID SOMEONE GET MARRIED/PREGNANT (those are my fave!!!). just let a sister know!
see y’all soon
(copying u and making up my own) [ text ] : hey! i love you a lot and since we haven't really gotten to hang out in like two weeks can you please come over i miss you
[ text ]: i like how you started the text with ‘i love you a lot’
[ text ]: i love you too & give me a couple mins i’ll be over
[ text ]: I knew this wasn’t going to last.
[ text ]: well it’s only four movies, it was going to end...?
[ text ]: but if it makes you feel better, i can come back and we can rewatch it?
xavier !!
xavier held her until her breaths evened out more and her sobs turned to hiccups. he could hear the applause clearly now, and he pulled away from her ever so slightly so he could see her face, he wiped away at tears that had gathered under her eyes and let out a laugh, “they’re cheering for us,” he said, his hands still cupping her face, “that’s kind of amazing.” he leaned in and kissed her on the forehead, pulling her in for another gentler hug. he finally had her back, his best friend. now he had makena and bailey, and even though he knew they would help him, there was still the feeling of hopelessness in the pit of his stomach, the feeling that he would never be able to move on from his state of alcoholism.
makena kept her face down ever so slightly in order to keep most of the people who were watching from seeing it, it was embarrassingly red and puffy and certainly not what she wanted everyone to look at. her eyes stayed on his face, though, scanning over his features as if she were memorizing the placement of every freckle and the curve of his smile. “they must think we’re crazy,” kena chuckled with a bashful smile, her eyes closing as his lips met her forehead and his arms were around her again. while their friendship was fixed in that moment, she was still unsure how this reparation would effect his alcoholism, but she did know that she was going to be more prominent in helping him get back on the road to recovery.
Send my muse one of the following:
soulfullofsilver:
[ text: wrong number ]: Yeah no [ my muse’s name ] and I are just friends. [ text: wrong number ]: [ my muse’s name ] doesn’t mean anything to me. Stop worrying. [ text: wrong number ]: Don’t worry, I’m sick of [ my muse’s name ], I’m done. [ text: wrong number ]: It’s just a game to me. [ text: wrong number ]: Sometimes I’m just glad [ my muse name ] and I are over. [ text: wrong number ]: I hate [ my muse name ] so much. [ text: wrong number ]: [ my muse name ] doesn’t mean a thing to me. [ text ]: Sometimes I get tired of all this. [ text ]: You’re not worth it. [ text ]: Why don’t we not talk for a while? [ text ]: I’m done. [ text ]: Don’t come near me. [ text ]: How can you do this to me? [ text ]: If you don’t know what you want then I do— out. [ text ]: Do you feel good knowing you have this power over me? [ text ]: Why don’t you go to him/her instead? [ text ]: I don’t care about you. [ text ]: Stop kidding yourself. [ text ]: Did you really think you mattered? [ text ]: Don’t bother [ text ]: I knew this wasn’t going to last. [ text ]: I don’t think I can do this anymore. [ text ]: I don’t care. [ text ]: You never mattered. [ text ]: I never mattered to you. I know that now. [ text ]: I see the way you look at him/her. [ text ]: Stop wasting my time. [ text ]: You’re just a waste of time. [ text ]: I don’t want to hear it. [ text ]: You’re a monster. [ text ]: I was wrong. [ text ]: You don’t care, do you? [ text ]: Don’t pretend that you care. [ text ]: Stop. Just stop. [ text ]: I don’t want you back. [ text ]: I hate you. [ text ]: You know, I’m glad we’re over. [ text ]: I’m tired of waiting.
xavier !!
xavier watched as her anger turned into a blank expression, and he wasn’t sure what to do. it seemed like hours went by until her expression changed again to something he wouldn’t have expected. when tears started streaming from her eyes and down her face he stared at her in disbelief. when she apologized through her sobs he pushed his chair out from underneath him, not caring that his chair clattered to the floor as he kneeled next to her chair and pulled her down onto the floor with him, his arms engulfed her, on hand running up and down her back soothingly as the other clutched the back of her head as he let more of his own tears spill out of his eyes. he wasn’t sobbing like she was, but he was letting out a lot of emotions that he had been holding back and drowning with alcohol. he thought he heard people in the shop clapping for them, but it was difficult to tell between makena’s sobs and his own ears ringing.
xavier didn’t have to do too much pulling because makena’s body was already so weak from the shaking and the sobbing that she practically collapsed into his arms. it felt so good to be there again ... it felt RIGHT. the sad tears now mingled with the happy and the relieved, though that didn’t lessen then amount that streamed down her cheeks and onto his shirt. she held onto him so tight that she was sure her knuckles were white and that she must’ve been hurting him, but some part of her mind thought that if she lessened her grip even slightly she’d lose hold of this moment, this so deeply important moment, which was something she never wanted to do. after a while, makena quieted down and her sobs broke, but the sound that replaced it surprised her. a lot happened in this coffee shop for her -- a birthday, two restorations of a relationship with harold, and now a coming home of sorts. the applause fit. it was, for lack of a better word, mandatory.
i’m officially declaring chloe deceased rip in peace the funeral is thursday be there or be square
xavier !!
the way makena was quietly scolding him made it even worse, he would rather she yelled at him. when she slammed down his laptop he heard the coffeeshop grow quiet, and he was sure everyone was staring at them. he brought his eyes up to meet hers, and while all he could see in her eyes was anger, the only thing in his was fear. he didn’t have the energy to fight with her anymore, and as her voice continued to grow louder he felt more and more defeated. he knew that their relationship could never be fixed at this point, and he knew that it was his fault, but there was always a tiny glimmer of hope whenever he saw her that he would be able to sweet talk her into loving him again. he felt that hope shrivel into nothing as she spoke in a quiet, angry tone. xavier was too tired to do anything but sit there and take her words, biting down hard on his lip until she was done yelling at him. his sad eyes darted down to the table before he could open his mouth and speak, “makena- you know me. you know that no matter how angry i get i could never actually kill someone.” he felt his walls breaking down, and his breathing became more panicked as he tried to hold back his emotions that threatened to spill over. “i’m sorry i did that- i can’t even imagine what that did to you. i’m not going to make up any excuses this time- there are a lot of things i could try and blame it on, but really, it was just me. it was me and the anger i felt towards you that caused me to threaten that.” he tried to even his heartbeat and then looked back up at her, his eyes meeting hers again. “i know i put you through hell, and i should have said something sooner, but i promise you i won’t lay a finger on him. i’m so sorry- i’m so-” he shook his head and let out a breath he didn’t know he had been holding in. “i’m sorry for everything. for all the shitty things i’ve done to you. i’ve been a terrible person and i’ve done terrible things. i wish i could take them all back and have you back in my life-” he choked on his words and tore his eyes away from hers just before a tear rolled down his cheek. “of course i still care about you- i’ll never stop caring about you. no matter what terrible things i do that make you question it, i will always love you.”
why wasn’t he retaliating? why wasn’t he raising his voice just an octave higher than her or balling his fists? where was his anger? makena never really took into consideration the effect of her words and spat them out without any regard of his feelings, though in that moment, in the silent vacuum that the coffee shop became, she realized. she’d never second guessed what she said before she said it, never thought back to how it would’ve settled with him; it was like every drop of good sense and empathy were drained from her body and all that was left was a cruel skeleton of a girl who had every intention to hurt her friend rather than help. makena’s face melted from its former furious expression into one that was hard to read because it offered no emotion though if he could glimpse into her mind, he’d see utter chaos. xavier was her best friend and she loved him more than words could ever describe, and she’d treated him like complete shit because of her own inability to stay by his side through his worst. what kind of friend was she? a terrible one who didn’t deserve him even when he wanted her back -- which was a total shock -- because in her own way, she was just as bad as him. makena accused him of doing malicious things that jeopardized their friendship even though she was guilty of taking what they had for granted and throwing him under the bus when he needed her most. she knew that if the situation was reversed, he would’ve been there for her and that broke her heart into a million unrecognizable pieces.
the few original tears that slipped down her cheeks doubled in number and before makena knew it, she was crying in a way she hadn’t in a long time. she never cried when this whole situation with xavier started, or when she was stuck in the middle of it, but breaking down toward the end just felt right. she was so TIRED of being angry and forcing herself to be cruel to one of the people she loved most, so those bottled up aggressive emotions left her body with the salty tears that trickled down her chin onto her shirt. makena was so caught up in the emotional release that she didn’t notice she was ‘ugly crying’ in public and most, if not all, eyes were on the two of them. “oh, xavier-” she choked between a sob, “-i’m so sorry. i-i love you too, i’m sorry.”
me @ makena
xavier !
directly after their last encounter xavier thought the next time he saw her he would be filled with rage, but when she sat down across him he didn’t feel anything but soul-crushing sadness. his stomach hurt, and he found himself wishing he had something stronger than coffee in the cup he was clutching tightly in his hands. he bit his lip and kept his eyes trained on his laptop screen, trying his hardest not to say anything to her. he held in his words until he felt like he would burst, “i would never actually do it, you know.” as he spoke his eyes never moved from the screen, “i wouldn’t kill harold. i could never kill someone. especially someone who means so much to you.” that, of course, was a lie. in the past couple weeks especially xavier had wondered what would happen if he killed himself, and up until recently makena had been his best friend. however, he wasn’t sure if that was ever something he could do, which was part of why he had egged her on when she threatened to kill him. if she had killed him, he wouldn’t have to do it himself. “you don’t have to worry about harold- i’m not going to do anything to him.” he took a sip of his coffee, his eyes still refusing to meet hers if she was even looking at him.
makena, on the other hand, wished she could feel something other than rage toward him. her blood boiled as the seconds ticked by painfully long as she sat there, her fingers tapping away on her phone though she actually wasn’t doing anything, she just wanted to appear too busy wrapped up in her own world to acknowledge him. she wished it was that way too, that she wasn’t so aware of his presence and that by simply scrolling through her phone, her mind could forget every single emotion she felt when around xavier. sure, there was anger and resentment, but she couldn’t help but feel pity and sadness and repressed love that she tried so incredibly hard to rid herself of these emotions but try as she might, there was no denying that those feelings would stick with her. however, when he spoke and brought up harold, her jaw tensed with the ever-prominent anger. “excuse me?” a thick brow raised in question as her frustration was easily translated in her tone of voice, her coffee cup meeting with the table as she leaned forward to finally look at his face. he wasn’t looking at her, which was probably good because her looks could nearly kill, but she’d be damned if her eyes left his. “you don’t fucking make DEATH THREATS to my goddamned boyfriend,” it surprised even her that she wasn’t yelling, “you don’t make me get a fucking ulcer WORRYING about his safety, you don’t--...look at me, coward.” her hand darted to the back of his laptop and forced the screen down, the loud noise startling most of the coffee shop’s inhabitants. “i’m glad you had no real intention of killing him, i really am, but do you have ANY idea how physically sick i’ve gotten over worrying about this? how i’ve had to mentally prepare myself if you meant what you said? I HAD TO THINK ABOUT LOSING THE LOVE OF MY LIFE ALL BECAUSE YOU CAN’T DEAL WITH YOUR OWN FUCKING PROBLEMS, AND THREATENED TO KILL HIM.” now her voice was raised, slightly below a yell, but she didn’t care. every nerve ending in her body was electrified and her hands we shaking, as was the rest of her body, her eyes embarrassingly watering. “you don’t care about me anymore, xavier, if you did you never would’ve falsely put my boyfriend in peril.”
cora !!
“Some people don’t seem to like me and was wondering if it could be because of my face. Like maybe I was horrifying to look at.”
“you shouldn’t listen to anyone else or care what they think, the only person whose opinion matters is yours.”
SNAPCHAT; OPEN
cora !!
cora: that made me smile
kena: does yours get service out here?? #bananastruggle